Dating and Divorcing

Ok so I have no experience with this or know anyone who has so this is just my opinion. I think you owe it to yourself not anyone else to have some alone time. I think you should find yourself again and be happy with that before you pursue another relationship. Also this is going to be hard on the kids so I would suggest getting them into counseling especially with the distance and counseling for yourself is not always a bad thing as well. I totally understand how this man probably makes you feel and you are not a bad person because of that. However I would wait until you are legally separated from your husband before you see this man again. I would also contact an attorney to make sure you take all he right steps to make sure having this person in your life will not hurt your divorce. Remember when you find yourself, everything else will fall into place - kids will be happy and so will any relationships you start. If he is willing to follow your rules then tell him you want a relationship with yourself first! I think you owe it to yourself and your kids to have some time without a man in your life. Good Luck as I am sure this year will be difficult!

My very best friend went through this just a few years ago and we went through so much together during that time. Her biggest mistake was not thinking of her children first, just the new love in her life and herself. You have to think of your children first, before yourself, bottom line. They have not come to terms with the fact that you are divorcing and little as they are they will be hurt by not having their father in their life all the time. To my friends credit, she did not then nor does she now, let her boyfriend in her bed when her kids are home and it has been five years since the divorce. I agree with another poster, give yourself some time to find out what it is you really want. You don't state what your differences were with your husband but also give him some respect by not introducing a new man in your life and hurt him further. You wouldn't want that done to you. You won't believe how many people will be affected by your decision to divorce. My friends touched into my family and even my own children. (They knew they were losing a friendship when she divorced and moved away and took her children). This is not to sound harsh, but you did ask for advice and that is mine having experienced this situation with my best friend.

S.

My Mother is on Marriage number 5. 5 Marriages in 20yrs This is the longest one 8yrs...you do the math.

I don't think it is healthy for you (Nor is it fair or healthy for your children) for you to jump from one marriage bed into another serious relationship.

As for being a very sexual person...no judgment here...so am I but I happen to know there are several varieties of "boyfriends" that don't require anytype of emotional attatchment. Though you may need to invest in Duracel ;-)

Hi S.,
I don't think you are a bad person for wanting intimacy, it is part of being human. Remember you are very vulnerable now and statistically a new relationship will only be temp. and cause more pain right now. I would try and get some help. I would try and figure out why this man is attractive to you? Most often after a situation such as this you pick the same thing only in a different package so be careful.
The main thing that I can see is the emotional health and stability of your daughters, which you recognize. No matter how you slice it this will have the greatest impact on them. They will need a lot more time to have a man other than Daddy in the picture. I would just be very cautious and not expose them to that situation for many moons. Hire a babysitter, send them to Grandma's... whatever but they are the innocent ones.
I would recommend going to a Divorce Recovery course at a local church. I did and it was one of the best courses I went too. I don't know where you are located but I went to Cornerstone on HIlton road in Brighton MI. They have them all over.
Divorce happens then the vows are broken, the relationship has ended... our legal system and the signing of the paper is NOT the divorce it is just the registering of the divorce.
A good source to understand this is: www.abidinglife.com and click on library, then go to Newsletter archives and read part one on Divorce in Article #117 and part 2 in # 118 they are well worth the read. I got so much healing from these and a better understanding.
In Him, A. Brunsink

Rebecca W is hilarious..LoL..but shes right about investing in some batteries..!!

Im sorry to hear about the divorce and it will be very hard on your children. If I were you, I would commit to counseling and if you have already done all that and are committed to the divorce, be honest with your husband and tell him how you feel. If you think that he would be violent, then have a back up! Please...have a back up. A close friend of my moms died because of that so if you need someone else there, then do that.

I wouldn't see the other guy until the divorce was finalized. Honestly, you dont want anything going on that will make you look like a bad person or give them any reasons or ideas to believe that your "unfit" as a mother.
If you decide that you cant wait for it to finalize, then make sure you do what you do on your own time and dont bring him in front of your daughters. Its so hard on kids and Im from a military family so i watch families fall apart all the time. Good Luck with everything!!

You need to wait for another relationship until your divorce is final. And remember. An EX is called an EX for a reason.

I don't know how long you and your husband have been having problems but regardless you are still in a relationship (your marriage). Your husband had to mean something to you at some point so I would think you would need time alone to get over that relationship not to mention devoting time to getting your kids through this. Your ex should stay an ex and if he wants to be a platonic friend that texts and calls occasionally, fine, but anything more I think is a rebound and will be hurtful to your kids and your husband.

This is just my opinion, so take it as you would like. I think you owe your husband the respect of waiting to have any other relationships until you have offically divorced him. Personally, I don't think you have any business being with anyone else until you are no longer married. So in my opinion, it isn't a sticky situation. You just need to file and be done if that's what you're going to do. But wait on all other relationships.

I am divorced. I'll tell you that seeing someone new during the divorce is a really bad idea. If your husband finds out he CAN use it against you. Judges really don't like it. DO NOT let your kids meet the man until the divorce is FINAL! It will make a bad situation much worse. In Michigan there is a 6 month "cooling off" period from the date you file, so it's not a short process. Honestly, you need to curb your sexual side and focus on your kids and help them deal with the divorce.