Daughter and Quiting Sports ?????

My mom pushed me to play soccer my whole life, was a good yes, excellent for a matter of fact- Did I enjoy it no way at all!! My mom would punish me if I skipped a practice.... Now these years later, I look back and wish I didn't waste my time, I had practice all the time!!!!!! I was varsity my freshman year(high school), so I had to work extra hard to even get play time in the games (going against the seniors!).... I don't resent my mom at all, I learned a lot from the game and the whole experience, the most important lesson I learned was I would never push my children to do things they don't enjoy no matter how good I think they are! I want the best for her, but I am not pushing her to hate something the way I was!
I hope this helps, and think, she is only 12, maybe she can try cheer, or gymnastics or something she loves!!

Hi Kim, my daughter was a competive gymnast from 6-12, yes I was too, I even coached her team for awhile.

She was a beautiful talented gymnast, and usually placed at every meet, even states.

When she was 11 she tore a tendon in her knee, had months of PT, also has very pronouce Osgoods in both knees. Still she plugged on. She started to have less and less enthusiasm (and more pain). I took her to the olympic trials in Philly along with a number of other team families. Thought that would breath some life into her.

She never complained, never asked to quit, never 'didn't want to go to the gym' (were up to 15-20hrs a week at that point), just the light in her eyes was gone.

Finally, I asked her out of the blue if she would like to stop. She burst into tears and we launched into a very honest and very emo conversation.

I never even once 'made' her do anything at all related to gymnastics, yet I enjoyed it so much, was SO involved, always telling her how beautiful she was, it really was the basis for our entire relationship. We were out of town frequently, constantly saying no to social occasions, other sports, any school activities, there was no time.

I think she hung on a year longer than she wanted to for ME. I don't know she felt she ever had the option to quit.

Anyway, that week, she did 'retire'. We went to the gym to say goodbye, it was very sad for both of us, the end of an era.

I was worried we would not be as close. I was wrong.
Next school year she starting running track (SO much better for those knees, sigh), joined the drama club. She had always been an excellent student, but a whole new world opened up to her.

She is almost 14 now, still fantastic in everyway, I DO miss it sometimes, but I'm SO glad we had it for the time that we did.

Meanwhile, oh right! I have TWO OTHER KIDS I ALMOST FORGOT ABOUT! Saved roughly $700 a month, 25k miles a year on the car, and so on.

Sorry to ramble, hope this helps, I know exactly how you are feeling.

I know the bond you have with her that seems to be built on her sport, will continue on in other aspects of your life together!

Good Luck!

Why don't you talk to her about it? If you enter into the conversation in a non-accusatory way (ie. not saying "you're not putting the effort in" but instead "I've noticed you just don't seem to love skating like you did"), you can find out if she's just not that into skating anymore or if there are other issues. If you tell her that skating is an expensive sport and if she's not loving it anymore, you don't want to keep spending the money. Be honest and tell her you don't want it to become a matter of you pushing her to do something she's bored with to justify the expense in your own head. Like I said, if you remain calm and not accusing, you both can have an open dialog about whether she really wants to keep skating or whether she wants to stop. Good luck!

Your story of your daughter and the story of Teresa's daughter is the story of my oldest and swimming.

He was burnt out. Had been swimming twice a day for close to 6 yrs. Then he got hurt---shoulder overuse. After PT, you could tell in his eyes that the spark was gone. He told the PT he'd like to quit, but thought my husband and I would be disappointed.

Take her on a walk or out for ice cream some time and just talk. You will both know the answer.

Theresa N.'s story beautifully illustrates everything I was planning to say!

I agree totally with Theresa N.

I am totally with Theresa N. and Susan O. on this one.

I would think too that while she might not be interested in any other sports or activities right now, that can always change with time. She just might be burnt out and not up to considering anything sports-related that is also be that time-consuming. She may just need a break and maybe once she's been allowed to be out of it for a while, she will find something else that grabs her interest and realize that now she has the time for other possibilities - other sports, or music, or whatever.

A friend of ours with 3 girls had her 2 older daughters in competitive gymnastics for years - hours of practice, 6 days a week, tournaments, the whole 9. She always said that she did not want to push them, and the day they decided to quit because it just wasn't fun for them anymore, she would be disappointed, but she would be okay with it. Then when the oldest reached middle school, she decided to give it up. She had had enough and there were other sports she wanted to try that the time spent doing gymnastics would not allow. She now plays basketball, volleyball, and runs track and cross country. The middle sister is still doing gymnastics. The youngest has no interest in gymnastics whatsoever. And that's okay. :)

Don't let your daughter feel she has to keep doing it for you.

My daughter was also a figure skater - skated 4 years as well. She was very good. But we moved to a place without skating rinks - can you even imagine?? She decided to try dance and she loved it. To this day she really misses the skating, but the hour drive each way to the rink for a 30 min. class made no financial sense -- never mind the cost of the skates and the drive to get those!
Then, as she was entering high school, dance was becoming a chore. She joined the Marching Band and never looked back. Does she miss dancing - sure, but she doesn't miss all the time spent in rehearsal...
Let her find something new to do...
LBC