Daughter Dreads the Doctor

A couple things that have helped for us:
If preparing her didn't work try *not* telling her ahead of time next time. Right up to the front door if possible. Maybe knowing ahead of time just gives her time to stew and get really worked up about it before you even get there.
Try sending her with Dad. Sometimes kids just do better with the other parent.

I have no advice... except that... one of my siblings, was JUST like that, as a child and most of her adolescent life.

She would, actually scream and raise hell and RUNAWAY out of the Doctor's office.
In the town we lived in and at that time... well it was pretty safe. It was a very small town.
So then, once when my sister did that (keep in mind, this had happened before)... my Mom, actually took me and the kids (except the runaway sister) and we all LEFT, the Doctor's office. She told them "when she comes back, call me..."
Of course, everyone in this town, knows everyone, and my Dad's friends were all Cops etc. There was a park next to the Doc's office. My sibling, ran there.
So well, we all left. Went home. My Mom didn't flinch or anything.
The office woman was 'watching' my sibling, outside. It wasn't that far.
1 hour later... the Doc's office calls back. My sibling had on her own, went back to the Doctor's office.
Then we went back to the office, too. Finished up her check-up and all the shots and required things.
Went home.
My sibling... NEVER raised hell, at the Doctor's office, again. After that.
Although yes, she HATED going to the Doctor.

Regarding the Ped's that my kids go to.
They NEVER had to undress to get weighed.
I bring a whistle with me, so my kids can BLOW on it, as they get shots. It distracts them. On the count of "3"... then my kids blows on the whistle and at that time, the Nurse, will give the shot. It only takes a second.
My son, was really sensory sensitive... when he was younger. He is much better now. We talk with him about it. And practice and role-play at home... what to expect at the appointment. Then he 'practices'... and feels more in control, at the actual appointment.
It is 'visualizing.' Which is ALSO what Pro-Athletes do, before a big competition.
My kids, ALWAYS are allowed to be on my lap, for any vaccinations or even checking their ears or eyes or throat. When need be.

Or, perhaps find another Pediatrician.
One that your child is comfortable, with.
The Ped. I chose for my kids, is because he/she is good.
BUT... I also, ask... my kids... if they like the Doc, too.
After all, this is who they will be seeing, all of their childhood.

wow she had to undress to be weighed. thats strange to me my daughter hasnt had to be undressed since she was 2 i think. does she normally lay down for the shots?. that will set my 4 year old off and always has since 9 months. but to be examined and all shes fine with. is her dr a man or woman? i have my daughter see a woman dr. because i felt she would be more comfortable with a woman.

as for the dentist try a pediatric dentist they are used to working with fearful kids. my daughter loves her dentist and even has had 2 cavities filled!

just keep exlaining what will happen and such. reassure her that she doesnt need to be scared that you are right there with her.

My daughter was the same at this age. A couple of things. You can tell them that she will not be taking her clothes off. Her shoes maybe. There is simply no need to take off all of her clothes. Second why does she have to lay down? Any doctor should know that it is best to work with the child as much as possible. She should be sitting in your lap for these exams. With my older I daughter I told everytime we were going to get a shot. After about three times of this I realized that it was torturing her. No matter how gently I tried to prepare her she would worry and fret and beg and plead. It was horrible for both of us. By the time my next one came along I had learned my lesson. Now mind you the younger one was more high strung than the first. I never told her until we walked through the doctors office door. It made it easier than it was on the first daughter. She didn't have time to build up the event in her mind to a giant horrible task. It is over before they know it. And they forget it a lot quicker. Good Luck

My daughter does not mind the Dr to much. We have had to go alot due to Strep but she HATES the dentist. I think its because she was constantly getting a Qtip down her throat for the strep tests so now if someone comes at her mouth it is over. I took her to see her brother get his teeth cleaned but that did not help. She started out okay but the second the Dentist talked to the Hygenist and took the attention off my daughter for a second she started bawling and was out of the chair. She had already showed them how she could brush and had x rays done, was all laid back in the chair with the bib thing on and sunglasses to block out the light. I thought we had really done good. So I waited a few months and made another appointment but I called ahead this time and told them they could not take their attention off of her for a second or it was not gonna work. Anytime they had to talk to each other the made it a game to include her. She needed a filling and they had to talk about what number tools she needed and they some how worked it in as conversation with her. It helped alot and she had no way of losing her focus. I have also had to try out diffrent Dentists. She did not like the male dentist because he had facial hair even though her Dr is a man and has facial hair, so does her dad, her papaw, her uncle etc.. Im not sure why that had anything to do with it but changing to a lady did help some. Good luck

so sory to hear. my 2.5-year-old daughter is the same way, and i think it was because when we moved (she was 9-months-old), i took her to a HIGHLY recommended ped (woman) who just didn't have a great bedside manner. i have since switched peds (to an older man), but she is still scared and cries as soon as we get into the examination room (despite the pretend doctor's kit, the better bedside manner, the not telling her route). i think it was that bit of time with a doc who wasn't great personality-wise. it does help me to have someone come along with us (either husband or one of my parents), so i can at least ask questions while someone consoles her.

and as soon as she chooses her sticker post-check-up, she is fine.

btw, she loves the dentist. i took her when she was 18 months to a pediatric dentist who was very patient and bubbly and funny, and now she is actually excited about her check-up next month.

unfortunately, no advice-- just i am there with you. it is very unnerving.

let us know if you find something (besides time) that works!

Hi R.,

Is your ped a man or woman? My daughter started off with a man and cried each visit. On day, he was out of the office so they put us with his partner, a woman, and my daughter was fine. I quickly changed to her and have had no more problems.

Many times or daughter had to take off her clothes for her check ups..Just her diaper or underpants. I do not find that strange.

They checked her spine, her abdomen, arms and legs. They were looking at her whole body.

It sounds to me like you are doing everything possible, she just feels very uncomfortable and out of control. You are trying to give her control, but she gets too riled up.

I used to purchase a brand new book for our daughter when it was time for a shot at the doctor. I would pull it out and begin reading while they were prepping. Then I would try to keep her attention.

At this age they are still so young. It is hard to explain it will be over soon and that you are not going to leave her alone.

Our problem was that at one point our daughter had to go to the hospital for almost 4 days on an IV.. That was pretty traumatic..

I was able to convince our daughter that shots hurt a lot less if we can just relax as they give it to us. Breath in and then exhale as they give the shot. Once she experienced it, she was great at the doctor..

Just keep working with her. She will get there.

Is finding another doctor a possibility? We lost ours (loved her) to a family move, and "tried on" two others before landing on our new pedi (family practitioner). My kids knew that going to the doctor wasn't optional, but recognizing that they would feel more comfortable with a female provider was important. I would sit down with her when there is no visit, and ask her if picking someone else would be better. We still have to get shots, but rewards are quick to follow, and then we move on. My son was great, but I have to physically restrain him for shots for now, but getting better. Our last visit went so much better because we found a MD that talks with the kids and relates with them, and interects with them. They feel valued and respected, and most exams can be modified (topless while running around and getting heart and lungs checked), shirt and socks on with skirt would help her feel less vulnerable. As for the dentist...we played dentist for a month before we went (we took turns wearing a mask, gloves and counting teeth) A pedi dentist might work better for her. HTH, good luck.

Sounds like she may feel very vunerable in this situation, especially when she lays down or has to have her clothes removed and this terrifies her. You are preparing her the best you can. When you have to go again maybe you should tell her that she is going so she won't get a big sickness and the doctor is helping her not to get sick and you know she doesn't like it, neither do you but after the doctors we'll go to the park. Something like this, give her an incentive. I'm not usually into doing something like this but this is probably one of those rare cases to use something like this. She's pretty young so I don't know how well it'll work.

I feel for you and her for this one. She has some kind of inner trait about this and other than calming her and assuring her over and over you can't do a whole lot about it. Other words, sounds like she was born with this as strange as that sounds. You're doing everything you can.

it's the needles..i was terrified when i was a child..when i was 19 i had an accident with my ankle..had to be operated on then a minor procedure in the er 2 mons later..my family doc happened to be there..saw me..then said to doc working on me "watch it, she bites!"..my sister's ped does not give the shots..the nurses do..i remember having to be restrained as a child..and i still do not needles!

R., I agree with SH. I think that you need to find another ped.

Perhaps there is one who works with special needs children.

When I was getting my first son's shot series, I went to the department of health because shots weren't covered by my insurance, and they were very expensive. They had me sit my baby on my lap and gave the shots in the top of his leg. They told me that they do this so that the baby doesn't become afraid of the doctor's table.

When I came to the ped's office, my ped would hold him on his lap for a bit, talk to him and do as much as he could before laying him on the table. My son didn't see it as intrusive.

Your child has a different temperment, as you mention, with having to warm up to different situations. But having to bring stuffed animals and blanket to the doctors office? What caused her to have such anxiety going to the doctor? The doctor is not really that scary and unpleasant, other than the short pain of getting shots.

Ask the doctor for an OT to get an evaluation done. I wonder if maybe there is a sensory integration disorder problem that could be helped here. SI presents in a lot of different ways. An OT has lots of fun stuff, knows how to engage kids, and your daughter would find it enjoyable, not scary. If there are things she cannot tolerate, that is valuable info to the OT, who can work with her in ways to make it so that she CAN tolerate normal stimuli. And that might later translate into not having such anxiety just walking in a doctor's office.

Good luck,
Dawn

Sometimes local hospitals sponsor "Teddy Bear Clinics" where children can bring their favorite stuffed animal or doll, and the staff pretend to give the animal a check-up, with stethoscope, checking ears, looking in the mouth, feeling the abdomen, etc. You might do this with a doll so that it's more human-like, and go through the exercise of lying down and taking off clothes. When you play doctor at home, go through the exercise of lying down and shedding SOME clothing. I don't remember my son having to take all his clothes off to get weighed. I would think your daughter could wear a sleeveless undershirt or even a tank top. Call the pedi's office and find out. See if you can go in the exam room a little early, before the doctor is actually ready for you, perhaps with the nurse. See if you can spend a little more time in there with the nurse so it's not so abrupt of "in the room, in comes the doctor". Discuss the whole situation with the pedi - they see this all the time. If you are being rushed unreasonably, consider another pedi.

Good luck.