I have a darling of a 4 1/2 year old who sticks her tongue out a lot. Mostly when she's thinking, happy, running, doing a physical activity ... not constantly, but almost. She's making quite a red rash on her bottom lip, too. I seem to remember doing this myself as a child, so I know it's not uncommon.
My question is, do I correct her every time? Do I let it go and shrug it off as a nervous habit that will take care of itself? My husband thinks I should tell her preschool teachers to try and correct her as well.
The problem I have is that it seems like it's all I do anymore; correct my daughter. I want her to be able to express herself and not to be verbally beaten down every two minutes as if she can do nothing right. Obviously, I'm exaggerating here, but shucks, it sure feels like it. "Put your tongue in your mouth, please" is a phrase I've uttered about thirty times just today to her. Wouldn't YOU feel beaten down? I sure would.
Any suggestions, ladies? You've always helped in the past, I hope you have some good ideas again. Thanks so much in advance!
J.
I felt the same way when trying to help my son break his thumb sucking habit (that I was constantly telling him he was doing something wrong). I decided to take a more positive approach. We came up with small rewards he earned after he was "caught" not sucking his thumb a certain amount of times. He became more aware of the thumb sucking and I felt better rewarding rather than being negative. Hope something similar might help you.
what i have found that kind of helps both ends of this problem, is to put a&d on it. It will heal the rash, keep the new moisture out and it tastes kind of yuck so she may jsut stop. hope this helps it has worked for several of the kids in my preschool class
As a Montessori early childhood educator, I learned that the hanging out of the tongue is a sign of intense concentration. So telling her to put her tongue in her mouth all day long is interrupting that state of being engrossed in creative endeavors. If you check with her pediatrician to make sure there isn't an underlying physical concern that needs to be addressed, and as long as her cognitive development is normal, then the only concern you have is the rash. Try putting a protective balm on her lips regularly and see if that prevents the rash.
Hon just let it go apply some lip chap stuff to it. I have an 8yr old son whom does it to his top lip and sometimes it gets really red too but I just use lipbalm and that soothes it and stops him licking his lips so much. You will find that in the long run it is much better then nagging her I think that if someone was doing this to you that it would feel like nagging. A reminder when it is bad that she will get a sore lip is fine. Tell your husband to stop and think how he would feel if it was him wouldn't he feel like he was being nagged. Wonderful as he is hon it is just that he is not thinking about how it would make him feel just about what seems right for the child to do. I am sure if you explain to him how it would seem to your daughter your hubby will understand and agree.
Hugs S.
I am 65 and it used to drive my mother crazy when I did the same thing particularly when I was tap dancing and cutting things with scissors.
But I grew out of it, I guess, because I do not remember anyone mentioning it through grade school or high school or beyond.
So there is hope.
My daughter did the same thing at 3. I explained to her that it's hurting her lips and reminded her SOMETIMES to not do it. Another times I just asked whether her lips did hurt and whether she would like to put some ointment on by herself, which she loved. She still sometimes reminds me that she needs some ointment on her lips and that I should put some on mine:)
But basically she stopped biting her lips/sticking the tongue out...for now... Oh, and what I use instead of chapstick is Gerber's Breast Therapy ointment. I had some left after nursing, so started using it on my lips and was amazed how much better it works then anything else (and I've had dry lips problems for my whole life). Plus it's not sweet and nice smelling like some chapsticks , which makes it tempting to lick lips. The smell and taste are neutral. And completely safe to swallow, since it's actually safe for mothers to use even with newborns.
what about talking about it-- it's probably a subconscious habit, but having a conversation might help make her more concious about it-- why do you like to lick your lips? does it feel good? why does mommy always tell you to put your tongue back in your mouth... etc... obviously she's getting immune to your same phrase and you need to just talk about it. make sure she knows she's not in trouble, you just care about her and want her to have healthy skin...
my son picks at his scabs constantly so they never heal, and a similar conversation helped him. (he's also 4 1/2)
My 7 year old used to do this at about that age and it drove me nuts--not to mention dried his lips out horribly!! I just finally bought him some Carmex--which he hated the taste of so it helped him to stop--and then some good chapstick to "fix" his lips, and once they stopped being so dry he stopped....Then he started this awful habit of constantly clearing his throat--which was even more annoying than the lip licking--and I would have paid him to go back to that instead of listening to him clear his throat every 3 seconds:) That lasted about two weeks and now he....you get the picture, if its not one thing its another so just pick your battles because even if you "win" you dont neccessarily "win":) A.
I bet I'll be in the minority, but I think you should correct her. She's obviously old enough to understand that she shouldn't have her tongue hanging out of her mouth all the time. I honestly don't think that hearing "keep your tongue in your mouth please" will make her feel beaten down. It's not like you're screaming at her or spanking her when she's doing it. You don't want her lower lip to get chapped and infected. I've seen it happen and it's really difficult to get cleared up. Also, use a really good lip balm. Something that is medicated like Carmex or the medicated Blistex. It will help her chapped lip and chin (which will eventually get chapped if she doesn't stop) much better than regular Chapstick will.
Hi J.
I think you are correct, it is not something I would worry about until she is old enough to understand. I would leave her alone as i'm sure she is not bothering anyone by doing it other than you and your husband.
I would however, teach her to use chapstick or some kind of salve so that she doesn't get that red ring below her lips like i've seen a lot of kids with.
I worked with Elementary school kids for 9 years and saw this all the time, especially in the winter. I actually do something similar, i bite my bottom lip especially if i'm concentrating, but I don't stick my tongue out all the time LOL.
I wish you the best of luck with everything and congratulations on the new baby (well fairly new!)
I have raised two boys, and believe me I had my moments, my husband and I (especially my husband) was so against a lot of things my first child did and he ended up being very rebellious. The thing about it was, they were little things.
What i'm trying to say is - pick your battles. At this age she needs as much more positive attention than negative and if you are constantly telling her off for little things she may eventually start feeling very self conscious about things she does. Let her be a little girl and be herself.
Good Luck!
Happy Easter
Don't correct her. My 3 1/2 year old niece did the same thing for quite a while and it always irritated me, but my mom said it's hereditary (which sounds like the case if you did it as well) and eventually will stop. And it has, she barely does it anymore but if she does, I don't say anything. They're not doing it on purpose and I think you are RIGHT to just let her be. Good luck!
S.
Hi J. my name is J. and I represent a beauty company named BeautiControl which specializes in spa treatments, skincare and anti-aging treaments and one of our spa treatments lip apeel has helped with the effects of the "red lips" that children get from all the "licking" that they do. Please feel free to contact me for more information at ____@____.com
Thank you and have a great night,
J.
I have a 4 year old grandson who was doing this same thing a couple of months ago. He had a constantly chapped patch of skin below his bottom lip from doing this out in the cold, dry winter air.
His mom and I just kept putting Aquaphor (or Vaseline would work)around his mouth at night and before he went outside. He eventually stopped and it has cleared up completely. The air is not quite as cold and dry as it was either.
As far as correcting her, maybe you could just redirect her focus with something else to do with her mouth. Offer her a drink of water or a snack, or silly as it sounds get her a toy harmonica to play. Anything to keep her tongue busy with something else. Good Luck! It will pass.
T.
My daughter went through a phase where she was licking her lips a lot (and the skin above and below) and then they got chapped and so then she was licking because it hurt. I found that the chapsticks and blistex and so forth burned and actually made her lick more. Her's got really bad until I finally started putting eucerine creme on them and the chapped skin. The creme did not burn and helped keep her from licking and healed up the skin in just a matter of days.
Now anytime that I see the skin around her mouth getting red or pink at all I put a little creme on them.
As far as correcting your daughter about licking...I wouldn't. She will most likely grow out of it and in all honesty, in my opinion, it is not a big enough issue to be constantly correcting her on. I do agree that after a while she is going to start feeling beat down about it. As long as she is not being rude or inappropriate about it I wouldn't worry about it.
Good luck.
My son did the same thing and I used lip balm as well. It is a gentle reminder, and you don't have to say a thing. I let him put it on himself after each meal. It worked very well.
I think you said it yourself--if hearing "put your tongue in your mouth" would make YOU feel beaten down, then why do it to your daughter? I would let it go. It will correct itself in time.
I understand that sticking her tongue out a bit seems normal because you did this as a child as well. Perhaps consider taking her to the family dentist and asking if the tongue length is average and if her tongue is connected appropriately to the bottom of her mouth. I have heard of children that have tongues that are connected too far and not far enough. Sometimes that connective tissue must be cut, stitched, requires speech therapy and dental adjustments. Please consider that this may not be something she can naturally control by request.
There is a name for this type of physical condition: tongue thrust. Here is a link with more information...
http://www.righthealth.com/topic/TONGUE_THRUST/overview/h...
http://www.stjude.org/SJFile/rehab_tongue_thrust.pdf
http://www.neohealthservices.com/?gclid=COiI7aLN7pkCFSAgD...
I hope this helps you identify areas of concern. If you do not think it's a physical problem, then perhaps having her do mouth exercises will help her. I think that reminding her multiple times a day will feel like nagging to her. I think this will make her feel very self-conscious if she is reminded of this in a school setting. Children can be very cruel and tease even at 4 and 5 years old. I really think a dentist could help direct you.
