Okay, so I'll try to keep it short, but there are a lot of factors going into this one. My dd is 4.5 and has been at her current daycare/preschool since she was an infant. Over the last month, they've been starting her "transition" from the 3-4y/o room into the pre-K room. She's having a lot of issues with this transition. Other than the time after her previous teacher suddenly quit and the room was thrust into chaos, she has had a pretty good time there.
Anyways, she's acting up in the pre-K class, not following directions, and being "rebellious" towards the teacher. Her current teacher (in the 3-4y/o room) says that she does NOT act this way in her class. She also does NOT act like this with anybody else (very rarely at home, never in public, with babysitters, or other family members). I think it boils down to a few things: Some of the kids in the pre-K class have a history of bullying/bad behavior, the teacher has very high expectations of the kids since she is prepping them for kindergarten, and now is the "off" time in the class (the rest of the year, they follow a solid curriculum, but the summer is pretty much a free-for-all). When she feels pressured or upset about something, all it takes is a quick acknowledgment for her to get over it.
So, the teachers and director are giving my daughter the choice of when (and how long) she wants to be in the pre-K room. Usually she chooses not to go, or she’ll only go for about 30 minutes before asking to go back. She has gone 3 full days in there (over the course of 2 weeks), 1 was good, 1 was bad, and 1 was really, really bad. The other kids who are the same age (have been together for about a year) are not having the same issues. Of course, given the option of trying to find her way in new room, with bigger kids, with different rules, my daughter would rather take the “easy” way and hang out with the younger kids (in her old/current class). I think the teachers/director should make more of an effort to help her with the transition.
Their answer is that she’s not “emotionally ready” for the transition. I think it’s a cop-out because they don’t want to put the little bit of extra effort. This also bugs me because my daughter technically should’ve moved about 6 months ago, but was held back so that 2 other (younger) kids could move up—they were bullying their classmates (including my daughter) and the solution was to move them up with bigger kids (and a stricter teacher). You know, “the squeaky wheel gets the grease.” Well, now I AM the squeaky wheel! Am I expecting too much out of the teachers/director? I know all parents say this, but my daughter really is a fantastic kid—she’s kind, funny, sensitive, and very smart. I’m so excited for her to start learning the pre-K curriculum, but I don’t want to push her if she really isn’t ready. I honestly believe that she IS ready!
Any advice, suggestions, ideas? We love this school and have been looking forward to this particular pre-K class since she started there!
Thank you so much for the input! I have looked into the public schools, but there are many issues with that--so I just don't think that will work for us. This daycare has a licenced pre-K program and I've seen how the kids learn in there--they start Kindergarten with a great advantage! That being said, I am looking at other preschools in our area so I have some alternative if they are not willing to do things my way. The teacher has a good handle on the other kids (still some aggression & attitude), so I really don't know why she's claiming to have such a hard time with my daughter. Since I tend to get "emotional" myself (not normally, just when you're *messing* with my family), I decided to write a letter to the director and teacher. I'm explaining very clearly what I want (for my daughter to be in the pre-K class full time) and offering to help in any way I can (should I spend an hour there during the “hard part”). I can see part of the “emotional” claim, but just because my kid is sensitive and introverted, doesn’t mean they should hold her back (label her as “emotionally behind”)—and we did consider waiting until the end of summer, but by then, they will have moved 3-4 more kids from her current class into the pre-K class (and she really will be with a bunch of 3year olds)! And, why should she be held up just because they “don’t know how” (i.e. don’t want) to deal with her?? Thanks again mamas! We’ll see how things go the rest of the week.
First, I suggest you get her into PRESCHOOL at a school in the fall vs the day care preschool. The preschool run by the school district has real teachers, not people who may have a degree in child care. I also am wondering if the 'bully' kids are in that class still causing problems. Moving them is not always the answer you know.
I would let her spend the summer with the younger kids.. have fun.. and then move in the fall when they really start teaching the curriculum.
this is really not a huge deal. whether she moves rooms this month or next it is all good.
does she know her abcs and 123 colors shapes.. if so .. she is absolutely totally ready for the academics of kindergarten.
so there is not much academic that she needs tolearn in this class to succeed in school..
Sorry but I see red flags, a 4.5 year old in a 3/4 class, and staff actually giving her a "choice" of classrooms?
She needs professional educators PLACING her where she belongs, she should not be placing herself at such a young age.
And I don't know what curiculm they use but ours was HighScope/Emergent, play based (no worksheets/books) and the fours class (our threes and fours were separate) were more than ready for K by the spring. Maybe you want to look around for something else (?)
I used to teach pre-k, so here's my insight. First moving younger "bully" kids happens all the time. It gets them on a more level playing field so to speak. As far as your daughter not being ready well it very well might be because she's not. If she's being disruptive its not fair to the teachers to deal with, the other kids or your child. Maybe have them back off til closer to the school year and then when theirs more set schedules have them try again. Oh and I know how it feels to have the "bad" kid my son was kicked out of pre-k that I worked at.
Added: I have teaching credentials I actually went to school to be a teacher, not just a glorified babysitter as the other responder stated.
Of course she wants to be in the 3/4 old room, its play time. In the pre-K class has requirements, like listening to the teacher.
She is 4/12 she NEEDS to be in pre-k class. No more moving back and forth. The teacher needs to get control of your daughter. If she isn't behaving, then she needs to be put in time out. Your daughter is so ready its not funny but she has been allowed to make "decisions" that quite frankly aren't up to her. In addition, this daycare did you NO favors by moving younger kids ahead of your daughter. I would be pissed about that.
You need to meet with the director and teacher. Let them know that you are not happy with the transition of your daughter. I would also stress to them that your daughter is ready and they need to make this happen. If not, you need to look for a different program.
I'm sorry, but I don't see how being rebellious with the teacher and not following directions equals not emotionally ready.
Seems to me she's testing her boundaries in the other room and I agree that the teachers just don't want to go the extra mile to make sure she understands the boundaries.
They are giving her too much choice. I think you should insist that she be in the classroom that she's supposed to be in. She is going to have to learn to deal with change. Kindergarten is right around the corner!
I question their decision to put a child in charge of which days she might condescend to attend the older class. That gives her (and the other kids in the class) no consistency as to when she will or won't be there; the other kids will not learn that she is a definite member of the class, and she will feel she has the right to pick and choose where she is each day--that is handing her far too much power at her age. I think the staff is being indecisive here, trying to placate you as the parent and trying to keep her happy. It's not going to work to let her "visit" as she likes and it sends bad messages to both her and the kids already in the pre-K class.
I would tell them this is just not "on" and they are giving her too much choice. Either she's in the class or not. When real K comes, she will not have these kinds of choices!
Here's my thought. If a kid didn't have to go to school and could stay in a room with younger kids not having to sit and be still, to learn then why wouldn't they want to stay with the 3 and 4 year old kids?
Of course she's not going to choose to go where it's harder and more challenging. I'd move her to a new school that would put her in her age group and not give her a choice to be with the much younger kids.
Their state inspector should not be allowing them to do this. She's too old to be in with 3 year olds. Period.
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I think you need to contact your local school and find out about their actual Pre-K class. As a 4 year old she should be able to enroll in the local school system's pre-K program.
We let one kid go to Pre-K at their preschool and the other one went to Pre-K at the local elementary school. The one in the school system learned so much more and they did much better in kindergarten.
If your daughter doesn't act that way anywhere else, it's the teacher. Tell the teacher to stop blaming your child for not being "emotionally ready" (give me a break, it's pre-K, not Harvard!) and manage her classroom already. Why are they giving your daughter the choice of what classroom she is going to be in? She's a preschooler; how is she supposed to make that decision? The teacher needs to be a little more firm, in my opinion. Your daughter isn't following directions? Then there should be an appropriate consequence. (Loss of a privilege, time-out, whatever they do at the preschool) This is a very simple classroom management issue.
are they charging you more in tution to keep her in the younger room? Is there actually a space for her to move into right now ?
sometimes they only have visit time when they are " in ratio" meaning there are enough teachers for the size of the group. and often they don't staff enough to have that extra time. so it might be less about her and more about moola
I would take three deep breaths, stand up straight, strike a power pose for confidence and then walk in there and demand (politely) to have your child moved up. There is no up-side to delaying any longer. Don't worry what people think of you. It's sort of lame imo to be leaving it up to a 4 year old. You decide where she goes to school and what class she's in. She will adjust. Most schools do not make such a big deal about sensitive kids. Go for it!
My daughter got to go to a private K4 with lots of school prep. She started at your daughter's age. It was such a HUGE boost for her in every way. I moved her there intentionally to get her out of a more "daycare" play environment. Best move ever. This won't be the first big adjustment in your daughter's life. She can handle it and so can the school.
Also, that age is crucial for discipline. I welcomed the opportunit to discipline my daughter if she misbehaved early on in school. She didn't, because we had already disciplined her at home and other little toddler classes to be able to participate without disrupting. Do your part to insure she follows rules. If the teachers also do theirs, there should be no problems. My daughter is now 7 and never needs discipline in any class settings. We homeschool and attend lots of lengthy lectures, concerts, tours where good behavior is needed, she has music lessons and recitals and sits through concerts, she was awarded student of the year in Tae Kwon Do....this is all a breeze, but the foundation was ages 2-3-4-she needed discipline then to insure her maturity now.
