My 4 yo daughter seems not to be fond of her step father. He can be harsh some times when it comes to discipline. A couple of days ago my daughter gave him a hug and asked him "are you a bastard?" We both looked at each other in shock. We asked her where she heard that word and she said "on TV" and started humming some song. Yesterday she asked him "are you a prick?" I don't know where she is getting this words from. She attends day care, and goes to my mom's a couple of days a week. My parents speak very little English so "prick" is not in their vocabulary for sure. Why is she asking these questions and using these words? Is she trying to tell him something?
NOTE: Ladies, allow me to clarify something. My husband does not discipline my daughter. He just has different views about discipline than mine. He grew up in a very strict home and I did not. We do not allow our daughter to use foul language at all. I do not know where she got it from, and why she asked him?
Ladies, thank you so much for your advice. We still do not know where my daughter heard those words, however, my focus now is on her well being. I know children should not use foul language (and we do not approve of it at home) and we have explained to her that we don't use those words, period. I also would like to clarify that my husband is not a "cruel" step father. I would be damned if I ever allow anyone to mistreat my daughter. He reads to her, plays with her, kisses her, and hugs her. The "prick" would be her biological father, who wants nothing to do with her (eventhough he is highly educated and comes from a prestigious family). Step-parents have acquired a negative reputation, and some times, it is inaccurate. I am a step-mom, and I am not "cruel." My husband has been in my daughter's life since she was 18 months old. He is not a newly acquired man I just chose to sleep with. He is my husband by law, not a man I "sleep" with. I am certain of the well being of my daughter, and of my decision making. Thank you all for your sweet comments.
She's hearing that somewhere, a 4yr old would not know what those words mean even if you tried to explain them to her at this age. It's definitely not something she has come up with on her own.
.
at her age, she is only repeating what she hears.... she has no idea what prick or bastard mean and because of it, I wouldn't even consider what she is saying as bad... she probably heard it at daycare... my son comes up with many outrageous comments too... and much of it is learned outside of our home.. It's hard to control every outside influence (esp if what he/she learns is at school) that said, we try to not make a big deal out of such words.. why? because once you do, the kids know it and want to repeat it..
I would agree with a previous post stating that she heard this somewhere, maybe someone at daycare or maybe someone visiting your parents? I would also agree that if your daughter were afraid of or didn't like her stepfather that she wouldn't trust to be able to ask him to his face what his place to her is. I think family counseling is important to get on the same page, I also think that your husband should consider an outing with your daughter that is fun like going to the park to help build their relationship. I'm not sure how much "positive" time is spent with her as a family or otherwise but it's always good to grow positive memories that she'll remember. As far as the VERY negative comment from before, it sounds to me like that person needs some counseling themselves for their own deep seeded issues.
this is coming from a step daugher.
I still don't like or get along with my mother's husband.
so I dunno what to tell you on how to get her to like him. She may never ESPECIALLY if he's disciplining her.
My daughter is a mommy's girl and sometimes rejects her daddy "not you, only Mommy". so it's something they go through. Don't read "dislike" into her behavior unless you have other evidence.
Just because she says that to him, doesn't mean she understands the words or dislikes him. She is hearing this elsewhere and you need to ask around to find out where. Don't let him take it personally and let him back off the discipline (though I see you say he doesn't discipline her. He shouldn't anyway, but you can agree with him in private what you think is a mutually acceptable level of discipline).
Is this a new reaction or has she been this way since you married him? I would ask her daycare if they have heard her say these things or witnessed any other children saying them. Good luck.
M
your daughter is not trying to tell him something, she is however trying to tell
you something. something is wrong with this, situation. a four year old shouldnt even have access to these words, much less know what they mean. my guess is that somebody her step father knows, and knows your daughter, doesnt like him very much and is putting words in her mouth, that she then passes back to him. think this over carefully,
K. h.
Hi Sandy
A four year old doesn't come up with these words on their own so the first thing I would do is try to find the source.
Try to give your daughter extra love and support and foster this new relationship with her step father.Advise your husband to do the same.
Best of luck with your new family.
B.
First off I had a similar situation with my "step"dad (he adopted me so he's just dad to me). When I was four I was hugging him and squeezing his face and said "You, you, you prick". I was searching for a term of endearment and that's what I came up with. I'm not sure where I got it either. As for where she got it from, my guess is that someone must have said it TO him or ABOUT him and she overheard it. Why else would she specifically ask HIM that... why not you or grandma? Is her biological dad in the picture? Maybe he could have said something to someone else and she overheard?
I wouldn't worry too much about their relationship though. The fact that she was hugging him while she asked him those questions speaks volumes more than the questions themselves. If she's hugging him he must be doing something right. Any man can be a father... it takes a REAL man to be a dad.
