Daughter Not Listening to Cell Phone Rules

Either take it away or, if you want her to have a phone in case of an emergency, opt for Verizon's parental/usage controls. It costs an extra $5/month but you can control EVERYTHING.

It isn't too late to let her learn that cell phones are a privelege not a right. If you don't like not being able to get a hold of her or think she needs the phone for safety then don't take it away, block texting. If you are ok with her not having a cell phone, take the phone for a bit but still put a block on texting. Since you took her phone for the summer and it didn't do any good, take it away until she shows she is responsible and trust worthy. Another thing you could do is get her one of the phones you buy minutes for and let her buy her own minutes. She will think twice of wasting her minutes on calls to unknown people if it is coming out of her pocket and there isn't unlimited minutes and if she uses her minutes there is no penilty, she just can't use the phone except to call 911 in an emergancy.

K.,

You didn't say how old your "teen daughter" is. So it hard for me to respond. I have told my daughter (who just turned 12 yesterday) that she can have a cell phone when she can pay the bill herself. So manys kids in her grade already have one (not sure why they need them, but their parents feel it is ok). I don't feel there is a need for a child to have a cell phone until they can pay for it themselves. My sister is not allowing my niece (who just turned 15yr old yesterday) to have a cell phone until next year when she gets a job and can pay for it herself. I didn't have a cell phone until I could pay for it. My Mom never bought me a cell phone, or a pager (do people even use them anymore...lol).

I would sugggest taking the phone away for awhile and when you decide to let her have it back, make sure to go online and set her phone to ONLY be able to make and receive calls. Block texting from her phone. However, if your daughter isn't even 16yrs old, I would suggest not letter her even have a phone until than.

You need to watch out for your daughters safety. I personally would rather have my daughter mad at me for a while, than to have to texting some guy in another state and hiding it from me....

I agree, you need to take it away and don't give it back. It's not worth it.
Also, does she spend a lot of time on the internet? About this guy in Nevada...I would watch her computer activities like a hawk, and get a program that records everything that is happening. My niece was texting some guy in Florida and it turned out she had met him in an online chat room [along with many other men] and had sent her picture to them and had even given out her phone number and real name!!! It's hard to imagine, but it does happen. I never thought my niece would do anything like that. This could explain your daughter's behavior as well

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I think at this point your daughter needs to be monitored closely (cell phone and internet). If she is on facebook, myspace, twitter, you need access to that. I don't think any child should have accounts unless their parents also have accounts and are monitoring there actions. As far as the phone...right now she needs it taken away. If you feel that she needs a phone, get her a $50 child phone. It holds 4 programed numbers and has GPS locator. It is not worth taking any chances and this is twice she did not follow your rules. This is not just a case of a teenager not following your rules....this could be a very dangerous situation. Good luck.

How did she get the number? Contact the police and find out if they can check to see who owns the number. Hopefully they can let you know who this person is and if this person has a record for enticing young girls. Once you are able to determine who this man is and what he is all about you will be able to talk with your daughter and explain why you are so concerned. She may be thinking she has found a boy her age and he is her boyfriend.
Don't accuse her of anything or get angry with her. Teens today meet people from all over through social networking web sites. They don't understand that there are people out there who would harm them. I know this is very difficult but stay calm. Hopefully you can get her involved and busy with activities through school and she will be too busy to go searching the web for friends.

Restrict the options on her phone - no texting. AT&T has parental controls you can set. You can block #'s, list only #'s she can contact, restrict times to make phone calls/texts, etc. Very nice feature and you have control. Tell her that you are watching her actions and will check on her activities when she least expects it and do it! Don't make false threats. I check on all of my daugthers accounts and have all of her passwords. Getting the recording device on teh computer is a good idea - I will look into that. It's 2009 and technology is the way of life. We aren't in the olden days so we just have to adjust to it and be aware of what our kids are doing. Talk to her about the dangers of texting strangers and what can happen. Find some statistics and hopefully that will scare her. I did that and my daugther is scared of what can happen. Might not be the best way but the more they know the better. Good luck

Take away the cell phone. She'll live.

If it was my daughter I would take the phone away for good. She could be putting herself in danger and not even know it. Who knows what the person she's texting is like.

Dear K., You got a lot of good advice, I just wanted to add/reinforce some of it. As a mother of two teenage girls, I can honestly say, teens do NOT need a cell phone!! As a wife of a deputy sheriff, I can gaurantee teens do not need cell phones!! My girls do not have cell phones and will only be allowed one when they can pay not only pay for it themselves but also have their own contract. Meaning when they turn 18 and have a full time job. The girls are 15 and in highschool and in sports and we have yet the need for them to have a cell phone so don't let yourself be guilted into her needing a phone of her own!! Good luck!!
K. mother of six!!

i would say that she isnt getting a cell phone any time soon. she has to earn your trust back some other way.

otherwise, you can call your phone company and put certain blocks on the phone. there are blocks for incoming calls and texts, there are blocks for certain numbers. there are blocks for the internet on phones (which apparently comes all ready to use - stupid), there are blocks for anything but calls that YOU choose. you know? i think it depends on what the provider offers.

anyway. theres got to be something you can do that way, but honestly, i really wouldnt give her back a cell phone for a long, long time. she has proven to you that she cannot follow the rules twice (at least) this means you cant just break down and let her have it back again. it might mean that things are more inconvenient when it comes to getting ahold of her, but perhaps its a good reason to tell her she cant do certain things.

remember, if shes telling you "i hate you" you are doing your job as a parent. she doesnt "really" hate you, but you arent being her best friend and letting her get away with everything. thats not your job. shes just trying to push you by saying that. :P the less you let her push you, the better. :) its hard. but you know its worth it.

Sure, take the phone away.

But be sure to talk with her, too, about why you're concerned and what kind of behavior you hope she respects herself enough to demonstrate. Otherwise the behavior will continue, just in a different medium. (internet, friends phones, whatever.)

remove the phone and allow her to use it only when you are sitting next to her, of course, she can still make calls like this on her friends phones. It is like the computer - she should have an adult in the room with her checking over her shoulder regularly. just like a Drivers License - it is a privlage to have and use a cell phone, a computer or a car - NOT A RIGHT - she would lose her Drivers License if she ignored the rules of driving - she should have the same consequenses over the use of the phone or computer.

Have you talked with her about the real dangers of the calls she has been making?

My feeling is that teens do not need a phone except for an emergency or when they are away from home. They also don't need all the extra stuff like texting and such. So many teens think that it's their parents responsibility to provide them with a cell phone just like housing and food! :) I feel that when my boys are old enough, they will have a phone that is for phone calls ONLY and has a very limited amount of minutes. I also remember having to pay for my cell phone BUT my parents helped to choose what features I was able to get. I think if she's not being responsible and listening to your cell phone rules, then she obviously is not responsible enough for the phone. If she ever goes somewhere on her own and really NEEDS to use a phone, she can use one of yours and return it to you at the end of the night. Once your trust in her has returned, then you could talk to her again about getting her own phone. Just one opinion...

Hi K.
I complety agree with Staci she said everything I was foing to good luck with this

HI K.! I would take it away again. Let her know that she broke your trust and have STRICT consequences. Also, she needs to know the dangers of contacting strange men or boys.

I disagree with all who say that teens don't need cell phones. Demonizing technology isn't the way to go. It's here to stay, people. Let's teach our kids the responsible way to use things and ABOVE ALL, teach our kids to respect their parents, which is the root of this problem!

Take it away, period. Cancel her line on your contract, and make her earn it back. There is no reason she HAS to have a cell, let alone a cell that has texting capability - if she earns it back, i would reinstate it with only regular calling enabled first, and I would make strict guidelines about how much and who she can call, and then after a trial period same for who, how and when she can text. And I would always monitor it, like you must've been doing to find out aboutthis issue inthe first place.

Good luck - she is going to be mad, but you are keeping her safe.

Jess

Definitely TAKE THE PHONE AWAY and DON'T GIVE IT BACK!!! Teens do NOT need phones.

All these studies are done about teens driving and texting, sexting, and talking while driving. They PROVE that it is not safe. Kids have way too many ammenities these days. Be strict. And you should probably enforce some other punishments for her disobeying. It is for her own good and SAFETY! She has proven that she can not be trusted and I would not give her another phone again. She can get her own when she is old enough and can sign for it, pay for it, and manage it herself.

Good luck.

K.,

Your daughter seems to be telling you that she can't handle the responsibility of a cell phone. Parents have been raising teenagers without cell phones successfully for a long time. Yours will be just fine without one.

That may not be the only problem. If it's not just the novelty of texting guys she doesn't know in other states and she is building relationships with people she shouldn't, taking away the cell phone won't solve the problem because she can get access to someone else's phone if she needs to.

It may be time to bring the reins way in. It will be hard because it's much easier to gradually give teens more privileges as they earn them rather than trying to take it away once they have abused it. If it was my daughter, I would sit her down in a family council with my husband - no siblings around, no distractions, at a time when no one is already upset. There would be some new ground rules in place that would stay there until daughter proved she could handle more freedom. You and your husband will have to decide what is appropriate for your family, and you can do that before you sit down with your daughter.

It may be good to talk to friends' parents as well. They may not be aware of what their children are getting into. If I was the friend's mom, I would sure want to know.

Best of luck,
S.

You take away ALL COMMUNICATING devices such as house phone, internet, cell phones etc.. She obviously can't be trusted.

When we were teenagers cell phones were not necessity's so why are they now? TAKE THAT CELL PHONE AWAY