Daughter Peeing Herself at School on Purpose

a few things ask the teacher to insist that dd stop playing and use the bathroom.

Is there any chance she loves the new outfits you pack for her or that the school gives her to wear. PIck something ugly and horrible and maybe that iwll lose some appeal.

the teachers are going to look at this as accidents and not get mad or anything, but you really should talk to them and see what might be motivating her to do this. have the teacher track when it is happening, like when they play outside and she's seen her change of clothes in her bookbag or cubbie. ask if there is some spececial attention she gets like the director gets her her clothes or she gets out of a certain activity by doing this like circle time.

good luck this too shall pass and then you can bring it up on prom night.

My son would do this because he didn't want to stop playing long enough to use the bathroom. We finally told him that if he kept messing his pants, the teacher would tell him that he couldn't come back to class, because that class was only for kids that knew how to go to the bathroom and not mess their pants (which was true). That seemed to solve the majority of the accidents. Did they still happen? Yes, but once in a blue moon (which was acceptable as no kid is perfect at 3y).

What does her Teacher say about it?

I would say it's probably because she's so into what she's doing at the time the "urge" comes, that she's too lazy to just get up & go to the bathroom. That's what most of DD's accidents have stemmed from.

In any event, I agree with keeping her out of the school the next day, or taking her out until she can get it under control.

What is the toilet or bathroom like there? Could it be that she hates going in there? Could something bad have happened there?

If she looks forward to going to school, I think I'd have to say to her very kindly, "Honey, I'm sorry, but for every day that you pee in your pants at school, you have to miss the next day. It's too bad, it really is, but the school doesn't allow this and you are not allowed to do it."

Then hold her out the day after it happens. That way it is a consequence (not a punishment) that is directly tied with her behavior. It will also hopefully end this problem before she goes to kindergarten.

So sorry.

Dawn

It may be a control thing. Is this the first time that she has been in a school setting? My daughter is now in Kindergarten (She turned 5 in May). We do not have this problem, but what I never saw coming...were the behavior issues. She does great at school, but it IS a long day for a little girl that only went to a Pre-K that was 3 days a week from 9 to 12. School now starts at 8:00 and ends at 3:10! I know that she is drained at the end of the day. But besides that, the point I am trying to make here is that these little ones only have so much control anymore! We have to get to school on time so there is no dawdling in the mornings (which would be her choice I am sure...) then there is her whole scheduled day. Including lunch. My kid is a slow eater, so she HATES lunch time. They get 25 minutes and she hardly eats. I think she hates being told what to do and when to do it. Yours may be the same, she enjoys just doing something by her choice. Tell her if she chooses not to wet herself then she can get stickers and a treat after earning so many. Whenever I do a chart for my child, I start it off with 3 days and then a treat. 5 or 7 might seem too far away. After the 3, then we move to 5, just to keep her motivated and get the idea. Good luck with this!

I would be less quick to think that she really "wants" to... sounds more like she is covering up some other issue, in my opinion. My daughter also would have accidents at preschool. She loved school, too. She trained early, easily and almost NEVER had accidents. So after 2 YEARS of no accidents, and she was wetting in K4, something was going on.

She didn't want to interrupt when it wasn't "her turn" to ask to go to the bathroom. That was all it was. Took me talking with the teacher (the 3 of us in the conversation, with the teacher confirming everything I was saying to my daughter) explaining that asking to go potty is NOT interrupting someone's "reading time". That she could go ANYtime she needed to go to potty. She didn't even have to raise her hand to ask.

Never had another accident.

I would imagine the answer "because I wanted to" is probably because she doesn't really know why. LOTS of kids answer "because I wanted to" when asked why they did certain naughty behavior.

I sometimes think reward charts don't work because consequences are immediate enough, nor are rewards immediate enough. They never worked on my daughter. She needed something immediate.

I would talk with the teachers.

One solutions I had for my daughter for clothes issues, I called Plain & Ugly. If she lost an item of clothing, it was replaced with something plain or ugly. It only works if your daughter cares about clothes. Send her replacement outfit as something super plain, or something she does not care to wear.

I do agree, let her know if she keeps wetting, she won't be allowed to be in school because school is for Big Kids who can stay dry. That's the rule at a lot of places as well.

I think she might be having so much fun that she doesn't want to take the time out to go to the bathroom. My kid has this issue and I have to tell her all day long to go pee. Not just remind her, literally make her go. I think her teacher may need to take the time to do that.

I'm stumped... I have to think on this one!.. I think that perhaps a reward chart would help... for each day she does not pee she gets a sticker. At the end of the week, if she has 5 stickers, than she can get a new coloring book/play-dough/ice cream/doll... whatever.

Also, what does the school say, are they changing her? In this situation, she is likely doing for attention or as a power play, or stress. Perhaps she is embarrassed about asking to go to the bathroom.

IDK, honestly. My first thought is maybe she doesn't like naptime, so she will avoid sleeping by peeing in her pants? Maybe? I would talk with her teacher and find a good strategy. In the meantime, maybe she should wear a pullup at school if she continues to pee in her pants there. Just a thought. Maybe then she won't want to wear one, and then go to the bathroom.

Good luck!

I think the teacher needs to make her use the toilet after lunch. If she does, she can sit quietly and do puzzles or read a book while the other kids nap. If she refuses, she has to "nap". I think that would be a major motivator for her. There is no reason a 5 year old should be forced to endure "naptime".

Why did you email the director? If its your daughter and not the teacher or the yucky bathroom, you just put the teacher in a blame situation. You should have emailed the TEACHER. Directors/principals sometimes use whatever they can in an evalutation and you just set this teacher on the director's radar.

Put her in a diaper or pullup until she can stop this behavior. If it is in her control (which it sounds like it is)she will probably stop as no 5 yo would want to wear a pullup to school. The key is to not act like this is a punishment but more of a matter-of-fact solution to what is happening. Something like "oh, you are going to have to wear a pullup today so that you won't have a wet bottom when you wet yourself" If she pleads no let her go for one day-if it happens again then insist on the pullup.

If she's taken often and the bathroom does not freak her out I'm guessing she does it to try and gain control over her situation. I suggest taking steps to diffuse the power struggle. Is it possible for her to just go whenever *she* wants to? If not, i'd go the pull up route. The teacher should have her change it during a scheduled bathroom break with out making a fuss about it.
Inquire about whether your daughter is being given opportunities throughout the school day to feel like she got to make choices for herself.

It's possible that she's withholding her bladder because she dislikes peeing at school, except she can't actually hold it for the entire school day. Some people prefer using private at-home bathrooms only.

My middle daughter is like this thanks to her Autism and Sensory Integration Disorder. She HATES how the bathroom at school echoes when you talk and pee, and despises how the toilets flush. It's a sensory nightmare for her. If she has no choice but to pee, as in she's about to have an accident, she rushes to the private bathroom in the school nurse's office.

When I was a kid, my brother's best friend couldn't use ANY bathroom except the one at home. He would sleep over our house and would have to take his house key so that if he woke up during the night to pee he could run home, pee, and come back to our house. He slept over every night during the summer and vacations.

Anyway, I would limit her morning liquids and sugars. The school can't really keep her from drinking, especially at snack time and lunch time, or it would violate some laws. Make sure she empties her bladder before leaving for school. I wouldn't make a huge deal out of it or you'll risk turning it into a power struggle. She needs to decide on her own that wetting herself is not worth the trouble of holding her bladder at school... especially if her classmates notice. Peer pressure may end up being what changes her mind.

Can her teacher give her a reward right after naptime if she stays dry through nap?

My daughter has been a fashionista forever. She knows that there's an extra outfit in her school bag "just in case." When she was already potty trained but some of the other kids were still having accidents and changing clothes mid-day, she wanted to change her clothes too. Of course, the teacher did not allow that. So, she started getting water on her clothes from the water fountain or bathroom to be allowed to change. When the teacher started saying "it will dry" instead of letting her change, she started wetting her pants to be allowed to change outfits midday. Finally, the teachers told her if she would stay dry without changing clothes, they'd give her a reward, she quit wetting the pants and quit changing outfits. Maybe your daughter just needs a more immediate positive reinforcer, in addition to the daily star chart?