Daughter Pulling Her Own Hair Out.....

I agree with Sandi. My cousin used to do it...this was probably about 10 years ago. Fortunately for him he was a boy and they shaved his head and that seemed to solve the problem. But I would take the advice that Sandi gave!

Poor little thing! She could be doing this because it gets so much attention, but it not a typical reaction to discipline.
Not to alarm you but I would be VERY concerned. I have heard and read that this is a sign of Obsessive/Complusive Disorder (OCD) Get her help as soon as you can.

Hi M., some parents look for way's to disciplin their children the whole 18 short yr's we have to do so. So first take a deep breath, better she show who she is at three, than at 13 or older, now look up hair pulling on line. Very long clinical name for hair pulling, no real cure, but can have life long effects, the hair may become dormant, and never grow back. Stay calm, think of a way to keep her hands buzy while in time out, most people with the hair pulling do not know they are doing this, even adults. Every child is different, and finding what will work for her will be a challange, but not impossible. Many new and old toys can be used while in time out, stress ball, simple writing, crayon's, mabie try a mirror, no one like's to see them self upset, try hanging a mirror in the time out corner, try, try & try again until you find what works, but try real hard to stay calm, no harsh words, no YELLING, calm, let her be the one to let off steam. You can always yell later, to a friend, husband, ectra. Also, let Ped's Dr know what you, & your child are going through, they may offer help for you & your daughter as well. Mom of 4 beautiful daughter's and 4 grandchildren, one grandchild, on the way. Best of luck to you, don't give up, hold your head up high and keep moving forward. You will win this battle, then off to the next.

M. S,

I am also a working mother of a 5 year old with hair pulling problems and discipline issues. Ours started when she was about 2 years old. At first we noticed her pulling to comfort herself, or because it was interesting. We thought it was just a phase, then we noticed also, she would do it to (we thought) hurt herself when being punished. As it turns out, my daughter has trichotillomania. Trich is a hair pulling disorder. www.tlc.org to get a better idea of this. Don't get me wrong, this may not be what your daughter has at all but I wanted to throw it out there since I had never heard of it and spent a lot of wasted time not knowing what to do.

We've also had dicipline issues. For instance, not sitting for time out, blowing up and throwing a fit in the grocery store, wanting to be first and best at everything. We started seeing a counselor to try to get this under control before it got any worse. The book she suggested was like "The 1,2,3's of behavioral issues." Don't quote me because it's not right in front of me. I have an extra copy and would be glad to loan it out. Although we are still seeing a counselor, this book has been a great tool. If I start counting, she says "No mama, don't count!" and will at least get her back on track most times.

Contact me (Isent my info privately) if I can help you or if you would like to borrow the book.

C. P.
Port Huron, Mi

So much of how any of us acts depends upon what our diet is like. Does she have a blanced diet of protein and carbs (carbs includes sugars)? How many times per day does she eat? What it may come down to is keeping her blood sugars balanced.

If you've tried that and nothing is working, you may want to consider speaking to a professional (a therapist). At points in our lives we need a third unbiased part to help us.

Good luck to you.

hi there,
i'm not sure if your daughter is doing that bc of the school thing but there is an actual 'disorder' when kids do that, i did that when i was like 4th grade? i dont know why i just did it i just did but i stopped when my mom saw it and then showed me it was a bald spot. but try looking it up online.. i dont know if this helps but i just wanted to let you know that i did do that but stopped so maybe she will she's probably too young to understand if you showed her what she was doing wsa odd or wrong but hopefully she will stop. my cousin actually had that thing where all yoru hair falls out i think its called alopetia (i dont know how to spell that) but once her hair grew back in she never cut it and kept it long and still keeps it long and ithink she is 50.

Hi M.,
I am a child and family psychologist and mother of a toddler. It sounds like she is dealing with some anxiety. I would recommend changing tactics to focus less on discipline. At 3 years old she can recieve consequences for her actions, but it is diffucult due to their cognitive abilities. A lot of times anxiety stems from having to little control in their lives. Toddlers are all about independence and control. It is a great time to get down on their level, try to give lots of choices, lots of positive feedback and reinforcement and attention for appropriate behavior and try to reverse the focus. Some great books "how to raise an emotionally intelligent child" and Love and Logic for toddlers. I have found these books to be life savers both with my own child and in my practice. I also teach a class, surviving the toddler years, if you are ever interested feel free to contact me. I have found the number one thing a parent can do is stay calm and not let your child see YOU stressed and agitated. They take their emotional cues from us. Try to take some time to breath and count. Toddler behavior is often attention seeking, so maintaining a neutral attitude (as if to say "what you are doing does not bother me in the least), and go about your business around her. If she puts her self in danger or engages in property destruction or aggression, try to stay calm and remove the items or prompt her away (staying neutral). Kids are always shocked when they don't get their parents riled up :)

As far as the hair pulling. Try not to draw too much attention to it. If she is already anxious this will make her more anxious. Hair pulling is her way of coping right now, so try to find some other ways for her to cope with her frustration and anxiety. When you see her pulling her hair, you can say "You seem upset, can i show you somehting i do when i'm feeling upset that makes me feel better?" Then show her something like listening to soft music, rubbing a fuzzy pillow or silky item, using a finger fidget toy etc... Hope some of this is helpful.

Threaten to cut her hair but only if you're going to be strong enough to do it. My two year old used to pull on her pony tails. Her dad was so worried she would pull one off her head (which of course would hurt her really badly). He pulled the scissors out one day after she been pulling on them and we haven't had a problem since and she's only two. I know cutting her seems drastic but pulling your hair out hurts!!! If it's really short she won't be able to grab onto it as well. And she's young and it's just hair. It grows back. Another option is call g her doctor or maybe a child therapist. They may be able to better talk to her about handling we frustrations and give you new discipline ideas I hope it works out. Good luck.

Hi,
my only advice is be consistent. maybe try "the corner". I also have a 3 yr old who is in the terrible two's at the moment. It was much worse a few weeks ago. But I have just tried to be consistent- when a tantrum hits over something like -no you can't have another popsicle you've already had two. I swat him on the butt and put him in bed. He won't go when I tell him to so I usually have to carry him to bed. It is getting better, but it seems like forever that it's been going on. Also- I think you should talk to your doctor about her pulling her hair out a.s.a.p.! I have known two people who have a disorder where they can't stop pulling out their hair. okay sorry if that wasn't very helpful. but i understand...:)

She has tricotrillomania. It is compulsive hair pulling. Can I suggest the book by Abby Leora Rohrer, entitled "Why won't my child stop pulling their hair out". Fantastic book and I promise it will help. I did the same thing, but started when I was 16 - it was a coping mechanism that became an addiction. Abby's book for adults helped me overcome this addiction after 27 years of "pulling". I wish you luck, and if you need someone to talk to that has been there, please email.

After reading the responses below - I am going to edit. This is an addiction...it is not OCD, as you will be told by doctors and psychologist who want to only put her on medication that will NOT help her. So many people don't know how to fix this and live with it their whole lives - they live in fear (of someone finding out) and shame (that they do this and they don't even know why). YOu will notice that she will do this moreso when she is upset or stressed about something. She will do it laying in bed at night - only to wake up sad in the morning.

Please please please get the book!!! I have a copy of the book for adults and if you want, I will email it to you. There is a different approach with children, but the adult book will get you started. You will have to address some scary things to help your daughter including issues within yourself that contribute to her "pulling" (that is what those of us who suffer(ed) call it. The woman who wrote this book is also an ex-hair puller. She even answers email herself. This is a coping mechanism and I promise you from the bottom of my heart, there is something triggering her - and I promise you, she can be helped...I've been there....and back.

Sandi

Hi Mandy,

Do you think she really realizes she is pulling her hair out when disciplined? If you have any question feel free to email me privately. Some kids pull hair due to stress. It's called Trichotillomania. My middle son suffers from it. He pulled so much hair at one point that he had a bald spot on the back of his head that glowed in the moonlight. Therapy and behavior modifications have helped a lot. Don't feel like the "dreaded parent with the nightmare child in the grocery store". I am one of those as well. It is more common than you think. Just don't let it bother you. If your daughter makes a scene in the store just don't look at anyone. If you get stressed out about it she will feed off of it and it will escalate. If you take a deep breath and just go about your business while containing her she will calm down. Don't give her the satisfaction of a verbal response if you can help it. With my youngest I had to put him in the cart until he was 7 years old. I would let him scream in the cart if he wanted to. I got what I needed to as quickly as I could and got out of there then delt with it. If he's good he gets a treat. If he isn't he goes back in the cart. He hates it in the cart now so it reminds him to behave. I've had a lot of practice with this. I have three special needs boys. You need to learn to pick your battles and let stuff roll off of you like rain. If you're having a really hard time with her then you might want to take her in to your local school district and ask them to do an evaluation on her. Somemight say it's extreme but you might find something she really needs extra help with and the earlier there are interventions the quicker she will learn to deal with issues. They also might be able to give you some additional support and tricks that will help to change your daughters behaviors. Quite often when kids misbehave it's because they can't verbalize what it is that is actually bothering them. She may have a sensitivity to certin lighting, certin sounds, textures or anything. You might be suprised at how much in our environment can set even the best of kids off without warning.

I hope this helps - S.

Because this is an emotional stress disorder, you really should seek the advice of a professional. Talk with your pediatrician. Ask them to give you a few referrals and then call them to make the best decision on who would be best suited to work with your daughter.

Once you found this professional, I am positive they too, will be able to give you the tools you need to keep calm and rational during these times of 'acting out'. You should also address it soon~ as when she becomes older, it is possible it could manifest into something more and you really need to avoid that.

Be patient, understanding and loving - she still needs that. Good luck!

Have you had her tested for food allergies & intolerance? It's amazing how food can effect our behavior!
Good luck, A. H

I would definitely have her checked by a physician of some sort. In the meantime, you should ignore the behavior as much as possible. When you do talk about it, be as emotionally distant as possible. If it gets her attention (even negative) then she might keep doing it (my almost 4 yr old) will glom onto anything that gives her any kind of attention. When you are with her and she starts misbehaving, try to redirect her with things are you can do with her (take a walk, plant something, color with her, read a book, etc) and praise her for anything that you can think of. This has been working for me. Also, have you tried time out in her bedroom with the door shut. I start with a time out in the time out spot and if she won't sit in time out properly, then I move her to her bedroom. (tell her this before the time out starts... "you are getting a time out for not minding, if you don't stay in time out quietly, then you will have to take time out in your bed room) This has also worked for us, any behavior that is not acceptable in time out, she goes to her room with the door shut. Good luck

First find out if this is some kind of disorder or just a behavior she has decided will get her what she wants.

I would talk to your pediatrician. I think she needs to be evaluated. It sounds like s disorder.

I would suggest talking to your doctor about this. One of the girls that use to belong to my multiples (I have triplets) group has this problem with one of her twins. In their case it was some kind of disorder. I do not remember what she said it was. Good Luck. I hope it is nothing and will pass. HUGS

I would have her tested cause from my understanding it can be a disease or emotional thing. I have a neighbor that wears a wig cause she has this same problem and she told me its a disorder she has, and she has to wear the wig cause she has done it so much that her hair will not grow back. I have seen her without her wig and she looks like a cancer patient. About 4 years ago my mans oldest daughter started doing this at the age of I think 11 or 12, and she was under a lot of stress from her mother choosing a man over her own three children. This guy was not good to the girls and not to mention their mother talked to them in ways that I would not even dream of doing to my boys. She came to live with us and we got her to grow her hair back. At first it was hard because it became a habit for her that when things did not go right for her as far as school, friends etc she would continue to pull her hair out. When it is a emotional thing we had to guide her with a way to deal with things. After two years of being with us her mom and her secretly moved her back in with her mom and sure enough she started back up pulling her hair out, but not as bad as before and after talking to her and sending to a therapist she has stopped for now. Sounds like from what you wrote that your daughter is pretty much like my step daughter and she just needs to be guided on how to deal with things in healthy way. It takes time and can be frustrating to you at times but keep up with whatever find to be effective, she will eventually come around.

Compulsive pulling hair out is an emotional disorder. Its called Trichotillomania and it affects about 3% of people, young and old. You should do some research and/or consult a psychologist because its not like a normal parent issue. I found a lot with a simple search on the web:
http://www.amazon.com/Hair-Pulling-Problem-Complete-Guide...

Good luck.

my husband niece was doing the same thing my sister inlaw took her to a doctor it is caused by a lot of different things she was told it is a vitiamn difficence, she was told its a form of autisim she was told to take her to a child therapist but she didn,t get any help for her daughter until she called childrens hospitol behavioral pedetrtian