My daughter just turned 3 and is not potty trained. She has some constipation issues so we are working through those before starting potty training (which is the advice we received from her pediatrician). I am fine with that. Here is my problem: For the past week I have put her on the toilet to try to go right before going to bed. She doesn't go and I put a diaper on her and put her to bed. Within 20 minutes she comes downstairs carrying a diaper and tells me that she is wet and needs to be changed. I'm pretty sure that she is just doing this to get out of bed and delay bedtime. I always march her back upstairs and change her and put her right back to bed. I am nice, but we don't talk or snuggle anymore (we have already done stories and snuggling) and I tell her that she now needs to stay in her bed. Twice she has actually gone again about an hour later and made my husband change her. She pees normally throughout the day. I am tempted to tell her that I won't change her at night once we say good-night and close the door...she had the chance to use the toilet. Is this really mean? Will it help or hurt her chances of potty training?
**EDIT - She is definitely still awake when she goes pee. It is always within 10-20 minutes after I say good-night to her and I can hear her talking to herself and looking at books in bed. I agree that she is ready to train and I would be much more aggressive with it if it weren't for the fact that she takes Miralax for her constipation and her BMs can be pretty messy. I really think she would be trained if I only had to worry about her peeing. The pooping is still too unpredictable to trust her in underwear :(
If she is bringing you the wet diaper, can she dress herself. If so...try the pull-ups that give her independence and you freedom. You can put them in the bathroom where she can get them, and she can do it herself if she is wet.
hm.
well it probably wont hurt potty training i wouldnt think.
however, with kids ive found that patience is key.
one thing to understand about child development is that they dont have inner speech until age 8. inner speech is the ability to say something to yourself to explain, or talk about something in their heads.
your daughter is NOT sitting up in bed going, "if i can only pee my pants, i can get out of going to bed" - that kind of inner speech isnt an ability that 3 year olds have.
so i would suggest that you think higher of your daughter, that she is simply having normal accidents that kids her age have. you cant force a child to go when they arent ready. its possible that shes just not feeling like going when you take her, and when she starts relaxing in bed, she has to. have you tried checking on her 10-15 minutes after bedtime? maybe put her to bed earlier and get her up in 10-15 minutes and see if she will go pee then. it also might be something that you have to relax more about and let her take control of her urges to go. no one can make anyone else feel like they have to go at any given time.
another thing to note is constipation.
a natural, normal, healthy CURE is a daily addition of fiber to her every day diet. theres a rumor that this is bad for people, but it is NOT. its as healthy as drinking water daily, which is also important for constipation as well.
so heres what i recommend:
have her drink less milk and juices. only at mealtimes should she get one or the other. we always water down our juice in our house, not only does it last twice as long, but juices are starting to prove that they are too concentrated for their own good and causing high blood sugars.
NEXT give her more water. water should be available to her at all times during the day.
finally, add fiber. there are plenty of fruits and vegetables that have fiber, however, the easiest, surest way to add fiber is to but some milled flax seed and sprinkle it on anything: yogurt, applesauce, soup, cereal, sandwiches, ANYTHING!! :D it is tasteless, it might be a little grainy or crunchy but thats not a big deal in the grand scheme of things :D
the reasons this works? flax is essentially fiber. fiber does not get digested. however, it passes through and in the intestines it absorbs water. (this is why drinking plenty of water is important) the more water it can absorb, the softer stool will be! :D
start by only adding a teaspoon and see how she reacts. it might take a couple days, but you will shortly notice a very good change in her stool. it might be a challenge to get any present stools out, but then things should move easier. you can always add more flax - perhaps 2 teaspoons - if it doesnt work after a few days... however, if diarhea happens, use less. fiber is an important thing - because of what it does in the intenstines, it prevents colon cancers, irritable bowel syndrome, and other digestional issues.
so try that. i would be excited to hear if it works. :D
and like i said, its NOT unhealthy to use flax every day. flax is not bad for anyones health, and yes, your body will then rely on it to have proper stool, but thats a GOOD thing!!! our bodies NEED fiber!! :D we should rely on it!
You could hurt her chances of potty training by ignoring her requests for a clean diaper. You WANT her to be communicating with you about peeing and pooping. Since you haven't started potty training yet, you don't want to squash this line of communication! Also, I would not make her sit in her pee all night. I would not want to sleep in my own pee!
So how do you solve this problem?
(1) If you're not already, limit her liquids before bed. I would say nothing 90 minutes before bedtime.
(2) I think it's good that you're having her sit on the potty before bed, but she may feel pressured at that time, and isn't relaxed enough to go until she is laying in her own bed. Get her more accustomed to sitting on the potty. Give her privacy and let her play with a toy or look at a book. Start having her sit on the potty throughout the day to get used to it, even if you aren't technically "potty training" yet.
Also, if you are sitting her on the regular toilet, it may be too big or awkward. If she is sort of straining to stay on or not fall in, she may not relax enough to go. Consider getting a potty chair or one of the special lids that go over the regular toilet.
(3) Give her an earlier bedtime (without telling her!) so that by the time she comes back down and gets her diaper changed, she is still going to sleep at the time you want. If she IS doing this as a "game", you will still "win"!
Good luck!
I don't have any real advice cause I haven't gotten that far with my son, no it doesn't sound mean to limit her. Trial and error..... good luck!
Three thoughts....1) Don't put on a diaper until after she uses the potty (so put her to bed not wearing one, until she does) 2) completely ignore it, calm down(meaning stop being frustrated about it), and just change her diaper and put her back to bed w-o saying a word 3) go by your idea of it's on and no more changes. good luck. (mom of 4, youngest is 3 also)
I think it depends on whether shes already fallen asleep or not. If she's awake and going in her diaper then I'd say it's deliberate and she could just as well get up and use the potty and you should leave in a soggy diaper. BUT if she's fallen asleep then she must be relaxing enough to go. Just change her and put her back to sleep with no fanfare.
I would do several things. Put a waterproof mattress cover on her bed. Start putting her in training underwear at nigh. The waterproof, cheapo Gerber kind can be bought at Target. Don't fool with pull-ups right now, they are too much like diapers, and will not get the point across. She is going to feel much wetter in trainers than in a diaper, and she won't like it. When she comes to you with a wet diaper, just take her back to her room, and have her put on new undies herself. At 3, she should be able to do this by herself (at least, my DD can). If you think it might help, take her with you to pick them out and make a big deal about getting bedtime underwear (realizing that you have daytime issues and aren't ready for full-on potty training yet). You are already doing great by not getting mad, but also not being any fun when she comes out with the wet diaper. You don't want a power struggle here, because with eating and eliminating, the child will always win. I wouldn't leave her in the wet ones at night. It could interfere with training later, and if she can get the diaper off herself, she'll just be naked and wet the bed again later. Mine did this for a few weeks before she got enough bladder control to stay dry all night. Changing jammies and the whole bed in the middle of the night is far less fun than just changing a diaper when you're still up anyhow.
my son (3) has to go potty about 2 times after we put him to bed - we just take him on the potty - he goes and then its back to bed - I think his body finally is relaxed so he's able to go. It can be frustrating, but if he's got to go, he's got to go. Maybe you could check in on your daughter after a few minutes and see if she needs to go or give her a few minutes of alone time on the potty until she goes? maybe she doesn't have strong bladder control yet? it does sound like she's ready to work on potty training. good luck!
It is not mean at all...its called tough love. Don't change her anymore after bed. If she comes to you crying to change her, just put her to bed, no changing or talking. It sounds like she is ready for potty training. My now 5 year old daughter, since she was two has had trouble with constipation...I potty trained her when she was just over two, with some accidents of course...but shortly after daytime pottying night time came really easy. I wouldn't wait too much longer, you might miss the boat!
Good luck!
I don't know how firm you want to be about this but I wouldn't feel bad about letting her sleep in a wet diaper. With disposable diapers being so absorbent it's not like we change them every time kids go potty in them anyway. I'm sure she went all night with the same peed-in diaper before she got potty trained so she can go all night with one now. If it bothers her she'll be sure to empty her bladder before bedtime ever after.
Hi M.
Maybe it is just my opinion, but I think that when a child is old enough to bring you a diaper and tell you that he/she is wet, then it is definitely time to potty train. My son when he was just 1 1/2 yrs old would do the same thing. My mom thought that I was being a bad mom because I started to potty train him at 2 yrs old, but me as I say if they are old enough to tell you that they need a diaper change then they are too old for diapers. So no I dont think you would be mean to let her keep on a wet diaper for a while it will show her how it feels to be wet and uncomfortable and she will want to go to the potty instead of going in her diaper. At that age children can be very manipulating and I think you may have your hands full with her conning you to change her 20 minutes after you just changed her. Where do you buy your diapers from as I recall diapers were very expensive when we bought them. So my suggestion to you is that if you dont want to still be buying diapers until she is 6 or 7 you had better nip this behavior in the bud now!
Instead of punishing her for wetting her diaper, reward her for making it through the night without needing to be changed. Whatever her currency is, use it...stickers, favorite cartoon, an m&m.
Has she fallen asleep and then wet? If so, she may be relaxed enough once sleeping. Does she go back to bed right away? You may want to give it a little more time.
