Daughter Refuses Any Help from Daddy

My daughter is almost 2 and we have always had the same problem. If you find something that works please let me know! Thanks, A.

I'm going through the same thing with my daughter as well (she is the same age!) I totally feel for you! She is my youngest, and it is not only exhausting, but makes me feel bad for my older son, whose mommy time is often cut short. I've heard of the Love and Logic approach, and it is a good one. Unfortunately, if your daughter is like mine, she is very stubborn, willful, and will not cave until she gets her way. I have decided that her demands are a struggle between her desire for total control, and her burgeoning need for autonomy. The only thing that makes the situations remotely bearable is to do what you are doing--present choices in order to make it appear to her that she is in control, and just ride out the toddler storm! Good luck--it can be really tough some days!

All kids go through 'mommy' and 'daddy' stages. Right now, your daughter is in full on mommy stage. In her own time, she will switch to daddy stage and won't want anything to do with mommy at all! It's normal, both my kids went through this, my daughter more severely than my son. Someone suggested that you leave for a bit and make her have daddy time, this will help move her along to the daddy stage (it was what we did when things went on for too long though she usually switched on her own). Don't give her a choice on who helps her, tell her firmly that daddy needs to help her and stick to it and leave the room or the house, whatever you need to do to make sure she has no choice. After a couple of times of having daddy help her, she will decide that it's not as bad as she thought and daddy stage will begin :)

With whining, a couple of things worked for me. I'd either look around for the source of that awful noise and make a big deal out of it but not acknowledge them until they spoke to me in a normal tone of voice, or I'd keep saying, "What? I can't understand you, why are you making those noises....or why are you talking like that, it hurts my ears." and refuse to 'understand' what they were saying until they said it in a normal tone of voice. On occasions when it was particularly bad, I'd simply 'give up' and tell them it's no use, I can't understand a single thing they are saying and it's hurting my ears and I'd get up and leave the room. They quickly figure out how to monitor their voice to rid it of the whine so that you can 'understand' them and what they want. Good luck to you hun!

I know you said you work full time, so I'm sure you are very tired when you get home, but I would maybe think about leaving at night so that she has no choice but to accept Daddy. And on the weekends, go run errands or go visit a friend so she and Daddy are alone together.

My daughter gets like that sometimes, not often though, and I tell her it's time for her to play with Daddy now, or Daddy can help her go potty too, and she accepts it with a little whining, but in your case I would try leaving them alone quite often for a while. Even if you don't want to leave, you could try to sneak into your bedroom to read or watch TV and then he could tell your daughter that you left. Good luck!

Maybe you can role model daddy helping mommy, and make a point of showing how much you love the help. If she sees you getting attention from him and liking it, maybe she'll open up to it more. Alone time with dad is good too - if he can bring her along to run errands, even for short trips, they may have a little bonding time. Or dad could bring home a new book he knows she'll love, and only dad can read it to her. Or an activity or coloring book only dad and her can write in.
My kids are older, but one of their favorite dad time things was playing "pillows" where they'd lay on the living room floor and gather a bunch of pillows and do different things - pile them up, jump on 'em, or ignore the pillows and wrestle with dad. He needs to get down to their level.

don't make a big deal out of it or it will go on forever. Maybe have Daddy pretend helplessness and ask her for help with little things. It would provide something for her to feel proud about, especially if she gets a big thank you, a hug, an "I love how you help me!" and provide some interaction Daddy's missing out on. In time he could start asking her things like, "Thank You for reading me a story, can I try to read one to you, too?" (Just winging it here)
Hang in there!

My son just turned 3 and he does this same thing, but in our case it is because Dad is always busy doing other things and doesn't have much time to spend with us, so it is always me doing for my son. But at the times I ask my husband to do something, like change our sons diaper, my son will throw a fit, so I just walk in the room with him and tell him I will be right there while dad changes him, usually once it is started I can leave again. But if it is other things, like washing hands or taking bath or him wanting a particular toy, drink or food, I tell him if he wants it dad will do it otherwise he will go without, end of story. He always lets dad do it then :)

Good Luck, I know how frusterating it can be, but like everything else it is just a phase, love it while it lasts cause the day will come when they won't want us to do anything for them anymore :(

I've gone through this and still am sometimes. It really annoys my husband when the kids only want mommy to do something and it makes me feel bad for him. Do they have time together when you are not home? Set up some times where you are out of the house so she only has him to rely on. Have them do special "daddy/daughter time", just the two of them...an outing to the park, out for ice cream or time playing alone together at home.

You can also ignore her behavior. Let her dad help her even though she is screaming for you. Not fun for anyone, but it doesn't reward her behavior and she may see that throwing a tantrum won't work and she may ease up on wanting mommy all the time.