Daughter Talks in Class Still

Ok, honestly? If the teacher won't do as you ask then he/she has no right to continue to complain about your daughter socializing. I would talk to the principal and voice your concern that maybe this teacher doesn't have a good discipline plan if they won't do as you suggest and send your daughter to the principal's office.

Hi H.,

I agree it is probably the majority of the time--the teacher. And, guess what?? I AM A TEACHER! She or He may need training on behavior management. The hardest part of classroom management is consistency. The teacher needs to stick with a 'plan' and really stick to it. When it works for awhile and then the behavior comes back. In my experience, it is when I have gotten to busy with all the other responsibilities and I fail to be consistent with the plan we put in place.

Please be kind to the teacher, I am sure they are trying their best. We have so many things going on that parents don't even realize. If this is in a Wake County School (which I work for) then Lord knows what is going on. We are the nurse, counselor, teacher, cook, administrator, custodian, etc. They give us no planning time and tons of mtg.s creating more work, with no tolerance to mess ups. Unfortunately, the children's lack of following the perfect little plan adds to our stress and frustration. SO, sorry soap box! :)

Going into your conference, teachers love solutions and not the 'Well, what have YOU tried in school?' kind of comments. So, go in and say you know your daughter needs to follow the rules--which she does!!! And reassure the teacher that you are dealing with this at home. The fact that you will show up to the conference will show the teacher that. Then together at the conference develop a good plan or goal sheet that she can try and reach. Have it positive. Like each time the teacher catches you raising her hand--boom give her a sticker on the chart, or whatever. INSTEAD of lets count up how many times I see you being bad. Maybe even something that you sign each night. Make it something the teacher doesn't have to even do a lot for. Like your child can mark in on the chart, and you can sign it at home. The teacher just has to acknowledge the correct behavior. The teacher may need help retraining him/herself to look at the positive. So many times teachers see when she isn't raising her hand, but chances are she was listening a couple times during the day. The trick is to focus the attention on those few times she is doing well and then build on that. It is amazing the more you focus on the good then the more the child (or spouces and pets :)) will increase that behavior. I would even set your 'plan' up for if she earns so many say stickers a day or a week then by the end of the week you and her can go to a movie together. Something like that....again positive. Oh, and perhaps have your child sitting outside during the conference. She is 11 she can help create her own goal sheet, they usually (well I work with 8 year olds) make their goals harder to meet than I would have. She can come back inside the classroom once you all are done talking, then she also sees that parents and teacher are on the same side.

Reply if you think of any other questions. ;)

2 other thoughts:
Administration part--They probably aren't even at the school when the teacher needs them, or don't reinforce the teacher so that may be why she isn't sending her up.
Verbal Expression--Please incourage her to talk, it is the best way to learn, and she needs to be encouraged to express herself--but learning the right ways and time to do it.

Hope this helps. ;)

:)your step daughter could be a number of things.I would personally think she's either an auditory(verbal) or gifted learner. Most teachers have 1 learning style and not only teach that style, but expect and accept only that in children like them.

It could be when she someday finds an auditory learner teacher, it will be a match made in heaven!

I also could agree with what others have posted and say the problem isn't your child, but the teacher. Her classroom management styles and rules may be an issue as well. That may be too why she doesn't send her to the principal's office.

Who is your stepdaughter talking with? Maybe she needs to be separated from them and moved to another non-distracting location so her excessive talking can be finally be curbed. Maybe this will alllow her concentration to be appropriately focused on the teacher and learning so her grades will improve.

I also want to caution you in that some teachers "label" children(ok ADHD, LD, etc)and put those kinds of things in their record when in actuality, they just have another learning style/strength that has yet to be succesfully met or discovered(unfortunately). Make sure this doesn't happen to her!(this is further explained in the gifted info below)

I also may suggest you look into schools where your child can "be who she is" and teachers are mindful of teaching, reaching and accepting ALL learning styles and strengths(you know..like the way we were taught:). That may take you as far as looking into a charter school or classrooms where talking is encouraged or children are paired and verbally participate more in class as teachers, leaders, etc. Ask around. I say this because you mentioned her grades are falling. That tells me she's in an environment where her individual learning needs aren't being met!

I too feel it's obvious verbal communication is a MUST for your stepchild. Sometimes, as we know, some environments hurt and harm more than they help, including some classroom environments/teachers.(unfortunately)

A book that I'd like to suggest is Discover your Child's learning style. There are also many learning style test online as well.(think babycenter has one) Do a google search on learning styles and for VARK learning style as well.

Ok pretend you're the teacher in the below answers.

TAILORING RULES TO STUDENTS' LEARNING STYLES
Students tend to have preferred sensory styles through which they learn best: kinesthetic learners prefer large muscle movement; tactual learners prefer touching, small muscle movement, and exploring emotional issues; auditory learners prefer talking and listening; visual learners prefer seeing and watching.

The question many students have regarding rules is, "What's in it for me?" Answer this question by describing how students will benefit if the rules are followed. Communicate a clear purpose for each of your rules, and share your vision of what your classroom would be like if all the rules were followed.

Express the benefits of the rules in ways that address the specific "wants" of each sensory learning style. When students feel that the rules meet their personal desires, they have a positive reason to follow them.

Auditory learners want rules that can be discussed and questioned. They like debating the rules and often ask "what if" questions in order to understand a rule's purpose. They enjoy creating the rules and discussing how the rules are working at the moment and how they will work in the future.

Auditory learners support rules that encourage conversation, such as "Listen to others' ideas" or "Collaborate with others in learning."

Also depending on who you ask, one could say your step daughter is gifted. Why?

Because many gifted students appear to be troublemakers or unmotivated in the classroom; they often display disruptive behavior, restlessness, and inattentiveness. Gifted students often challenge authority figures by questioning classroom rules.

The behavior of a gifted child is sometimes confused with attention disorders such as ADD and ADHD. Children with either disorder generally show an inability to concentrate for long periods of time, regardless of the task.

In contrast, gifted children become immersed in a task when interested, focusing for long periods of time; however, they may become bored while waiting for other students to grasp concepts that they already understand.

When not engaged, gifted children often develop negative patterns such as daydreaming, doodling, excessive talking, and failing grades.

Ok, so how do you handle the talker?
Several possible causes come to mind for why a child must incessantly talk. You must determine which is the reason in your situation and then discipline appropriately.

Is the child bored?

Perhaps you need to evaluate your methods, style, and visualization. You can often prevent unrelated and excessive talking by having students involved in the learning process, by providing variety and relevancy to your lessons, and by displaying a greater degree of enthusiasm yourself. The child, however, may be bored due to being intellectually above the other students. He may finish his work quickly and have idle time. Compensating for the more advanced child with more complex and quantitative work will probably solve this dilemma. If the student is mature enough, you may consider pairing him up with a less capable student.

Is the child trying to fit in --to gain a sense of belongingness?

If so, the common practice of separating the talkers will feed this need, producing an even greater desire to belong and possibly greater discipline problems. Perhaps setting aside special times for students to talk with the class will help eliminate inappropriate time.

Is the child seeking attention?

Does he have insecurities he is trying to cover up? Perhaps the child is more concerned with getting the teacher's attention than with actually talking to friends. He may be trying to be noticed. If so, this child needs to be convinced of his importance. Plan specific ways of giving this student "warm fuzzies" throughout the session.

As a parent:
Have you tried a "no talking" practice with her such as setting a timer, and she has to not talk for a certain period of time, so that she can get used to having thoughts in her head without letting them out of her mouth(this could be a game of benchmark challenge for her as well). Then have her apply the same in her classroom.

Its just practice-- so she can try to learn what it feels like to have thoughts and not let them out -- so called silent internal speech.

Maybe she needs to hear that she needs to not talk as much and give others a chance..you know..be quiet so she can learn as much from others. Or that talking as much as she does is the teacher's role and she should pay more attention to the teacher. Is that what she wants to become someday or is she seeking classroom control by her excessive talking?

Use this as a sign to help her also research careers for "talkers"..such as lawyers:) but insist there is there is a time and place for everything and share with her what "her time" and "place" for everything means or looks like. Also "less is more", etc.

Also there's the issue of respect and her response to classroom rules. How and why is it she's not following them?

Have you asked her why she talks so much and genuinely listened to her response? How does she feel about her teacher? How does she feel about her grades going down?

What does she feel she needs to do in order to bring her grades up, follow the rules, show the teacher respect? What is it going to take?

Does she know how much control she already has and that it's ALL up to her! Does she understand with every choice she's making or not making, there is a consequence?
Does she know about accountability and responsibility as well? Often times when things go down, it's because of some type of fear. What is she afraid of? Being too smart and losing friends, having too much work that she doesn't know how to do, etc?
These are questions you also need answers for. We all behave the way we do for a reason. What's hers and why? She making a choice(the talking, the failing grades) and this is a good time for her to use her voice..she needs to speak up and tell you what is really going on and what she's feeling inside of her! She needs to know you love her and are there to help and support her through it all! Yes..you have lots of questions but she has majority, if not all, of the answers.

Personally, I've found praise helps reinforce and perpetuate discipline more than punishment. This simple word is probably the most important concept in teaching values to children and is especially crucial for children who are trying to learn discipline themselves.

So you set goals for her to achieve in her classroom(share them with the teacher as well), praise her when you've learned she succeeds and meets them. Only if you want, reward her.(please be careful here:) This is where the setting the timer practice can pay off. You could even make it a goal. Practice with her at home then asks that she do the same at school.

Regarding multiple intelligences, she too could very well be showing signs of the verbal-linguistic(need to talk alot) or interpersonal multiple intelligence.(she may be a "social butterfly")

You're not alone in what you're facing. IVillage has a parenting section and someone else had the same issue with their son.
You can google it by typing when your child won't stop talking. Here is the link to paste into your browser.

http://parenting.ivillage.com/gs/gsbehavior/0,,8bss,00.html

The good news is school is almost over. Please don't allow this one teacher to stunt your stepchild's strength nor survival in her classroom the remainder of the school year.

I hope this has been helpful.
Contact me if you need additional info, links or direction.

I've found that sometimes the teachers make things worse than they really are, and the child is the one that suffers. Last year my 7 year old was the dumbest child in the class...of course she never came out and said that.0 She liked to talk alot also and the list went on. I grounded her, took priviledges away to no avail. I finally just said ok, it's on you and you'll accept the consequences. Well, she "managed" to pass the 1st grade, now in the 2nd grade her teacher sings her praises, how she's ahead in math than the other students and she is reading on a high 2nd/low 3rd grade level...last year she couldn't even get the high frequency words done. Nothing has changed execpt the teacher. All this for my advise...continue to explain that she shouldn't talk but wait until next year and see what that teacher has to say....as unfortunate as that may be now.

Good Luck