Daughter Wont Sleep Alone

I would love to see the advice you get. My daughter is 6 and although at this point she will go to bed on her own I still find her in my bed in the morning.

Get a futon or mattress with a sleeping bag next to the bed. Gradually, and I mean really gradually over months, move the bed further away from your bed. Next, think about what would make her bed feel fun and safe. Together you could make it like a nest with lots of blankets and pillows or you could put a blanket over the top like a tent. Maybe she wants to sleep with the mattress on the floor. Think like a 3 year old and make it fun together.

I have the same problem, please let me know if you get any good suggestions. Thanks!

Dear C.,

I didn't really have this problem because my kids didn't sleep with me (just my personal choice I couldn't sleep well with them there) so when they would have a nightmare I would go to them. I think I didn't co-sleep because my brother slept in a sleeping bag on my floor until I was a teenager because he was scared. After that I really wanted my kids to learn to sleep independently. I would sit next to them if they had a nightmare on their bed and just rub their back but never actually lay down with them and stay until they fell asleep. I would do the same when they were sick just sit next to them and comfort them but not sleep with them. Maybe if you just do that for a few nights she will realize that you are not going to sleep with her but if she needs you you will come. Eventually go to a chair and move the chair closer to the door until you are out of the room. Do you have a night light? I also used to put music on my kids always went to sleep with music it is a nice distraction. It means giving up a few nights sleep but it worked for me. Funny story one night my son woke up (he is now 24) and had a bad dream so I went to him and he told me he was scared so I told him I would stay with him until he fell asleep. He looked me straight in the eye and said no fair how come you get to sleep with someone!!! (His dad of course), but I fought to keep a straight face and told him when he gets older he can get married and sleep with someone too!! Good luck and happy holidays!!

Hi, I'm updating this a bit because when I reread it I realized that I sounded a bit heartless. Please believe me - I'm not. I never let my children cry to hysterics and I don't believe in shutting the door and forcing them to get through it. But I am a big believer that babies/toddlers need to fall asleep on their own. For my two, bedtime was bedtime and if he and she weren't tired I would provide books a few stuffed animals and any security items they had. They really were independent sleepers from the beginning. In fact my hubby and I had some great fun listening to them on the monitor as they slowly fell to sleep.

BUT...when my daughter was two she had a terrible scare and saw something on TV not meant for even an adult. We went through a very difficult time getting her back into her own space but we never let her sleep in our bed. The most we did was let her sleep on the floor next to us. To make a long story short, we decided to redo her room and let her help us with the theme. (I agree with Hannah G!) We made it warm and cozy and kept all the things of her early babyhood within sight. I also decided to have a heart to heart with her (I know 2 is young) but I told her - This is your room. It's the safest place in the world for you. Mommy and Daddy are next door and we hear everything. If you need us, you call out. If you wake up and aren't sleepy here are all the things you love. We left a shaded 20watt bulb in her lamp and within a day or two she was back on track.

I really believe that if you let a child sleep close to you and move them, they will wake up since we all go through sleep cycles and just get scared because they know this is not where they fell asleep.

I know it's hard. Their little bodies feels so good cuddled next to ours. And if they sleep on the floor they are so easy and close to comfort them. But the real goal is independence and self confidence.

Good luck and keep trying. You'll get there!
H.

I actually have a 3 year old and a 10 mth old. Girl, good luck cause I am going through this now. My daughter has her own bed and room and prob spends 90% of her time in my room or living room. I have co slept with her which is prob my fault. It hasn't caused any harm, I actually love it. I just figured it was time for her to sleep on her own. so lately I have laid down with her and made her aware that I am right next door. I lay with her because I have co slept with her so I don't want it to be difficult on her. She sometimes sleeps all night but other nights she wakes up and starts crying alittle...HOnestly I have no good advice. I just say just try try every night to lay her down in her own bed...

Here's an idea...based purely on thinking, not actual experience! :)

What if you put her toddler bed mattress on the floor next to your bed for a while? Then, over time, as she gets more used to sleeping on her own, move the mattress to the far end of your room? Then, when she's ready, move her into her own room?

Also, can you make her room a really cozy, wonderful place to be? Let her help you redecorate it completely! Make it all about her, and what she loves. Cool bean bag chair, her favorite animals, neat book stand for her books, maybe a chalkboard on the wall for her to draw on...the possibilities are endless! (A friend of mine has one whole wall carpeted, and can pin up neat stuff her kids painted and drew- like an art gallery!) You can make a "book nook" so she has a cuddly place to read, etc.

I don't know- but maybe if her room is just the most wonderful place ever, then she'll feel more comfortable staying there at night! Does/did she nap well in her own room?

You're not alone. Our 5 year old AND our 3 year old sons do this. Every once in a blue moon they both sleep through the night and never get back in bed with us. But usually get at least one visitor by 4 or 5am.

I don't know... sometimes it really bugs us, but most of the time we just figure they'll grow out of it (and grow up) soon enough. I know some would disagree, but I don't think it is harming anyone.

You don't...

Our close friends allowed their son to sleep in their bed when he was a baby. When it came time to move him into his own bed... NO WAY. The only way they could break him of it was when they moved into a new house.

I have a nanny that stays with us 4 nights a week. When my daughter was little I would have to stay with her in her room (usually laying on the floor next to the toddler bed), however, when my daughter would wake in the middle of the night, she would go accross the hall into bed with her nanny. My daughter eventually wound up just sleeping with her nanny.

I don't know if our expereince will help. My son slept in a crib in our bedroom until he was 2.5 (but he was never sleeping in our bed--just there for bedtime stories). We finally got him a bed in his own room because I am pregnant and he really wanted to sleep there. I was expecting a tougher transition and had planned to keep the crib mattress on the floor in our room for a while. As it was we had him try to go to sleep in the bed and the first few times he wouldn't settle down (after about an hour of trying) we put him back in the crib. After 3-4 times he was sleeping in his own bed. (We will see what happens when baby #2 arrives.) The big difference is that he never slept in bed with us. We have several friends who did cosleep and I think they transitioned with an extra bed or mattress in their bedroom. Hopefully when you older one is settled you can start planning what to do with the baby. It is so much easier to set the sleeping arrangements when the child is still small enought to be contained in a crib.

We had the same problem with our son and used a reward program. We got him his very own calendar (Shrek) and he got a sticker on his calendar every night he stayed in his own bed. When he had a pre-determined number of nights IN A ROW he got a pre-determined toy (Star Wars Legos in his case, after 30 nights). It took him a few tries, but he learned about delayed gratification, goal setting, goal acheivement, we worked on counting the stickers/days left every day, AND he learned to sleep in his own bed all night. We used the same system for night time toilet training, and now he has a check list of things he needs to do in the morning and before bed and gets stickers when he completes them without fussing or reminders and is working towards a video game system. Works well for us!