Daycare Issues -Eating, Focusing and Communicating

Updated on February 29, 2008
R.J. asks from Framingham, MA
9 answers

Hi Moms,

I have a lil' boy who turned 2 last week. He has been saying well over 100 words, putting 2-3 words together, can spot the alphabets from A to I and numbers 1 to 6. He is a slightly picky eater in the sense he won't eat unfamiliar foods like piza, chicken nuggets/french fries, pizza etc. At the same time at home he eats a very hearty breakfast(egg/waffles/fruits) and dinner(rice, chicken, veggies) and loves different veggies and fruits. Sounds good, huh...so here's where my problem lies.

My son goes to a daycare center-His daycare teacher (she is of the same ethnicity as I am-not sure if the problem lies here) calls me at work almost every week and talks to me about my child. According to her, my son doesn't eat lunch(his lunch is from the cafeteria there), he has problems focusing on activities(unfortunatley my boy does not like to color/draw. He likes his trucks and buses and is a very physical in nature-running/jumping etc). She also says he does not communicate very well with them and has mentioned time and time again as to whether we read to him/talk to him (I read to him almost 5-6 books everyday and spend a lot of time talking to him face to face. He sees TV only for 10-15 minutes every 2 days). Like I said, he seems to verbally communicate well at home-I agree he is not talking in sentences yet, but he says things like 'see u mama' and so on).

Anyways, I am grateful to his teacher for calling me at work and telling me all this but at the same time every time I hear this I feel I am doing a pathetic job as a parent when I am actually trying my very best to spend almost every second with my kid while working full-time and having a husband who travels a lot. So I am asking you Moms, what can I do better?
1. If he does not eat lunch from the cafeteria, do I send him lunch from home? (I buy lunch only 3 days a week, the rest 2 days I pack him lunch) The reason I buy lunch from there is because I would like him to try new foods and be exposed to a wider variety of foods.
2. How can I help him focus more and stay interested in actvities like coloring, playdoh etc? Right now he is too fond of his blocks, trains, trucks and buses-typical boy stuff.
3. How can I make sure he communicates with others when he's in a day care enviroment?

I am so worried when this day care teacher calls and talks about him this way. My son's pediactricain says he is fine and doing great and I feel he's a very smart boy, but it seems like his teacher may have a different opinion. She constantly tell me to work with him more and I just feel I don't hear anything positive from her. I just feel so helpless.

What can I do next?

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So What Happened?

Thank you so much for all your responses! Like many of you suggested, I am going to have a discussion with the director and the teacher together. If I still get a bad vibe about the situation, I am going to pull him out. He has been going to this daycare for over 9 months and has moved us to a new toddler class about 2 months ago. I am hoping things get better soon! Thanks again for all your advice!

More Answers

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J.L.

answers from Springfield on

My son started day care at 2.9 months. He's a very physically active child, but is a good listener, would sit still for stories at home, played independently, helped clean up at home, all good things. Loves to run, jump, climb, dance and generally be in motion. He started in a Toddler 2 room and had a great time and positive report from the teachers. When he switched to the Preschool 1 room, every day that I picked him up (he went 3 x per week) the teacher would sigh as she would recount that he didn't eat his lunch, had a hard time sitting still, would not sit for story time, etc. We had none of those problems in the Toddler 2 room. It turns out that his energy level was higher than most of the kids in the preschool room, and the teacher liked lower energy kids, so my son was often seen as "difficult". I dreaded picking him up and hearing the teacher's sigh. I began to refer to her as "the woman with no joy". We moved to Western Mass, and he began preschool at the YMCA and miraculously, my son is back to eating lunch and snacks, sits for story time and is a good listener. It turns out that the energy level of the group of kids is higher and they are happy that he fits into the higher energy level as some of the kids in the class are more withdrawn and have a hard time with the constant motion.

I learned that its important to find a place that fits with your child's temperament. I also think that once a teacher labels a child as problematic, they tend to pay more attention to those behaviors and not notice all of the good things the child does. Its hard for a child to be in an environment where the caregiver has a negative reaction.

Just my 2 cents worth....

1 mom found this helpful
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H.D.

answers from Boston on

Hi Rj,
I need to tell you that I completely agree with what the previous responder, Ilona said. She is right on target.

I work in a Child Care center and am saddened by what you say. Your son sounds like a very typical toddler and as long as you and your pediatrician feel he is fine, so be it. If this continues I would highly suggest you either see about a new room for him (are there move-ups?) or find a new center with a teacher that can appreciate and love your son for who he is.

Please write and update us on how you and your son make out.

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S.D.

answers from Providence on

My daughter is 20 months old and I still pack her lunch everyday. I want to be in control of her food and know that she eats healthy, no junk, no preservatives... so I buy my food, cook it for her and send her with it. He may just prefer your food, made with love and attention that some tasteless food from teh cafeteria, I know i would. Mom's cooking is always better.

For the focusing, let him play with his blocks, that what he likes and he seems very focus when playing them so let him be. Don't let your daycare lady tell you any different, you know your boy best and you seem to say he is doing great so don't listen. Many kids don't develop play skills with others until later, they are content by themselves, there is nothing wrong with that.

His focus will come with age, my daughter has a very short attention spam and I cannot expect much out of her, she is very active too and can barely sit through a whole story. I have to be ok, she talks 2 languages and has great motor skills. My point is that every child is different, ask your day care lady to accept your boy for who he is and to stop molding him to what she wants.
He may just be a crystal baby or indigo baby and he is just brighter.

You are doing great, and as a mom trust yourself, your instinct, you will always be right.

Hope this helps. Sev

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B.B.

answers from Boston on

Hi RJ,
first let me say that I am a toddler teacher (15 mths - 2 year olds). Your son sounds like a typical toddler. It's ok if he doesn't like art or sensory (like playdough). I encourage children to participate but if they don't want to then they don't have to. The most important type of play is Free play or child directed play. I don't know what this teacher's problem is. How much schooling has she had? In my opinion she should know this. Does he eat his snack the days he doesn't eat his lunch? If so then I wouldn't worry about it. I agree to introduce him to new foods. As far as communicating it sounds like he communicates just fine (like a typical 2 year old). Repetition is the key. I think you should set up a meeting with the Director and teacher together and talk about how you feel.

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M.F.

answers from Pittsfield on

I would definitly agree with the other postings. This is not a good match for your son. If the provider is being negative with you she is being negative with him. I run a family daycare where my policy is to "Encourage NOT Discourage".

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I.P.

answers from Boston on

I've run a home daycare for the past 12 years. (Before that I was a teacher.)

In answer to your questions:
1. Yes, send a lunch.
2. You can start these sorts of activities with him, if you like, in 5 - 10 minute blocks. Tie them to things he likes to do: Paint a car, draw a truck, make road from playdo to trive his trucks through.
3. You can't. When you aren't in the environment, you have no control over his behaviour there.

But really? From your description, the problem is NOT with your son, nor with anything you are or aren't doing. He sounds 110% normal.

Here are the problems I see in your story:

1. The teacher doesn't seem to understand normal toddler behaviour.
2. The teacher has a negative perspective on your son (or maybe on life in general.)
3. The teacher has no positive input. Has she ever made any suggestions? Come up a strategy? Brain-stormed with you for solutions?

My feeling is that you should be looking for other childcare. Someone who has a negative attitude to your son should not be caring for him; even if she stops complaining to you, her feelings likely won't change.

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K.V.

answers from Boston on

Definitely pull him out of there. If she is unhappy with your son's progress on her time table, he is getting that same message all day with her. One lady here suggested a YMCA program and that would be more active for him. My son at 2 would never sat there to color or play with playdoh! No way...he was a boy and needed energy out. He didn't have the vocabulary that your son does either...he is 24 now and doing just fine!!

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H.R.

answers from Boston on

I am not sure my response is going to help but your little one sounds like he is just fine!! A typical 2 year old! Both my boys were like that at 2 and in all reality still are in a lot of ways at 3 and 4.

For lunch maybe compromise and send him with a favorite snack everyday while still having him try the cafe food....

Focusing on other things... geez he is a boy who is two. I would just let him experiment... have other things available for him to play with but don't banish him from the things he loves to play with.

As far as communicating again he is two!! I agree with Monica I would look for a more positive environment. Maybe an in-home day care instead of a building with a cafe.... more of a one on one type of deal or atleast a smaller family oriented environment.

Good luck with everything.
H.

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M.

answers from Providence on

Hi RJ,

I have a two year old also, and I would feel much the same if I was getting that call.

I have a couple of questions-has he been going there long? Or is he in a new room? Or for that matter, did he just start going to daycare?

Any of those things could cause the differences between daycare and at home. You might even want to look into a more positive daycare. This one might focus on one activity at a time, and give your active little boy no choices.

Good luck!
M.

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