I think day care is such a touchy subject because, as you say, the burden almost always falls on the woman. It's a lousy state of affairs, you are right. My husband is a very hands-on dad and always worked at home from the time our son was born. He's great with the meals and the dishes and the diapers and he certainly doesn't consider it "babysitting" when a father does child care. However, he's more introverted than I am and isn't as good with names, so when it came to choosing preschools and dealing with other parents, he tended to take a back seat. As we see more same-gender couples with children, there may be more acceptance of this not just being a "women's issue" but I'm not holding my breath.
I disagree fundamentally with the idea that some employees shouldn't have to subsidize day care if they don't use it. They're already paying the women far less in salaries (79% even when equalized for education and years of experience). And they are paying medical costs (in insurance including the copays and prescriptions their employers choose) even if they themselves aren't sick. Younger employees may feel they shouldn't have to contribute to the retirement program because they can't imagine ever using it.
It's like the senior citizens in our town who don't want to pay taxes to subsidize public education because they don't have kids. We ALL benefit from an educated population, and all companies benefit from a compensated workforce. Moreover, MANY companies understand that benefits offered to employees are a HUGE part of why better employees come there and stay there. That decreases recruitment costs for the company as well as training/orientation costs. The less turnover, the better.
Also, benefits are not taxed the way salaries are so there are huge incentives for employees to take some of their compensation in those areas, and the company does not pay employment taxes and workers' compensation fees on that percentage of the employees' packages. So we really have to lose the attitude that "someone's getting something I'm not."
Setting up a day care facility is a huge undertaking - space, equipment, staff, criminal record checks, state regulations by the Office for Children or whatever each state calls the oversight authority, and things like biohazards. So on-site isn't feasible for many many companies. A lot of companies offer a credit. And many offer "cafeteria style" benefits so that employees get a certain percentage of their salaries in benefits but they choose which ones - so employee A might want day care and pediatric dental coverage for an infant and a toddler, while employee B wants a more comprehensive medical plan with a low deductible plus orthodontic coverage for 3 teenagers, and employee C wants more paid vacation and a 401K. It ALL costs somebody something, but it has to be weighed by the company in terms of happier employees, less turnover and retraining (which is very expensive), better working environments. Non-medical benefits is a HUGE field and there are a lot of companies that just specialize in designing programs for employers.