DD Wants a Different AG Doll than What She Already Has...

Tell her if she wants the other doll, she has the catalog and knows the cost. Best be saving her money, huh?

If my DD starts to whine and have a fit, about something like this, I simply tell her she can take it to her room.

Does she play with the first doll - a lot? If so, then get another. It's December - it's the craziest, whiniest time of year!! Me too. I try to give breaks on whiny behavior this time of year - we are all a little crazy!!

You handled that beautifully! Kudos!

She wants another AG doll? Then she should save up and buy it on her own. Tell her what it would cost with tax and let her know that she can save for it. If she wants to do extra chores (above and beyond), then you will pay her for them. Give her a list.

Kinda harsh, I think. A present is for wants, and what's wrong with wanting a second doll? Whining and pestering shouldn't be allowed, I agree -- but you set up a situation in which you gave a seemingly arbitrary rule (no second doll) and refuse to give an adequate reason. Can't really blame her. My daughter has two dolls from target and one from AG and she plays with all three at once - they have parties and sleepovers. I guess I don't see what the problem is - yes, they're expensive, but isn't that the point of a special gift? It's not like a whim - she's thought about it. After all, how is that different than giving different lego sets or different puzzles or different books? Yes, it's the same toy, but a different version. I don't understand why you're against it and you kind of set her up to whine and badger because she doesn't understand your reason either.

Wanting another AG is not the main problem. The main problem is, "WAH! I want it NOW and I'm going to FUSS and WHINE and SCREEEEEEAM until YOU let me have it!"

If you've set the no-pestering standard and she chooses to violate that, she NEEDS to take the consequence she knows will follow. No discussion (discussion will lead to more whining)!

After she has taken the consequence and seems to have some understanding of the value of respecting her parent and asking for things properly (and being prepared for any answer), it might be possible to discuss the matter with her.

Tell her it's too close to Christmas to do anything now (no discussion; that's final). Tell her (perhaps) that you'll discuss it with her on December 30 and not until then.

If she still indicates an interest, in spite of the delay, ask her how much she will contribute toward buying her own doll. Ask her how she will earn the money. Ask her if she would consider a used AG of the type she wants (and then you can look together on eBay to see if there's one). If she *really* wants to sell the doll she has, together you could look at the going rates for a doll of that age and condition. Introduce her to the world of business. I don't know how old she is, but if she's old enough to count, she's old enough to begin to learn how things are bought and paid for.

If you follow this plan, take it s-l-o-w-l-y. Don't rush just because Christmas is coming! Whatever you do, don't be pressured - and if she tries to pressure you, the matter is settled in the negative (see main problem, above). This will help settle her; especially after Christmas, she may decide she doesn't want a different doll after her "I waaaaant it noooowwwww!" impulse has cooled down. And that will be another lesson learned.

But in the matter of the ways in which she communicates with you, stand your ground, Mama! And yes, throw the catalogue away immediately. They do way too good a job on that catalogue.

I also would consider getting her another if you can afford it even if it means it's her only present. I'd give her the option if possible. Sticking to your guns is good but I also try to let them figure out priorities. Yes you can have another doll but that's it. You really want it that badly? If so then their choice and they live with it until the next round of choices. If it was too big an expense to do again even as her only gift, then i'd explain that. Tell her to save her money to contribute or something like that. She had an idea to sell it. Why not explore that? See what you'd get for it. Then show her how much extra she'll have to spend. That's kind of real world stuff I think is helpful. Whining has to be cut off but I try to avoid even getting into that scenario.

I guess I just don't understand why you chose this hill to die on with her, to be honest. I get that AG dolls are expensive. However, she has asked for another doll and you seem to feel that it was inappropriate for her to do so. It's not. Instead of drawing a line in the sand, you could have told her to write her Christmas wish list, and then to understand that she doesn't get to choose which gift she ends up getting. What you effectively did was start a "whining war" with her, and that's the last thing you should have done.

If you don't want to pay for expensive dolls or items that a lot of people collect, don't start buying them in the first place.

One thing that you really need to work on is how to change the way you interact with her about the whining. If you really want to figure this out, be honest about the dynamics between you two. If you can't see that you are part of the problem, then this is just going to continue. Remember, you're the adult. She's the child. It seems from what you've said here that you fault her for wanting something you've introduced her to. She's a child, and you're asking for too much...

Well she doesn't suddenly want another doll. It has been an entire year since she got the other one - a very long time in her world. Were you planning on spending as much an an AG doll for Christmas this year? If you were, why not get her what she wants? It doesn't seem fair to expect a child to know what they are going to want or not want for next Christmas. Besides - presents are for wants, not needs.

I did not want an I-Pad when they came out, or two years ago, or last year. But I want one this year. Happily I have a job and can simply go out and buy one. Your daughter doesn't have that option. She has to ask - which she did (albeit poorly). She also proposed selling the doll she has - a reasonable proposal for someone who has no job prospects for the foreseeable future. She doesn't understand why one doll is fine but wanting a second doll is wrong. Neither do I - that is an arbitrary and adult distinction about how much wanting is ok. I think Erica J. and Veruca Salt's responses were right on target.

Well here's my thought process - do you spend about the same amount for Christmas (or birthday) presents every year? Does the AG doll fall into that budget? If so, why does is matter that she wants to use her allotment of gifts this year on another doll? Is that not her choice?

In my house, even for the kids who believe in Santa, they know that gifts are limited so that if they want something very valuable, that means that they're not going to get much else. When my oldest son was younger, he wanted expensive Star Wars Lego sets a couple of years in a row. Each set was over $100 so each year, that one set was his "big gift" and then everything else was smaller. Later, it was composite hockey sticks (also more than $100 each) so for several years in a row, he opted for an expensive hockey stick as his big gift. Did his other ones still work? Sure. Did he necessarily *need* a new stick? No. But if I was going to spend the money anyway, why not give him what he wants? So if you're going to spend the money anyway...why not get her what she wants? Caring for and treasuring a toy for a year is pretty good for a young kid. It's not like she tossed it aside a month later and started whining about a new one in January, kwim?

So I guess in the first place, I wouldn't have made the same decision that you did. But let's assume that I did agree with you - for repeat questions, I just read a great article recently that emphasized the simple phrase "asked and answered." She asks, you give an answer. She doesn't like the answer so asks again. At this point, you say "did you already ask me this?" (yes). "And did I already answer you?" (yes) "And what was my answer?" (no). "OK then this conversation is over." And then when she asks again, just say "Asked and answered" repeatedly until she lets it go or this might be a good point to insert a consequence.

But really, if your budget has room for another doll, I would consider getting her one. If your budget doesn't have that kind of room this year then that's another story of course!

ETA: I forgot to mention the idea of selling...that's not something I grew up doing but with craigslist and consignment, it's definitely something we do frequently and something my husband grew up doing. It's a great way to make use of things that you don't need or want anymore to get what you do need and want. Needs and tastes change as kids grow, just as ours do. When my kids tire of a video game, for example, they'll find out what the trade in value is at Game Stop and will then trade in their games for a different used game. My older kids wheel and deal with phones and other electronics, and my oldest son is working on a deal with my husband to go in on a canoe together. He's going to sell some other outdoor equipment he no longer uses and buy a used canoe because the kayaks he and his buddy use aren't big enough to go out on the really big lake they like. So the idea of selling her existing doll isn't totally crazy and might be another option. Still hold your ground on the whining, but maybe get creative with her on figuring out how she can get the new doll if it turns out that she really does want it (after you hide the catalog LOL).

How old is she? When my daughter wanted an AG doll, I told her she would need to earn the money to buy it herself. It took her 4 months to do so, but she did do it. She was 9 at the time. In the course of earning this money, she also learned how to wash dishes, do basic yard work, and take care of our dog, including poop pick-up.

I would have done exactly what you did. These dolls are more than $100 each. There's really no good reason any girl needs more than one of them. My girls each chose one that looked like themselves. My younger daughter often asks if she can have another, but then I clue her in to how things work here on Planet Earth where money doesn't grow on trees (such as, "at Target, we could get 5 outfits for your dolly for the same price as you could get ONE new doll who only comes with her sweatpants on!"). So far she has not really pursued another doll, because she would rather have clothes (a pony, a bed, whatever) for the doll she has. But if she threw a tantrum about it? Oh, heck no. I think the dolly might have to go away for a while. :(

Take away the catalog and don't let her look at it.
The catalog is her trigger, so eliminate it.
If she starts up anyway, listen to the litany for a few minutes then explain that you are having an incredible feeling of dejavu
"Wait a minute - we've already had this conversation! It didn't end well last time we did this, remember?. Let's just skip this, consider it said and move on to something else. There is nothing you can say that will get you a different answer than I've already given you. Disappointment is hard to deal with but it's something we all have to learn to live with. You can have 10 minutes to go sulk about it in your room and by then you had better be over it.".

First, as a mom who has also had to enforce a hard consequence this evening...

I stand in solidarity with you.

We, as parents, are supposed to do what we say we are going to do. You made your limit clear and she crossed it, then she felt regret because she indulged her fit and it didn't get her what she wanted-- and you followed through because that's what good parents do.

Christmas is a hard time for kids. I say this with both an understanding for their desires and the understanding that we cannot-- and really, *should not* -- give them everything they want. My son has sometimes said "I wanted the other one instead..." after the novelty of his first choice has run out. My response is always "well, you can save up your money for that". Does your daughter have a chance to earn money by doing extra jobs? Sometimes, this can help. My son has had to do a lot of jobs to earn some of the toys he has, and I think this is a very reasonable way to manage the "I want" end of things. Some parents might disagree with paying our kids to do work for the family, however, I feel that for kids to understand how much work goes into making the money their parents earn, they should be given opportunities to do jobs above and beyond their regular chores. (He gets a dollar a week for his regular family tasks which he does because heck, he lives here too.)

So, that's my advice: stand firm when the tantrums start, let her know that the evening's niceties are done (no dessert, no tv, or whatever else is appropriate) and then give her a chance to earn an item she really wants. My son has his eyes on some big-ticket Lego sets and we have other ideas in mind for his Christmas presents. He knows that if he wants to do the jobs and save the money, he *can* earn it. (He's done it before.) If your daughter decides to sell her AG doll so that she can save up for the other one, I'd say let her. My son sold a bunch of his toys in a garage sale last summer. It's a reality check for the kids to realize that they will probably get less than they expect; for the doll, you could look it up online and see how much they are selling for used, just to give her an idea; this is what I would do. This way, it puts the ball back in her court and gives her a chance to decide if she really wants to sell it for the reduced value or hold onto it.

And you could also put the conversation on hold until January sometime and put it on the calendar with her. It's okay to hit "pause" on a conversation when there's a lot going on.

I think you did fine this evening. You are right that there's a huge difference between having a conversation and being hounded, and how good for your daughter that you are willing to parent her and teach her this while she is young. You are doing her a good service in the long run. :) Some evenings are tough--hang in there!

i dunno. i mean, i'm with you in putting a stop to crying and whining (zero tolerance policy for that here, thank all the gods my boys never put me through that), but i don't understand why you're taking a hard-line stance about what she WANTS.
i mean, we all want stuff, right?
rather than demand she not want it, i think i'd be having her think of solutions. if getting her the one doll and no other presents for christmas isn't an option, why NOT look at selling the one she's got and then saving up for the one she wants? i think there are some very good life lessons in that process.
the fact that she whines and chivvies so persistently tells me the problem runs deeper than this particular doll. i'd retain the zero tolerance policy- maybe even make it stricter- but in addition to 'helping her feel heard', maybe add in some active problem solving strategies.
khairete
S.

Personally no I wouldn't have. Clearly the threat of no t.v. didn't help anything as the t.v. wasn't connected to the issue whatsoever. You say that you have no issue discussing but if she doesn't feel heard and doesn't feel that it is fair then I would personally take a second look at my method/s. How old is your daughter? If she doesn't have the opportunity to develop her discussion and negotiation skills then it's only logical that she will revert back to whining and crying to get what she wants. Give her a platform to discuss her ideas as long as she doesn't whine them at you. That doesn't mean you have to agree or go along with what she says but it will teach her how to discuss something with respect. Tell her "I want to talk about this with you but I can't understand you when you whine at me. Can we try again? Do you need a minute to take some deep breaths" etc. You want her to respect your answer and your desire to not be pestered, that's not something that you're going to punish her into doing. Respect is taught. Respect her desire to heard and to have a fair conversation.

Have you explained to her the why? Is the why the cost? If so, tell her. The dolls are expensive and she just got one for Christmas last year. Her idea of selling the doll was actually quite a mature one in my opinion. I'm not sure how much you could get for a used one, maybe you could tell her that she will have to work to make up the difference. If you're not open to any of that and your answer is simply no then of course there's nothing wrong with that. But tell her why. And if she still whines and pesters you tell her that you gave her your answer and it isn't going to change, "You asked, I answered". Also, empathize with her. Maybe you're annoyed that she already wants a new doll but she's just a kid. You don't have to give in to what she wants but recognize and empathize with what she is feeling. For example "I know you really want this new doll. It must be frustrating". Listen to what she has to say. This will also help her to develop her own empathy skills.

I suggest you're waiting too long to give a consequence. If she continues to whine immediately send her to her room. Tell her she can come out when she's good company.

As to the doll, you've repeatedly told her no. If you get her another one now she will have learned that begging and whining works.

Yes, it's good to have a conversation explaining our thinking and sympathizing with their feelings but only when they are being reasonable and able to hear what we're saying. We do this to provide information and not to convince them we're right. They don't have to agree with us or even understand. They do have to accept it.

I realize AG dolls are expensive, and not something to be purchased lightly, but is it really a matter of cost here, or do you only want her to have one for some reason?
I'm not making excuses for her behavior (it sounds like she was behaving badly and you handled that well) but I think when you've both calmed down you might try to discuss it.
If she's really into the dolls there's nothing wrong with considering adding a second one, as long as you can afford it. For me it would be THE big Santa gift, if that's what she really wants. Like Barbies, it's nice to have more than one, so they can play "together."
Of course I didn't do all the clothes and accessories because that's just too expensive, and I ALWAYS tossed the catalog before my daughter had a chance to see it. They can't pine for something they never see, right?

Bravo! That's EXACTLY what I would have done. I would be a bit torked too!
How about if you tell her that she can get that doll when she has saved up enough money to purchase it.
Have her do chores, get paid for it, and learn about the value of a dollar.
(sorry, I don't know how old she is...don't know if this is feasible)
L.

You did fine, mama.

Lather, rinse, repeat. I think you might have been listening too long to whining, years even. This will sink in but maybe not with this thing, but in 6 months, if you hold on, she will be a different girl. Your life will be calmer.

My kids knew, the way you insure that you will NEVER get what you want, is to whine.

I think you did great! I wish more parents would follow through with their consequences. Your daughter certainly knew she was wrong and I'm glad you did what you said you would.

As far as the doll, my 10 year old wants a second one as well. Well, she isn't getting one this year. Maybe next year if she still wants one, but I guarantee the big gift she is getting from her dad and I will MORE than cover her sadness over the doll. She was never a doll girl, but she loes her AG one. She went to a birthday party there in August and I think it renewed her love for them. She brought $50 of her own money there and spent all of it, but was smart with it. I was proud of her choices.

If she were to whine about anything at all?? I'd get that look on my face and I think she would just walk away to avoid the storm. I don't take well to whining at all and my 10, 8, and 6 year olds know this. Way more punishment is handed down for acting like a 2 year old.

I think you handled it perfectly, and if she kept whining about it I would consider taking away the doll she has until she can learn to be grateful and appreciative of the things she has. IF she really wants the second doll then I would make her earn it. Does she make allowance? Have weekly chores? If not, then set up a list, if she does X Y and Z then you will pay her X amount of money towards her doll, when she has earned the money she can then order it.

IF AND ONLY IF she had backed off after the first no and accepted my answer would I consider getting the second doll for her, but that bridge has already been burned. You do not want her to learn that this horrible behavior will be rewarded.

You do know that most girls that own AG dolls own more than one.... just FYI.
Theres a reason they put out a 'Doll of the Year' every year and iPhone releases a new phone every year since it's debut.
I understand your point completely but this is the world we have created.

I guess I don't really understand the "conversation" you were having about the doll. WAS it a conversation? Or was it her saying "I want this" and you saying "no, you're not getting it." ?

I mean... you're talking about a Christmas present, right? I never really told my kids (at that age) that they would NOT get something... unless it was a TV, which they are not allowed to have in their bedrooms to this day, and never will be. Seems lame, with laptops and ipods, etc... but still.. the flickering screen interferes with sleep. They don't leave laptops or ipods on in their face when they are going to sleep... but I digress.

A Christmas present should be a surprise. So discuss it with her..
Her: I want this AG doll now.
You: Really? I thought you were happy with the one you already have.
Her: Well, I like her. But now I want this one.
You: You want it instead of the one you have, or you want another one in addition to the one you have?
Her: I want them both. The one I have AND a new one.
You: Well... they are expensive, I'm not sure we can afford another one, when you already have one. (Or if it is Santa: I'm not sure Santa will bring the same thing again. Even if it isn't exactly the same, it is still another AG doll, and I don't know if Santa will do that.)
Her: ________

You see, if you talk with her, and never say outright that she will or won't get it, but lay the groundwork that it is possible she will NOT.. then she gets some time to adjust to the idea. AND you don't have to commit either way, yourself.

Each time she brings it up, you can hedge and say "I don't know, we'll have to see what happens."
Anticipation is part of Christmas magic, too.
And yes, so is disappointment, to some degree. Even as adults. We want the "perfect" Christmas, but we all know there is really no such thing, so in some small way, Christmas always has its little tiny disappointments that we overlook and move on.

Eventually... after having conversation with her about the doll, and you apprising her of the situation (that if she gets another one, she likely will not get anything else, including the pet and clothes, etc that she wants for the doll she already has).... you can tell her that you are done with the discussion for now. That you will have to consider what she said and maybe can discuss it further another time. (tomorrow, this weekend, whatever time you want to give).
Hopefully, she will feel heard and learn the valuable lesson of when to continue to push and when to let things lie. If she won't drop it until you commit, then you have 3 choices.
1) Send her to her room for not dropping the conversation and nagging, which is disrespectful.
2) Continue the discussion further at her insistence (which won't teach her anything good).
3) Tell her that if she continues to bring it up today/tonight,etc after you've already told her that the discussion was over for today, then you WILL give her an answer AND that the answer will for sure be "No." So drop this right now or the answer is no. And mean it.

What would I have done if my child suddenly wanted another version of the same thing? Well, it depends. If they like the one they have and play with it, then I see no harm in gifting another like item. It isn't like this was the next week after she got it. It was a year ago at Christmas last year, right? Now, if she got one last year, and played with it for a week, and then hasn't touched it all year until now and NOW she wants a different one... then no way would I buy a new one.

I would make sure, however, that my child fully understood that getting another one would limit dramatically what would be received in totality. No pet. No outfits. No DS games. etc.

But I have to ask.. you said, "I had warned her once before when this happened that we were not switching anything or getting a second doll." When was this? Was it recent? And what was the discussion like prior to being told "no".
I'm assuming that you DID discuss it with her, and not just gave your list of reasons, but actually had a back and forth conversation about it. Right? You don't mention that specifically here, only that you'd "warned her" before. So I'm not really clear how that went down. Maybe that is more the root of why she is whining about it?

Good for you on following up with the consequences. I'm working with my girls on whining as well, and my current stance is "whining = automatic "no" to whatever they're asking for" as well as 5 minutes in "time out" for each instance. I don't think we're ever going to completely eliminate whining (kids are kids, right? Heck, even adults whine!) but it helps. :)

As for the AG doll, my girls aren't into it yet so I don't have any "direct" experience. However, I would say let her save/earn money for a second doll if she really wants one. Heck, let her sell her old one and see that it's not an "even trade" (old doll for new doll) and that it will still "cost" her to change her mind a year later. My neighbor with a 6yr old had her sell her toys at the neighborhood yard sale to earn money for an AG doll. I definitely wouldn't do it as a Christmas gift this year, but I would let her know that you understand her desire and let her choose how she wants to earn money in order to buy the doll (when she has enough saved up!).

Trash the catalogs! Or better yet she can cut out the pics and glue them to paper towel rolls for some standing paper doll play...I'm not even joking I had my girls do that!

Refocus her on what really matters at Christmas. When my 5 year old started crowing about how her favorite part about Christmas was the GIFTS ( around Halloween time this started--thanks retailers!), we had a serious discussion about Christmas and we brainstormed things we could do together to really celebrate the season and not get caught in the consumeristic trap of Christmas. This kind of whining and ingratitude is what I despise and I try my best to sniff this kind of nonsense out in my children and quell it quickly. I realized though that just saying, "Stop wanting more things and don't worry about you are getting!" doesn't fix things. That attitude has to be replaced with something else. So when the topic of gifts comes up, I redirect the conversation to what we can do during the season as a family to enjoy the real meaning of Christmas. For us that has meant making an Advent wreath and discussing its meaning, doing Nutcracker based activities and going to see the ballet with my oldest as a big girl date with me and my husband, and advent calendar focused on our religion and doing an alternative elf on the shelf where the elf hides and has a task written down for us to do every few days so we can give to others. Good luck!

You did great in the moment. Whining and complaining in kids is a pet peeve of mine and when mine were little I didn't have much tolerance for it either.

That being said, the subject she's whining about seems to have a little validity. If she wants another AG doll for Christmas why not? Part of the joy of Christmas for little ones is dreaming of that one special gift. Trying to control what someone else desires is futile and will backfire.

Relationships between moms and daughters are fraught with this kind of stuff. Today an AG doll, tomorrow her clothes, friends, hair and boyfriend. Just be sure you have a valid reason for saying no. In my opinion, "Because I said so" should be used VERY sparingly. You need to decide if your reasons NOT to get the doll are more important than honoring her Christmas gift wish.

I'd totally punish her for her attitude and the whining/disrespect. however, I'm totally lost on why you're so angry with her for wanting something... she is a little girl that wants, GASP, two dolls! tell her to put it on her list and then move on with life, buy it or don't. my little girl(4) has a bitty baby, a bitty twin, and McKenna, she's getting another AG doll this year - she LOVES them and plays with them very carefully - I don't take it as a personal affront when she looks through the catalog selecting the doll(s) she wants next. back when I was a little girl, I remember looking through the Pleasant Company(that's what AG used to be) catalogs and going on and on about wanting Samantha - never got her, but my mom never begrudged me looking and wishing.

I have to say I would have acted exactly like you did. EXACTLY the same.
And no, I would not get her a second $100 doll, not even if she sold the old one.
It's not even about the money. This is a situation where what she doesn't have will always be more appealing than the things that she does have. This is about learning to be grateful for what she has and that you don't just go out and buy the next best thing that tickles her fancy.
Unfortunately way to many kids these days have parents who give in to these kinds of demands. That's how you raise someone who always has to have the next new thing, no matter if they can afford it or not AND more importantly, someone who is never happy with what they have, because there is always something else that they want. What a sad life.

No, I would stick to your guns on this and indeed that the current doll away should she throw a tantrum like this again.

The only exception to not getting a new doll I would make is if she saved up her allowance and paid for it herself. Depending on how much of an allowance she gets she would surely have to save for many months, by which time she may have changed her mind... yet again.

Good luck.

Stick to your guns.

Some are posting as if this wasn't any big deal, they're not sure why you "chose this hill to die on" etc. But maybe they missed the 15-minute scream-fest in her bedroom after she was sent there--that is a tantrum and though it's not clear how old she is, she sounds too old to throw that kind of fit and whine as much as you describe. Yes, you are right to say no and to discipline her -- you are not disciplining her for wanting a doll, as some posters seem to think; you are disciplining her for acting very rudely and inappropriately and that's totally correct of you. I would advise that next time you bring down the consequences even sooner; she wouldn't have gotten as far as flopping grumpily on the couch in our house, and screaming in her room -- no way.

I think you're not leaning toward the idea of getting her just the one new doll and nothing else for Christmas, which at first I thought you might do after reading the SWH. Good. Don't do it. If she gets that doll and nothing else here's what will happen: First she will learn that enough whining does wear you down and she gets her way if she holds out long enough; then she will resent that new doll when she realizes that it has blocked her getting anything else.

I would talk to her when she's calm and focus on her behaviors. I have had to say to my own daughter: "If you listen you will realize that you DID get an answer from me. It just was not the answer you wanted to hear. The yelling and whining are why you get disciplined -- you are not being punished for wanting something, because we all want things; you are being disciplined for behaving rudely and disruptively." I would have her tell you why she thinks that it will actually change your mind if she whines and yells. Seriously, ask her (nicely, calmly) and then quietly wait for a real answer. This will throw her and she may not know how to reply but it often catches kids up short when we stop and ask them seriously, "Why do you think that this behavior will work?" Because then they sometimes realize it won't. But you can't do this when she's tantruming, only when things are calm.

I would also prompt her to be more creative with the doll she already has. My daughter has some accessories for her dolls but she also has made some -- rather than buying the expensive ready-made plastic dressing table, she made one out of boxes that she decorated and put a tinfoil "mirror" on, she made some perfume bottles from glued-together beads, and she made a doll bath from a box with cotton balls for "bubbles." Have your girl think about ways to be creative and don't hesitate to play WITH her a bit with the doll, too.

If you do decide to let her earn money for another doll, that's great, but I would not even bring up the topic until well after Christmas is over. And I would not bring it up even then if she is not actually playing with and using the doll she already has.

The bigger issue of course is the whining and tantruming -- whining is pretty typical but if she usually goes as far and as long as she did in this one case -- yep, she needs swift consequences and a very calm mom who points out that "you get what you get, and you don't get upset." Every. Single. Time.

I hadn't realized how expensive they were. WOW! Glad our girls never wanted one because something that expensive would NEVER be allowed down to be played with.

Tell her she can sell her doll online at a decent price and then earn the money to buy the new one. Don't sell the old one for anything less than it's expected value and that would be based on it's age and wear and tear.

I would have done what you did. My policy was "No means no. I will think about it means I will think about it. If you bug me, I will think about it becomes an automatic no, even if I was thinking about saying yes."
I would not be an audience for a temper tantrum. Those were made solo perfomaces in her room with the door closed.
Did she still bug me for what she wanted? Sure she did. And she lost out on the desired object.
Did she still throw tantrums. Occasioanlly, but it got boring having to scream at her toys instead of me.
Eventually, she figured it out, and learned that perstering and tantrums were a waste of effort.

Could she earn money and buy the doll that she wants? You don't mention how old she is, but this could be a great lesson in the value of things and what it takes to buy the things we want. One of the best lessons my dad taught me about money was when I wanted a "boom box". He helped me comparison shop, loaned me the money, charged me interest, and worked out a payment plan to pay him back. I was probably 7th or 8th grade at the time and it was a lesson that stuck with me.