Dealing Other Moms

Hi get to the bottom of this right now!!! There's three things you can do: co-front the problem, ignore it or let this destroy you.

Hi J. -
Take it from me, as the mom of 3 kids with autism, I'm sure other neighbors or parents talk about me or my family. I've learned not to judge, focus on my family, and only hang out with the not poisonous crew. Life is too short and too precious to waste on those that would bring you down. Don't feed them by giving them the satisfaction of knowing you are bothered by their actions. Stay strong and you'll do fine if you keep your priorities in order.

B.

Is someone telling you this? Because the person telling you isn't being very kind toward you. I would not let these people live rent-free in my head if I were you. I guess it depends on what is being said, but who really cares what other people think about you? I've grown so tired over the years of judgers and gossipers that I just don't give them the time of day. People like that aren't worth your energy and they are always around. Some people just don't grow up. I would ignore them, hold my head high and focus on the kids.

There is a great book called Queen Bee Moms and Kingpin Dads -Dealing with the Difficult Parents in your child's life by Rosalind Wiseman

The books talks about how to handle conflicts with grace and how to help model and reinforce your values for your children around how we talk to each other and about each other.
I am a therapist and have used her methods and books when working with parents and adolescents around bullying, gossiping and the whole "mean girls" issues.

Good luck.
S.

It sounds like they may be an immature bunch. Whether you confront them or not, please do not let such a thing ruin your homelife! Your home is your safe sanctuary with your family, do not let these people intrude on that. In the end it does not really matter what some infantile women think of you, so deal with it in a way you see fit, then leave it be and enjoy your lovely home and family. Trust me, it's not worth it.

I would ignore them and be pleasant if I have to deal with them, but wouldn't go out of my way to be nice. I also wouldn't let this BS ruin my homelife.

I'm interested to know how you know this. Who is gossiping about these moms and why does this person pass on hurtful information to you? I might take a closer look at the "friend" that could just be causing you some grief and let them know that you aren't interested in the negative comments.

I would seriously ignore it.I have learned over the years to absolutely not care what these school moms think of me.
I'm friendly,helpful,have a few good mom relationships from school, that is all that matters.
If you confront them, believe me,they will not tell you the truth anyways.
Keep your head high, it shall pass,it always does.

First of all you're busy being the mother of 5 so dealing with this type of BS is nonsense. If it bothers you and yes it would bother me to, confront them individually and then move on and ignore it. The problem when confronting the situation is that you let these worthless people have power in knowing it bothers you. Obviously they are not friends and not ones worthy of your attention. While hurtful, you know you need to move onto healthier relationships.

If it is causing that much turmoil for you, I say, confront them. you have nothing to lose and might feel better.

I agree with Tammy's answer. One of the reasons it's so maddening is that it makes you feel like you have no control over the situation or what is being said about you. Confronting it directly will make you feel like you have done the best you can to deal with it and will let you move on, one way or another.

Only follow this advice if you can discuss it without losing your temper, though. Also - do not put anything in writing! If you send an email, it may be forwarded without your permission.

Sounds like they are acting like they are in Jr. High themselves! Be the adult and confront them, separately, and call them out. Don't be nasty, just come from a place of trying to understand what is going on and why they are doing this. My guess is they will be shocked that you approached them directly about it. If they continue, take the higher road, just like you would tell your child to do.

T.

When my kids (of course never mine, HA) name call each other names and come to me crying. I think say are you a turtle? No is their answer. Then I tell them not to worry about it.

You also need to remember that you are modeling behavior for your children. How would you want them to behave in the same situtation.

Good luck.
J.

Most of what other people say or do is because of their own self image - it's all about them. Don't take anything personally. Protect yourself from the negativity by distancing yourself from those type of people. Your friends will confront you if they have a question, and the others don't really matter in the scheme of things. Just enjoy your kids while they are growing. If you feel you need to confront someone about a "rumor", then do it with tact and honesty. Good luck.

If it is not effecting your kids, I would let it go. If it is effecting your kids, I would confront the women with a vengence!!!! Good Luck

You can never be sure that you can control what others say or do. However, you may be able to clear the air by talking one on one if the situation is critically important. With 5 kids you are busy- right? You might disregard them rather than empower them by responding. If you have a few good friends that's always enough!

Since you aren't specific, I would say generally that it depends on your relationship with those moms. Are these women you see all the time on the block or at school events? Do your kids hang out with their kids all the time?

It isn't necessary that you be BFFs with these women, but it will make your life and possibly your kids' lives easier if you get along with them.

If you just have a different parenting style or political or religious beliefs or something like that, I would say just smile and be polite and nothing more. It isn't worth your time or energy to try and change their opinion of you.

If it is something more personal- nasty rumors or personal gossip about you, I would tackle each mom one-on-one - invite her over for a cup of tea or say that you'd really like to talk to her. don't accuse her right off the bat- just say that you had heard such and such rumor going around and you want to set things straight and make sure there are no misunderstandings. Be honest and straightforward with the other moms ( again, I recommend one on one so they can't gang up) and it will either encourage or shame them into doing the same. Maybe if they feel they know you better, they will not be so rude.

Anyway, although I personally would try to take care of the situation, remember that these people do not have to be your TRUE friends- those friends know who you are and will support you no matter what. If they are in your neighborhood too, you might want to enlist a good friend of your own to use her connections to set things straight with the gossipy moms!

Junior high drama can carry over to the grown-ups, but that is all it is - drama! Don't let it get you down!!!