Dealing with Negative Comments About Your Pregnancy

I don't have any words of advice. Just wanted to let you know I am dealing with the exact same thing right now. My mom is constantly making comments about 2 kids being more than enough blah, blah, blah. I just ignore her, I don't even acknowledge the fact that she said anything. Good luck!

I wouldn't talk at all to them about it. When the time comes, and you are expecting, make the big announcement. They will come around.

Amazing how many people speak out about how you should or shouldn't have another baby! This is such a personal choice. It is not their call. Next time they make a comment I would pleasantly tell them that you know how they feel, but it is your choice. Also, remind them of how uncomfortable they are going to feel when they are holding that "unwanted" baby :-)
I have four and financially speaking I guess I am not in the position to, but we make it work. I wouldn't change it for the world! Trust me, we had our comments from certain loose-lipped family members, but they are the ones that now have to look at my beautiful daughter and know in their mind that they thought we shouldn't have had her. I guess that's what you get when you have a big mouth :-)
Go for it!

If your husband is on board then laugh off any remarks from your parents. Don't take them to heart. Mirror their thoughts back at them.

For example if Mom says: "Having another baby is just too much. I think you should re-consider." You say,"Having another baby will be a lot."

Mom says: "so will you re-consider."
You laugh, "I'll think about that."

Mom: "It's just that you have your hands full now. It will take time away from the other kids."
You smile, "It will take time away from the other kids."

See, don't argue and keep it light hearted without negating the thoughts of your parents. BUT DO WHAT YOU WANT!

One more thing.......are you sure your husband is on board? If he is not then it will put a strain on your marriage. Be sure you are on the same team.

Dear K.,
Having another baby is ultimately up to you and your husband.
As long as you're self sufficient and really thoughtfully planning this out, which it sounds like you are, do what you and your husband think is right.
Your folks may not be saying it in the kindest way, but maybe they are worried you will have another child with a disability and be spread too thin. Maybe they are worried that with another child, you won't be able to devote as much to your child who needs more care.
I guess I'm trying to say that their concerns aren't coming across very nicely. It doesn't mean they don't love you. And they will certainly love a new grandchild.
It boils down to what you and your husband want and think you can handle.
If comments hurt your husband, he should just come out and say so. Or, he can let it roll off his back and know that you and he are adult enough to make your own decisions.

I certainly wish you well.

Yes I got those negative comments also. Just say your in a positive place and don't want to hear any negative comments be firm. be short be sweet.
Don't repeat it because you will seem in less control the more your repeat it.

It's crazy but I hear it more and more about the grandparents.
We are preg with our 3rd now. When my husband told his parents, they said "how did that happen???" I still have not told my mom, and I am almost 17 weeks (she is in Russia though). Sorry no advice here, just know that you are not along.

I can't believe your parents would be so hurtful. I would sit down with all of them (together or seperately) and let them know how thier comments and attitude have negatively affected you.

If anything they should be there with open arms and lots of help.

I'm sorry you have to go through this at such a happy time in your family. Congratulations on # 3. We are also expecting our third. What a crazy, fun, scary, exctiting time huh?!

Tell them to stay out of it. It is your family, and will be complete when you say it is. Tell them that they need to support you or simply shut up.

I agree to do what you want. Parents (grandparents) forget that they were young and had the opportunity to make their own destiny, too. Sage wisdom is a wonderful thing - it's an art to know when to provide it and when not to.
Both sets of parents may have good intentions when providing their opinions, but it sounds like they need to back off and let you make the best decision for your family.

No one knows what they can handle until they're there.

For me, two kids under the age of 4 can make me unravel quickly a lot of days, but I was able to maintain a full-time job through 5 months of chemo after the birth of my second child.

None of us know what our capacities for life are, and if you want another child, are willing to accept the risks (if it is a genetic based disability) and welcome the challenges, I say it's a decision you and your husband get to make without interference.

As far as the grandparents - they'll love another baby as much as any other they currently have.

I am snarky, when our parents make comments like, "I don't think its a good idea to have another child." My response is, "Well it's a good thing YOU'RE not planning to have another one."

I would just not discuss your plans to have another with them. You can't force them to be supportive, it's not their business, they have nothing to do with conception. Just tell them once you're through the first trimester and leave it at that.

We're doing exactly that.. I am 15 weeks with number 4 and my in-laws don't know yet. :P

I don't think I have a response--we are "trying" for number 3 as well and are not going to tell family until he or she (or them...?) is (or are) on the way. People always have opinions until it is too late, and then they find something else to have an opinion about. Some people also have different expectations for quality of life, what we can handle, etc. My kids love spending hours digging in the dirt outside just like I did as a kid, so I don't care that we can't afford to buy a lot of junk they don't need anyway, but I'm sure people will have a few under-the-breath remarks that we want another. I was afraid to tell my mother when I was pregnant with my first (or rather apprehensive--I didn't want comments) because she would always say things like, "Now you don't want kids now," or "Of course, you aren't thinking about kids for a while." Well, we were, and we did, and now we have two awesome boys and she has only met one of them once. Surround yourself with friends or acquaintences who are in similar family situations--some disabilities, or larger families. Maybe they will step back once you are expecting, but either way it sounds like your husband needs a little more encouragement right now. :( I can't help thinking shame on any grandparents who are saying that. So sorry you have to hear it.

Leave them out of it. It's amazing how many parents cannot see their children as grown-ups! I had the opposite problem - went thru infertility treatments and did NOT tell my father (who was battling cancer anyway and was difficult even when healthy). My brother decided my father "needed to know" about my treatments, told him, and then my dad had all kinds of opinions about stuff he knew nothing about.

So I think the thing to do is decide (and have your husband decide) that you guys actually know more about your family needs. A lot of older people look at disabled children as either an embarrassment or a reflection on their own genetic make-up, and they grew up when such children were shuttled off to institutions rather than mainstreamed and able to take advantage of so many therapies.

I would hope that, once you show up pregnant, or at least when you put a newborn in their arms, they will adjust! If not, it's their loss.

Meantime, just tell them it's not up for discussion. Leave the room or leave their home if you have to. I'm not sure there are any snappy comebacks that will help, although if they say you cannot handle any other challenges, you can say "Thanks for the vote of confidence." And then leave the room.

I think you can limit your visits with them too - if it's going to be unpleasant, tell them you are leaving. You can tell them it clearly upsets THEM to see you and discuss this, so you aren't going to bother them. Then stick to it. I'm not sure what your husband's parents' personalities are like - he may need a different strategy for them, or maybe he just needs to be pushed to stand up for himself.

Meantime, find other things to talk about. And DO NOT allow them to talk this way in front of your other kids - they may think grandma (or grandpa) doesn't like them much either. And I would tell grandma/pa this too!

Good luck!

You just have to find a polite way to shut them up. However realize, once you do so, you are on your own. No sitter help. My MIL is very rude to me since my pregnancy (???), so I finally begun to find ways to push back without telling her where to go. She was a little set back at first and now we limit our conversation together. I am much happier now. For instance, she would leave canvas pictures which I didn't like and wasn't going to use as well as decorating magazines (like 7 of them) for me to look through. If I wanted one, I could go to my local bookstore and buy them, I know they are out there. Well, would just let her know right away, oh I won't use them, did you want to take them back with you, I hate to see them go to waste. Done! no more decoration ideas from her.

Yes....This is our business. Love ya!

As long as you're not asking them to pony up any money or babysitting time, then they need to stay out of your business -especially now that they've evidently had their say. I understand their concerns -you already have two kids and one requires special attention and needs, but ultimately it is your decision as long as you're both taking care of everything, and plan to still take care of everything, on your own!

I didn't get negative comments about my 3 pregnancies but if i'm pregant again with baby 4 i'm sure there willl be some talk..
What makes them think that it's ok to be so vocal on your lives and hurt you in the process.I wopuld step up and let them know that this is your family your a mom wanting to have more children regardless that 1 child has a disability,I personally would say this is nonsense talk can we please drop it you have your opinion i'll listen to them when the time is right not in front of everyone else.

No it's not any of their business!!!! Don't bring it up and just keep on having fun trying! I think it's rude for your mom/mom-in-law to even comment here about it. Let you have some privacy for geesh sake!

Next time either parents bring it up, just say that you're having a 3rd child whether they like it or not, so there is no point in them voicing their opinion on this one. It is completely your decision alone, and you're not looking for input. Grandparents do tend to voice their objections more freely with their children, sometimes forgetting that their children are grown ups and don't need their advice on everything.

This is so personal to me too, because that is exactly the way my family would/will act when/if we have number 3. My husband's family is a "more kids the merrier" kind of family, and mine is the complete opposite. My mother had 2 kids herself and says all the time she could never have handled three, so she reflects that on me because it was HER experience. When I told her we were expecting our second, she first gave me her opinion that my kids would be too close in age (they are almost 23 months apart), then told me without pause that she didn't want to see me have three kids. Nice, huh? Now, of course she loves my little one more than anything, but I will never get over the hurt and disrespect I felt from her then. My older sister has no kids yet, is 38 and divorced but has a serious boyfriend now, and my mother has no problem telling her that she "doesn't want to see her get too old to have kids" all the time. Seems like you can never win!

I actually had a tubal ligation after my youngest was born and regret it (long and sad story) deeply, and my husband and I decided to try IVF this summer in the hopes of a third. When and if it happens, I plan to tell my family I never had the TL in the first place just so I don't have to explain how #3 got here. It's all too much and the stress is not worth it. I understand where you are coming from more than you can imagine. I hope you and your husband can tune out negative family members until they come around to preserve your own sanity.

Sorry, Its Your life! You and your Husband know best for your Family. I think it is a WONDERFUL idea for your both to bring another child into the world. You love your children and provide for them then why not. It is never the PERFECT time to have a baby. I would say Leave them out of the Loop for a while. They seem Negitive and thats not good for anyone. Later bring it up in passing. Oh By the way !!!
Blessings and Good luck!

it is your decision not theirs, I only have one child - I wanted more & so did my husband but it took 8 years to get the first one and due to finances and other things going on in our lives I do not see another child in our near future. Having both turned 40 already I do not see it happening in the far future either. we still get comments from friends and other asking when we will have more, or we get the "just one - thats it - don't you think he should have a brother or sister" since we both would have liked that, these comments hurt too. I think as long as you are planning and not expecting the in-laws to contribute financially or for baby sitting unless they offer then you should do what you feel is right - noone can tell you what is appropriate for your situation only you know what feels right.

Who is going to raise this child? I'm guessing you and your hubby so why does anyone else get a vote in the matter? I have 3 kids my middle daughter has Autism a disability doesn't man you shouldn't have other children if you want to. You need to tell the parents you love and respect them but they need to keep their comments to themselves.