'Death' Days...

I do not believe that those who have passed on to the other side want us to celebrate their deaths. They'd rather we celebrate their lives. Doing that on the day they died just doesn't click with me.

Celebrate their birthday. Memorialize them then.

I was very close to both my grandparents and the both died in 2000, one in april and one in august. i don't think of them on any specific day, either their bday or the day they died (i don't even know the exact date anymore). I think of them kind of "all the time" so I don't "celebrate" them on any specific day. Maybe its just me but thats what i do (or don't do). =)

my grandma was a wild and crazy woman ( meant in the best of ways!). I love her spunk and miss it so much!!

She LOVED coca~cola, Kenny Rogers and apple pie shots! On her 1 yr anniversary my aunt sent all of us Coca~cola shot glasses and a cd of Kenny Rogers and the recipe for apple pie shots. Now every year on her "death day" we all play the "Gambler" ( that is the song she wanted played at her funeral) and take a shot of apple pie in our shot glasses. Those that live closer all gather together those of us that live hours away still do it from where we are at.

When Pops passed away I found a shirt a week later that has a fish on it and says "Grandpa has gone fishing". My dad and I bought the family a shirt and sent it to them. Pops favorite thing ( other than his family) was going to his cabin and fishing all weekend. Now on the anniversary of his passing we all wear the shirt.

Plus we all get a pic of us taking the shot or wearing the shirt and we post it to FB and tag the page my aunt made in memory of my grandparents. Kind of our tribute to them in our families weird ways.

Yes and No.

It depends on the person. Mostly, I've lost too many people I love (over 40 at last count), my mind blanks out the day of their death. So, by and large, I'm a big fan of Dia de los muertos, because it lets me celebrate everyone together. We're big into wakes, in my family... and parties. My grandfather insisted that he be cremated and buried in a cardboard box (Thanks, grandpa... ever looked into the codes? Troublemaker from start to finish!) and that anyone wearing black would not be admitted. Primary colors only, and bright ones, and no funeral. A double wake, if we had to formally do something. My uncle had a pyramid of pepsi at his funeral and dozens of kids running everywhere in the grass and GAMES put on. We looked like a 500 person picnic! We're REALLY a new orleans jazz band / irish carousing kind of mourners. That trend tends to continue in our remembrances of people.

My son"s Birthday (Oct. 11th), & Angel Day ( Oct. 18th), are both coming up, And my family plans on doing something fun for his Birthday, liking going to his favorite place. Then on his Angel day, we are having both family & friends meet up at his grave where we will talk about memories of my son, and write messages on balloons, and let them go.

Both days will be tough for me and my family, He had just turned 14yrs last year, then 2 days after his Birthday, he was struck by a car, and died on
the 18th.
I know his school plans on doing something special on his Angel day. His favorite color was purple, so everyone at school is planning on wearing something purple on his Angel day!., As, myself, and the rest of the family will also be wearing a purple shirt in his memory!

My mom's "Death Day" is Oct. 13th. Just around the corner. She will be gone 8 years, now. For the first few years, I made picture gifts of my mom for my brothers. It was a way for me to remember her and support them. Kind of an acknowledgement without words. Men don't seem to talk about things much! I honestly don't plan to do anything this year for anyone else. I might ask the hubby if I can have some alone time and go for a drive.....Mom and I use to travel by car a lot. My fondest memories. :)

Hugs to you!

It may depend on how they go - how did your husband's sister die?

This August we had the 6th anniversary of my best friend's husband's suicide. We'll always have very strong and complicated emotions on this day and can't easily mark it by celebrating him.

I always think it's such a blessing to have loved ones pass from a long illness, there's so much time to spend together and say everything you want to say. Something sudden is shocking and may leave many unresolved issues, including an anger at life or God that this person left so quickly.

I don't call it a "death day." But, my family does put flowers on my Mothers grave on the anniversary of her death, her birthday, Christmas, and Mothers Day.

I like the concept too! But that's Halloween. I'd probably call it "day of the dead" before I'd call it death day!

My Dad, passed away about 11 years ago.
Every year, on the day of his death... we go and have a nice family dinner, go to the cemetery to visit him, and make the day special.
And yes, it is 'celebrating' their memory.
My Dad, I imagine and knowing him, is also "there" celebrating with us. He would have WANTED us to, be all together as a family, in his memory. On that day.
We also do that on his Birthday, every year.

For Christmas, we also hang up a stocking for him, on our fireplace.
The kids, love that. And I also put things in it, for him.

Another cute thing to do is, and which we have done, is to get a helium balloon, attach a cute note message to it, and then let the balloon go up into the air... to the heavens. For that person.

We don't call it "death day." We call it a Memorial Day. We light a candle and say a prayer every year on the anniversary. Often we pull out photos and place them where we can walk by and be reminded all day. We speak to our loved ones, and believe they hear us and are honored.

In my husband's family, we celebrate his Dad's life every anniversary of his passing, as we did at his funeral. We attend Mass, say prayers together for him, and have a dinner together. I honor my Mom and Dad always, but with my prayers more private, as my family was quite private. But both my sis and I spend time at the cemetary keeping Dad's shrubs pruned and Mom's flowers watered as they would like them. I do believe all these wonderful folks are with us still through the grace of God, and that they love seeing us carry on family traditions.

I don't do anything formal at all on the day my mother or father died. I try to remember them all year long in small ways. I'm not real big on ceremonies and I especially avoid any visits to gravesites. My parents don't reside at the cemetery, they live in my memory.

I love the "Irish wake" version of celebrating a person's life at their death (and I'm only a little bit Irish)! If people gathered for my death and drank, sang, and told funny stories, I would be honored. But my family is too Scandinavian to make that kind of "commotion"...

Hey Rach - sorry - I'm just catching this one...

We don't call it "death day" we can it "angel day"...I still celebrate their birthday's - I will do something for someone else that I know they would like. I'm VERY fortunate though - I've not lost a lot of people in my life yet...grandparents, mother-in-law and one very special friend.

I don't want our dead to be forgotten....and shutting down and pulling it isn't celebrating their life!! My dad - thank God he hasn't died yet - does NOT want us to cry when he dies...he wants us to have one heck of a party!!! Bright Colors - no black...he doesn't want anyone to be sad...he would like to think he made a positive difference in someone's life and made them laugh or smile or better - so I wouldn't want to shut down...

On my MIL's birthday - just this past Friday - I sing happy birthday to her..my hubby thinks I'm nuts..but oh well.. she died on Mother's Day so we still celebrate her then too!!!

Good question!!!

Celebrating a person's life on the anniversary of their death is a very personal thing. I believe that life does not end we simply transition from a physical life to a spiritual life. The people we love who have passed on are still with us they are here in spirit and are always watching over us. We can light a candle on their death anniversary and think of them with love. You can also make a special meal that you know they would enjoy and set an extra place at the table for them. Put some food on their plate and ask them to join you for the meal; at the end of the meal put the plate with food outdoors for the animals to enjoy. If you send living thoughts to them on their death anniversary, something will happen to let you know they are with you. You will either hear their favorite song on the radio, or smell their perfume or favorite flower, or cigarette, cigar or pipe smoke. It's usually a fleeting smell and many times no one else can smell it.

It depends on the person and how they lived. My grandmother was one of my favorite people. She was a big gardener and loved all things flowery! On the anniversary of her death, I sent my mother flowers. They were very close and her death was very difficult on my mother. On her birthday, I buy myself a huge thing of lillies because they were her favorite flower and mine. They make me smile and remind me of her.

My nephew was only 2 when he died. Candidly, there was little reason to celebrate anything surrounding his death. We all are quiet and reserved from Thanksgiving (his birthday) until 12/2 (the day after he died). It was terrible and is still overwhelming for all of us. My husband's family would NOT want to celebrate or do something light-hearted at this point. We may feel differently with more time.

Death is an intensely private thing for people. I take my cues from those closest to the person and go with it.

No. I try NOT to think about the day that someone died. I know it's coming up, but I actually try to miss it.

Even though my dad needed to go, he was ready to go, he was is a great deal of pain, and I'm glad he's in a happier place now, I just cannot celebrate his death.

Maybe it's because I'm older, I don't know. But I have never celebrated anyone's death.

So does that count as being like your husband?
Dawn

My brother died when he was 11 years old. It's been 22 years, but his birthday and the anniversary of his death are the hardest days of the year for my parents and I. My parents always go to the cemetery on his birthday. They sometimes go on the anniversary. My dad usually takes both of those days off of work and they go and do something to try and take their minds off of it. I usually try to think about him more on those two days and talk about him to my kids. I also take a few moments to remind them about the dangers of guns. (He was accidentally shot by our neighbor's son after our neighbor improperly stored a loaded firearm). Other than that, it's business as usual for me.

Not really. I remember that, for example, our beloved neighbor died about this time last year, but I don't dwell on the day he died. If I think of someone and want to do something to remember them, I do something nice that they would have appreciated. For example, if the departed loved animals, I'd send a donation to a rescue. My nephew died before I met him, but everyone talks about him and any time we see a balloon (especially a green one) floating free, we say, "Hi".

We just kind of try to keep everyone's memory alive all year long. By including their lives in our memories, etc. We don't call it a "Death Day" and Dia de Los Muertos is a Latin holiday, much like our Memorial Day for veterans.

ETA: Yes, a latin holliday with Mexican origins: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Day_of_the_Dead