Death in the Family - Tecumseh,MI

Hello T.,

First off I am so sorry to hear of your great loss. It doesn't matter how prepared we think we may be , losing someone so close is devastating.

I lost my dad 23 yrs, and then my first child 16 yrs ago in November. At this moment my FIL is terminal and we are preparing ourselves for his life to end.

I know your pain it is so deep you can't breath sometimes. You try to find some resolve and it seems hopeless. I to have faith in the lord and know what the bible says. But death is very hard for me to come to grips with.

When I lost my first child I wanted to die life had no meaning. But I wanted children and a yr later had my first son.

Every year in Novemeber on the anniversary of her death it hurts. I miss her, just like my father. He passed on Valentines day.

Give yourself time to grieve, things will get easier but only with time. Take one day at a time and do the best you can. If you need to have a good cry then do it. You lost your parents and you are going to miss them terribly.

Hold on to your faith and now they are ok. They will forever be in your heart.

My Garndmother passed away when I was 9, I remember my mother telling me it was hard no matter what age you are to lose your mother, you always miss her. My mother passed away when I was 21, my sister was 15. She was right, I don't think it would have made a difference if I was 71, I would still miss my mother... I'm sitting here crying now.

Something that many peole don't understand is how a very joyous time can sent you to a private place just so you can cry cause you want to shair it with your mother. At those moments are with I sit down and write in my journal for my daughter to read someday. That way if I ever leave her at a young age she will still have a way to hear from me whenever she needs her mommy. I write about things my mom told me as a child, about my feelings about being a wife adn mother, about things I see my now 2 year old doing that I find funny. (I also always keep it very happy this could some day be the only memory my children have of me)

I didn't lose both parents so close together, althought I had to sever all ties with my father for several years after my mother death cause I did not approve of what he was doing. so I can't say I feel all the pain you have but I know that emptyness that is there, that picking up the phone and dialing their number to tell her something or wondering how in the world she made her spanish rice so good. it's been 8 years this Saturday and the poor person who has her old number is used to me calling now.

It's hard! no question about that, and I know everyone probably tells you the same thing, "it will get easier with time". well yes and no. after a while you can start to enjoy yourself again, but the amount of pain you have doesn't get lighter or less often, you just find positive ways to use those memories to keep them alive in your heart.

One of the most exciting things to me is when I see my children or niece behave in a way my mother would have. wanna know why, cause these children never knew her but have learned so much from her.... becaues my mother lives on inside of me and my siblings! What great hope in this world, just think of how wonderful it will be in the next.

Lots of hugs for you right now, but I know only a hug from your mommy will make it all better right now.

I am so sorry about the loss of your parents.

My husband lost his Dad when he was 10 years old. Then three years later in 1985 he lost his maternal Grandfather, maternal aunt and then his Mom in March of 86. So between March of 85 and March of 86, three family members died. He was an orphan at 14 and his Mom's oldest sister's middle aged son took him in until he was 18. He had counseling for several years. Then exactly 14 years after his fathers death (February 24) his paternal Grandfather died and we found out on our first date. The funeral were the same date, just 14 years apart.

Time does make things a little better, but he still had a tough time around our wedding wishing they were alive to be there. His paternal Aunt and uncle came and we gave them honor as stand ins for his parents (such as lighting his individual candle and my parents lit mine, which we each used for the Unity candle). And now that we have a child, he misses them and wishes that our son could have known his paternal Grandparents.

There is so much in life that God has for you. Life is His gift and we have it to learn about Love. Things will look brighter. Until then, enjoy those children like your parents would want you to and raise those kids to be great, loving, happy adults. Maybe counseling will ease this tough time for you a bit. You and your family are in our prayers.

Hi T.,
I'm so sorry to hear of your loss! I really am. I myself have not lost a parent but my best friend lost her husband to a car accident when she was 23 and her daughter was 3 years old. He was everything to them and it was a fluke accident on a foggy night.

The loss of a loved one is very emotional that I could see. I was consoling my best friend and my boyfriend who was his best friend and my girlfriends. (my boyfriend asked me to marry him 3 months later) We now have a 8 year old daughter.

Give yourself time to heal as Loreine W said. Sounds like you have a loving and caring family and God is with you. Don't give up on yourself and him.

BTW: Shana got through it and is now happily married to a wonderful man and has two awesome step daughters that love both of them completely.

Take care and know that we are thinking of you and your family!

Heartfelt regards,
C.

A little about me: I'm a 38 years old, married to a wonderful man and have a terrific 3rd grader.