Delicate Family Matter

Don't say anything, be polite, and know that they'll be gone soon. You won't change them with any comments and if it's in their clothes, I doubt you're going to wash all of their laundry.

My thought is maybe they have well water or are they on any type of meds, vitamins etc. I don't think it's from not scrubbing properly, clean water should take care of that, especially if they shower everyday.

How about the next time you talk to her say; "I've been taking these garlic vitamins and boy do I smell funny, even "Bob" says he can smell me, have you ever experienced this?"

You could volunteer to do a load of laundry and then put some baking soda in the rinse cycle.

There is an etiquette columnist in the Boston area who would do such a great job with this question (Robin Abrahams, AKA Miss Conduct). She frequently talks about etiquette vs. engineering. I think this is a situation where etiquette dictates that you say nothing but the responses below from Mymission and Aileene made me think of how the solution may fall under "engineering." I love the idea of insisting that they let you do laundry ("oh please let me throw some of your clothes in with mine - I have a small wash to do and it would be such a waste to not load up the washer a bit!") and of placing nice soaps in the bathroom as a "welcome" gift.

You can offer to wash their clothes. You can also make sure their towels are always fresh. I don't know what it is, but my SS can be clean and not smell bad...but his towels after a shower reek. It's very strange. I take them, wash them on warm or hot with a bit of vinegar in the rinse. You can also get things like Citrus Magic disks and sit them around.

There are also conditions that cause strong odor and there's not much the person can do about it. I would ask DH if he's noticed this since she was an adolescent or it's always been this way?

Your H is right. No delicate way to address this. You could put some fancy body washes in the guest bathroom with a bow around them as a gift when they come.

Is it really kinder to sit in resentment (the energy of which other people will intuitively pick up on) or to have an honest, open, clear, and direct conversation? There is difference between "nice" and "kind." Nice usually leads to giving ourselves away and resentment, frustration, and discomfort. Kind allows for honesty, communication, problem solving, and most especially respect for self and others. It is "nice" to suck it up and pretend and therefore act as if you are taking care of someone else's feelings. It is "kind", both to yourself and the other person, to be honest and release resentment. Do we really prefer for someone to resent us rather than be honest with us?

It seems like maybe their clothes are not clean.
But this is only for 1 week.

Does your husband recall growing up and in his family they/his sister always smelled like that? Maybe he has a clue, about it?
Or it is just his SIL and her family. Well, even if they shower they stink.
Who knows why.
Do you really want to know why they all smell?
If so you'd need to ask your SIL.
But that will probably not go over too well.
It is only 1 week, right?

Or, just put some candles in your home, or flowers, or an air purifier in your home. Herbs, also smell real nice as a bouquet in a home.
And its pretty. I like sticking my basil cuttings in a vase in the house.

I'd say put some nice smelling soaps in the bathroom and light a lot of candles around the house! I'd suggest one of those wax warmers.

Could she possibly have well water in her home? Well water often smells like rotten eggs, so if you wash your clothes in them and you don't use fabric softener your clothes smell like rotten eggs. Also, your hair can smell bad too. Pretty much everything that comes from the home can have that rotten eggs smell!

I don't think it's that they are not taking time or scrubbing. I say this because my husband HAS NOT USED SOAP IN OVER A YEAR. he's one of those minimalist people - (he used to live in a 375 sq foot microhouse where he pooped in mulch in a manmade toilet - I'm not kidding). He just rinses off with water every day. HE IS NEVER SMELLY. Ever. well, Ok - if he doesn't rinse off after he mows the lawn... in a few hours he's smelly, but that's about the only time he smells bad :-)

He does shave his face and head with shaving cream. He does use deodorant and he washes his clothes after he wears them twice - except for socks and undies - those get washed with every wear. Also he washes his towels after one use.

I think this is a bigger issue. It may be the laundry - so offer to do their laundry when they are at your house.

if they were going to move in with you you'd have to bite the bullet and have the conversation. there are few more difficult, are there?
and i think since they are just annual guests, you sort of have to suck it up. what a shame. the only way to work in some tactful truth would be if they brought it up or just the right conversation arose naturally. and that's a long shot.
maybe try a dab of essential oil under your nostrils while they're visiting?
:X khairete
S.

I'm sorry. This is tough.

I have an Indian friend that "reeks" of curry. I love curry - but when I hang out with her - I have to do it in a well-ventilated place. She eats curry with everything and it seeps out her pores. This happens with other people too with garlic and other things they eat.

If it's the clothes - offer to wash them while they are there.

other than that - what does your husband say? Does he remember his family growing up and smelling anything like that? Does HE or did he smell like that when you met him?

If you care about this W. - is it possible - and this I suggest to TREAD VERY LIGHTLY - is let her know what you are smelling. It's hard to talk to someone about their "smell" - I've had to do it with a co-worker - but it was something that HAD to be done. It was hard - but he ended up thinking me profusely for the information. Yes, it was hard for him to hear - but he finally understood why people didn't invite him in their car, etc. to go to lunch and when the lunch room cleared out when he walked in - it wasn't HIM - it was his smell.

Hope this helps!

Some people just have an odor that isn't unpleasant to other specific folks.

You can offer to do their laundry, but other than that, you may have to roll with this. Unless both sons have Asberger's or some other social issue, these young men are at an age where they care **a lot** about how they smell, and odds are that they are in fact grooming themselves properly.

I definitely understand where you're coming from..we have the same issue with my inlaws and I could have written your post. (But in addition they smoke and don't brush their teeth properly, which makes it difficult to have a conversation with them as well). We haven't found a good way to address it in a delicate way. My husband has mentioned something to his dad in the past, but it only stuck for one good-smelling day. It's very difficult to stay at their house due to all of these things too.

I've washed the clothes, and that works for the short term (they've never stayed with us for a week though). The soaps in the bathroom don't work. I'll be interested to hear your other answers.

Febreze? A lot of it?

Do they eat a lot of garlic? How about kimchi? Both are REALLY strong smells and ooze out of the pores after eating them.

I don't know what to say about talking to his sister. Maybe she would never come back, and end up causing a "stink" (sorry!) with the family if he tells her that everyone smells bad.

It WOULD be a kindness to help her with this, but since her entire family (except for your husband) is like this, I don't think it would do any good...

Meanwhile, I agree with the poster who said to wash their towels everyday. Maybe put antibacterial soap in the shower and tubs so that's all they have to wash with. For sure, I would remove bedding from the bedrooms that cannot be washed. Even if the beds don't look nice, just do it. You don't have to tell them why. Put a light blanket that is washable over the sheets. Air out the rooms as often as you can.

So sorry about this problem!

Are your relatives overweight by chance? My grandmother, bless her heart, had such a smell. When I was a child, my mom told me that it was because she was obese and didn't/couldn't clean herself properly when bathing.

I don't see how you could broach this subject without leaving mounds of hurt feelings in the wake. I personally would be loading up on soy candles prior to their next visit and using liberally while they were there. You just don't see them often enough to make approaching this subject worthwhile due to the very delicate nature of it.

I think you may have to suck this one up. I do feel your pain though! I have issues with smells, not just bodily smells. I've learned that there is no real way to talk to people about it, it's a very sensitive subject.

Two of my best friends growing up, sisters, had a weird smell that drove me crazy! They were clean people, showered, house just as clean as mine. I think it was the food they ate. I never said anything to them, I just dealt with it. This may be the case with them.

I agree with other people who have suggested washing their clothes, but I think that's all you can do.

I wouldnt say anything to them. Maybe for Christmas send your SIL a gift card to bath and body works? When they are coming I would get an air purifier as someone else suggested and put one or two of those glade or febreeze plug one in every room. If they can cover up the smell of our dog, Im sure they would work on your in laws.

Ha! Ha! I don't know why this post made me laugh, but it did! Probably because I'm super sensitive to body odor, and could see myself retreating to my nice, fresh room as well! Can you turn it into humor, and still get your point across? Might be easier to tease the "boys," rather than your sister-in-law. ie - - "What's that smell . . . Haven't you taken Hygiene-101 yet at college?" Or, "When I first met your Uncle, he smelled terrible - - I wouldn't kiss him until he learned how to properly shower! How's YOUR dating life?"

I think you have t tread lightly here. I honestly doubt that the strong smell is a result of them not washing properly, even people who just rinse off with water and not use any soap would not smell for a little while.

It may well be their clothes, in which case you could probably strike up a conversation about laundry and how long it took your to get your laundry to have the fresh laundry smell... yada, yada and give them your "laundry secret".
Diet can be the culprit as well.

If the odor truly originates from their body (bad breath or even their entire body) they should probably see a doctor. Apart from oral health problems there are a variety of diseases, some of which run in families, that produce an unusual body odor.

Good luck.

Some vitamin supplements and herbal remedies do this. Valerian is a big one.

I was being treated with a herbal in tandem with western conventional medicine and it made my sweat so acrid, I had to stop taking it.