Depression and Breastfeeding

S.,
What I suggest to you is do what is best for your well being. I tottally agree that if your well being is compromised then everything else will be compromised and in turn you will continue to be depressed and your marriage will further be an issue. I believe your decision to pump IS THE BEST DECISION FOR YOU AND YOUR FAMILY. Don't let anyone pressure you to do what you truly believe will harm your future happiness. You are giving your baby the best milk possible, and will bond just the same with your baby by giving him the bottle. In turn, you will get a break from the parental duties from your husband. All around , I believe that your decision is a good one from the entire standpoint of your family's well being. I commend you on trying to satisfy everyone around you but , you cannot forget about yourself. I know that in my family, when mom is happy and feeling well, then the whole family and household in general runs well. Take care of yourself and don't stress about other people pressuring you. You know yourself and your family better than any expert out there.

Hi S.,

Well, I think I am in the minority with this response, BUT...
I breastfed my first child for four months, exclusively pumping beacause I couldn't get him to latch. I had post-partum depression which some women actually get from breastfeeding (look it up - it's true) - the hormones that are released, etc. When I became pregnant with my second child, my husband and I made the decision that I would bottle feed only - not even pump. Formula only. And that is what we did. She just turned a year old and has never been sick yet. I did not have depression after she was born. It was the BEST decision we ever made. I was much happier and therefore more relaxed and my daughter is the happiest gal in town! Only you can make this intimate decision. You know what is best for yourself and your family. I am here to tell you nothing bad is going to happen if you choose not to breastfeed. You have a right to your feelings and to choose what you feel is best. Much luck to you!

Dear S.,

When my kids were breastfeeding, my husband did the same thing yours did - every time they fussed, he handed them to me, and it was very difficult not to take it out on him and the child. Yes, the night wake-ups were always my job, too. Your daughter will, sooner or later, think that your husband is her hero, and will spend much more time with him. My husband appreciates our kids so much more, now that they're older. Some husbands are like that - they feel they can't do anything with babies, but once the babies are walking and talking, the husbands are much more comfortable taking care of them.

I want to encourage you to stick with your own decision about whether or not to breastfeed. I am friends with moms who do and moms who don't, and I've seen how unfair they can be to one another, when it's really the mom's preference. Yes, breastfeeding might be better nutritionally for the baby, but as you stated, it really IS important for YOU, your child's mother, to be well-rested, happy, and content as you mother your children.

I think if I had to do it over again, meaning have my kids be babies again, I'd know better how to, with a better attitude, say to my husband, "Please take this child while I spend some quiet time to myself and get refreshed." I spent a lot of time being mad, mad, mad, but being a mom for 11 years now has taught me so much, and I'm still learning. You know from experience now, with your daughter being 20 months old, that your new baby will go through many growing stages. In a couple years or so, both your children will be sleeping through the night and on a regular schedule, and eventually in school, and you'll be able to say, "I made it through those years!" and you'll be encouraging someone else through your own experience!

I recently learned how important it is to take care of myself physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I began visiting a christian counselor for several months, who did a great job of affirming me, yet keeping me accountable. I haven't had an appointment with her for several months now, and am feeling so much better at handling problems than I did last year. Please be careful who you talk to about your problems - you want to share with someone who will help you see the truth, not fuel your anger. That's just one of the things I realized over the years.

Sincerely,
C. Phillips

Hi S.,

I understand how you feel. My son always wants me and not my husband and it drives my husband nuts - but I don't think it is because of breastfeeding. I think babies are just comforted easier by their mothers. Also, as they get older, they will go through stages of only wanting mommy or only wanting daddy and this is completely normal.

When you "pretended" you were at work to get your daughter to take the bottle - did you actually leave the house or were you there but feeding her a bottle? Many babies know if there mother is nearby and won't take the bottle. With this new baby, if you are actually at work and aren't in the house, they will be more likely to take the bottle.

Please don't give up completely on breastfeeding. It is so good for you and your baby. Even if you only do it for a short time, you are giving your baby such a tremendous gift. Here is an article that talks about the benefits of breastfeeding your baby which may help you: <http://www.wiessinger.baka.com/bfing/breastvbottle/wean.h...;

I also wrote an article on breastfeeding tips for new mothers which may also help you: <http://www.mothersboutique.com/brtifornewmo.html&gt; And I wrote another article on working and breastfeeding. I worked outside of the home until my son was 15 months old. He took the bottle without a problem from his caregiver. <http://www.mothersboutique.com/woandbrtifor.html&gt;

I would suggest introducing the bottle to your new baby when he is 6 weeks old to prepare him for you going back to work and get him used to taking a bottle once in a while.

I would also suggest that you talk with your OB about your previous depression and see if they have any recommendations for you to do ahead of time with this baby to make it less so. Lots of moms suffer from post-partum depression. The important thing is to recognize it and get treated so that you don't feel so alone with everything.

Breastfeeding is the best thing that you can do for you and your baby. Please don't give up because of your experiences the first time around. I think there are many things you can change to make your experiences this time around better without having to give up breastfeeding.

Good luck with your new baby and with whatever decision you make.

J.

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Hi S.-
I understand you are in a very difficult situation with your decision. My best advice would be to contact your local la leche league for information about possibly breastfeeding and working. Breast milk really is the best for a growing baby. I wish you luck and hope that you are able to have a more enjoyable postpartum period.

Hi S.,
I think its wonderful that you are planning ahead of time the way to go with your baby and yourself. I've breastfed both my babies and still do to my 2.5 yr old. However, I'm happy with doing so (most days, for we all have our bad days). You have to be happy to raise happy kids. Therefore, do what makes you happy! I think the most important thing is that your baby does get your milk instead of formula... for as long as you can, no matter how he gets it. So if the way to go will be the bottle, bottle up all the milk you can supply yourself and share with your husband the wonderful feeling of feeding your baby.
The relationship you will form with your baby will have much more value with you being happy, rather than depressed because of breastfeeding.
I wish you the best of luck and peace of mind, you are already a great mom for trying to figure all this out.
hugs,
M.

It may just be your dd's personality more than anything else.
My 2nd dd was similiar in that she wanted noone else but mommy 24/7. If I left her at home with my dh for any period of time she would scream the whole time until I got back. She was like this until 3-4yrs old. It's also important for your dh to take the iniative to hold and take care of the baby from the very beginning. Not all children will refuse a bottle it just depends upon the personality. I would say nurse and then at about 6wks introduce the bottle but have someone else it give it to your son. They know the difference between mommy and someone else. YOu may even have to leave the room. If they are hungry enough they will eat. Otherwise they will wait until you come back. It won't hurt them to wait just a little while if they refuse a bottle.
I just want to say don't give up on breastfeeding, it's the best thing you can do for your child! Contact a Local LLL group if you need some fellowship with other women. I am sure that many have been in your same shoes before. It's not a group just about breastfeeding but about family and children
V.

Hi S.,
I myself have experienced crippling PPD, and lack of sleep didn't help in my case either. I have breastfed my son and he is now 7 months old. When he was younger, he also refused to take a bottle, but with some hard work and perseverance, fortunately, we were eventually able to get him to take it. I have learned that next time around, i need to introduce the bottle much earlier. Although it seems like the breastfeeding caused all your problems, it sounds to be like it was the PPD. When my son was 3 weeks old, I went to my OB and got on zoloft, which is the safest anti-depressant to take while pregnant or breastfeeding. It has made a world of difference for me, and now I am so glad that i sought the help I needed. I think it is important that you sit down with your husband and discuss how you are going to distribute responsibilities ahead of time, and make sure you are both clear, and both agreeable to what you decide, before this baby comes. Good luck - I know how hard PPD can be!

Every baby is different. Your not breast feeding this one does not guarantee anything. This baby might not want you to leave either... fighting against nature is like a fish swimming up stream. I never could understand how exactly is it easier to bottle feed than breast feed. Somebody will have to be up in the night warming up bottles, and from the sound of it I'd be willing to bet it's you. You have accepted four of his sons who take a lot out of you, you work, go to school, have a toddler -- you are not superwoman! Something's gotta give. No wonder you're depressed. Your unrealistic expectations of yourself are fueling everyone else's expectations, and understandably, your husband thinks it's all good. Who wouldn't like being married to Superwoman! This baby is not the place to cut corners. You both benefit enormously from the breastfeeding and I really don't think sacrificing that is the change you want. I urge you to reconsider and make the badly needed changes elsewhere.
Good luck!
N

I can honestly say that I think breastfeeding led to my depression. My daughter and I did not connect will and I was left bleeding and crying. Even after seeking the help from ;lactation consultants we just could not get it right, so I stopped and started pumping 100%. My breasts healed, but my depression remained. After about 2 weeks my milk akmost completely dried up. I think this was a blessing in disguise because when it did...so did my depression. Believe in what your body tells you, not books and doctors. The decision yu make wlll be the right one for you and your family.

I am 7 months along with my second child and oddly enough I think I'll try breastfeeding/pumping again, but if I get depressed I will have no problem stopping!

Hope this helps!

It sounds to me like communication with your husband is the problem- not breastfeeding. You don't have to have the same experience with this baby, and you don't have to deny him breastfeeding in order to make things change. Too many good things come from breastfeeding to just decide not to do it! Instead seek help via books, counselor or conversation to try to get better communication going between you and your husband. It is NOT true that a breastfed child needs milk every time they fuss. It is NOT true tht small babies only need their mothers. My first husband couldn't stand being anywhere near our son when he was crying, it just broke his heart, but you know what? Human beings cry, and it can be painful to witness that, but it can also be a chance for fathers to learn to sooth and attend to their child. this is so important- to become fully bonded with your child!
Good luck with it all, C.

I went through something like that with my son. He wanted nothing to do with Daddy because I was the only one who would do. He would take a bottle though, but I needed to be the one who gave it to him. It took quite a while for him and Daddy to bond (I'm talking he was about 18 months or so). I stopped breastfeeding him at 10 months. I was also depressed pretty much the entire time. This time around (I have a 2 month old now) I talked to my midwife about it and I started Zoloft two weeks before I gave birth. My daughter is exclusively breastfed because she won't take a bottle. But I still make a point to make Daddy hold her as much as possible and just be involved with her in any way possible. The more they interact, the easier it is on all of us. I'm pretty sure that's why he didn't bond with our son for so long. Daddy couldn't handle him crying and immediately handed him over to me. This time, I leave the room and don't come rushing in to "save" our daughter if Daddy has her and she's crying. Good luck this time around with everything!

I know exactly where you are coming from. My first child I nursed until she was about 4 mos. old. I HAD to go back to work after 6 weeks and I tried to pump but my supply started to dry up because I was given a hard time about it at work. After about 2 weeks I supplemented with formula and nursed her while we were together as long as I could, which like I said was until she was 4 mos. My second child who is almost 2, I nursed until she was 11 mos old. I went through the same senerio as you and your husband. It got to the point where I just had to tell him it's your turn, I just fed her she wants to be held. What you decide is your choice, but I think I would miss breastfeeding if I didn't do it. You feed him and then hand him over. Just because you are nursing doesn't mean Mama doesn't get a break. If you have to, to get your point across when you hand your husband the baby actually leave, go for a walk, take a well deserved break, go play with your other children, whatever it takes to keep your sanity. I know they say not to try the bottle to soon, but I started at 4 weeks here and there and it seemed to work. Just remember also, every child is different and this one may not have a problem switching back and forth from breast to bottle.

Girl, I know how u feel. I had my 4th 5 mos ago, and I pretty much don't give my hubby much of a choice. I still do most, but he is def more into this one as of care taking. With my third child, she's 5 now, I only slept 4 hrs broken a night. I was a mess, docs wanted me on drugs cuz of depression and anxiety, but I refused them. I really only needed sleep. AFter 7 mos of agony and constant crying, I finally put my foot down and was like, dude, this is your child too, you ARE helping. I felt like my old self again. I must admit this 4th one sleeps thru the night 99% of the time, where as my daughter did not. But my husband also used to stay up half the night on the computer and sleep till at least noon everyday unless he had work. Not happening this time around, let me tell ya. Take care of you, cuz if you don't , nobody on earth will.

Good luck.

email me if ya need to vent or juat wanna chat.

____@____.com

I agree that breastmilk is best! And it doesn't cost anything!! Our insurance gave us 50 dollars toward a breast pump...I bought one off of ebay for 60 dollars...so it only cost 10 dollars. You should check with your insurance to see if they will refund you for a pump. If you pump your breast milk and bottle feed it will be a win win situation because your husband can help out and it won't cost any money. Formula is soooo expensive. I know pumping is a pain, but it will be worth it!

If you feel that you suffered from post partum depression with your first child, you should talk to your ob/gyn about it NOW. He or she can make plans for after the baby is born to help you through it.

My daughter is now 13 months old and she still doesn't sleep through the night..so I still only get about 5 hours sleep each night. It is exhausting..but I know it won't last forever..and you have to keep that in mind. Because I solely breast feed....at night....my husband can't help out. It is a lot to take on! But you just have to take each day as it comes! Concentrate on all the positive stuff!

Good luck!

Dear S., I know what you mean....I bottle fed my first two and then when we had the third I decided to nurse her...mostly because my friends kept telling me how great it was! I have never been so tired in my life!! I started to resent my husband, my older children and the baby. I felt like I was living in a wet swimsuit and I never got any sleep! I would never do it again! Sure I know it's best for the baby and all, and my husband wanted to help, but let's face it, when you nurse you are doing it ALL THE TIME. For whatever reason when you use formula it seems to fill them up and stay with them longer...my two bottle fed babies were on 4 & 6 hour schedules by the time they were a month old. I nursed my youngest every two hours for a lot longer!! I couldn't go anywhere, do anything...it was awful.

Go a head and bottle feed this one. It won't hurt it, you will still bond with the baby and hubby will be able to bond more. Get playtex bottles, go with the drop in linners and enjoy your family more!! Congrats, good luck & best wishes.

S....you are very brace to admit what your faults and weaknesses are...not many people are willing to do that. But if you can figure them out it makes you a better person and a better mother. Kudos to you.

Do what is best for you and your family..if that means pumping and bottles great, if it means formula and bottles that's great too.

A healthy child is healthy not just because of what they are eating but because they have a happy and healthy home and mother!

I didn't nurse either of my children, one was a premie too. They are both and have been healthy happy children. Did not nurse them because I knew physically I could not be up every 2-3 hour for feeding and I wanted to be healthy in mind and body to take care of them.

Best wishes for a easy delivery and a happy, healthy baby!!!

And don't forget to give that husband a slight elbow in the side when he doesn't hear the baby crying for food at night! Ha HA!

First of all that was sooooo terrible for elizabeth to say that to you - what a heartless comment....any way, ignorant people aside. I had post partum anxiety - I know a little of what your talking about. You can start Zoloft right after you give birth this time {it is safe in breast feeding moms] and that way if you do have the depression,,,this will take care of it hopefully. Maybe introduce the bottle first before your milk comes in, and then alternate. Call Le Leche League - they have the answers to EVERYTHING breastfeeding. I know it's so frustrating when the dad's don't do anything, just because the moms have the milk - I understand completely. Poor thing...my prayers are with you...hang in there - you will get through it. Definately talk to your doc about the medicine situation through - because you can take some things. Take care XOXO

Hi, I totally understand what you are going through. MY son is a big boy & a big eater. He has completely refused the bottle until recently. At 3 months he was still eating every 2 hours, even at night. I am a SAHM & my husband is working 2 jobs so I can do that. So, we originally had an agreement that I would handle all nighttime stuff b/c I could nap during the day. I too was completely exhausted & running on empty. Many times when my son was crying at night I would scream or cry with him. I don't think I ever reached the point of depression, but I was very stressed out. I eventually moved our son into our bedroom so I at least wouldn't have to make the walk to his room. On the worst nights, I would wake my husband & he would try to soothe our son, but the truth is that never worked & I couldn't sleep when our son was crying anyway. So it all fell on my. At three months I was at the end of my rope, so we began feeding our son solids. It was amazing by day 2 he was sleeping 5-6 hours at night & I was getting some much needed rest. My world changed with that & my relationship with my son got much better. He has never had a negative reaction to the food. He takes naps now, sleeps about 5-6 hours at night before waking for a feeding and during the day I am now down to a very normal 6-8 breast feedings a day. Life is good. When I have another child I do plan on breastfeeding. I also plan on introducing a bottle sooner if possible & I won't be afraid to start solids as early as necessary for my own sanity. When I first introduced my son to solids I worried that I was being a bad mom. "Sacrificing' his well being for my sanity, but now I know he was actually better off by getting the solids. He was full & happy. And best of all we could have more fun b/c I wasn't exhausted.
I think it is absolutely WONDERFUL that you are going to pump for your son. I hated pumping. I couldn't imagine pumping everyday, even if it is best. I agree you should definitely bottle feed your son for 2 reasons. One, once you have made that decision you can relax & enjoy the rest of your pregnancy w/out fear or dread. Two, it will make you a happier mom. And just b/c your son is bottle fed does not mean that you can't offer him a breast occassionally (like at bed time) if you decide you want to. Kids are amazingly resilient. They can handle a lot more than we give them credit for. Don't listen to the lactation consultants. I think they go overboard in their pro-breast feeding doctrine. Good luck. And always take care of yourself first or you won't be able to take care of anyone else.

I don't have any advice in the depression department but do regarding supplementing while breastfeeding. I breastfed my first son exclusively and did feel somewhat stressed that he was so dependent on me. I tried feeding him a bottle didn't do it often enough so he eventually rejected it preferring the breast. Then when I weaned him I got pregnant again with twins! I tried exclusively breastfeeding them but it was just too much to do. When they were three weeks old I started feeding them one big bottle of formula before going to bed at night to make sure they would take a bottle. Then when their demands went up I started breastfeeding them on a three hour schedule, supplementing with formula in between. I would say that I fed them maybe three to four bottles a day and they breastfed the rest of the time. It worked well because I knew they were getting the nutrition they needed and I wasn't breastfeeding them non-stop. You would then have the choice whether to give them a bottle or breastfeed during the night. I think the key to supplementing is you have to make sure you give them at least 2-3 bottles per day once they're 2-3 months old so they don't reject the bottle. Hope this helps!

I'm not sure what you experienced is postpartum depression. I breastfed also and I experienced a sort of depression but it was due to not getting out of the house and talking to adults more than postpartum depression. PPD is serious and if you really think that's what you had you should talk to your Ob/gyn now even before the baby comes. Even if that's not what you had you should still talk to your doctor.

I'm sure this was a tough decision for you but have you considered that maybe your husband won't help even if you don't breastfeed? You can't really force him to help out...my husband's way of getting out of helping most of the time was either acting like he didn't know how to do it or doing it wrong so I would just do it myself. For awhile he would get up with me in the middle of the night and do everything that I didn't have to do. He would change the baby's diaper and rock him back to sleep which gave me an extra 30-45 minutes of sleep between feedings...it helped so much. You should make your husband take care of that part. Breastfeeding would sure be cheaper than formula.

If you really did have PPD, not breastfeeding may make it worse. I think all moms experience some of what you experienced. You feel like you do everything and you have no help, you also have no one to talk to most of the time. It can be a little depressing. Talk to your doctor. And this time get out of the house more, join a MOMS club or join a mommy and me fitness class like Baby Boot Camp. With the fitness class you'll get a double bonus...you get to meet other moms and vent and you get to get back into shape (exercise makes you feel better & fights PPD). www.babybootcamp.com

Hi S.,

Wow. Your situation sounds very difficult. Although I work full time and breastfeed and haven't had post partum depression, I can share some stories of friends. First, every baby is different. One friend had a baby that was attached to her boob, and refused a bottle for 2 years and therefore had to exclusively breastfeed (and quit her job). But her other daughter easily went from boob to bottle. Given her experience we introduced a bottle to our daughter at 10 days old, despite that doctors recommend waiting until 6 weeks. Although my daugher prefers eating from me, she doesn't ever reject the bottle.

Another friend had post partum depression after her first. When she had her second, it went away...I suppose the change in hormones helped her and luckily it "stayed".

Regarding feeding at night...I still get up every time during the night to do the feedings (at 8 months). It stinks but it's much easier than having to pump, clean the equipment, send my husband to warm up the bottle, clean the bottle, etc. By the time my husband warms up the bottle my daughter is now screaming and more alert. It's temporary and will pass. It may be the post partum depression talking you into that it's worse than it actually is.

Good luck. YOu may want to look for a support group as well.

S.

Focus on all the positive things in your life. And know that no two children are the same. If you start with bottles & breastfeeding the baby will get use to both right away. Id at least offer the child breast milk, its the best thing for them.

However you have to focus on you, pick yourself up and be thankful for what you do have. Someone else always has it worse. Your here, your pregnant(something many women would die for.), you wake up each day. Be thankful, the more you focus on the good in your life, the more good will come to you. Negative thoughts & feelings attract negative things. Remember everything happens for a reason, you may not see why now or in 6 months form now, but you will. Hang in there, and be thankful.

E.