Depression in Ssecond Preg?

I felt the same way, and was worried about it too! I have 2 girls, about 2 1/2 years apart. My youngest is now 14 months. When my baby was born, we bonded at the hospital and that made me feel so much better. I was in the hospital for 4 days due to a c section and most of the time I was alone because my husband was home with the 2 year old. So it was great bonding time for me and the baby to be alone together like that. I wish you the best of luck! Having 2 girls is wonderful!!

You are not alone! Sorry it's taken me so long to respond but I wanted to let you know that I, too, had a similar experience with my second. I was extremely unnerved by it to say the least. I was sure something was terribly wrong and everyone kept telling me not to worry. I felt like I just couldn't get excited about anything...but I couldn't get sad either. It was this weird "non-emotion" sensation where I just didn't feel anything. I couldn't get worried, I didn't get sad, I didn't get excited...it was like the whole world went suddenly gray.

I wish I could give you some great advice as to something that truly turned things around for me during the pregnancy but unfortunately, I remained in this funk until my baby was born. But once my baby was born, literally within an hour, it was like someone just turned on the light again and everything was ok. I talked to my doctor about the difference afterwards and she agreed that it must have been horomone-driven. She had heard of something similar before. I was gratified to find that this weird "funk" I had slipped into was not something I'd have to live with forever. In fact, I've had two more children since and did not experience any of these symptoms with either of them.

Hang in there...you're not alone, you're not weird and if your experience is anything like mine, it will be gone in november!

-J.
www.mytimecalendars.com
"Play with time to have time for play!"

B.,
No need to worry. I am a Mom of 3 and I can remember being pregnant with my 2nd (when my 1st was only 5 months old) and I called my Mom crying because I felt no connection and felt that I couldn't possibly love another baby like I loved my first. I am now a Mom of 3 boys (9,almost 8 and almost 5) and I love them equally! They each have their own personalities, own likes and dislikes and they all bring something different to our family! It is difficult and stressful to plan for your second baby when you already have a little one to take care of but it'll all work out, I promise. Many prayers coming your way :)

I am in the exact same situation, my son is 2 1/2 and I am due in december with a girl. I have had the same feelings throughout this second pregnancy and I have had some of my other friends say they felt the same the second time. I feel like part of it is because having a toddler to focus on in the moment it is harder to have your pregnancy be your main priority.
However, in terms of actual depression I have not felt that way. The fact that you recognize something is wrong outside of normal anxiety and stress of having a new baby you need to pursue these feelings. If your OB is blowing you off talk to them again. I would reccomend an office visit not during your regulsr schedule visits it shows them you are concerned on this issue and not your pregnancy. You will also get more time to discuss how you are feeling. If you get the same response go to another doctor even if it is your General Practioner you are your only advocate for yourself, the baby and your family.
It is better to deal with this now then once the baby gets here and you all end up suffering. I am also a stay at home mom and the reason why they say it is the hardest job is because it is all on us. I hope this is helpful and not preachey, take care.

K.

Hi,

You are not alone! I feel the same way. I have a 2 1/2 yo daughter and am due any day now with my son. I have been so busy with work (I work p/t) and my daughter that I forget at times that I'm even pregnant! Of course now that I'm so large, that is more difficult, but I was just telling someone yesterday how different I feel this time around. With my daughter, my pregnancy was my main focus, my husband and I would sit and touch my belly, and marvel at the amazing baby inside and now it's like, life is about everything else and then the baby will arrive. It is strange and I have felt guilty about it. I have not even had any nesting instinct this time around (thank goodness my husband has and has really put the house together). I know that I will love him so much and that I'll be so happy to hold him in my arms and nurse again, but it is overwhelming to think of dealing with a wonderful, but at times whiny 2 yo and a newborn! I hope this makes you feel less alone - I am going to talk to my doctor about it on Mon. at my next appt because I've been concerned about it too, but knowing that you're out there makes me feel less alone - thanks for your post.

Hi B., its normal. I am also in my second trimester and have a 4yrs old daughter. I feel the same way you are feeling but i am not surprised or depressed because one of my friend told me about this when she had her second baby. I also feel no connection with this baby but when am sitting my hands are always on my belly looking for those little strokes that assures me that my baby is alive, nothing more than that. When i feel some movement in my belly i tell my husband to put his hand on my belly and feel it but he says i don't feel anything. Sometimes he also doesn't feel connection and we shared this feeling already and we don't feel guilty about it because its a fact. Sometimes these feelings come to my mind that i cann't love any other child other than my daughter who is my world. I want to tell you the hard truth my friend told me. She said that even when the second baby comes out, his/her cries doesn't bother you because you know that its not serious like we felt when we were new moms. I don't know more than that because we are not in touch for long time. I must ask her how she is feeling towards her second baby now who is going to be one yrs old now. But in my heart i know we love our all children the same. So be positive for the future. Congrats! on being a second time mom.

Hi B.,

Sorry you are feeling this way. I think you might be confusing experience with no connection. The first time around you don't know what to expect. You have never been a mother. Everything is so new and so exciting. The second time around you already know what to expect, been there done that. Also, I know it was hard for me to imagine the new baby. My baby was my son Tristan. Who was this new baby coming? I couldn't imagine another other baby than the one I already had. Does that make sense? I couldn't get past my first child and couldn't imagine who this new one was going to be. So I don't think it's that there is no connection, I think you are more experienced and you are used to your first child. That is normal, my sister in law felt the same way.

I hope this helps. When you have the baby, if you still feel this way, then please talk to a professional. I think at that point they will listen to you. Let the pediatrician know and let your OB know asap. I truly think you won't feel that way once you see the baby and make the connection, "oh that's my baby, thats who you are........ :)

Best of luck.

Hi Brandi. I don't know your exact situation but I can tell you a little about mine. I had depression in my 2nd pregnancy. I'm a very happy-go-lucky personality but during that pregnancy I became very stressed out, anxious and unhappy. I would worry about every little thing ad nauseam. I really didn't feel like myself and I hated being pregnant. That in turn made me feel very guilty. At about 5 months my husband encouraged me to discuss my feelings with my doctor. My doctor was amazing. He listened to me and then told me he'd known me for a long time and had never known me to be depressed. He said that I was now sounding depressed. He explained to me how truly crazy hormones can be and how they can affect how much serotonin is released from the brain, which can cause depression. He put me on low dosage Prozac. He assured me it was perfectly safe for the baby. It was the best thing for me and my situation. I felt completely normal and like my old self after a couple of weeks. After that I was able to thoroughly enjoy my 2nd pregnancy. I continued taking it until 3 months after my son was born. Since it was such a low dose I didn't even have to ween myself from the Prozac. I didn't have a single problem. Now I realize that everyone's situations are very different and that drugs are not the answers to everything but it made all the difference for me and my pregnancy. There is a huge stigma out there with depression in pregnancy and a lot of women feel like they can't discuss these hard feelings or admit that they needed a little additional help. I'm sure many will judge that I chose a drug to help me but it was the best decision for me and my family. B., I wish you the best of luck and just know that there are a lot of women out there who have experienced similar feelings. Also, if you feel your doctor isn't listening to you, you need to tell him again. Make yourself be heard! Oh and by the way, you will love this second child just as much as the first!

Hi B., I had my second baby in June and I had similar feelings with my second pregnancy. I wasn't as excited about my second baby. I didn't get the house ready like I did for the first, no books ready, no classes taken etc. When it got closer I started to get really anxious that I wasn't going to know what to do when the second baby was born. But as soon as he was born it was like riding a bike. I was bonded to him as soon as he was born and he was nursing for the first time! And we have gotten even closer the older he has gotten. Good luck!

Talk to a therapist and see a psychiatrist. Depression is not something that just goes away on its own. You need coping skills from psychotherapy. Trust me it works. I'm bipolar and have a son. I was on gentle meds when I was pregnant and he's the healthiest child I know. I'm not saying to get medicated, I'm saying see specialists, they deal with this all the time. Your family doc is an idiot. I had one once before I found out I was bipolar that dismissed me having problems. Ditch him, talk to the specialist, and find a new doctor.

This is SO normal! I was so worried with my second one for the same reason. I loved my first so much I thought there was no way I could love the second as much. I never felt the bond during the pregnancy and the closer my due date came the more guilty I felt to the first that I would be taking my time/attention away from him. Once my daughter was born I realized immediately that my heart that was filled 100% with love for my son just doubled in size! I didn't make room in my heart for my second, I just was able to love more!

Dear B.,

Rather than label your mood or thoughts as depression, I would like to add the true life perspective that you have both experience under your belt and the reality is hitting you that sleepless nights on on their way again. No new mommy knows what to expect the first time around. So of course it is all exciting. With your babies close together, your body has it's own memory and is on auto pilot. So responding to every little change in your body is blase. You've had lots of time to connect with and enjoy baby #1 so adding baby #2 will change the balance a lot. And you are still caring for another very young child, so another reason your mind cannot stop to focus on just this pregnancy.

Trust us mommies when we say that once you bring your baby home these thoughts or fears of 'how will I love another as much'; ' how will I care for another as much', will vanish, and your heart will grow.

I have 10 years between #1 and #2 and it caused true panic and anxiety attacks for me to think of having to do it all again. And these fears arose only during the pregnancy. Once I held him after birth, it changed instantly. It was a joy and pleasure to meet this new little guy and welcome him into our family. And it continues....Although the standing joke with 2 girls is that they won't get along until one leaves for college.

Best, best of luck. Be good to yourself and your family :)
Jen

Hi B.. I just wanted to offer you some support. I totally felt the same way with my second. It didn't help that it didn't seem like anyone else was totally excited about it either. Kinda felt like old news. (My second son was the 4th grandchild on my husband's and the 3rd on mine). But I finally realized that I just plain didn't have time to be as excited as the first time around. After all, the first time around I wasn't chasing after a very busy 20 month old! Everything was so new and exciting, where the second time is more of a been there done that kind of experience. So I think it is totally normal to feel just how you're feeling. Because I was having another boy, no one really volunteered to throw a baby shower for me so I asked my mother in law for one. I wanted to have a shower, not because I needed the stuff, but because I wanted to do something to celebrate this baby to help me feel a little more excited. It really helped, I might add! Don't put any unnecessary pressure on yourself. It's okay to feel blah about it. You're going to adore your second child just as much as the first. You'll be amazed at how different they are, and that parenting the second time around is an entirely new game and experience. Good luck, and congratulations on your new little girl!

I think you should talk to other moms face to face about this. It is pretty common. Maybe you need to tell your Dr. that you are very concerned about this and you expect him to take it seriously. After saying all that, I honestly wouldn't be overly concerned. I don't know your whole situation, but the fact is you have met and loved your first, including holding him/her in your hugs and kissing. This new one hasn't come out to meet you yet, and is only seen in your mind, although you know the baby is in there. In my case, I not only had to contend with that, but I'd had a couple of miscarriages very early in the term. One was between my first and my second, so with that track record I was mentally distancing myself not to care too much. In fact, I started spotting & small clumps came out around 12 weeks. I thought all was lost until I decided to go in for the scheduled checkup (they'd thought I'd lost her too) and found a strong heartbeat. They never did find the reason for the bleeding, but found that there was definitely some inside. I now have a beautiful, healthy 4 year old to go with her older brother. In fact, her brother had problems during birth, too, and was born with forceps, so they had to do some stuff quickly when he came out. He's also very healthy. One of my problems is that I felt we'd dodged the bullet with him; would we be so lucky again?

So, you could be experiencing hormonal issues big time, she/he just may not feel like a real person yet and face it, life changes a bit after each baby. I don't know what is exactly normal, but you are not feeling anything you "shouldn't" feel. We are all different, and every birth, even in same families, is different. Enjoy your pregnancy and know that you'll fall in love with your new bundle, even if you are exhausted at first and having to deal with hormones for awhile. If you still feel there's an issue at your 6 week checkup, or it really concerns you before then, make sure your doctor listens. What's most important is that you feel good and can cope well. Baby will feel happier, too. Oh, and sleep is really a huge key.

Good luck to you. You'll make it just fine.

I really feel for you! I had 4 kids and each of my pregnancies were different everything from how I felt about the pregnancy to how I felt the baby. I would tell you not to worry about about how you feel but I am sure will not take my word for it (smile) take this into consideration when you were pregnant with your older child you were not pre-occupied by another child and you had lots of time to focus on your pregnant belly. you also were not experienced in what you are experiencing now you are an old hand at it. unless the feeling are negative I would not worry about it.
Again easier said than done. the fact you are knowing the feelings you are having is good enough reason to relax a bit.