Desperate for NON CIO Sleep Methods.

I slept w/ my horrid sleeping child in my bed until she was 3 and old enough to understand me when I told her she needed to stay in her bed. If you're ok w/ him co-sleeping, then it's ok to do and you shouldn't feel as if you're doing something bad or wrong.

As for the bottle, switch it to water. I doubt he wants to get up for a few drinks of water. You could also try putting the sippy cup where he can reach it himself.

"No Cry Sleep Solution" books are WONDERFUL!! Most book stores have them, they can be found online, or you can get them at the library.

First of all, there is NOTHING wrong with letting him sleep with you. If that's what works, do it. It's a perfectly safe and valid sleep arrangement that many, many families use. I co-slept and night-nursed with all of my children and it was a wonderful arrangement for us.

However, it sounds like the bottle habit is what needs breaking. What's in the bottle? In a way, it's light night-weaning a night-nurser. If you don't give him something worth waking up for, he will stop waking up. If the bottle has formula or juice or milk in it, change it to water. Water really isn't worth getting up for - it took most of my kids maybe 3 nights of water bottles to stop waking up when I was ready to night wean them. Even after they were night-weaned, they slept with me until they were about 2 years old so if he sleeps more soundly with you once you can break him of the bottle habit and you are comfortable with that arrangement, there is no need to force him to his crib if that doesn't work for him and you right now.

Please read Elizabeth Pantley's "No Cry Sleep Solution." The book is WONDERFUL. I really can't say enough about it. It is the total opposite of CIO, which I would never, ever, in a million years do. Just the thought CIO gets me worked up, so I understand your position and totally support it. It is a step-by-step plan that will help you gently and gradually get your son to be able to go to sleep and stay asleep on his own.

Finally, DO NOT beat yourself up over this! You are a wonderful parent who is responding to her baby's needs, which is what a parent is supposed to do in infancy. You did a great job with that, now it's your job to gently move him into the next developmental stage, which is to be able to fall asleep on his own, go back to sleep on his own when he wake at night (which we all do without knowing it) and go all night without a feeding. He is developmentally ready to do this, you just need to get him there gently. The NCCS will help you do that.

Here are the 3 books that were life-savers for me when I had no clue how to teach my infant son how to sleep:

Dr.Sears Baby Sleep Book
The Baby Whisperer
The No-Cry sleep solution

All have invaluable tips, trick and information on infant sleep. The better you understand infant sleep the better you will be armed to develop a sleep plan that works for your family.

And sister, I am *with* you on the NO CIO. Nope, no way, never in this house either. Sorry but the cio folks can't tell me that flooding infant's little systems with stress hormones, raising their blood pressure and leaving them to cry while I stand on the other side of the door crying would be a good thing for anyone.

For the 1st year or so, my daughter was a screamer at night. She could be in my arms and still screaming. This did gradually get better, but it was awful. I, too, hate CIO & never used it on either of my kids. My son was & is a much better sleeper. For DD, I just figured out what worked for her. We are co-sleepers, it is not a bad habit. We started at about 6 weeks because that was the only way to get more than an hour of sleep at a time. She is now 4 & I can put her to bed-in her own bed-with a couple of kisses & hugs. She does get up in the middle of the night & come to us, but that's OK with us. It took us 4 years to get to this point and will take us probably at least another year to get her to stay in her own bed. But, as I continually say, it works for us. When she was at your son's age, she was in our bed & we were all sleeping through the night with waking only a couple nights a week.
If co-sleeping works for you & your family, then by all means, do it. He won't be sleeping with you for long. If giving him a bottle works, then do it. We did that with DS & it worked. We did start with milk & over a period of several weeks diluted it to just water. It got to a point that it was only a splash of water. I am a firm believer that you do what works for you & your family, not what other people tell you to do. Those other people don't live with you & aren't walking the floor at 2am.

Take whatever pieces of advice you're given & modify it to work for you. But, be prepared for what works today won't work tomorrow. Crazy kids.

We are a Ferber family. I suggest you read his book "Solving Your Child's Sleep Problems." Even if you don't want to use his techniques (which are NOT CIO-- CIO is going away and not coming back until morning, no matter what happens, something that Ferber is totally against), you may gain some insight into what is going on. Good luck!

I think that crying it out is cruel and inhumane and that those people are teaching their babies to not trust them. SO I commend you for not doing that. You are going to have to do some changes though. You did not mention his daytime sleep schedule. If he is sleeping hours during the day he is backwards. Days/Nights.

He is old enough to be down to one nap per day so if he is taking 2 please start putting him down a bit later for his morning nap and letting him sleep for several hours.Then don't put him down for a second one. Less sleep during the day means more sleep at night.

I could never get my kids to go to bed this early, they are starving by midnight and want to be up eating. I put the kids to bed around 9 pm after a good snack. Not too heavy but a good solid snack.

I wonder if there is something else going on since he won't even settle down when co-sleeping. We still have kids (ages 4 and 7) in bed with us occasionally so I do not think it's bad. Maybe the ears hurt when laying down and sitting upright helps the pain to be better. Maybe his tummy hurts, lots of things could be going on.

Being inconsolable is not right, you know this and obviously something is going on here. He should be tiring out after a few minutes and falling asleep, and sleeping through the rest of the night.

When the kids would be up for a half hour or more and not going to sleep I would let them play. It wasn't going to do any good to make a battle out of it. If they are not sleepy they are not sleepy. When that's the case the daytime schedule needs to be worked on and changed.

First of all, you aren't failing and you aren't stupid. Maybe made a couple of not so good decisions (co-sleeping - if that was not what you wanted in the first place) but definitely not a failure! Unfortunately you have set a precedence and now he is a year old. This will be a tough battle to fight. He is now used to getting what he wants and a habit has formed. There is no quick fix for sleeping problems. I know you want to stick to your guns BUT it sounds as if you aren't desperate enough if you aren't willing to try the CIO method. You're right going to sleep shouldn't be traumatic however, he is only a year old and will have NO RECOLLECTION of CIO. It sounds like you are attentive and loving so there will be no abandonment/neglect issue using the CIO method.

Good luck!

I am a believer in CIO as we sleep trained both our kids in less than a week once we did. However, I understand why you are afraid to do this, so I will just offer this observation based on your story. Your son has trained YOU to into doing all this...he has no self-soothing methods of his own. CIO isn't meant to traumatize a child (if you do it before age 3, they won't remember any of it anyway), but it gives them an opportunity to LEARN how to fall asleep.

I didn't need this book, but some folks swear by it - it's worth a try!
http://www.happiestbaby.com/

You ARE NOT a failure ~ you are a Mom. Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do. My oldest was a sleeper and started sleeping through the night at 3 months in his crib. I didn't know how lucky we were.
My youngest didn't sleep through the night until he was 1 and often times slept with us just so I could get some sleep. He was and still is a very light sleeper. I didn't go to him every time he woke up, only once he started to cry and get fussy and I knew he wouldn't get back to sleep on his own. If I went to him for every little noise or squak I would have been up all night. He is now 2.5 and probably 2x a week he sneaks downstairs and into bed with us :) and I must admit I love waking up to his smiling little face.
I really don't have any good advice but I just wanted you to know that you are GREAT Mom and it will get better!
We never used the CIO method either. It works for some, just not us. It makes my heart hurt to hear my kids cry so I just couldn't do it. My hubby on the other hand probably could have so I just took the night shift (hubby also works a lot of graveyard ) so it was not up for discussion.

Aww, that sounds like it must be hard. We've been having sleep problems too, but not quite like that! No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley was helping us a bit until our little guy started teething, now we sort of have to start over but I did see some progress in a little over a week (sleeping 3 hours rather than 2, putting him back down was easier too). You might try giving it a breeze through; it's a very easy read and well laid out. Some of the things I found I was already doing, like yourself - bed time routines, walking to sleep, etc. but it gives other suggestions I hadn't considered before like having key words to signal sleep and such. It sounds like you have to break his association with the bottle, it use to be walking to sleep but now you've created it as a substitute, "one crutch for another" as Pantley would describe it. It's so hard when you're desperate in the middle of the night, which is why I like her method. She doesn't berate you if you don't stick to your plan to a 't', she says if the new "trick" you're using is not working then do your usual, just try it again the next time. Eventually your kiddo will get use to a new way of falling asleep, however it works out for him. Good luck, and hang in there!

I'm a total believer in not letting them cry it out, but yours sounds like a candidate for it I hate to say.
I think I wouldnt give the bottle so close to bedtime. Maybe his digestive system keeps him awake? Maybe the sensation of having to pee after drinking milk off and on all night wakes him up and makes him feel uncomfortable.
I would try feeding him early so he doesnt go to bed on a full stomach.
I would try playing hard with him for an hour before wind down time. Really let him toddle and use all his energy up. Do the warm bath, let him play in there some more if that's what it takes to wear him out.
Get him in his cozy pjs, keep the lights low, tv off or low so there are no loud distractions. Rock him for a little while till he falls asleep.
I feel for ya, I never had this problem. I put my kids in their crib the day we came home from the hospital and both of them only woke up one maybe twice in the night for a feeding and then went straight back to sleep. I was blessed there, that's for sure. They would wake and squack sometimes, but I didnt go straight in to them, I gave them a few minutes to figure it out and 9 times out of 10 they went straight back to sleep on their own. I cant imagine sharing a room with the baby, you would wake up every time you hear something... oy. yawn.

Why is it awful to have him sleep with you? Is it that you don't personally want him in the bed or are you worried that it isn't "right" according to others' advice? If he's having this much trouble sleeping and affecting your sleep, why not letting him sleep in the same bed? I've co-slept with both my kids until about the age of 3-4 and they've easily transitioned to their own beds after that. I'm not into CIO either - Go with your gut and forget about conventional advice, just do what you think feels right for you and your son. Good luck.

I don't know how it would work for the rest of your household, but when i lay my son down for naps, if he cries i vacuum outside his room and it usually puts him right to sleep. although it won't help keep him asleep for longer than 3 hours, it may help get him to sleep if you are having problems.

While i use the ferber method, i realize its not for everyone. The problem is that you need to teach your child how to fall back to sleep on his own if he wakes up. If you only ever give him a bottle to put him to sleep, he's not going to know any other way. (which is why alot of moms do the "letting them cry, going in and patting, repeat - not just cry and cry and cry"). But since you are against that, try leaving a bottle of water with him like someone suggested. At least maybe that way, he won't rely on you.

If he is inconsolable, maybe he has gas or teething or something. try some gripe water and/or tylenol at night and see if that makes a difference.

I thought my son was bad until I read how poorly your sleeps. I feel for you. It is tough when you aren't getting enough sleep either. Can you try to wean him out of your bed by putting him in a pack and play beside your bed? What about him spending the night with a family member or friend one night a week so you can get some sleep? Sorry I don't have any ideas, but I wish you the best. Mine is only 6 months old and I'm exhausted and we only get up 2-3 times a night now.

Lots of expert advice here, I really think you will find something here from Dr Sears that helps:

http://www.askdrsears.com/html/7/T070100.asp

Really though, crying it out isn't about letting the child scream while you ignore it, but letting the child learn to self soothe with your guidance. When you are walking him around and rocking him and picking him up constantly throughout the night when he cries, you are tampering with his ability to learn to do that. There is a fine line with it, so don't rule the method out entirely, just educate yourself on it a little more and find a method that works for you, it's probably somewhere in the middle.

HUGS!!!!! CIO was never an option with our son for many reasons. He was 10wks early (and did the premie-hyperventilation thing for 2mos), he had a hernia (causing severe reflux) and other issues. The longest he cried without puking everywhere was 7 seconds (you start to time things when you're desperate for improvements). He never napped longer than 12mins until 26mos, never slept longer than 20mins until 20mos, and just started sleeping thru the night at 30mos. I work from home nights/weekends.

With help from his therapists/developmentalists, we tried everything, went to seminars at CHoP, read every book. Ultimately, it came down to waiting for his body to heal and re-training him (with being sick for so long, catnaps were all he knew). At 16mos, I was so bruised and beat up from going to him every 20mins thru the night, I finally brought him into bed with me. It was the best thing I ever did and I regret fighting it for so long. I was then able to instantly soothe him.

At 28mos, he was moved to his own bed/room (we'd finished our house addition/construction) and he had zero problems transitioning from sleeping with me to sleeping on his own. He had zero problems self-soothing. It only took 2mos longer because he didn't have the right kind of bed.

No Cry Sleep Solution was the best for us - it helped me learn how to re-train him when it was time, it taught us about so many things we did wrong. For example: when he'd wake up crying, we'd talk to him and turn on music. This taught him that quiet talking and music were for waking up, so they never worked for falling asleep. My eyes no longer twitch 24/7, my body is finally starting to heal and I'm finally able to re-train myself!

I'm so sorry you're going thru this and I wish you tons of luck!!!!!!

Hi, J.:
Your baby is sensing your frustration.
Do you have any help with your baby?
Gentle Touch Warehouse has some video's for
baby massages. Would you be able to look into that
type of therapy for your baby?
Just want to know.
Good luck
D.

Friends of mine had their child do a sleep study at CHOP (children's hospital of PA). They felt it helped immensely and their only regret was they hadn't done it earlier. You may want to contact your physician, or someone at CHOP and see if this could be beneficial. I don't remember the issues they had, their son is 8 now, but I know they felt it was a big help.

First, I have to give you a pat on the back for not using CIO! I am soooo against using CIO method. I truly believe it is our job as a parent to make our children feel secure and letting them cry while we ignore it is not teaching them trust in any way. I have a 2 1/2 year old who sleeps through the night and we accomplished this without ever using the CIO method. There were many rough nights where I would lay on the floor beside his crib and hold his hand through the crib rails until he fell back to sleep. I tried really hard to not let him sleep with us (nothing against co-sleeping...it just doesn't work for us) so he and I would go lay together on the couch if he needed me. I work full-time so I needed my sleep too.

What time does your son get up for the day? I ask because 7:30 sounds like an early bedtime. My son doesn't have to leave the house in the morning because my grandma comes to our house to keep him so at that age he never went to bed before 8:30 or 9. He also didn't wake up until about 8am. Maybe your son just isn't tired enough at 7:30? Someone mentioned his napping schedule during the day and I agree that he typically will only need 1 nap a day at this point.

I fully agree with Jennifer S.'s suggestion of putting water in his bottle during the night. I still give my son a sippy cup with water in that is by his pillow in his crib. He knows it is there and I often hear him awake during the night, drink some water and lay back down. There is nothing wrong with your son needing a drink but I don't think he needs anything other than water at this age.

Does he have a 'lovey' of some sort to take this his bed with him? My son has a lovey blanket and pacifer and he still needs both to fall asleep. Maybe a stuffed animal or a security blanket would give your son 'company' and comfort as he sleeps alone?

Please don't feel stupid or like a failure. It sounds to me like you are a very caring and attentive mom. Parenting is a learning experience so just because you don't have the answers you are not stupid. My best advice is to tell you that this too shall pass. It may not feel like it now but someday your son will sleep through the night and you will be rested again :) Hang in there!!

You're getting a LOT of advice here, which is good! But ultimately, you have to go with what works for you and your son. My daughter (now 3 1/2) was a terrible, terrible sleeper. We, too, were a little late getting her into a bedtime routine (5 months old) but by then it was too late -- she was used to being nursed to sleep every 1 1/2, 2 hours. And by then she was also teething. So I was a sleep-deprived zombie until she was nearly a year old. We tried the Pantley _No Cry Sleep Solutions_ for a while, and that kinda helped her move away from the nursing herself to sleep. But it finally got to the point that I couldn't function due to the lack of sleep, so my husband wound up putting her to bed. I would leave the house for a little while, and she would be fighting and crying, but he would be there with her through it all. She was about 8-9 months by this time, and I was more okay with her crying by then because I had a sense that she knew she was safe and cared for, but the crying was more about being angry with us for not giving her what she wanted. By the time she was a year old, she was really sleeping through the night. It was a miracle.

I also wanted to share a blog that got me through some of the worst of the sleep-dep: askmoxie.com. Search for sleep posts. She has amazing advice and encouragement on there. One of the big tips I got from her was to read _The Wonder Weeks_ (http://www.amazon.com/stimulate-development-predictable-m...) . This book goes into detailed description of baby's developmental phases, which often coincide with periods of difficulty sleeping. Once you have a better understanding of the monumental tasks your kid is going through as he grows, you are better able to cope with the sleep dep (most of the time!).

Above all -- and I know this will sound unhelpful, but it's true -- you child WILL somehow learn to sleep. And you WILL get sleep soon. This is only temporary. Hang in there. Do whatever you have to do to cope for now, but it's temporary. Ask Moxie suggested coping strategies like getting someone to babysit over one night while you check into a hotel to get sleep -- that kind of permission was totally liberating for me, and it makes sense. So do what you have to do to get through this, and it will be okay. Good luck!

Read Elizabeth Pantley's No-Cry Sleep Solution. It explains a lot about the process. It is not a quick solution, and requires a lot of work on your part, but it will help.... in time.

Just wanted to send you support--I know how you feel--I had my own non-sleeper (although he also refused to sleep in bed with us). It was so impossibly hard to deal with being up for hours at a time etc. We just had another baby (waited 3 years in large part because of fear of the sleep thing again) and this baby sleeps! I has occurred to me we didn't do anything to our first son he just wasn't a sleeper--so take heart that it's not your fault. If my son would have coslept he would still be in bed with us. He's 3 and now sleeps peacefully most nights. We did eventually let him CIO--but not on purpose we just fell asleep one night with him crying and for us it was a small sleeping miracle because that is all it took to "cure" him--we've since found that to sleep he needs to alone with absolutely no stimulation (and he finds people very interesting), so not touching or snuggling or rocking and he sleeps great (wish we had figured that out months earlier). So for us CIO was probably about our only option because he simply will not fall asleep with people around him and I don't know how to soothe a child without touching them or using music etc. We also tried all the books with limited success. The No-Cry Sleep Solution was a huge help, but not a cure for us. Good luck--you can read some of my other sleep posts for more information. For what it's worth our new baby can be patted back to sleep at night and I just set him down in his crib and rubbed his little tummy and he fell asleep for his nap--this NEVER, EVER happened or even came close to happening with our oldest--my husband said it was like trying to put a live grenade to bed!

Hmmm...here are a few ideas you could check out:

http://www.theskinnyscoop.com/search/sleep?utm_campaign=t...

Hope it helps!

The most effective way for a child to sleep soundly through the night is by being extremely well fed. You may think he is full and content, but if he is sleeping this lightly, I guarantee you he needs to eat more during the day. If you stuff him much more for a few days (it takes a few days for the body to register the change) you will see him sleeping sounder and longer.

I was a solid believer in CIO believing it's best for kids to learn to feel secure on their own-but to be honest, none of my kids cried for long, 1: because it never made me come get them and 2: because they were full and fast asleep. I learned that trick form a mother of 12. Once you get him fuller, and you can see he's sleeping better, but still has the HABIT of needing you and screaming, that is your own choice not to let him get past that by walking away and letting him cry. Not saying it's a wrong choice, just saying it's a choice. But at least you will see great improvement from filling him more.

have you had him checked for reflux? Reflux gets worse when you lie down and when he keeps getting fed it could explain why he cries so hard.

What is probably happening is that he cannot get to sleep without you so when he wakes up he needs you to get back down. I did this with my first and he was a terrible sleeper. I never wanted to CIO either. With my second I put him down drowsy but awake and he would fall asleep by himself and pretty much stay asleep. If he did wake I would do a little CIO with him. I will have to say that to this day my second is a much better sleeper. The oldest is nine now and STILL seeks me out in the middle of the night when he wakes up.

I had this problem with my son who is now3 when he was 2. I told him it was time to sleep and left. When he cried for me I went in right away to make him feel secure and said "it;s time to sleep goodnight", kissed him and went out of the room again. The next time he cried I did the same thing and then once he cried for me from then on I went in didn't make eye contact and didn't talk to him, I just kissed him and went out of the roomk again. I did this over and over again and eventually he got the point. It took 3 nights total but was easier each night. I hope this helps. I don't agree with crying it out and this system worked for me. I felt that he knew I was still there for him but that I was in charge of the situation and he was going to sleep by himself. Good luck. If you have any questions feel free to email me.

I haven't read all the answers but I agree with you. I too am a no-CIO person. We actually tried it once and I vowed to never, never do it again. I'm assuming you have checked for all the normal stuff, clean diaper, he's not cold, not hungry, not sick etc. From your explination it sounds like he is not self-soothing at all. He has not figured out how to calm himself down and put himself back to sleep, right? Does he take a pacifier? Does he have something to cuddle with? Like a stuffed animal or small blankie. His crib is in your room, right? I'm guessing he can probably see you which won't help with getting him back to sleep. Any way to block his view of you? Do you have a rocking chair so you don't have to walk around? He needs to feel safe and secure and something is preventing that from happening. He also is probably picking up on your frustration. Try to be calm. When you pick him up at night don't turn on any light, talk in a low soothing voice and start to tell him it's bedtime, it's time to go back to sleep etc. If you repeat it enough he should start to get the picture. How is he sleeping during the day? Does he take 1 or 2 naps? Maybe he's sleeping too much during the day? Around 1 year is when they usually switch to one nap a day. If you are comfortable with co-sleeping there is nothing wrong with that. It wasn't for me but it does work for a lot of families. If you have someone else around to help out with those really awful nights make sure you ask for their help. This isn't something that will happen overnight but if you stick with the same routine/plan every night it will happen.

has he been checked for ear infections? and are you sure he is 100% full before he gets laid down for bed? um i would suggest giving him a snack like cheeros before you go in and lay down and make sure he is getting gas outa him and everything my daughter almost every night poops before bed like right before she is ready to go to sleep i would maybe put soft music on and rock him and give him a blanket or stuffed animal to help comfort him. also look into a crib toy and see if that helps him when he wakes up at night. if you switched him to whole milk already make sure he isnt have problems with it bothering his stomach