I gave my 4-year old DD and my 6-year old DS cereal and juice this morning for breakfast. They proceeded to argue about stupid little things. I warned both of them 2-3 times to stop arguing and eat their breakfast. My 4-year old proceeded to throw a fit because she was mad at her brother and decided to refuse to eat. Next thing I know, she had spilled her juice all over the table.
The entire table had to be cleaned and the tablecloth changed. She also had to change her clothes because she got wet too...and this was all 5 minutes before we all had to leave the house. This was a HUGE freaking mess and just ruined the flow of the morning...which is always kinda hectic anyway. By the time everything was cleaned up, it was past time to go. Then DD started crying because NOW she wanted to eat.
Too bad! She had her chance and we were running late. So, I loaded both kids up and headed to daycare. She has the option to get breakfast there as well so she didn't go hungry this morning. I am more than willing to interupt our routine if there is truly a problem, but she really just wanted to throw a temper tantrum and be unreasonable. We don't have time for that in the morning. If she had just sat down and ate when I told her to, there probably would not have been a problem.
Now I feel guilty...was I too harsh on her? I want her to understand that we have to be places at certain times and literally there is no extra time for nonsense like this in the morning. Frankly, this was not something that I was willing to be late for work on...
ETA: I do pad my schedule with a few minutes, but I am really not willing to get up any earlier...I am up at 5 a.m. and get the kids up around 5:30 a.m. We have to leave the house by about 6:15 a.m. Our mornings are already crazy early as it is...
You did just fine. She will have learned you can't do that in the morning and will indeed know better for next time. You too, will have ammo for a warning should she get out of hand again. IE: "Remember what happened the other day....there will be no breakfast...".
The only thing I would have done differently was take away her breakfast after she continued to not listen to you after the first time you told her.
Four years old is old enough to know that one "warning" is all you get. Harsh maybe, but how else do they learn?
I think you handled it fine. I would've differed in that she would've lost the breakfast after me asking her to knock it off once, and her not shaping up. At the most, the kid will be eating a snack soon, anyway, so they're not going to die of starvation.
If the kids can get breakfast at daycare, why not give yourself a break and just let them eat it there? Sounds like a no-brainer to me.
I get always feeling rushed. I get up between 4:50 and 5:00am so I can workout, eat breakfast, get showered and ready to go to work, help get DD ready, and then get to work at 7:30am. So to pad my mornings with an extra 20 or 30 minutes just will not happen and is easier to do when you don't have a job to get to. I have to sleep.
Devone is exactly right - next time she pulls this stuff, tell her that she must be done and remove her from the table. Tell her that she may NOT fight with her brother or she will get NO breakfast. I would come down hard on this and not feel one iota of guilt for it.
She is testing you big time and she will continue this if you don't show 100% commitment to not allowing it. I promise you that if you don't give an inch, she will quit this stuff. AND your son will realize that it will be him NEXT if he does it. A swift reminder to him after he sees his sister lose her place at the table should take care of him.
You really HAVE to do this, T.. You have to leave FAR too early in the morning to be allowing this stuff.
Good luck and good resolve!
Dawn
You did good. Anytime you can let natural Consequences be their teacher it is a good thing.
Tomorrow morning remind her of those consequences. Tell them if they even start to argue after one warning, you will pack up and leave again.
And back it up with actions.
You did the best you did on the fly and in a rush.
There is NO way to predict how our kids will be every single morning.
So because of that... I pad my daily morning schedule, with about 15-20 minutes. That way, me and the kids do NOT have to rush.
When "rushing" kids tend to get upset or fussy. I know that.
That is why, I always factor in 15-20 extra minutes into our daily morning routine.
Therefore, we are never late... to leaving for school in the morning.
I even tell my kids to get things in the van, 10 minutes before we even have to. Therefore we are never late.
I get them and me, doing our daily morning routines, ahead of time in other words. With extra time to spare sometimes. And that leads to better moods... in the morning.
It is problem solving... the morning routines, in a more sane manner. I wake up earlier than the rest of my family too... so that *I* don't have to rush around like a grumpy maniac in the morning.
If someone rushed me in the morning, like my Husband, I would be CRANKY too, and fussy. Not good for anyone.
Especially in the morning "rush."
Therefore, I get the family into the routine, padding our timing for everything. That circumvents all the rushing and possible moodiness and fussiness in the morning.
i can't even begin to comprehend how you could deem this "too harsh".
throwing a tantrum at breakfast = not having time to eat. period. makes sense to me.
she is lucky that daycare offers breakfast, to be frank.
look, my job supports my family, which is my #1 priority. i don't do well at my job, my family does not eat, or bills do not get paid. a four year old's tantrum has no business jeopardizing that. she is old enough to know better. please please please don't waste any time worrying about how you handled this. i'm still wondering at what point you could possibly conceive that you were too harsh.....
at some point the child has to understand they don't control the universe. it's not harsh. it's reality. would you really have spent an extra 15 or 20 minutes making her feel better about throwing a tantrum and throwing a wrench in your already crazy morning? let yourself be late to work? just to ease your guilt? she misbehaved. there are consequences. no guilt mama!
Sounds like what I would do. And my kids don't even get the option of having breakfast again.
I bet she'll sit and ear her breakfast tomorrow.
I would have done the same thing!! My kids are 12 and 6 and sometimes life lessons are the best lessons :) My son won't eat his dinner then he says he is hungry a hour later so I tell him I'll heat up his plate and he'll say no. Then later he'll ask for a snack, I tell him he can snack on his dinner. Sometimes he will some times he won't but I'm not going to cave just because he didn't care for what I cooked that night (unless it was burnt or just a bad dinner).
S.
You're fine.
Stop worrying about it!
She ate at daycare...
Too harsh? No freaking way. She is 4 and can make choices. She made the decision to not listen and use her bad behavior, so she got the consequences of that. You did the RIGHT thing by following through and making her take her punishment.
For our busy mornings, I keep things like Pop-Tarts, Sausage Pancake sticks, Protein Bars, NutriGrain bars, dry cereal in a bag, etc on hand. They can eat in the car if they need to. That might make your mornings a bit easier if you can eliminate the whole breakfast fiasco.
Yes you handled it right. You feel badly that she didn't eat but she had a chance and didn't eat and she will learn better if she knows you mean it when you say to eat her food you are leaving. You have to be firm and yes, we feel badly about many things we have to do in teaching our children but she will survive. Tell her you are sorry she didn't eat when she had the chance but not that you are sorry you said no about eating at the last minute.
Done it, and will do it again!!!!
Don't feel guilty.
I would have done the same thing!! Don't feel guilty!
You did great! Exactly what, IMHO, you should have done. And I would say that even if she didn't get breakfast at daycare. One morning of going hungry won't hurt her, but it very well may help you!
