Dilemma over Neighbor's Children

Have you considered speaking to the children? They are at an age where they can hold a conversation with you. Try telling them you love having them play with your daughter, but if they can't follow the rules of your home (b/c they are at your home), then they will not be able to come over anymore. It seems pretty clear the mother will likely do nothing if you say anything to her. So, I would try that. Of course, since they have no discipline you will likely have to send them home a couple times til they get the idea.

You aren't disciplining the children, but you expect them to follow the same rules as you would your own children. As long as they are hanging out on your turf, that is COMPLETELY reasonable. It is cut and dry. If they can't do that, then they can go home and behave however they want.

I have a very similar thing going on with me, but the child is a family member, and thus unavoidable. However, he loves coming over to visit. You will have to take that away if the children cannot follow your rules. (P.S. Make sure your rules are posted or blatantly obvious.)

Maybe you could make sure you are outside when the children play together and use the neighbor's bad behavior to show your daughter the WRONG way to act. That could be a valuable learning tool, if you discuss it later (at home & not in front of the other kids) and let your daughter determine what they did wrong. I think your daughter is old enough to understand that how the other kids are acting is unacceptable (and she proved it by telling you so!), so I wouldn't worry too much that she will adopt those undesirable behaviors. I have a 19 year old daughter, and believe me, if you protest too much and try to keep the children from playing together, your daughter will probably want to even more!! And that rule applies for future friends...it's better to "set the stage" now and open a dialogue about what kinds of things YOU find unacceptable and hopefully those values will rub off on your daughter :) Good luck!

Hi, T., It is tough to live close to folks who refuse to discipline their children! Unfortunately, there are lots of them out there. Your daughter will be exposed to so much, and only some things do you have control over. I would try to limit their time together, but not cut ties completely. As you said, you don't want to make her feel she is being punished. I would try to line up other play dates, "invent" other activites, etc. to keep her too busy to see the kids that are a bad influence! Good luck. N. B.

I'm from a family where cursing wasn't allowed. All of my friends knew this. When they met my mom, and they let something slip, she would just say, 'I'm sorry, but we don't curse in this house, if you continue, you'll have to leave'. She was known to kick a friend to two out of the day. My friends understood real quick that she meant business. If you do try to instill some discipline to these kids, keep it short term - the rest of the day, until Wed., etc. prolonged punishment won't help anyone.
M.

T., T., T.....

We are in the exact same situation!!! I live in a new neighborhood that is just over 2 years old. My neighbor 2 doors down from me has 5 children, all boys, ranging in age from 11 down to 2. They are rude and obnoxious. They have no rules and no manners. The two 9 year olds are bullies and have in turn turned the 5 year old into a bully as well. I have had my share of tiffs with the mother over their behavior towards my son and decided very early on to limit contact between our families. My son knows he is not allowed to play with them and if they happen to be at someone's house where he wants to go he can't go until they leave. Not sure if this is fortunate or unfortunate but we are not the only ones who feel this way so it is rare these kids are at a house my son wants to be at. My son is 5 years old and I have explained to him in great detail why he is not allowed to play with these neighbors. He is very intelligent and he completely understands. If you decide to limit contact you need to explain to your daughter why, she is old enough to understand and not feel as if you are taking any friends away. The bottom line is you need to do what's best for you and your family, in the end that's all that matters. Good luck to you.

K. - SAHM of 2 boys, 5 and 2

Hi T., I had/have a very similar situation. This could be a great teaching tool for your daughter... because she is not ONLY going to have contact with peers that we approve of.. Well with my kids.. its the four kids down the street.. they run their house.. Bottom line, after some not so fortunate situations... our children are not allowed to go over their house at all.. and once in a while they can play on their property with them for half hour intervals and then they have to come home and get permission to go back.. but usually if the kids are going to play together,it is here on my property in the backyard.. and if I feel like letting them in.. which I have not.. I would, on my property where I am in control. These kids also curse out their mom, and she's so sweet; she admitted to me that she has no control over her kids (duh),, but anyway.. keep encouraging your daughter to talk to you about the things that they do over their house.. cuss their parents and etc.. and you guys can talk about it.. how she knows she couldn't talk to you like that and how it is disrespectful.. I wouldn't take her little friends away from her unless they were really having a bad influence on her.. and her behavior was changing. Good Luck

L.

it sounds as if your daughter is handling it very well (kudos to you!), so what's the real problem? it's really not your job to give a wake-up call to the parents. they parent as they choose and they have a right to do that.
i tend to be on the strict side as a parent, but most of our friends are unschoolers and their children are very freewheeling. it makes me antsy, but that's my problem.
i'd limit the amount of time your daughter spends with 'em to some degree, perhaps (the cursing is distressing, for sure) but if she loves the kids, they love her, she's not behaving badly from her contact with them, i'd allow the friendship to continue. in your shoes i'd make sure their contact with ME was limited.
khairete
S.

I'm glad you are so in tuned with this because so many parents these days really don't pay attention to the kids their children are around. You should REALLY limit the time your daughter spends with these children. I have seen first hand how the most wonderful behaving child has been turned into a hoodlum by being around a bad bunch of kids. In my neighborhood (by the way, mostly my in laws), some new houses were built with people who were not family. Alot of these kids were the worst you have ever seen!!! I mean extreme (egging houses, shooting B-Bs at houses and animals), setting woods on fire, breaking glass in the road, etc). There are now a few of my in-laws' children who have began hanging around with these kids (some were threatened by the bad kids, so they hang with them to keep from being tormented, others just think they're cool). Being pro-active in your course of child-rearing will help her understand that this behavior is unacceptable and not the type of person you wish her to be. However, you will need to provide some access to friends you do approve of and allow her other benefits to show her that her good behavior has not gone unnoticed and is greatly appreciated. Also, this may help these unruly kids across the street see that their bad behavior is keeping them from having your daughter over to play and how they should act before she is allowed to play with them anymore. Keep up the good work!

T., we had a situation similar to this one and I told my daughter that I was not going to have her hang out with the child because her parents "parent differently than we do" and there are things that are going on there that I do not agree with and that I think would cause unsafe and potentially dangerous situations (the dangerous part was probably a little extreme) but at this point, if they are cursing out their parents, what's next? Anyway, if they came to the door, I would always say, "she's busy and can't play" or "we will be leaving soon and can't play, etc". My feeling about talking to the parents is the same as yours- probably won't do any good.. Hope this helps.
A little about me- I am married to my hubby for 19 years!! And, we have four children 23, 14, 12 and 11.

Hi T.,

Our children will meet, and like, children we'd wish they didn't play with. That said, maybe you can use this as an opportunity to teach your child about respect and peer pressure., with her good behavior as an example and their poor behavior as an example. Keep reinforcing how proud you are of her good manners ANY time she interacts with these kids.

You can also use their interactions as peer pressure lessons, guiding her on how to maintain her ground on using respect and good manners when speaking to others while not allowing their poor behavior to appear as something acceptable. Point out to her that her other friends don't do act this way toward their parents because that's the way MOST people behave and that your neighbors are the exception.

She's going to encounter people like this throughout her life and, while I can see how unpleasant and infuriating this could be for you and your husband, this is a good way to guide her reactions and understanding while she's still listening to you. : )

I agree that talking to the parents would be wasting your breath. They could view you as being judgmental, which could further damage what sounds like a very delicate relationship and not help the situation at all. You must know the parents probably feel helpless--most parents don't want their kids speaking to them in this manner; perhaps these parents just don't know what to do, but it's not your place to educate them verbally, but keep showing them a good example by enforcing rules for your daughter.

Hang in there and I hope this helps.

D.

I think you have two options - ONLY allow your child to play with them in your home where you have control or to end the friendship because they are out of control and a bad influence.

When my stepdaughter was younger, there was an older girl who lived behind us. She was 2-3 years older than SD. As a teenager, this older girl started dressing skimpy, going online to inappropriate sites, etc. We stopped allowing SD to go to the girl's house and would closely monitor interactions at our home. Once, the girl directed SD and a younger friend to a chat line where the discussion was way too adult. We put an end to that.

I think that the end of the friendship was two fold - we limited their time because we didn't approve of the girl's behavior and SD didn't want to be around someone who did things she wasn't comfortable with. If the situation had gotten any worse, we would have just said, "No, you cannot hang out with her." I think sometimes kids are relieved for you to be the bad guy when they know something's not right.

While your daughter could be a good role model, she's a young kid and that's not her job. You are right to be more concerned about what they are exposing HER to while hanging out with them.

T., unfortunately it probably won't matter to the parents that your daughter does not socialize with their children. You may be considered prudish. It may actually mean more to you than it does to them, so don't be surprised if you come out looking like the villian.

There are reasons they've decided not to dicipline their children (although I totally disagree with them). They may fear being too aggressive due to prior experience from a parent or guardian or worse.

The saddest part of this story is the children are suffering from a lack of parental support even though they may get many hugs and kisses (although with the cussing doesn't sound like it).

If you are lost, you need directions. Just as a baby needs milk and substance to live, survive, and grow to a healthy child, they also need the discipline that teaches the boundaries from their front porch to the edge of the yard and beyond.

I applaud you for being so concerned. I have encountered friends like this, and like you, while in my home, it was my domain. Apparently the parents are never around you or they would surely like the respect your daughter gives instead of a tongue-lashing they may get from their children even though your methods differ. It changed the parenting skills of my friends, not saying my methods were perfect.

I must admit, I find myself correcting children in department stores and other places when they are unaccompanied by an adult somewhere nearby. I am vocal too, not disruptive or abusive, but not afraid to speak out. Mischief comes up quickly, and I try to caringly instruct them how to behave even as I have done for my children.

I wish you the best, and your daughter likewise. I am sure the children don't treat you the way they treat their parents.

A little about me: married almost 25 yrs to my high school sweetheart, two adult sons, on granddaughter. And it has been a great ride so far; some mishaps, bumps in the road, but overall, it has been a beautiful journey.

T., though forbidding a kid from seeing certain friends can turn those friends into "forbidden fruit" the kid just longs to have, I agree with the person who said you are not responsible for providing a role model for other parents' out-of-control children. To avoid the "forbidden fruit" situation, you might want to be sure your daughter has plenty of activities all her own that do not involve these kids -- school clubs, church or synagogue youth groups, sports, arts lessons if she's not into sports, etc. In short, outlets that interest her, expose her to other kids, and are positive activities with positive adults around her. If these neighbor kids are her number one social interaction you may have to work to help her find other activities that interest her and take her out of the house, where they can't drop in on her or ask her out to play. I'm not saying she has to be absent from her own home every day; I'm just saying that if this family is so very present in her life, she might need directing toward other friends as soon as possible. Make sure they're friends and activities she truly likes, not just ones you and your husband pick for her, so she doesn't feel you're "trying to get rid of me and keep me away from my friends." Most of all communicate very clearly but without showing your own anger that the behavior is totally unacceptable and you cannot waver on letting her have contact with children whose behavior is like this. Good luck.

Does your daughter "copy" this behavior? Do you find that after she sees the inapropriate behavior from these two friends, that she mimics it? Good if not! And if not, maybe that is something really important to keep in mind. Your daughter is old enough to know what is right/wrong, especially since you sound like you have taught her well. I think if you sit down and talk with your daughter, and make clear that is not acceptable, and that she understands that, I don't see the harm in letting them be friends. You could, however, limit their interractions to hanging out in just YOUR house, so that you can feel comfortable in saying something to them when they do something that is not apropriate. Or even outside, if your daughter is playing with them outside, and you are supervising, feel free to step in when necessary. But keeping her from going and playing in their house might be a smart idea. If the parents aren't disciplining their own children, there is a good chance that they wont step in for your daughter as well, if she finds herself in a situation over there participating in somethin wrong, that could possible harm her. It also may be a good idea to sit down with your daughter and explain about peer pressure, and the importance of choosing apropriate friends, and how the type of friends you choose reflect things about yourself. You never know, she might soon decide that they are people that she doesn't want to hang out with so much. Good luck!
K.

I am so happy to respond as I have had recent experience with a similar situation. I totally disagree with you. People are always trying to discipline my children, sometimes strict military-like discipline, and sometimes the total opposite relaxed no big deal do whatever you want when I am around. It is nobodys job to discipline a child but their parent! I think it is very presumptious at best to assume that her parents would want you to discipline their child. If she misbehaves at your house you explain to her how you expect her behavior to be at your house and that is it. If she does not listen then explain she is not welcome in your house unless she acts that way. If you don't like the way she acts, then don't have her over. I personally can not stand when other parents try to parent my child in front of me. If I am present let me do my job. If I am relaxed in my disciplining then that is my choice. I do not tell the other parents they are being too strict when they yell at their children in front of me, so I expect them to leave me alone when I forgive my childrens little misbehaving.

I would talk with my child and let them know they are to be an example for the other children. Pray with your child that her example will lead and guide the other children. If it does, then great. She will feel a great sense of accomplishment. If not, then you and your daughter can decide that she cannot be around these children and move on. I would carefully monitor the situation to make sure that they are not encouraging her to their way of life. We are our brother's keeper. I had a similar situation where I let me son continue to play with his friend but he eventually decided on his own that the boy was not a good influence.

This is a tough situation. I suggest only allowing your daughter to play with them in your supervision. Your yard or house or if she goes across the street, you go too. Kudos to you for being caring and involved enough to not just let your child run wild on the block by herself.

Be blatent with your daughter that you don't like some of their behaviors and you want to monitor the situation so that they don't get your daughter into trouble. Tell her that you want her to stay friends and these kids may NEED a good friend, but that their behavior is not in line with your family's values and thus she can't be alone with them unless their behavior changes. IF your daughter doesn't like this, then the answer is NO you can't play with them.

When you see behavior your don't like, send them home or take your daughter home. You can say, for example, "I don't like that language, so I think we need to take a break or I don't want <your daughter's name> to be around it." and leave. Tell your daughter it is not her fault, and go do something special with her so she deosn't feel punished. I would not discipline the other kids directly (not your place to do so), but by removing your daughter each time there is a problem, you are sort of punishing them anyway.

In this way, you are teaching your daughter to leave situations that make her uncomforatble or violate the family values. This is something you won't have control over in a few years and it might be better for her to learn how to handle peer pressure in your presence than when she doesn't want you around. See this as an opportunity to teach her how to handle difficult people. It's a real world lesson. You may find, by drawing your daughter's attention to the issues, she may not like playing with them so much anyway.

I wouldn't approach the parents unless it really gets out of hand (dangerous). But if they ask you what is going on, then I would tell them. Your children did this, so I thought it was time to leave.

T.,

You cannot control your neighbors or how they raise their children. You can control your child and, as painful as it may be for her, your responsibility as a parent is to protect her and provide a safe and healthy environment for her to grow and learn in. Allowing her to be exposed to disrespectful children who are out of control will result in the same behavior being exhibited in your household. You apparently set limits when the children are visiting in your home, so it's not as if they do not know how to behave. They know the limits and if there are no limits then they are crying out for their parents to set limits. If you and some of the other neighbors had some type of relationship with the childrens' parents you could get together as a group - say a cookout or soemthing and raise your concerns with them in a neutral environment. If you don't have this type of relationship and don't care to develop a relationship with your neighbors, then it seems that the only solution you have is to keep your children at a distance from the neighbors' children.

You have to do what is best for your child and for your family. You cannot tell them how to raise their children, and worrying about the positive influence your child MAY have on their children is only going to expose your child to a negative influence. I would severely restrict contact, not as a punishment to your child but as an effort to protect her from a negative influence (sort of how we restrict certain shows on tv, cause we dont want them to see it). I wouldnt let the other parents know unless they ask, then tell them very nicely, your children refuse to obey the rules of my house and are a negative influence on my children who i choose to raise in very disciplined environment. Leave it at that. Your child can make new friends.

If these kids are truly as unruly as you mention, then they are not a positive influence on your daughter. It is not possible for her to be around them and not be influenced by their behavior and lack of morals. I know it will be hard for your daughter but I would cut ties. She is still at an age where you can intervene. Get her mind off of them and be sure to integrate her in more social visits with other friends. Pool is opening soon etc. Outta sight outta mind. Keep her busy w/her other friends, sleep overs and such. Mother to mother, 4 years age difference at that age is vast. They shouldn't really be hanging out anyway. She needs friends her own age. TRUST YOUR GUT! This may be the first of many of these heart wrenching choices you will make for your child. It doesn't get easier. Just don't choose the easy path over the "right" path. You know what's best for your daughter. You don't want to be talking about regrets in the future.
Don't feel guilty for doing what is best for your child.

You know, just because your neighbor's children do these things don't mean it's going to rub off on your daughter and she will do it. You said yourself that she's intelligent. The one thing I would worry about is without discipline what path these children will take in life, as if your daughter is a follower that could lead to serious issues. I would continue to let my dauther socialize with her friends and hope that you can be a strong enough person (and family) to be a good influence in their life (you know, when they grow up they might aspire to have a home like yours rather than theirs).

Also -- don't let this family frustrate you. Keep up with your own family and let them worry about theirs.

My father always said that when it comes to children you have to apply the theory of gravity..."What is up, can come down."

That is to say that even though your daughter is a good girl the behavior cannot help but rub off on her even if it is just a small amount. I had the same thing happen to me in my tweens. I would come home a talk to my dad about the behaviors of the kids at youth or in the neighborhood and at school and before i knew it I too was beginning to display some of their displeasing habits. It was a huge wake up call for me and my dad. I had to stop seeing those kids in an unsupervised setting.

Social contagion is very strong. Unfortunately it usually works in the negative way. Rather than naughty kids following good examples, good kids pick up bad behaviors. You have a responsibility to raise your own child in the godly way first and foremost. This may include protecting her from evil influences. Would you have an opportunity to invite the neighbor children to a Vacation Bible School this summer? Maybe God could change their hearts. AF

T., I think your daughter is showing great compassion towards these children. It is not the children's fault that they are not given limits or guidance at home. I think we could all take a cue from your daughter and not discard people because they act or think differently than we do. Instead of trying to figure out how to get her away from these children, why not look for a way you could help the kids. Do you know the parents? Maybe they are stressed out and don't know how to make things better. Have the family over for dinner one night. If they won't come then ask if their kids can come over for dinner. I would encourage you to befriend the kids just as your daughter has. Don't try to raise them just let them know that you care. Your home could be a refuge to them. Something you do or say could possible make a positive change in those children's lives forever.

Hi T.,
If you have built a rapport with these children, instead of alienating your child from them, try to incorporate the same morals and values that you've instilled in your child into them as they interact within the walls of your residence. The best they'll do is have a learning outcome and follow suit or not come over themselves when structure becomes overwhelming. It has been my experience that all children beg for boundaries and as adults and parents, it is our responsibility in their lives to establish those lines. It takes a village to raise a child. Learn each individual child and how to communicate with them and use it to your advantage as you guide them through the challenge of behavioral change.

If you trust your daughter, and she seems to be handling this maturely, I would let her continue to see the kids. You are correct that she will be a great role model for them, and you can use the issues at their house as teachable moments- "what do you think causes that behavior? . . . etc."

Your daughter is entering adolescence and still seems like she is pretty forthcoming with you about what goes on over at the neighbors house. If you take these friends away from her, how often do you think she is going to tell you about her friends from now on?

I think this issue will eventually resolve itself and your daughter will go her separate way from these kids eventually. When I was a kid I was always the good kid who picked up the waifs and strays- my mother never told me who I could and couldn't have over to the house and I have a great relationship with her today. Seeing some of my friends families made me appreciate my own, which is a hard thing to do when you are a teen!

Hello. I wanted to respond to your situation. Try this an see if this works. The two children that your daughter play with, have them over to your house to play. This way you can monitor their actions. If you see something you do not approve of you simply say to the child/children. We don't play/say disrespectful things in our home, or we don't hit etc.... You do not have to discipline their children just lay down the rules in your home. They should respect you. Then talk to your daughter about their actions and what they do how disrespecting a parent is wrong, why parents have rules, but also explain that every parent raises their child differently. I have 2 daughters (9 & 7) as a parent I can only do so much, they respect their elders. They also understand. My daughter points out children who misbehave all of the time in public, and she says you wouldn't put up with that if I were acting like. Your right I wouldn't. Going back to your situation, when I was a child all of my friends parents had rules of their home and you had to follow the rules if you wanted to stay. Trust me they will follow the rules cause they love playing with your daughter and they need structure which is something that their parents are not giving them. I wouldn't be suprised if the neighbors come up to you and ask why those children don't act crazy around you. Try it, it won't hurt, and your daughter can still get to play with them. It's not the kids fault, it's their parents.

Good Morning T.. I read your concern regarding your neighbors children. I have in my life come across children that seemed to do what they want to do. It amazed me that they were doing some of the things they were doing. What I would do is, when I got the chance to have them around me, whether it was on the playground, in my house, in my yard. I would talk to them along with my children and tell them what is to be expected of them. I did not scream, fuss or get loud, but I would talk to them, and make conversation. I'd let them sit in my back yard and show them how cool it ws to have lemonade and cookies at eh table, playing games at the table and not needing to be so rough to each other. It could be fun. A lot would come out, but then it would be my turn to tell them that I've notice they were hittng others, cursing, playing in the street, throwing items, etc. and that iwas not a good way to act. I would tell them how beautiful they were and those acts made them look ugly. I encouraged them to do good and I would always speak to them when I saw them around. I asked them if they were doing better today, how was school? I would tell them to tell your mom and dad I said hello. I would show them how a child should act in the presence and out of the presence of others. It will take a while for them to feel that you are sincere and really cared, but it worked. To this day, my children friends know that I am the cool mom who don't like it when they are not doing well. Also let your child know that you see that her friends need to be loved by others as well as her parents. Also advise your child not tolerate them talking to their parents like that. It helps the "disruptive" ones realize more of what they are doing. Encouragement is the key. They need you as a neighbor. We have grown out of the old way of neighbors helping neighbors. Even if it is through the children.

Personally I would take this as an opportunity to have a discussion w/ my daughter about selecting friends. You know the whole "soar w/ the eagles or run w/ dogs" speech.

As a parent if I can impress upon my daughter just a few lessons, one near the very top will be to be careful about with whom you associate. Soooo many people have found themselves caught up in bad situations just because they didn't have the strength or cognitive ability to know that they should cut ties w/ people who either misbehaved or were up to no good. That doesn't mean that she can't be nice or speak to the kids, just that maybe she shouldn't spend a lot of time with them.

I think your daughter is ready for this type of discussion if she's able to discern that their behaviour is naughty and tell you about it. I'll bet that you can structure the conversation in a way that she may even come to the (guided) conclusion that SHE doesn't want to play with the children anymore.

Right now my daughter is really into telling me what we do and don't do. IE. She'll say something like, "We don't talk to our parents like that, do we Mommie?" or "We should be nice to our friends, right Mommie?" and her current favorite, "Its naughty to litter." She's wide open right now to lessons on how we interact w/ others and when others behave in a naughty way. I'm sure your daughter is too.

Hi, I think you're on the right track with the idea of cutting off contact. Children don't learn as well from positive role models as they do from negative ones without their parents input. Since the parents aren't going to give their input, the children probably wouldn't learn anything from your daughter...and honestly in the end, your daughter would probably be the one learning, and not anything you want her to learn. You can't control other people's homes..the only thing you can do it control yours so it's a proper environment for your children. I say, cut off contact and let the parents know that their children aren't welcome in your home any more and that you daughter won't be coming to theirs. Be civil, but firm. Good Luck!

Wow thats a really tough one. My daughter is 10 and has some undesirable friends that I try to minimize contact w/. So I can sympathize w/ what you are going through. The hardest part is that she just doesnt get it. She knows she is a good kid and wouldnt behave as they do, but she doesnt get that their behaviour will eventually rub off in some way. Its inevitable. Not to mention its just not an environment that is healthy in any way.
Keep contact to a minimum for sure and if you can, only have them to your house. Dont allow your child to go over there. If you are an outspoken person then you should definately say something. Could you get 1 on 1 time w/ the mom? Just try not to sound critical or have a better than you attitude. So that way she will be 1/2 way receptive to what you have to say.
Tell her that you notice the children dont really have any rules and are disrespectful and that its not an environment you want your children to be around. However the kids have developed a relationship and you would like to allow them to be friends. So you have decided to "host the playdates at your house" so that you can "keep things in check". Then maybe you can ask her if she needs any help in establishing some rules. Appeal to her mom side and tell her how she deserves respect and that you can help her attain it.....
I dont know, just an idea. Maybe you can take things from all these posts and put together a peaceful solution. I hope you can convince these folks that something needs to change.

i wouldnt let my daughter go anywhere with them now or in the future but at homeyour daughter can be a great influence on how one should act. if you go to church try inviting the girls along.

It is in your daughter's best interest that the "ties be cut" with this family/these children and your duty as a parent to see that it be done. It's not your responsibility to provide a good role model for the neighbors children, it's your responsibility to raise your children and provide the most loving, nurturing and respectful environment possible. Your daughter may be emotionally mature enough to recognize the issue with their behavior but she may not. She's entering her teen years and now is when you must be even more vigilent in what is going on in her life....

Your daughter may resent you for trying to cut her off from her friends. If she doesn't seem to be adapting her friend's rudeness when it comes to dealing with you, then I wouldn't cut her off. Besides, doing so may make her want to sneak behind your back to hang out with them. And one sneaky action can lead to many lies.

If you encourage her to make her own decisions, she will be open and communicate with you. If she's smart, she'll learn from their unique situation.