Discipline for a 1 Year Old

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K.

I disagree with the poster who says that your daughter understands what she's doing...she doesn't. She understands that she wants to tell you something, but at this point in her development she can't effectively communicate with you so she uses what she can to get your attention. When she starts "yelling" talk to her, it's not going to teach her that she can throw a fit to get what she wants. She's 11 months old, it's her only form of communciation. Think about how many times babies hear "NO!" in a day...a lot. Save the nos for whenever it's absolutely necessary. When she's "talking" and all she gets back is 'no' of course she'll be frustrated and at this age she has no idea how to deal with emotions. As to why she seems to be 'worst' with you...who is her primary caregiver? most likely you which explains why she would want to 'talk' to you. Imagine turning to someone and saying, "Boy, I had a really rough day today." and the response you got back was, "No!" I know I'd be pretty frustrated.

As sad as it is to hear it, it's very normal behavior. Still-emerging language skills, a fierce desire to become independent, and undeveloped impulse control make children this age prime candidates for getting physical. Of course that doesn't mean ignoring it. Let your toddler know that aggressive behavior is unacceptable and show her other ways to express her feelings.

I always gave my son logical consequences. For example, if he gets in the sand box and starts throwing sand, I immediately take him out and sit with him while we watch the other kids play and explain he can play again when he's ready to play nicely like the other kids. I never try to reason with him, like saying "How would you like it if someone threw sand at you?". Toddlers don't possess the cognitive ability to imagine themselves in someone elses shoes. They do understand consequences. Just be consistent and diligent.

I always have to remember to keep my cool, which is very hard sometimes! Yelling or telling my son he's being bad never works. When I reacted calmly and controlled my temper, he got his under control better. Afterall, we are setting the example as parents.

I make sure I always, always, always respond immediately when my son is aggressive. He should know instantly when he's done something wrong. I always remove him from the situation for a brief time-out (but only for just a minute, after that he won't remeber what he did and won't make the connection that his behavior put him there). I found this was the best way to let him cool down. After awhile he connected his behavior (for example, hair pulling) with the consequence (the time-out) and figured out that if he pulls hair, he ends up out of the action.

I always make sure I respond to each episode the way I did the last time. That way, he will came to expect my response, and set up a pattern. Eventually, in sank in that if he misbehaved, he got a time-out. I responded the same way even in public. There were times I was mortified, but I didn't let my embarrassment cause me to lash out at him. If people stared I just brushed it off with a comment like, "The wonderful stage of terrible twos", and disciplined him in the usual fashion.

At around 14-15 months, which is a little too young, I started teaching alternatives to my son to get in the habit of it. Afterwords, I always talk to him. Because he can't communicate to me what set him off, I usually try to communicate to him, like "Yes, Christopher, I know you wanted to play with the telephone, but it's not a toy. It's not Christopher's phone. Maybe you could have played with Christopher's phone (hand him his play phone). It's not nice to hit. It ouchies Mommy. You need to use your words." He can't say sorry yet, so I always make him give a hug to the person he hurts. That way it will become a habit to eventually say sorry when he's hurt someone.

I always reward my son's good behavior, even sometimes over exaggerated praise. Sometimes it doesn't even have to be about behavior. Everytime my son uses the words he knows to express himself, I always say "Good words Christoper. Great job!" And I give him a hug. That way he can realize how powerful words are.

I always let my son have physical outlets. He gets stir crazy. So I always make sure we get outside to play. We go to parks, take lots of walks, and explore the neighborhood. He's a much happier kid when he's played otuside 2-3 times a day.

I was reading a book that said of course toddlers would constantly say no because it's the word they hear most often! When I really thought about it, I realized I told my son "no" a lot! So I really started working on it and tried to put "yes" in whenever I could. For example, if he took a toy from a friend, instead of saying "no, not nice, you have to share," I would say, "Yes Christopher, I know you like this toy, but it's not your's. Can you give it back? Here, you can play with your toy." Now at 19 months, I think it has made him more cooperative in a lot of situations.

This is what has worked for me thus far. Just remember it's a stage! You'll get through it! Good luck!!

Believe me, she understands. My oldest son is now 16 months, but I do remember when he was 11 months old. He hit me when he didn't get what he wanted or when I didn't do something right for him that he wanted me to. At first, I just said "no" and ignored him. But, my pediatrician told me to give him a little spankin on his butt and let him know that was a no no. So, I did & I can't really remember him hitting anymore recently since I've been sticking to that. When kids are around that age where they are about to become a toddler, they know right from wrong. It may not seem like it, but believe me they do. They want to test you at this age and see how much they can get away with. My son Brandon has the biggest attitude ever. He can even wake up in a bad mood some days. You just have to know the techniques to deal with it. =]

I think most moms go through this same problem in various extremes. Our daughter is very ambitous and communicative, at only 14 mo. and I was wondering the same thing. What is appropriate discipline at this young age? I can understand her frustration...she just wants to tell me something and, to her, I'm just not listening! In the last 2 months, though, she's developed her own little sign language to help us understand. She can sign more, come here, what's this, let's go and "no" so far -- she did this without us even encouraging her, which I thought was really interesting. It's made her a lot less whiny and agressive, so you may want to try something like that.
I think discipline depends on the situation. If it's a safety thing, like playing with wires or outlets, she gets an immediate NO, possibly a squeeze on her hand to reinforce it, and removed from the situation. If she's playing in a cabinet she shouldn't be in, she gets a stern NO and 2-3 chances to listen. If she doesn't listen (usually), then I just distract her with something else. I have a feeling she knows what "no" means, but when she gets her mind set on something, there seems to be no stopping her.
One thing I'm consistent with is that fact that both me and her dad are on the same page and we don't compromise with her. For example, she's been trying to roll over on the changing table. I know a lot of moms who have just given up and started changing on the floor...and then have to chase their bare butt toddlers around the room. We refuse to give in, instead using it as sort of a training opportunity. She now knows that it is NOT acceptable to roll on the changing table. Same thing with the highchair. I know moms who put tarps under their highchairs to keep the mess under control. We prefer to be consistent in teaching her to keep her food on the tray. Or keep the plate on the tray. It takes time, but repetition and consistency are the two things that make the most sense to me! Good luck...