I have a 2-and-a-half year old son who, up until recently, has been a gem of a child. It might be a terrible two stage, it might be that he's transitioning into the next day care classroom, but whatever it is, he's being very difficult. Today at day care, he knocked over a 4-5 foot easel and jumped on it, breaking it in half. When the teacher tried to talk to him about what he'd done, saying that now the class has no easel for the rest of the school year, he laughed in her face. I'm at a loss as to how to punish him for this. If he were a little older and getting an allowance for chores he does around the house, I'd withhold his allowance to make him pay to replace it. But as it stands, there's no knowledge of money in a 2 year-old's brain. I've already told him he can't watch his favorite tv show for the next 2 days, but that just doesn't seem like enough. It's destruction of property and he needs to learn that's NOT acceptable. Any ideas for a punishment that fits the crime?
Thanks for all of the responses. To those who suggested that he doesn't get enough attention from my husband and I, it's a legitimate concern, but we are VERY good at giving him all of our attention in the evenings and on the weekends. He gets plenty of positive reinforcement when he does something nice. It's not that we don't know how to parent well.
And he has always been on the low end of the number of hours he sleeps, but it's not for lack of opportunity. He's in bed by 8pm, and wakes up on his own between 6 and 6:30am. He gets 2.5 hours during the day to nap. Usually he will, but when he doesn't he knows he's in there for that time and he has to read or sing to himself. We can't make him sleep more, but he gets every opportunity to do so if he can.
The boy is 2. He's going to go through times when he acts out because that's part of how they learn what is right and what is wrong - by how we respond to his actions. I was really just asking for some appropriate consequences for his actions. I like the ideas of giving one of his toys to the classroom - but I don't like that he'd still have access to it there. I think I may just take one of them and donate it to a church or something.
Thanks again!
Does he have an easel of his own that you could take to the teacher for use in the classroom? Just a thought!
I agree with Christy D, discipline needs to be consistent and immediate, so you need to get daycare on board. I'm sure you are tired from working and it's hard to deal with this when you get home, but be strong.
You also need to talk to him about moving to this other room. He could be acting up because he doesn't want to move or there's something about that room he doesn't like. So he might be acting up because he thinks it will get him out of going there.
It's a big change, going to a new room, so I'm not condoning his behavior, but it might be a big part of it.
Is there a favorite toy he has at home and/or daycare? That could be withheld for awhile. The toy could go into timeout until he is behaving better.
At that age you need to discipline them right away or it won't do any good really. They don't understand or really remember if you are trying to discipline them on something that happened longer than 5 minutes ago really. What you need to do is have the daycare put him in timeout right away and have them tell him No. When you are at home, make sure you put him in time out for any sort of bad behavior he does. Do it right away and don't talk to him much until after he is ready to get out of time out. Then tell him why he was in time out and kiss and hug him. Don't be too wordy or they will tune you out at that age. Be consistent, as that is the key and he will learn that that behavior is unacceptable. If he is doing it at daycare, he is bound to do it at home on the weekends or sometime. Just make sure you talk through with daycare how they are disciplining him for bad behavior and make sure it agrees with your parenting style.
If you can afford to buy the classroom a new easle do so and when he wants something at the store for him self tell him because you needed to replace what he broke he cant have a new toy or what ever it maybe he wants that is how my son learned
I think the punishment should fit the crime, and also be a reminder. Punishing him at home might not be very effective because it's so far removed and kids at that age won't make the connection.
Talk to the daycare. Maybe next time the kids do a fun art project he can't participate because he broke the easel. When he asks why he's sitting out, the teacher needs to remind him that he broke the easel. He won't have fun sitting out while his friends have fun, and he does need to remember and think about what he's done.
Another idea is make him donate one of his toys to the classroom. He broke something that belongs to the daycare, so he needs to donate one of HIS toys to replace it. It's along the lines of making him pay for it, but obviously he doesn't understand money so this might be something he does understand.
Good luck! And remember, kids do all sorts of weird things when they are young. I know you're mad but if you can't turn it into a lesson then I'd just let it be. He won't "get it" if you just do a random consequence.
I think you are on the right track trying to understand what is behind his behavior change. Knocking over an easel and breaking it sounds to me like something is definitely wrong for him with his experience in day care. He could be missing his old teacher, or just hasn't connected yet with his new teacher. His teacher telling him that the class would have no easel for the rest of the year was not helpful, at that point, what exactly was she expecting him to do? Children don't need punishment to help them learn how to behave, they need help. At this point it might be too late, but one approach at the time could have been to talk to him about why he did it, suggest a possibility if he can't or won't answer (maybe you were mad about .........), remind him that breaking things isn't OK, and then offer him a way to make it right, like you taking him to the store and buying a new easel for the class. This doesn't need to be done in a punitive way, just a helpful way. If you break something you fix it.
If the goal is to help your child learn, then punishments are distracting. Children just feel wronged by the punishment, or guilty for making you angry, but rarely reflective on the lesson. Also, I want my children to be respectful of people and property because they really appreciate that is the right thing to do, and because they genuinely care about people and property, not because they are afraid of some punishment. For the record, I have three boys, ages 10, 14, and 17, and our approach has worked fine.
It also sounds like you would like to have more time with him, and maybe recognize that he could use that too. Some employers are willing to allow more flexible schedules (like 4 longer days instead of 5), job sharing (if you are able to work fewer hours), etc. You don't mention if you are with his father, but if there are two of you parenting, and both of you could cut back work a little, that might make a big difference for your little guy.
Punishment should fit the crime and it should be swift and timely. The punishment is lost on a 2 year old if it is a delayed reaction. "Bullying" and this aggressiveness" needs to be pounced on. Immediately removing him from an audience, time out, taking away a lovey can all be effective. Bringing him back to apologize is necessary. If he refuses to apologize, then, at this age, you let him hear you say, "I'm so sorry he behaved this way - he shouldn't act that way.... etc..." Eventually you'll learn what makes your son squirm the most when you are punishing him. Eventually he'll become older and responsible to make his own apologies. You have to keep being creative with your punishments. Once you find what works, use it! Your comment about "withholding allowance....when your child is older" will ONLY work if that's what makes your child tick! Yes, a child should pay for damages, if they were older, but adding something to that mix of punishment, perhaps, ... writing assignments with a formal apology or a letter to the teacher (my daughter hated writing assignments!), if your child is responsible for something that was broken or damaged, perhaps "fixing something around the house or a cleaning/scrubbing" punishment (drives my son crazy!) - are things that he may remember for longer periods of time. My neighbor once told me, her son once carved his initials on a desk in school and the school brought it to their attention. Her husband (a phycologist) had their 11 year old son sit for hours and write his whole name and initials, next to it, neatly, - 10,000 times! It didn't hurt him and he will remember that! I've even grounded my children from sitting on ANY furniture for a day because they were, once again, jumping on my sofa and abusing my furniture, after repeated warnings. Kids remember the creative groundings.
If you haven't seen this behavior, looks like he may be seeking your attention. True, he could have entered into a new phase of his maturity. Attention seeking kids want any kind of attention - good or bad. Make sure you are using a lot of positive reinforcement whenever possible. Catch him when he is good (i.e. "You are sharing nicely" You are using nice manners" etc...) He's young but he will eventually get it. Once he's a little older, there's more room for reasoning and telling him what is acceptable.
Good luck.
I think I would take away some of his toys to "pay" for the new easel in the room. If you had an easel then you could donate that to the class. But no matter what I think you need to purchase a new easel for that room.
About his behavior, is he getting enough sleep? He should be getting about 12 hours at night and a 2 hour nap at least. I have found lack of sleep to be the biggest factor in misbehavior.
I think you are on the right track but instead or as well as the TV, does he have a favorite toy that if you took it away ( putting it up in sight so he sees that he is missing it) he might get more of a message? When you do this, talk to him about why you put it up and see if you can get out of him whats going on. You never know what kids are going to say and this starts the line of communication for the future. At an early age kids need to know that they can talk to their parents about anything even if someone else threatens them if they tell.
I hope this helps and God Bless!
