Disciplining a 19Mo. Old??

Updated on January 10, 2012
R.M. asks from Union City, OH
7 answers

what is the most effective non violent way to discipline a 19mo. old with a bad attitude? my son seems to be throwin tantrums when we drink or eat something he can't have, or if we just try to keep his fingers outta trouble. he throws himself on the floor and bangs his head on the carpet..how can i get him to stop without yelling?

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M.L.

answers from Houston on

It's redirection and guiding positive behavior more than discipline at that age. Dr. Sears is a child expert and has some great discipline advice for young children. It has helped me out a lot with my own boys who can be little handfuls as well:

http://askdrsears.com/topics/discipline-behavior

He talks about screaming/tantrums and such more in depth here:
http://askdrsears.com/topics/discipline-behavior/botherso...

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R.R.

answers from Los Angeles on

Redirection works up to about 18 months (per Dr. Sears) then discipline with time-outs, which toddlers can then associate with their undesirable behaviors. No yelling (on your part) or spanking needed. When a young toddler is throwing a tantrum you want to be sure that they're safe, so I used a pack n play or crib, or when old enough for a bed their bedroom with door closed. (My little guy is going on 3 and he knows if he has to go to his room he will lose his audience and stops before we get there.) As he gets older you can have a spot or chair for him to sit in, or have him stand in a designated spot. My guy fought sitting in a chair, possibly because he fell from one and required stitches in his forehead, but will go to time out on his own and stand patiently for 2 minutes.

Just calmly pick your son up when he starts to tantrum, tell him he's going into a time out for his tantrum, place him where he'll have his time out and walk away. He will learn with consistent time outs that his behavior earns him time away from you, which he won't like. Talk to him after the time out, reassure him that you love him but that he can't do what he was doing and stay with you while behaving like that. If you're consistent he will get it over time, and you will reach a point where you can tell him as soon as he's ready to behave he may leave time out.

Hang in there : )

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G.B.

answers from Oklahoma City on

You pick him up and put him in your lap until he calms down. He is too little to discipline. He does not have the cognitive ability to understand what he is getting in trouble for. He is a toddler and won't understand much more than the word NO.

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S.H.

answers from St. Louis on

hmmm, watch the "1-2-3 Magic" video. It will teach you how to discipline your child without losing your soul! Seriously, it will save all of you.

With my daycare kids, if they throw a tantrum to the point that they end up on the floor.....then they have to go to the hallway & sit by themselves. Once the tantrum is over, then they have to sit quietly (1 minute for each year of age). When the timeout is over, then we discuss "what happened"....& they have to apologize. The apology is directed to either the other child involved or to the group, if needed. A simple "sorry" is all I ask for.....& I insist on it, because NONE of us should have to listen to tantrums.

If the child is younger (between 12 to about 18 months), then the tantrum timeout is in the timeout chair....or in their bed. I find that the bed works best....they are contained & safe/feel secure. It is this security which helps pop them out of the tantrum.

One of the most important parts of interaction such as this.....is to never, ever lose your temper. You should also be very careful not to plead with your child, nor bribe them into better behavior. Be calm & matter-of-fact, & it will end quicker! Peace.....

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K.N.

answers from Cleveland on

if he's the only child and in a safe location, walk away and let him have his tantrum. He will stop when he understands that no one is paying attention. FYI he may come find you and start all over again at first, my oldest did. And believe it or not, he won't hurt himself, the head banging scared me with my now 12 year old. I was afraid if I let him do it he would get hurt. Nope, they won't bang their head any harder than what is comfortable, so move any sharp or hard toys and get out of his line of site and go about what you were doing.

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A.C.

answers from Cincinnati on

19 months old is too young for a time-out or a spanking because he cannot understand cause-and-effect yet. Try redirection, and if that doesn't work, let the tantrum play out. There has been some recent research about the patterns of tantrums that indicate that nothing you do during the "angry" stage of a tantrum has much effect, anyway. Wait until the "sad" or "remorseful" part when your child comes to your and seeks your attention, and then try again to redirect. I know it's hard to get through, but it's completely normal.

A.J.

answers from Williamsport on

No violent? As in not shooting with a gun, torturing or beating? :) Pretty much any normal modern discipline you use would be non violent. Just be firm. Time out. Swat. Whatever your son responds to most quickly. Discipline after one calm warning as the fit begins. Before the fit gets out of control. Don't yell or get angry. Be consistent. He'll get used to heeding the calm warning if he knows what will happen. Good work heading this off before age 2. He is getting up there and set in his ways, but still young enough to get this quickly. We have a very non violent home with three non tantrummers.

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