Disciplining ADHD 10Yr Old

As a mother of two boys and a girl (twin boy & girl)
and older brother age two when the twins were born, here is my advice to you. By the way, now I am grandmother to 4 girls and 2 boys, all under 8. The way I see it, your 10 year old was being thoughtful in making sure she got enough donuts for her and her big sister - please don't sweat the small stuff in life. Enjoy every moment, even the trying ones, try to think of this, too soon they grow old.

Hi H.,

I am sure this behavior is very frustrating. I know you said you tried many different medications. Have you ever considered her diet? My own daughter is allergic to artificial color and flavor. I notice a big change in her "behavior" if she does have any of those mentioned items.
I guess there is something positive to be said about a natural diet.
It is just an idea good luck.
Jennifer

Hi H.,

I think you handled it fine. She didn't ask, so no donuts. However, this seems like very common behavior, nothing out of the ordinary; and perhaps she is being somewhat manipulated by her sister who uses her to carry out sneaky tasks that she herself being less impulsive wouldn't do.

Best Wishes.

J. L.

Hello H.. I sense there is a lot more going on here besides the episodes of 'sneakiness' with a 10.5y/o diagnosed with ADHD, but I'll give this one a try and address the 'sneakiness' First, as a completely objective party here, I wish to offer the possibility that you need to step back a little, and b r e a t h e. I mean this seriously. You have obviously been interacting with your little girl on a level many of us parents do not. It is not an easy role for a parent with a child with ADHD. To me, the word 'impulsive' came to mind when I read your story...not so much 'sneakiness', although it does appear to be a component. My thought is your daughter may be 'sneaking' as a coping skill due to your reaction to her 'impulsivity' that occurs due to her ADHD. I know. Its a vicious circle, which is why I am suggesting you back away a bit and revisit her diagnosis with your pediatrician if possible. There are many experts out there in the field...many probably right here on Mamasourse. :) It is my wish you receive lots of new ideas for alternative programs for your child as well...there is much to be said for yoga for kids, Tai Chi, and herbal and homeopathic remedies for children diagnosed with ADHD.

Oh! And DIET DIET DIET!!!! No preservatives. NONE! No 'WHITE FOODS'...sugar, white flour, starchy potatoes...No chemicals, No SODA! No Food dyes! Diet is a 'given' when it comes to a child with this diagnosis...I don't think donuts is on the menu H., sorry. It really really is doable to change the way she eats...it can actually be fun to research how to eat healthy, and contrary to what folks believe it costs LESS to eat healthy. There are books out there for kids and adults with ADHD that have great recipes for sweets etc. Good luck with this H.....hang in there. Be Peace, N.

Reliv nutritional supplements has had great results with behavioral issues in children.
It is safe,effective and Patented. I would be happy to have you speak to another mom whose child has had these results, and what they took.
And the best is-NO DRUGS
J. H

I am on my way out to buy this book. I do not want my older son on meds anymore. Take a look at this site. Good luck1

http://3stepsadd.com/

H.,
Saying consistant is that key... The way you handled that situation was ideal in my opinion. I have 3 children ages 17, 13 and 10 and although none have ADHD I deal with that exact same behavior. I understand your circumstances are a bit different but in this case I believe this is normal behavior, not to be confused with acceptable behavior. Keep up the good work!!!! Believe me I know it is a thankless job :)

T. G.

Hello, I agree 100% with the other mothers. I used this book when my son was young and he is a 21 yr. old college student now. He has border line ADHD, executive functioning disorder, dyslexia, dyscalculia and dysgraphia . My son remembers this book to this day. And always jokes how he hated it - but it works.

The book does work, but everyone has to be involved and you must be consistant. Barnes and Nobel has it ISBN-13: 9781889140162 1-2-3 Magic: Effective Dicipline for Children 2-12. by Thomas Phelan Ph.D. I've since passed this on to others to use.

I've also noticed that there is a book for kids, and CD's available.....time has certainly passed quickly. Good luck and hang in there, it will not only help with your 10 year old, but will the children at the Child Care center and the other siblings.

Hi, I am not sure if this will help but I go through that sneaky behavior more like once or twice a day!!! Yes, my daughter is under the spectrum of possibly Aspergers high level with a touch of ADD impulsivity. I opted to put her on no drugs as that would be my last resort. She is wonderful in school but distractable but easily redirected back on task. When she gets home, its more challanging. I thing she is holding it together all day and lets loose at home.

I like that Magic 1 - 2 - 3 method. I find it direct. I wonder how much sneakyness and this kind of behavior has nothing to do with diagnosis but just testing boundaries and they want to do what they want to do. Doesn't make it easy on the parents but what you explained does not sound like a problem with diagnosis as much as just being a kid and seeing what they can get away with. Keep firm and sooner hopefully not later she will realize if she just asks before its alot better. Maybe reward her when she does ask and mention how good it was to ask before taking/doing. Its hard and I hope I offered something to your situation. Good luck.

This is totally normal - all kids are sneaky at one point or another! I know you might not agree with me but have you thought of this: Instead of reprimanding her when you see her sneaky, such as this last case where you didn't give you any donuts, how about doing it this way: next time that happens, say, "I don't like you being sneaky, trying to sneak away with the donuts. I'd like you next time to please ask, OK? I will let you have the donuts for you and your sister, but please ask next time. I love you!" And, trust me, next time, because of this positive reinforcement, she will ask. She is sneaky now because when she gets caught, you punish her. So imagine how many times she is sneaky and you DON'T catch her?

I'm not sure if she would be too old for you to use this book but Magic 1-2-3 has a discipline book directed towards adhd. Just curious but have you tried changing her diet? I've heard from several people that going gluten free/casien free and avoiding artificial colorings help it might be worth a try.