Discussing 9/11 with Your Children

My boys are 5 and 7. I have not discussed it with them, it is not a fear I feel they need to carry.

I don't think it's appropriate to discuss the horror and complexity of that day with a five year old, he's not going to "get it" and frankly it might scare him.
This is something he will learn about as he gets older and you can share your thoughts and memories with him then.
Children begin to learn US history starting in 4th/5th grade, and by middle school/high school they are taught even more. At this point they are old enough to understand and appreciate the significance of that day, as well as all the other days that shaped our nation.

My son is 8 (3rd gr this year) and he asked about 9/11 a few years ago probably when he was 5ish.
I've kept it age-appropriate.
I explained the difference between war and terrorism.
I explained that we have freedoms, beliefs, culture, etc. here that other countries do not agree with.
I also like to explain frequently to him that no O. is 100% good (except God) and NO O. is 100% evil. Most people are a mixture.
Many people (here AND around the world) refuse to tolerate differences and sometimes they are compelled to do evil things in the name of religion, politics, etc.
I always ask his opinion on the topic(s) we're discussing.
I've also explained that it was basically a "fluke", not something that happens all the time. He knows that the policemen and firemen were heroes for sure that day.

I talked to my boys (6 and 9) about 9/11. I explained to them what happened in a factual way without too much detail. I don't want my kids growing up scared every time we go on a plane or visiting a downtown area. But I still think they need to know what happened on that day.

Our school has a memorial on Friday and they e-mailed this link for people who are unsure how to talk to their children about this.

http://www.911memorial.org/talking-your-children-about-911

I would be leery of telling him to much. You don't want to frighten him. Be scared every time he (or you) gets on a plane. Or think a plane is going to crash into his home at any time. Trust me, kids' imagination and lack of understanding can totally skew how they see things. My 9 year old watched Home Alone many many years ago and is still, to this day, absolutely terrified of being left in the home alone!

My two year old asked "What happened, Mommy?" earlier this week after seeing a WTC memorial documentary commercial on TLC. I explained it in terms she can understand-some very bad men crashed airplanes into a building, killing lots of people. She wants to "see" them, but I'm going to talk more with her and show her select images from a 9-11 book that I have instead of watching the documentary with her. I know she's reacting more to the people crying on the commercial and to me tearing up when I see it, but I also want to tell her the truth about what she's seeing. I had a friend who, in 2002, told her then 4 year old that the images being shown around the one year anniversary were just a movie and that it was all pretend. That really rubbed me the wrong way, even though I know she thought she was making the right decision and protecting her child and I promised myself that I would never do that and that I would answer the tough questions when they came up.

In my opinion 5 is a little young to try to explain such a controversial tragedy in depth any more than you have already. If he asks on 9/11, why every one may be upset I would tell him because a lot of bad things happened to people who didn't deserve it and it is good to remember and honor people who have passed. I am sure in a few years in school he will learn all about it. Let kids be kids for as long as possible. It goes so fast these days.

Nickelodeon had a half hour special, hosted by Linda Ellerbee, that was produced just for kids on this very topic. It aired last week. Maybe it will air again or you can find it online.

I DVR'd it for my children 9 and 6.5. I felt the piece was very well done and comprehensive, however, from a child's point of view, this is an extremely complex and frightening topic. I think the piece is more geared towards older children, say 13+. I'm still undecided if I will show it to my children....maybe the 9 year old if she were to ask but probably not the younger child. Emotions came flooding back to ME while I watched.

Good luck! I'll be watching this thread for other suggestions.

PS. Here is a review from the Boston Herald.

http://www.bostonherald.com/entertainment/television/revi...

I haven't done so. I did tell my 11 year old about it recently and we didn't really talk much. I told her we would when a video comes that I ordered. Mike Huckabee has a history video project he's working on with others. Each video is 10 dollars plus shipping and you can buy them individually or get them like a club once per month. One of the videos is about 9/11. It's done as cartoons.

yes, I tell my kids about it every year. The oldest 2 were 18 months and 3 months when it happened. Now I have 11,10,7,5,19months and 6 months! I think it's important that they know about it- it's part of American history that I lived through. I think they need to know about WWII also and what went on there. My 11 studied it(WWII) last year and we talked about the holocaust and also about 9/11. I do try to keep it age appropriate. My 2 youngest arent' old enough for it obviously, but I try to answer their questions. I do this because my Grandpa was at Pearl Harbor when it got bombed. He helped do the recovery. He never talked about it(not that I blame him) but my mom- who was born after the war- never even knew her dad served in WWII(in the Navy) until after she was married. Our kids need to know about these things so they don't happen again- EVER- if we try to ignore or hide that it happened because it makes us uncomfortable to remember that there is evil and hate in the word- we are setting ourselves up for it to happen again and this time to our own kids.
~C.

My boys are 4 (5 in 2 months!), and 21 months old. I called the local firehouse, talked to the man there about my thoughts, got a headcount. We are going to make a dinner and bake brownies for our firehouse and that's something the boys can help me with (my little one wears one of my old tshirts, my older one has his own kid-sized apron, and we like to "cook" together on a normal basis). It's something we can do together. I've been talking about heroes and people who have hard jobs for quite a while now (before memorial day)...Joe sleeps with his GI Joe sometimes and explains to me that "soldiers work to protect us". Simple stuff like that. Back in 2001, I bought one of those prints of the firemen raising the flag in all the rubble. I plan to tell him that 10 years ago, bad guys attacked our country to start their own kind of war. They stole control of planes and crashed them into buildings, and the fire made the metal melt, so the buildings fell. People were hurt and scared, people died, others ran away, but some people had really hard jobs, where they had to run TO the scary parts instead of running away like everyone else needed to. Normal thing to do is to run away, but people like the firemen, the paramedics, the police, they had to go to the scariest thing they've probably ever seen and run into it to help others. So, we will take this weekend to remember to be thankful for the people that we don't always think about, because their jobs are hard but we have an easier life because of them. I will show them the picture of the firemen raising the flag in the rubble, and we'll discuss what that means to us, why raising the flag is important to us. Then we'll go to the firehouse and serve them dinner and give them a homemade thank you card, just for being there for us. It wasn't in this town, but the people who choose the hard jobs and make hard choices for the benefit of others are important...the fact that they are HERE and ready for that kind of situation is something to be thankful for. We don't have to wait for a terrible calamity to show thanks for what they prepare for everyday. That's about as far as I'm going with it this time around. I'm going to steer this 10th anniversary a little further to the "gratitude for those who serve our communities during scary times" kind of direction.
Maybe it's just me, but just talking or hearing about something and not having anything to do, makes for scary thoughts and time for awkward questions. But if we stay busy, like looking at a couple pictures and COOKING, with the intention to serve some people, that keeps the focus off of being helpless, and helps difficult conversations along. When I was a youth minister, some of the most difficult or enlightening conversations I ever had with teens happened while shooting pool and noone looking at each other very much. My weekend talk will follow the same concept. I don't know why they would be scared. I guess each mom knows their own child....my son wouldn't be scared of that at all....though I wouldn't want him watching the videos or more in depth coverage than I'm ready to give him. Small doses, in my opinion, based on their age and individual ability to process.

My kids are 10 & 12 so also not old enough to remember the worst day in our recent history, but they do know that Daddy was gone on a lot of deployments for the following 4 years & they know essentially the reason why. Since my oldest is in 7th grade they've been going over this for the last couple of years in school, but not quite yet for my youngest. When they ask questions I answer as much as I can & always keep in mind how much I think they can handle individually which usually ends up being more than I thought they were ready for.

Bad things happen in our world. Sheltering our kids from them or pretending to your kids that they didn't will leave them unprepared to deal with them. If you read the real Peter Pan or other books produced for kids during that era (WW1 and WW2) you will see how violent they are. They are that way on purpose, because the kids of that era were living in a very violent world, with air raids, bombs, and war on the radio and news all the time. Those books gave them a way to deal with the emotions and turmoil around them.
My son and daughter, (6 and 3) both know the basics of 9/11. That some men made a very bad decision to destroy the lives of other people. That they were mad about some things and felt like this was the only way to be heard. Relating on their level, we talk about how you get angry with your sister or brother and want to hit them. But you know that hitting is wrong. This is the same kind of thing, they knew that what they were doing was wrong but the still chose to do it and it made a lot of people very sad and hurt a lot of people very, very much. Lots of people died, including the ones that made that bad choice. My kids know that they can ask about anything. My son has asked about it, and each time I try to answer his questions as honestly and openly as I can, making sure I speak to his level of understanding. Talking to your kids about the scary and traumatic things that happen in the world, while they are in a safe environment of home, with loving parents who will listen to their concerns is the best way to help your kids be emotionally ready to face the world. It is also the best way to teach empathy and kindness for others.