Disiplining a 14 Month Old

Evidentally time outs must work for some kids that age and younger as I have a friend with a grandson that is just barely 1 and the daycare that he is in uses time outs for him. When he is doing something that he shouldn't be doing, he is put into a playpen for a period of time after being told no and it didn't take him long to learn that if he did certain things, he would be put into the play pen and he definitely didn't like the play pen as he would cry and throw a fuss when he was put in there. She said it really worked for him...I'll have to tell my daughter about it as my grandson is the same age, just a little over 1 but he hasn't had any naughty issues yet...knock on wood!

First of all, ignore the tantrums. But she's at an age that the SuperNanny's naughty chair might work for you. Good luck

Honestly she's still pretty little to understand that tantrum throwing isn't okay. Also it's okay for her to be mad. As long as she's not hurting herself, anyone else or property I'd say let her cry. Of course try redirecting but with two stubborn children of my I realize that doesn't always work. I people are so concerned that their kids don't cry and are always happy little people but that's just not reasonable. Everyone get frustrated, angry, ect. It's how we handle those emotions.

I strongly encourage you to read The Happiest Toddler on the Block by Dr. Harvey Karp. This is the best book on communicating with toddlers I've read. Half the discipline battle is communication. It's divided into sections based on developmental stages (12-18 months, 18-24 months, 2-3 years, 3-4 years). Seriously, go to the library or the book store and read this book as soon as you can.

At her age distraction is your best friend--a 14-month-old can't really absorb rules and other forms of discipline.

buy a special rug. Put it on the floor in her bedroom and tell her this is her temper rug.. that she can only throw her tantrums on it. When she starts one remind her she needs to be on her rug to throw a fit or move her to it, then leave the room. It doesn't put a negitive spin on being sent to her room since it is the rug she is sent to and it doesn't give her the attention she wants. It would be best if you can catch her at the beginning of her fits and tell her if she feels she is going to throw one she should go to the rug. Afterwards give her the better ways to handle her disappointment. Let her know that you know she is disappointed and that is ok to feel that way but it isn't ok to throw a fit over it. Don't be surprised if she starts taking herself to the rug when she feels one starting.. that is what you want since it is self control.

thats a 14 month old!

the key is distraction. if shes doing something she shouldnt, a stern NO and then remove her from it and distract her with something else. that should do the trick. and do it every time. if you say no one time and then say nothing the next time, shes not going to learn that its something she shouldnt do, shes going to learn that only sometimes its a bad thing. so be consistent as well.

B.,

At 14 months, prevention, distraction and ignoring bad behavior work best. At that age, there is no positive or negative attention, it's all attention. When they are 2-2 1/2, then they can understand consequences better.

Good luck,
S.

Let her have her tantrums. As long as she can't hurt herself or anything else, ignore her it. You get mad and frustrated but can "talk it out". She doesn't have that ability yet.

I say NO NO, I'm firm raise my voice if I have to. I remove her from the situation put her in another room distract her whatever it may be.

My daughter is 15mos. and I'm teaching her a few signlanguage signs. I started with "more" last week and she already picked it up. Communication is the biggest problem at this age just find ways to communicate. I didn't know what the sign for chocolate milk was (her fav.) so I made up a sign, whatever doesn't really matter aslong as we can communicate and I know what she wants and she's able to relay that to me. It cuts down on alot of tantrums and fits. My oldest (8yrs.) learned sign language at daycare and I was skeptical at first but she was so good at it now that I'm a stay at home mom this my 2nd child I'm trying to learn and teach it myself.

try reading or watching the DVD of "The happiest toddler on the block". it really explains why tantrums start, especially when they're not able to communicate with us, and how to deal with them. (this pediatrician says that responding calmly as you are currently doing actually makes the tantrum worse!)

i didn't find that any "discipline" at this age was effective, they're still just too young to connect their behavior with any punishment.

good luck!

Time outs never worked for us at that age. We would usually distract him if he was doing something we didn't want him to do. If he threw a tantrum, I read somewhere that if you hug them very tightly they calm down. Sometimes it actually worked. I just tried to get him to tell me what he wanted. It's worth a try.

I remove my daughter from the situation and put her in her crib , some people don't like to use the place of sleep so you could use a pac n play. I leave her for about 2 mins and then go and get her , by which point she has usually forgotten what it was she wanted or was doing that got her there in the first place.

The best thing that worked for our kids was to distract them with something else- this is very normal for this age. Their attention span is maybe 1 or 2 minutes so if you can distract them it is best. Continue to say no and then show them what "no" means.

Hi B.,

my little one is now 15 months old and at this age it seems very common for them to do this since they are exercising their boundaries. I have read and been told that the best way to handle a tantrum/melt down like this is to simply ignore them when they do it (no eye contact etc...) and this lets them know that you do not appreciate that type of behavior and will not pay attention to it. You can even leave the room temporarily if you have to (as long as they are in a safe environment). Best wishes to you & your little one :)

Reward positive behavior, ignore negative. Tell her how proud you are of her for something she does that she is supposed to do. When she starts throwing a tantrum, put a name to how she's feeling for her. "I know you are angry/frustrated/annoyed...about not having so n so, but ... If she continues after you try to explain, tell her you love her and that you are going to let her calm down so you can help her and walk away. I know at 14 months, there's not a lot of back and forth conversation, but she understands what you are saying, especially if you change your tone to match her mood, and try to show you understand.

B., I encourage you to think of the situation differently from having her "need to obey". Is your most important goal that she obeys your rules, or is your most important goal that she does what she's supposed to do? Doing what she's supposed to do will go far because this will guide her decisions when she is with you and also when she is away from you (or eventually any adult).

I try to parent with long term goals in mind. What do I want my child to be as an adult - well balanced, emotionally mature, strong morals, good decision making skills, etc. And even at 1 yr old, I started to lay down the pattern of our interactions. Approaching things from a "my way or consequences" pattern vs. approaching them from a "keep my boundaries AND still honor your feelings" pattern will give you very different dynamics in your relationship with your daughter.

If this sounds like something you'd rather be learning, I encourage you to start learning about Positive Discipline. You can still keep strong boundaries & teach your child what is and isn't acceptable, but you aren't in a me vs. you relationship. You are becoming a close and trusting family that is there for each other. There are online email groups - even a twin cities api one found at groups.yahoo. Plus many great books by Dr. Sears, Coloroso, Kurcinka, Cohen, Kohn ... the list goes on. Youtube even has some videos, Naomi Aldort comes to mind as one to look up.

Good luck!

L.

We started using time outs around that age, or maybe better called "time aways" as daycare called them. We removed her from the situation to a different area in the house for about a minute. At that point we didn't use a timer, I would just count out loud to 60 or so. I'm sure she didn't really grasp the idea of the time out, but it was effective at redirecting her attention by physically moving her to a different area. And now at almost 2, she does know what time out means and when we give her the warning that one more time of doing whatever she's doing wrong means a time out, it's usually enough to stop her. (And if not, she defintely knows how to sit in her designated spot until the timer goes off. We didn't start actually using a timer until a few months ago.)