I am a divorced mom of two boys, a 6 year old and 3 year old. I have been separated (2 years) and got the divorce just this past year. I am dating a GREAT guy who the kids absolutely adore and he adores my kids. The problem is he's in the Marine Corp and they're planning on sending him to California for up to 18 months. I don't want my kids to think he stopped coming around because of them. They lost their dad and now they're losing the guy I'm dating (in their eyes). I don't know how to explain to them that he's leaving but coming back, it just won't be for a while. Any suggestion would be greatly appreciated!
Okay. So I'm VERY sad today. I dropped my boyfriend, the Marine, off at the airport on Sunday morning. We thought he'd be gone MAYBE a couple months. He got to Cali and found out Monday night that he would be there for 16 months. I am VERY sad about this. I told my two boys and my older one just bawled and bawled. Then they started asking all sorts of questions about what he was doing, if he has a gun, if he's ever killed anybody, typical boy stuff. I've found I'm having a MUCH harder time than they are because he's not able to call either (he's up in the mountains and cell phones don't work where he's at). I'm used to him calling at lunch time, at 4:30 after work to talk about our days, and again at 7 p.m. until sometimes midnight just to talk. He also was coming over every weekend from Friday night until he had to leave for work Monday morning. I don't know what I'm going to do to fill my time. All my other friends that used to live around here have moved out of state too. Oh well, things will get easier. It's only been 2 days. I told him I was going to exercise and get in the BEST shape I've ever been in while he's gone too. Maybe I can get that 6 pack I've wanted (yeah right).
Another thing thats hard is every time the boys see his Jeep in the driveway they swear he's here and I have to explain EVERY time we pull in how I'm bringing it to his brother's house and he's NOT here. They get bummed out every time they see his Jeep and find out he's not here. So the sooner that is out of here maybe it will get better.
Do your kids know that he is in the marine's? Just explain to them the situation as you have to all of us. If he is available to make phone calls keep that going with the children and let them write him letters (you write what they say) and draw him picture to send him. If he tells them about why he is leaving it might be better that way too so that they hear it from him.
Good luck! : )
S.
I would say to have both of you sit and explain to the kids that he is leaving for a while, but he will be back. If he is there to reassure them, that might help them realize he's not leaving because of them. Also, while he's gone, have the kids make him cards and letters and crafts (even if you can't mail them to him, just pretend) and they will still feel like a part of his life and that they are helping him. I hope this helps! I hope he comes home soon and in good health!
B.,
I agree with the advice given already and they are right. A dear friend of our family is over in Iraq right now and his little boy is at our house quite often these days. Even over there, there are ways to communicate with the boys. Since he will still be in the U.S., this should be even easier. Both of you sit down and explain what a soldier does to protect them and assure them that he will return. He must be a great guy to take on two young boys, and I wish you all the best.
B.,
Don't underestimate how much you kids will understand. At their ages they will be able to underst and the situation if you explain it to them in their own terms. You and you boyfriend should both do this, since the kids care about him so much.
Good Luck and God Bless!
Dear B.,
When my brother and I were the same age as your boys my father was doing a Naval Exchange tour of duty. He was an Air Force fighter pilot training to fly with the Navy. His squadron was sent to do a tour of duty on the USS Enterprise for almost a year. We sent care packages to him and letters. We also used a cassete recorder to record a mock radio broadcast (this was about 1972). The tape would have news from home, stories about what was happening at school, we recorded his favorite musicians, etc... Dad would rerecord over the tape and send it back to us. He read stories, sang our favorite songs, and told us about the places he was visiting. Every month we both recieved a postcard from him with a short note. My mother would glue the postcard into a scrap books for us.
With today's technology you can do all sorts of things besides letters. My husband bought two web cams so that when he travels he can take one and we have our own family web confrence while he is gone. Using a video or DVD camera to record messages and events can be something your boys might enjoy. You can also pick out a calendar to mark off each day until he is due to get back so they see time passing.
As for explaining his leaving I would tell them the truth. He is a Marine this is part who he is as a person. Being a soldier is tough, sometimes they have to leave the people they love for a while, but that doesn't mean he is gone forever. Hope this helps.
J.
I just recently watched Nanny 911 with an issue similar to this. I would have him tell them that he is leaving for awhile because that his job but he will be back.
Good Luck!
