Do I Have to Hand-down, or Can I Consign?

Updated on April 20, 2011
K.B. asks from Atlanta, GA
11 answers

Ladies, I have four sisters with nine daughters younger than my daughter. And, in contrast, I have two boys who are the youngest in my extended family. It has been the pattern to hand-down my daughter's clothes to my nieces, and, from time to time, we have received the boy stuff. This has slowed recently as the kids have gotten older (my DD is 11). The older nieces have started to form their own views of what they want to wear, and I think some of our outgrown stuff won't be used by them. Also, I recently lost my job, so we don't have the same discretionary income we used to.

I'm wondering, can I ask my sisters if they want to buy our outgrown clothes for what the consignment shop would buy them for? Because there is nice stuff (branded, lightly-used) that they would still be getting a great deal on. Or shall I just pick out a few really nice things to hand down, and say nothing about the rest, and consign that? I would even get more satisfaction out of giving some of these clothes to my needy neighbors (e.g., the family w/ 10 kids, and unemployed dad). It's funny, because if you find a great deal (which I would view my clothes as), you would want to share, but since these were previously free, it might be weird to offer them for sale.

Also, when looking through the last couple bags of boy stuff we got recently, I had to conclude that the 'good stuff' had been picked out for resale or given to my sister's needy neighbor (she has a few of those too). That, or I accidentally got the goodwill bags. So it would be OK if we didn't get any boy hand-me-downs anymore. [And while we are on the topic, my sisters aren't all done having babies, and there could be another boy in the future. As the person on the bottom of the totem pole, do I have to save all the boy clothes for a possible nephew? My son is four . . . ] What do you think?

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Featured Answers

E.F.

answers from Provo on

My sister gives me all her hand-me-down's. I appreciate it so much, I have offered to pay her for them, but she refuses.
She has two kids, a boy and a girl. I then have three girls, younger than hers and one boy toddler. So she has stored all the boy clothes at my moms, for whomever wants them. It has been a good arrangement, I have two other sisters and all of us just share the oldest sisters kid clothes. If she told me she could use the money, and explained her situation, I would gladly pay for them, because it would still be less than buying them new and I would not be offended.
I like what some of the other moms have said. Pick out a few good staples and things you know they need or would want and give them those. Or pass on what has been given you and then tell them you are going to sell the rest and they can buy them first if they want them.
Good luck!
E.

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K.K.

answers from Iowa City on

Hey they know you lost your job. Tell them what you are thinking. You want to get some money back from your investment, so you can roll it right back in to more clothes. I personally would not be offended if asked to pay for clothes my sister passed down (after holding them for 7 years!) to my daughter. Nor would I be upset if she didn't offer. She paid for them, that doesn't make them mine next. Just be clear so no feelings are hurt by them not knowing the clothing train is on a new schedule.

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R.J.

answers from Salt Lake City on

I think the picking a couple out and selling or donating the rest is your best bet. I have the oldest grandchildren so we have been in hand down game for years. It can get sticky if the "depend" on your kids growth spurts to clothe their kids. Buying the new baby an outfit would be a nice gesture if there are 4 years in between boys there isnt going to be a lot of hand downs

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T.W.

answers from Denver on

Don't ask for them to pay for the clothes. That is kinda rude and defeats he whole purpose of "hand-me-down" with your sisters. I would do what you recommended and send a few items down the pike then consign the rest. I have been doing consignment for the last year (same job situation as you) and I very rarely have to pay for any clothes and they are in GREAT condition. As far as saving your 4 year olds clothes for a possible additional nephew. Ask your sister if she wants them. If she does then you can give them to her now and it is off your plate. Just remember that you can still take those clothes to consignment and get more trade so maybe do half and half.

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T.B.

answers from Miami on

I have gotten hand down clothes from lots of people, and I have always accepted them with grace and gratitude, no matter how they looked. If the person did not want anything back, I sifted through them keeping the good and giving away or consigning the others. I personally would NEVER ask my sisters to buy my used clothing. If you need money, then consign them at a store but don't expect your family members to purchase them. I would never appreciate that at all.

And I would not be saving clothes for my family's future kids. Unless you have a big house and can accommodate such a loving gesture, I would either give them away or, consign them. We are not obligated to give anything to anyone unless you feel led to do so.

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H.F.

answers from Pocatello on

You are under no obligation to hand down your children's clothes to your relatives or to save them for any future babies. If they gave you something nice like a crib or swing or another big ticket item then that needs to be returned of course, but if you want to sell or donate your used children's clothes you certianly have a right to. But DON'T try to sell your used clothes to your family members, that would be super tacky and could hurt their feelings. Also, don't expect to make much money off of selling used kids clothes. They go for pretty cheap, esspecially if they have been through more than one child!

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C.B.

answers from Dallas on

I don't think I would ask them to buy the clothes- but if you would rather sell them, you don't have to feel obligated to give them away to your sisters. I think it would be fine to just pick out a few things to give to your sisters and then do with the rest what you want. And no, you don't have to save the boy clothes for possible future boy babies- that's a ton of stuff and just keeping them in boxes for something that might or might not happen in the future just wastes a lot of space and keeps someone else from being able to put them to good use.
If there are any really cute or special outfits(boy ones) ask your sisters if they want to keep them, and if they do- they can store them.
~C.

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K.H.

answers from Salt Lake City on

Just be up front with your sisters and let them know your thoughts. Let them know you are looking at consignment for some of your clothes. As for the boy clothes, let them know you will let them look through the boy stuff and then the rest you are giving away. I wouldn't hold on to it if you are not going to have anymore kids. Good luck it really is a tough situation but your sisters can expect to always get the hand me downs. Like I said, have a sit down chat with them and let them know what you are thinking.

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A.C.

answers from Columbus on

If you have a good, open relationship in your family where you can talk about it, I would ask the sisters their thoughts.

Otherwise, if you think you would be judged, and want to avoid that, select the best items that you'll get a good price for, and consign or ebay or sell however you want to, and give the rest to the sisters.

The best thing to do, regarding the boys clothes, is ask. If they say, yes, please hold on to them, and you don't want to keep them, let them know they can have them as they are outgrown, but that you don't have the room to store them.

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C.S.

answers from Milwaukee on

I think you should hand down some pieces and donate/consign the rest.

Save the family strife it might cause if you ask them to buy.

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G.B.

answers from Oklahoma City on

Tell them that you are putting everything in a garage sale and they are welcome to come shop it. If you are truly having financial issues they already know and they'll understand why. You can always tell them that you need to have a garage sale to get rid of stuff and make enough money for XXX, maybe an extra house payment. If they get upset then they don't deserve the hand me downs to begin with.

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