Do I Have to Provide Something for the Adults at My DD 5Th Birthday?

Having just gone through this...

Most adult do not expect you to pay for them unless you specifically invite them. Most parents will probably drop and run. If they are family, they should understand that you cannot pay for everyone. Bowling parties are expensive (at least they are in my town). Be upfront with everyone and you should not offend everyone.

I would pay for at least the grandparents and close aunts and uncles. Make it clear what you are willing to pay for. I would at least provide pizza and soda for everyone, regardless.

Have fun!

P.,

I've been to birthday parties where food was provided only for the children. I found that either a) I was starving and cranky and couldn't let the kids stay for the whole party, or b) the hostess ended up scrounging up something for the grownups to eat, because she was hungry, too.

To save $$ in the past, I've had parties that were not centered around mealtimes, and we just had cake and snacky foods. I also liked breakfast/brunch time, because juice, fruit and muffins are really easy and reasonably cheap.

Have a great party!!!
M.

I agree with the others that you should include something on the invitation giving the parents the warning that bowling and food will not be included for them. If you don't feel comfortable with that I would go with what the other woman mentioned about having it at a different time that is not close to meal time. I have been to parties where there wasn't enough pizza but plenty of cake/cupcakes for the adults.

Good luck,
H.

You're absolutely in your right to do this.

Depending on the time of the party it is pretty clear to most people that only birthday related foods will be served and no other food items will be available. If you start a party at 10 / 11am or around 2pm, most people only expect cake, ice cream of whatever birthday celebration food is to be served.

There is no need to indicate this on the invitations.

I agree with having smaller parties--I've heard a good estimate is to invite the number of kids according to the birthday child's age. If the child is 8 years old, invite 8 friends.

If you have pizza and soda's out, adults ARE going to grab a slice and a drink (or whatever you're serving) no matter what you write on the invitation.
Little Ceasars has a deal every day, all day---1 Large pizza for $5. Can't beat that, find one near you and pick em' up!

I would never assume I was going to be bowling myself at a child's birthday party so I wouldn't worry about shoes, lanes, etc. for adults.

You could try to serve the food yourself but like I said, I think any adult attending is going to be expected to be fed. esp. if the kids are eating.

If you don't want to feed everyone, do NOT plan the party during lunch time or dinner time. Plan it after lunch, like at 2 PM and just have cake and drinks. I see that all the time.

nope the party is for the kids. you can put on the invites " parents welcome to play if they pay there own way" . also parents at this age tend to drop off kids and leave them for the party time.

Do you expect the parents to stay and help watch their kids? My guess is yes since you daughter is only 4 so I'm assuming that most of the kids will be around that age, so at least you need to have enough cake and drinks (not beer) for them as well. Are you planning on any adults bowling? I don't think most adults will expect to bowl at a kids party, but some light refreshments for all are not unreasonable to expect. I'd be careful with what you write on the invitation, b/c you don't want it to come off like you're doing the parents(or childless family members) a favor by inviting them to your child's party. So I guess my answer is that it's fine to only provide the activity for the invited child, but some type of refreshments should be provided for all there. Good luck and remember this is suppose to be fun. =)

I have four children so I have been to and given MANY parties. For older children who you expect the parents to not remain for the party then it would be understandable not to provide refreshments ect for them. However, if many of the children are around your daughter's age (4,) the parents will likely remain. It would be rude to invite the parents (that's what you are doing when you have a party for children that young) and not provide refreshments for them. You also mentioned inviting adults who have no children. It is completely unacceptable to purposefully invite an adult and then give them nothing. If you don't want to or can't afford to, then don't invite them at all. Or, you can invite a smaller number of people.

However, you CAN say that bowling tickets will be provided for the children and any adults who would like to play are welcome to purchase their own game. Expect that siblings may also be coming. When doing parties for young ones (like 4 YOs) I always expect to provide for their siblings as the parents will need to be at the party and should not be expected to get childcare for their other children.

My 2 cents.
S.

We went to a party where there was no food provided for adults and it was OK. There was a concession stand where we could just buy something to eat. I will say that putting something on the invitation would be cool because we weren't planning on it and then had to drop around $25 or so to eat, so if you mention it on the invitation that can give parents the option to eat before they come if they don't want to spend the extra $, or plan for it ahead of time. You could just put an asterisk at the bottom of then invitation saying something like "complimentary lunch for children provided, concession stand available for adults" or something like that. Have a fun party:)

While I think it's ok sometimes to not feed the adult parents of the children invited to the party, I think if you have family coming you can't expect NOT to feed them. What are they supposed to do at the party? They're not bowling, they're not eating...they're just watching. I think i would have a small bowling party for the friends with cupcakes and drinks served, and then have a family get together later - even if it's just cake and ice cream and no meal. I would not be offended at not being invited to a child family member's bowling party, but I think I would feel a little put out going as an aunt and not eating nor bowling.

I feel differently about the parents of the kids there. THey are there to supervise their kids, so you don't have to feel obligated to feed them nor pay for them to bowl. The adult family members are different - they are not supervising, they are only coming to be with your DD.

At this age, I think it's perfectly acceptable to start splitting the parties - having a party with your child's friends, and then a gathering with family.

But I mostly feel that if you don't want to feed people, don't have a party at a meal time. I assume if I go to a party at 11 or 12 that they will be feeding me - after all, that is a meal time, and I'm skipping a meal in order to be there. However, if the party is at 3 or 4, I assume that it is cake only. This is how my mother taught me, since that's the way people used to do it. I realize that many parties these days have food no matter when it is. I've been to parties where there is pizza at 3 in the afternoon. But I think as a general rule you can avoid serving food if it's an afternoon party.

Bowling and cupcakes with the children, and a family gathering on a Sunday....that's what I would do.

It sounds like a bowling party. I would say that only the children should bowl. If it were me, I would order a couple extra pizzas and drinks to feed the adults that stayed with their children.

Just put on the invitation the cost for the shoe and bowling rental for the families that decide to stay.

Joe Smith is invited to John Smith's bowling party. (We will provide shoes and lane time for your son. Your family is welcome to stay and enjoy the day. The cost for lanes and shoes.)

Be upfront.

The parties we go to these days say: food provided for the kids. People should understand, parties are costly enough paying for the kids. There is no need to feed the adults.

It's a children's party, so your responsibility is to provide for the children. It is not your responsibility to have refreshments or entertainment for the adults, especially since you'll be at a place where they can get their own, not outside in the park with no cool drinks or AC.

Don't feel bad; you're okay.

I've done 3 bowling parties for my daughter. Ask people if they are interested in bowling "on their own" so you can make arrangements for adjacent lanes to be reserved but the lanes for the kids will have the bumpers up so you don't want to let adults try to bowl with the kids.

Perhaps I am old fashion, but no you don't have to pay for the parents. Its your child's b-day. Spend the money on your child. The parents should understand.

I wouldn't think a child's parents would even assume you were doing so! Send the invite in only the child's name and state that the only the child's portion of the party is being paid for, but parents are welcome to participate on their own. I would not be offended.

I would mention it on the invite. Say something like, free game for kids and then put the price per game for the adults so they're not surprised. Dont' say anything like you can't pay for them, etc. They already know that. Just at the bottom as a side note, note the price per game for those who are wanting to play. Many came to my daughters who didn't even want to play, just wanted to be there. Those who wanted to play, did and paid for themselves. Just reserve some lanes close together. Or, ask them to rsvp so you know who wants to play or not to reserve the lanes? Then, be flexible and expect to pay for those leftover unpaid bills that get mixed up in the confusion. It always happens. I think I had to pay an extra $20 or something.

P.,
I opened a birthday party place in Schertz called Party Station that is specially designed to cater to parents budgets and the little kiddos needs. Every party here is a private party and you are welcome to bring your own food and drinks, you do not have to purchase food and drinks from me. I have 3 different packages. A Mon-Thurs party is $75, a Friday party is $125 and a Saturday or Sunday party is $195. There is no limit on the # of guests w/ each party.
The most popular party times are the the 10am-12pm (after breakfast and before lunch) and the 3pm-5pm (after lunch and before dinner). You could really get away with snacks or finger foods only.
I do not think you should be required to provide food and drinks for for the parents of the kids you invite. Depending on where you go, a good way to word it is "Food and drinks will be provided for all the kids invited" and "A snack bar is available if anyone else wishes to order something"
Good luck and I hope it all goes well.
C. Cooper

We just went through this, planning our DD 5th bday party. I personally feel it is rude to invite someone to a party and not provide them refreshments. It's ok for the activities to be specifically for the kids, but adults need to be fed. Five is an interesting age, where I wasn't sure if her friend's parents would feel comfortable dropping their child off, and I figured for the most part parents would want to stay. To make it clear, I indicated on the invitations that parents and siblings were welcome. Maybe when DD turns 6 we can have the invitations to her friends only, but not this year and anyway it was more fun for me to have the adults there. To save money, we planned the party for mid-afternoon so we only had to provide snacks, beverages, and cake, but not a whole meal. Have fun!

We had a bowling party for my daughter at 5yrs. We did not pay for the adults. We reserved only enough lanes for the kids that rsvped and maybe 3-5 more. That should eliminate parents. We were just honest with the parents and told them we only budgeted for the kids.

Good Luck
Kim

As a parent I would not expect to have an activity paid for me at a party my child was invited to. I would not be offended if I was not fed either. I do think it would be good though if you had something for the adults to pick at. I have been to a party where I was starving, thinking there would be food. If you are planning on putting food out like pizza than I would expect that the adults are going to grab food too. As far as family or people that you invite without kids I do agree with some posters that it would be rude not to feed them. What about bowling and cupcakes for playmates and pizza at your house for family.

P.-You might check if the bowling alley where you plan on having the party has some type of birthday package deal for the kids. The one's in my area do. I would mention on the invitations 'Bowling provided for invitee only' & address the invitation to the child. That way you'll avoid having to pay extra for extra kids that show up you didn't plan for.

As for the adults, I would at least provide cake & punch/drinks. You could even throw in some inexpensive snacks, chips & salsa or dip, sausage/cheese & crackers, if you don't want to provide a meal. Bowling alley's typically have a food area if anyone wants something additional, they can purchase something there.

Have a great time!

Hi P.-

Have you considered having a separate, more low key family party? Maybe have the bowling party for the friends but then just have family over to your house for cake on another day? While I wouldn't be offended about being asked to pay my own way, if I received an invitation to a bowling party I would expect that it is being paid for.

One option is to write on the invitation something like "come join us at _______Bowling Alley to watch the kids play and share in some birthday cake." This sets the expectation that the adults won't be playing so it eliminates that expense at least.

Good luck,
K.