Do I Want Another Baby?

My youngest was 4 and we decided we were "done" but then I got that feeling you were talking about. It is extremely hard to describe but it got almost annoying to me because I didn't want to be pregnant again (have difficult pregnancies). I had adopted my oldest (now 14) at age 5 and I must say it has been an extremely difficult challenge so adopting again to me was out of the question. That little nagging never went away though and we decided to give it a few months of trying to see if we got pregnant. I got pregnant the first month. This pregnancy has been just as hard as the others, but I am due in two months and the excitement of this baby has brought such joy to my other children and family, I know it was the right thing to do....even though I am not looking forward to the diapers, night feedings, and have been feeling awful the whole pregnancy, I know in my heart I made the right choice.

I'm just the opposite. I'd love to be pregnant again - I loved being pregnant(although I could do without the whole childbirth part) but I don't want another kid. I'd love another BABY but not another CHILD. When I see babies, I think "what if we had just one more????" and then my kids act up and I remember why we don't want more. But it's a thought that's always at the back of my mind even though I know I really don't want anymore.

Anyway, I think it's normal to want more children (whether you birth them or adopt them) and only you and your husband can decide if you have room for one more. I think talking to your husband about adoption will help you decide if it's something you really want or if it's just a phase/hormones/whatever.

i think you should pray about it. i had been feeling like we should have another as well, but we had already planned to wait a couple more years, whether it was to adopt or for me to be pregnant. there were many things i had wanted to change before having a third child. but i couldn't shake the feeling that i should consider having another child now, and even a dream i had years ago about children kept coming to mind over and over. it was really bugging me. i didn't tell my husband because i didn't want him to agree to it just because i wanted it. and because i know that sometimes hormones make us want babies. but then my husband mentioned that he was feeling that we should have another child now. one day we decided to pray about several decisions we needed to make at the time, and to make my husband happy, i agreed to pray about having another child. we prayed individually and both got the same answers. so now i'm pregnant! :) i'll admit i've had mixed feelings about it because of the things i'd wanted to change before having another child. but some of those things are changing and i think we will be ready enough when this one is born. and because my husband had his own witness, i don't feel as if i'm pushing him into something he doesn't really want. good luck and have faith! God is willing to guide you.

What's wrong with wanting another one? Sometimes that's God's way of telling us our family isn't complete. I know pregnancy is awufl, and child birth is one of the most ...not even a word for it...anyway, you might consider that there are many families who would like to have their own, but can't. They're only option is to adopt. I've always believed that if I am physically able to bear my own children I wouldn't adopt. On the other hand, there are many children that need good homes...the decision is most certainly up to you, but I don't think there's anything wrong at all with wanting another. It also sounds like you've had all your kids pretty close together, and that you started on the young side. Maybe just give it a little...most certainly talk to your husband about it. Good luck!

T. -

What exactly are your thoughts about having another child. If you focus on those thoughts or feelings maybe you can figure out the "why".

Here is what I believe is going on (only because you asked):
It's not about what YOU want or what YOU need. There may be another baby in your future because its Providence calling you to be a mommy to another child.
I also believe that it is perfectly NATURAL in a healthy family for the expectation of children to come as they will. I also think it is really un-natural to block or prevent children from coming into a family.

While focusing more (and praying) about what these thoughts are that you are having, will help you sort out whether you are being called to another birth or to adoption.

I have been pregnant 9 times and am raising 8 kids from 18 months to 16 years - and now I am getting too old, it looks like, to have any more. I've been having some baby thoughts too - mostly because I am not used to skipping periods for any other reason. It's not easy having a large family - however, it was what was meant for us naturally and there are no regrets.

Two different thoughts to mull over:

1. On the Pro-baby side: What's 9 more months? Once the baby's born (plan to have a scheduled c-section), it's like it went fast and then you have a sweet little addition to your family and an even number of kids, so each has a partner on the rides at Disneyland.

2. On the No-More-Baby side: Can you afford another college education? Where will s/he sleep? Is there room at the dinner table?

I know, I know, I simplified it for you. I agree with you, pregnancy and childbirth are difficult. But sometimes if you think too much about it, you confuse yourself even more. So, don't think about it and whatever happens is meant to be. And if you get pregnant, remember that it's a means to an end. Baby is the goal. :)

You don't say why you don't ever want to be preg. again. But I think its normal to want another kid. I'm far older (LOL 38 yrs) i have 4 kids farther apart in age (10, 7, 4, 2) and I'm the opposite (to an extent) of you. I'd love to be preg. again, I just don't want any more kids. But with being "fixed" I can't get preg again. Have you thought about "why" you want another child? Do want a certain number of kids? As young as you are, you may not be "done". Or its because your youngest is turning 2, that the 'urge' to have a baby is starting to kick in. When I see a young baby, I also want to have another one..LOL but instead of trying to have one (though there's no complaints from hubby), I find something to distract me....helping someone with a baby, taking in a baby animal, etc. One of the things you need to think about is does your hubby want another child? Is he willing to adopt, can you afford another child (especially to adopt one). If finances won't be an issue......then try & understand why you feel your family might not be complete. It is not an easy "issue" to go through :)

I think it's wonderful that you want to share your love with another child. If you're uncertain if it's something you truly want to do, consider becoming a foster parent. There are lots of children in need of a permanent or temporary home with loving caregivers.

I too feel the same way about being pregnant and childbirth...NEVER EVER AGAIN! I too think "maybe" I need another one. I have 2 girls and my husband's name will not be carried on. I often think about adopting a boy one day...older...not baby baby. Sometimes I think my feelings are because I am familiar with the social services system and know that there are kids out there who need a chance at a normal life..."save the world". Other times I think because I have the love. That is my heart talking...my mind says NO! Financially, emotionaly, and how it would affect the dynamics of our family. My mind tells me the adopted child would always feel out of place, my heart tells me I would love the child like he/she were my own (biologicly)! Let me know how this goes...it is a tough decesion. Are you thinking with your mind or with your heart?
Best wishes!

Wow I'm soooooooooooooooo glad this was brought up!!!
Maybe its spring in the air?? I feel the same way, everyone I know is getting married and having babies and I started way to young (although we always did what was best for the kids and enjoyed every step)So now I'm 29 and my kids are getting so grown up at 12, and 9. And Ive been married over a decade! LOL, so watching everyone with new families. I feel the want for pregnancy and baby again. (I too see the Tuesdays kid on the news and want to adopt them) But I just don't know about doing the school thing all over and all that.. it's hard! I love doing it all but we have came so far I cant realistically see starting over but oh how my body/heart thinks it wants another baby:( Its hard lol, I'm so glad I'm not alone in that feeling and hopefully you feel better knowing the same :O)
S.

Hi T.,

You may be feeling that desire because a little spirit is calling out to you from above. (Food for thought.)
Being a mother and giving birth is the most precious gift given to us as woman, many woman don't get that opportunity. (And it is no easy task)
On the other hand there are many children who need good homes.
Just a little insight on adoption. It is not the same as raising your own. When children come with the problems that go alomng with being unable to stay with their natural parents they bring those with them and carry them through out their growing up years. I speak from experience, I was a foster child from age 6 to 14.(as to which I ended up on my own)
Children need good loving homes to accept them unconditionally no matter what. The thing you have to take into consideration is what you are willing to deal with.
There are many factors that you may not know up front i.e. was that child abused, sexually or physically? Did the mom drink or use drugs during pregnancy so that there will be learning disabilies ,will they take their anger out on others, I think you get the picture. And you may not know that for years down the road by which time you can't walk away from them. You really have to look at the circumstaces as to why that child is taken away from it's natural parents and determine what the repricussions may be. YOu may not always get the truth from an agency. Children by the age of 5 can have experienced alot in an environment that they had to be removed from. Once again I just say that you need to decide if you are willing to expose your other children to what can come with adoption as well.
Please don't get me wrong, I am not saying that you shouldn't adpopt, I am just saying it is not a simple decision. I am all for adoption. I was a foster parent for 5 years to teenage boys, troubled teens, in that time my husband and I took in 25 foster boys. I quite doing it because my own children were getting older and the influence was not always good, but I don't regret for one minute of having done it. Several of them come to visit with their little familes now.
I hope that what I had to say is somewhat informative for you in making your decision.
Y.
43 years old mother of 4 grandma to 1 and 1 on the way,
Realtor

I am glad to know that I am not the only one that feels this way. I also would like to have another child, but I don’t want to be pregnant or give berth, or have to start over with diapers again. I have 3 children, 7, 5, and 2. I thought that when I go to MOPS that I could get my baby fix there since there is always someone around that has a little one, but that is not working. Dad is fixed so there is no possibility there either.

HI T.,
IF you want to have another child around but don't want to be pregnant you might try foster parenting, there are alot of children that need temporary and sometimes permanent homes. Another thing you could try just to see if it helps ease the "nudge" that you have, volunteer in a church nursery or in a daycare center or preschool. That will get you around kids some but you don't have to take anyone home and maybe that will statisfy your need to have a child around. My parents did the same when us kids were all in Middle/High school. Suddenly my dad wanted a baby around so they started working in our church nursery with 30+ babies every sunday and that sufficed them enough to ward off actually having another baby. So you might try these temporary fixes before doing something permanent on just a whim. Good luck!

C.

Wow, T.. I can relate to how you feel about not EVER wanting to get pregnant again. My daughter is 3 yrs. and my son is 9 months old... I adore my children, but now I am resoundingly positive I am DONE!

Your youngest is still quite small, so it surprises me that the urge to want another has already hit you. I hear of it hitting after your youngest has definitely left toddlerdom and entered grade school or something. I'd say have your hormone levels checked, but you're not craving pregnancy...

I don't know, I'd say a family of three children would be a great place to stop, but then there are plenty of people who have many more and love it. Perhaps consider the idea pragmatically and take a close look at how your family life and your other children would be affected by another child being added to the mix -- financially, emotionally, socially, etc.

Hope that helped even a little bit.... Good luck to you!

WHen I started thinking about having another baby a few months ago (my husband nixed the idea, but I am still trying to change his mind), my best friend told me, "You will never regret the kids you did have, but you may regret the ones you didn't have." I think this applies to all forms of motherhood, be it birth or adoption. AND, there are so many children out there that need families--especially older children. Babies get adopted without fail, but older children have a harder time...I think it is wonderful that you want to bring a child into your home that needs a family!

I have 7 kids, I know that I do not want to ever be pregnant again, but I still have baby lust, I thin they are 2 seperate issues, I wouldn't mind adopting, the thought of being pregnant again horrifies me! But I just love that baby smell, even the stinky smell, and lets face it when they are little they are so cute! You may be done with pregnancy but that doesn't mean you can't want a larger family!

Hi... I completely sympathize with you. But it seemed for me that I always wanted another baby around the 2yr mark of my 2 yr old and I would say, 'If I could just get passed them beinf 2 I'll be fine'... Well now I have 5. My hubby is fixed and you will not believe it but when my little one was just about to turn 2 and out of being baby I wanted another one. No way did I want 6... just a baby. Hope this helps

I think everybody must go through this stage. I was really longing for another child a couple of years ago. I think I was missing my grow children so much. Part of my identity is being a good mom. I had my children young and have been a mom my intire adult life.
You have three kids under the age of 5years and are still in your 20's. Why do you want another child? Do you want to invest in another child? I would talk to your husband and get his feed back and insight. I guess what I am asking is what your motivation is? Just think about it and pray about what is best for your family.
C. B

With three very young children, I would say wait, wait, wait! If you still want to adopt in a few years, you have plenty of time to do that, but give your love and attention to the children you have now. I had three daughters and we eventually adopted a son, but my girls were all old enough to be somewhat self-sufficient, and also were very helpful with our son when he came into our family. It's very easy to reach a place of overwhelm when you've taken on too much too quickly, and then you're not able to take care of everyone's needs, especially your own. You're young and have plenty of time to add to your family. Slow down, enjoy your children, take time for yourself on a regular basis, and know that you can always adopt.

One of the main considerations (in my opinion) with regard to adopting is age placement. I've heard it said time and time again that it's not a wise decision to adopt a child who is older than any of the children already in the home. It upsets the birth order and creates chaos in many ways. Allowing your children to get a little older will make it possible for you to bring in a younger child, therefore leaving your family in tact and ready to welcome the new arrival.

In the meantime, explore the feelings you're having about wanting another child so soon. Perhaps you simply want a large family with children who are close in age, and that's perfectly understandable. But if there are other reasons, you should take a good look at that (my rapidly expanding family was all about healing my own lonely, unhappy childhood - I wanted the white picket fence, lots of happy kids, etc., which is the opposite of what I grew up with). The important thing is that the children you already have are getting their needs met and they're thriving. I'm not assuming they're not, I'm just speaking from personal experience when I say that four young children is a lot to handle (as is three) and it's easy to take on more than we are ready for because we love babies...I often found myself in a place of overwhelm with so many children who had so many needs, and although I couldn't even imagine my life without my whole brood, I have thought over the years that it sometimes was too much too soon and I lost myself along the way. Looking back on it, I would have paced myself a little slower in order to give more individual time to each child before adding to our family, but everyone has survived and is happy to be part of our family.

Whatever you decide, and there is no wrong answer here, be sure to take time for yourself. Mom's tend to give it all away and not keep anything for themselves. You will be a happier mother if you have quiet time to do what you want to do that has nothing to do with taking care of someone else. Good luck to you. Adopting can be a beautiful experience for the whole family.

T.

I felt the same way...I really tried to talk my husband into adopting. I did not like being pregnant and dealing with all the physical stuff we deal with during and after...but he really wanted to have another the old fashioned way. I decided my desire to have another child and finding out who the next person was to be in our life to be worth going through another pregnancy and everything that goes along with pregnancy. I'm so glad I did. I remember when the doctor put her on my belly and her little eyes looked up at me...I didn't even know if she was a boy or girl yet...but oh my gosh...what a moment I would never want to lose...that I would never trade in. And she looks like her sisters...to see the 3 of them together...all the similarities and the differences. It's just so...so wonderful. And, I'm done. Not just with pregnancy, but the whole thing. I'm 36 and I'm tired. My husband got 'fixed'. I'm ready to sleep again, among many other things. That's how I know I'm done. Not liking pregnancy was not enough for me to be done.