Do Some People Have to Have Something to Complain About in Order to Be Happy?

I know someone just like that, whom I love very much. And yes, it's much worse now that she's older. I think she misses her friends and relatives who have moved away or passed on. I think she misses her work contacts. So when she starts complaining I first agree with her, and say I'm sorry she was having a tough time with whatever. But if the complaints keep coming in the same conversation, I do redirect, redirect, redirect. If that doesn't work, I might mention that she seems truly upset. It's interesting that that comment often stops her and she'll say "Not really." and the brings up a more pleasant topic. Best of luck to you.

So you've met my MIL?! LOL

I find those kind of people to be toxic and exhausting. I personally feel that they are not happy with themselves and seem to miss the point that they are masters of their own destiny. If I had a dollar for everyperson that was 'against her' or 'keeping her from getting ahead', I'd be rich.

Fortunate for me I have not spoke to my MIL in years so that is how I keep my sanity. I will read through your answers just incase she comes back into our lives :-)

I know and have known a few people like this.. The only see the negative. They only assume the worst, they seem to be so negative themselves, that they assume everyone else is the same.

Also there are a lot of people that think everything is about them.. They do not really care or are used to acknowledging others, so they do not appreciate their own lives and the lives of others.

They tend to be stingy with their feelings their time and their efforts for others.

It becomes very apparent on FB.. We have an old classmate that I was friendly to, but did not really know. But we friended each other after our 30 year class reunion. She was kind of complaining about some of the events (of course I was on the committee) so I suggested she help with the next 5 year reunion.. hee, hee..

She is always so negative on her posts or has some negative thing to say.. She also has a really bad habit of always posting "I am bored".. Well who's fault is that?

We actually now for 2 years have been trying to find a positive post she will ever post on her our our pages. The pattern is that if she made it, baked it or thought of it, it is positive.. But if anyone else suggests or speaks about an idea.. she is negative or thinks the person is trying to "show off"..

She lives in a very small world, with not many friends, and really seems to wallow in her misery.. I wonder why?

I really love being around positive people.. People I can be honest with and they can be honest with me.. We lift each other up.. We try not to judge and we try to think of others and how to help.. We have goals of leaving this place better than we found it and do no harm.

My step mom is just like this! It gets old quickly, but what are you going to do? I try to keep our visits short otherwise I start going nuts! (She is in her mid 60s as well). You could try telling her you are trying to keep conversations positive and your new years resolution is to not complain so much. Ask her if she minds changing the topic bc it is too negative. Good luck that that though! Some people want drama so they can talk about it and get attention.

I have a person in my life who does this, constantly. So much so that on one visit to their place, I actually timed how long she could let silence pass before complaining again.

She maxed out at a whopping 16 seconds before starting up again.

Keep those visits short. Have another 'something' to focus on, if possible. Because my person is within the family, I have my son to focus on if I need a break. Kids are a great reason for having to put one's attention elsewhere. If your kids are too old, consider some sort of handwork. I know it sounds archaic, but it's like white noise to count off knitting stitches or some sewing.

I've also learned not to try to offer a different perspective, because it's not going to be heard. For example: Don't try to explain that the person who sent the nice 'family update' letter isn't really bragging to make THEM (the complainer) feel badly about their own life... reality has no place in this person's life or their perceptions.

And yes, in answer to your question, some people only feel 'normal' or what they perceive as 'happy' when they are in a permanent one-down situation in life. Obviously not a set of self-actualizing people, and very draining for us. If possible, on the phone, if you can time it so your kids start screaming and crying after 15 minutes or so, you've got a great "out", too. :) And then they can get off the phone and complain about you and yours... because we are not immune, either! (said with a wink!)

Ummm.... I'm kind of amused that you are talking about complaining in a forum that seems to be uniquely designed for people to come and complain. I realize that it's really supposed to be a place to get answers. But answers, real helpful answers, are rarely dispensed on mamapedia. LOL! REALLY...have you read the questions on here? This place is all about complaining about moms, complaining about husbands, complaining about kids, complaining about neighbors, complaining about co-workers....

So yes...in answer to your question...it does seem that people need to complain. Well, we do it. We don't HAVE to.

Some people are just "negative Nellies."
Oh well.
But they irk people around them.
So, stay away.
Or, let it roll off your back.
Or tell them, suck it up.
We all do, right?
Life.

Your MIL is that way.
She won't change.

And no, people do NOT have to "complain" in order to be happy. They complain.. but are STILL not "happy." So it does not follow logic. Nor common sense.

Some people, are really in dire straights. And they don't complain. They MANAGE, to find things, to be happy about, and to appreciate.

Being "happy" takes EFFORT, like all things in life.

"Complaining"... is a chronic "habit."
And it is also a "choice" to be that way.
But some people do not know how, to be any other way.

I think I'd keep the conversations to a minimum.

You could say something like "Gee, it sounds like you're having a rough day, I'll let you go & we'll catch up later. Jimmy needs a snack anyway."

I had a friend like that, and I wouldn't be so sure that she doesn't complain about you, too. People like that tend to find negative with everything, and will talk about that negative to anyone BUT the person they feel there's an issue with. I would keep my distance personally.

I really think the complaining comes from a place of insecurity, and general unhappiness. Belittling something or someone else makes them feel better.

Sounds like she needs a hobby. Something to capture her interest so she stops nit picking her life down to nothing. People who don't have much going on in their lives will usually focus on the little aches and pains of daily living, scrutinizing them so much to the point where everywhere they look, all they see is the bad. Send her a cross stitch kit and meet her grouchy with sunshine. If you bash her over the head with enough sweetness and light she'll do one of two things, turn around and start emulating you to a degree... or leave you alone, unable to deal with your saccharine personality. Either way, you win.

Hmmm...I don't think this website is all about complaining AT ALL.
I would just shorten your phone conversations! Talk about your kids, give her 5 minutes to complain at you and then tell her you got to go! Maybe she will get the message and maybe she wont. Either way, you control how long you talk to her.
L.

Isnt there always sometihng to complain about?

Maybe shes just complaining to be talking about something? Not that whatever she is talking about is a major issue, its just somethign to talk about.

My MIL is like this. Not happen unless she has something to complain about. I just nod or say things like, uh huh, mmmm, that sounds bad, etc. I don't offer advice and just let her run herself down. She does stop complaining eventually and then I can get a word in.

Good luck!