My daughter will be 2 on Saturday and I decided not to have a big party but just cake and icecream at her daycare. Me and her father will be there to hand out to icecream and cake. My sister and mother want to come and I told them I didn't feel like it was any point to them coming because it isn't a party its just cake and icecream. I told them if they felt strongly about celebrating her birthday they could take her out. My mother is saying she is coming regardless which I feel torn because than its like I have to tell his mother and sisters and they have a huge family.
My question is do people bring extended family to a birthday celebration at a daycare center.
Thanks for all the advice that is why I love coming on here and interacting with other moms, just to make sure I'm not being a *bleep*. I understand everyone's pov and I will be having a little thing at my house just for immediate family cake, ice cream and finger foods.
I just don't have the time or the energy I'm in school full time, work full time, and I'm a full time mother, not to mention I'm almost four months pregnant with my second child. But I understand it maybe a little selfish and they just want to celebrate her birth.
Thanks everyone so much for your advice.
Nooooooooooooo.
It's not a party. It's not a family affair. It's a daycare or a school. With OTHER PEOPLE'S KIDS there.
If they want a family party, they can have a family party... at HOME. Not at daycare.
At a daycare? No. My daycare allowed me to "send" in some birthday treats for my daughter and "allowed" me (I had to sort of beg) to come read her favorite books to the class, but insisted if all parents came for birthdays, it would be too much for them...extended family? No way.
No, gma shouldn't be coming to daycare to celebrate! You are right--it is fine for mom/dad but everyone else---stay home! Tell them its against policy with daycare to have uncleared people at the daycare or something like that....GL
M
Um... no. That's weird. If your parents want to celebrate with your child, they can come to your house or take your child out.
One word answer from a Childcare provider...NO!
no, imo, its completely inappropriate to have a "family" celebration at a daycare. it is a place of business, and that business happens to be in caring for other people's children. those parents pay a lot of money and expect the people having contact with their children have been screened and checked to be as safe as possible. you as the parents would be allowed on the premise of course, but talking about extended family coming, i would be livid if my children went to the daycare.
why not just have cake at night. as much as i think it weird at a daycare, i think it would be weird not to celebrate with her family that night. just tell them to come after dinner, cake only. we do that all the time and everyone is fine with it. if space is an issue, it sounds like your mother or sister will be more than willing to donate their homes;)
make sure you nip this in the bud, mom saying she is coming no matter what you say is not a good precursor to the future!!! good luck
No, I don't think it's appropriate for them to go there.
On a side note, I don't know the reasons behind your decision to not have "a big party" for her birthday at home, but I would encourage you to have some sort of a celebration for her with the family. (Sorry if I misunderstood your post and you will already be doing that.) At 2 they can understand what is going on, and it will be a nice memory for her. It doesn't need to be big or fancy. Just for her to know that she had a special day / afternoon with the family.
No, tell them the daycare was hesitant to even let you come, they do not want this to turn into a party with extended family there b/c it is a safety issue, other parents may complain and it can make things very hectic for both the children and employees, some families do not get the hint and would even overstay their welcome. I would not be happy if a whole bunch of people I didn't know showed up at my child's daycare like that. Tell them that they can take her out afterwards for their own little family outing, or have a small ice cream and cake thing at your house with your family. Let the daycare workers know that you may have unexpected family members coming so they can plan accordingly. Or, tell your mom and everyone the wrong time.
Wait...it's at your daughter's daycare?
I don't think that would be appropriate at all.
Tell them the daycare said you are limited to just you and your husband.....that's just crazy
Tell them you will have cake and ice cream at your home, whether you actually do it or not is another question
Why can't you have cake and ice cream at home with the family? These daycare kids aren't important to your daughter, and they couldn't care less that she is having a birthday. Your family will be there forever for your daughter, and you are basically shutting them out of a little celebration -- which they would care a lot about and probably enjoy with her a great deal! Think of the nice pictures you'll have someday.
I think it's flat out weird to just take ice cream and cake to a day care center and not have something nice for your family. Nobody there really cares if it's her birthday.
Birthday celebrations at school and daycare are just a few extra treats for the classmates.
Gifts are not given from classmates to your child and your gift giving is done at home.
Relatives (and gifts from them) do not come along.
It's a security risk for the school/daycare - I can't imagine they'd let extended relatives in the door for such a thing.
You know YOUR relatives are ok, but what do you know about other kids relatives and how would you like all of them piling into the school when ever a birthday came around?
Others feel the same way about your relatives (and frankly I've got a few relatives of my own I don't want to be around myself - I'd never dream of inflicting them on my son's class).
The public schools around here have systems that check every person who walks in the door if they are sex offenders, and if you are - you can't even deliver pizza.
Just have your Mom come to lunch or supper at your house on Sat and have cupcakes for dessert.
Tell her "Sorry, Mom, but the school won't allow it. See you Sat.".
It's my experience that daycares and schools like to keep things simple (just like you're trying to do). My son's preschool suggests maybe bringing a simple snack for the classroom and that's it. Can you imagine if it was a big hoopla every time a child had a bday? It would probably throw things off kilter for that day -- not a good thing for a preschool classroom. Would it be appropriate to tell your mom/sister that your daycare prefers to keep it simple and perhaps have them over or go out for a family dinner another night? If they don't offer to help pay, maybe a potluck dinner or just a casual family cake time at home? This kinda thing would annoy me to no end, sorry you're put in an awkward situation. Good luck... hope it works out!
No way, never. Totally unacceptable. You're lucky that they're letting you and your husband come because it's so disruptive to the day already. While I have always sent in a birthday treat to daycare to share with the class, I have never been there to serve it.
I really think that you should plan on doing something small at home for your family members and ILs, who clearly want to celebrate your daughter's birthday with her.
If I may, without sounding disprespectful, offer another perspective. I don't think it's appropriate at all for you to go in and serve cake at your daughters day care. You'll be serving messy cake and icecream to a bunch of 2 year olds....what a mess! Who will be cleaning off all the children? Then you want to have 10 or more strangers to these children there, wandering about, making a big fuss over your daughter, maybe even bringing presents. Can you imagine how upset all the other young children will be, wanting presents and seeing all this chaos? It's not a rented hall, it's a business, a child care center. What's your reasoning for not wanting to just have cake and ice cream at your house? That's the appropriate place.
Why don't you instead just send in rice crispy treats for her birthday? If you want to celebrate her birthday with just cake and ice cream, see if one of your family members will host, if you don't want to, and take it to their house, just keep it simple and low key.
I say forget the idea of serving cake and ice cream at the daycare center.
I agree, I would feel obligated to invite everyone else if your mom comes. If I were a daycare I honestly might feel a little irritated with all those people there, not to mention the other children's parents might not be comfortable with it...
No I don't think thats the norm and I'm sure your daycare provider is not keen on you turning the center/house into a party for your daughter.
Compromise by having something that night at your house. Maybe a pizza and some more cake & ice cream and just invite your immediate families to come.
Wow - your mom sounds awfully pushy. I don't think it's appropriate for extended family to come to a daycare center for a celebration. In fact, I'd be uncomfortable if the daycare allowed it because that would mean everyone else's random family members could come disrupt days where there were birthdays. It's just weird. And rude to the daycare.
If I were in your shoes, I would tell your mom that she can't come to the daycare for cake. If you you have tell her it's the daycare policy, do it.
Why do they need to come to the daycare and watch you hand out cake and ice cream to 2 yr olds? I'll be honest, it would probably make me angry that they weren't taking my request seriously, what with me being the mom and all. Have they considered that she would have much for fun doing a fun thing with them all on her own and THAT would be much more a celebration of her birthday than watching two year olds at her grandaughter's daycare eat cake?
I taught preschool and headstart for many years and never had a person bring their entire family for cake and ice cream with the kids. It's not just a security risk, it's chaotic. The cake and ice cream are great, but it gets a little crowded and the kids are more hyped up with all the extra folks in the room. I would have hated having a whole gang of people standing around.
like others have said: a nice family dinner/cake/etc at home is always appreciated by all involved. Nothing fancy, just honoring the child.
Do the daycare.....+ do a home party. Keeps all happy & honors your child's day!
No they don't but it is reasonable for grandma to come...some do and some dont.
Why not have a cake at home on Saturday and have them come for that?
Ask the center.....maybe JUST the grandmas to "help" with the cake & ice cream....more than that...I don't think it's appropriate. It's not like you're renting out a party place!
Um, no, extended family do NOT usually take part in daycare/school/classroom snacktime. Does the daycare even allow cake and ice-cream to be served to a bunch of 2yr olds (as a parent, I'd be kinda unhappy if my kid came home from pre-school on a sugar high). Just double check that first.
But I can see how if you're not having any other celebration, your mother and sister would want to join in the *one* celebration you ARE having, regardless of where it is. Isn't it possible for you to maybe have a few cupcakes with candles at your house and invite your sis, mom, his mom and sibs to come have a small celebration? Although I wouldn't insist on going to my niece's preschool for cake and ice-cream, I WOULD be kinda upset if my sister gave me no opportunity to sing happy birthday to my darling niece and watch her blow out a couple of candles...
not sure why you even think it's appropriate for YOU to have your child's birthday celebration at her daycare. if i were the provider i'd be fine with you doing a little cake and ice cream there but draw the line at you allowing the rest of your family to show up.
clearly your family is disappointed that they don't get to share in your child's birthday. why on earth not let them enjoy it with her in a more appropriate venue?
khairete
S.
Good Lord NO!!! There are all kinds of confidentiality rules that would apply. There can be NO PICTURES whatsoever, the parents did not give you written permission to photograph their children, etc...I would stay away from this by telling them you asked the director if they could come and she said no.
They can have a party if they want but not at the child care facility.
That would NOT be happening in MY daycare. I'm not big on birthdays at all and I dislike holidays. Wow, what a disruption to the entire routine. I'd say no, not at all. But I'm a party pooper.
Ohhhh no no no no no. Sorry Grandma, but the daycare can't be hosting informal family events. She needs to understand it is not a free-for-all. Why not go out to dinner together at a place where they bring the birthday girl a free cupcake or ice cream sundae?
I own a childcare center and I can tell you unless you are planning on taking your 2 year old home with you after the cake, taking everyone there is going to upset her when you all leave. Children know mommy, daddy, grandma shows up one other time after drop off and that is to pick them up. It is heartbreaking when a parents stops in for a visit and then leaves. It takes us quite a while to console a child, so I would keep that in mind. If she were 3 it is usually fine, but that young they just don't understand why you are leaving them again. As far as bringing extended family security may also be an issue, not many childcare centers will allow extended families to spend time in classrooms, there is always a risk of someone who shouldn't be allowed around children (I don't mean your family just people in general) I probably would discourage extended families at my center because it is a huge distraction from the daily routine, as well as a security risk. I have no issue with mommy and daddy bringing cake taking some photos as long as it does not go past our normal snack time. Most schools do birthday months to avoid daily birthday celebrations, because they are time consuming. Would it be an issue for you to just have a cake at your house and just have your immediate and hubbies immediate, it doesn't have to be big, just sing, do presents and it's over. This way no one is left out.
At my son's daycare, parents send in a small treat (peanut free cupcakes or something like pudding cups) the teacher can give out at snack time, when the class sings "Happy Birthday," and they sometimes give goodie bags to the kids with coloring books or dollar-store small stuffed animals. However, even the PARENTS don't come in for these mini-celebrations because it is too disruptive to the class and their routine, which is SO important at this age.
I will tell you that the teachers do not like when parents send in sugary things because then they have to deal with a whole class of amped-up kids after the snack.
I find it very odd that you don't want to celebrate your daughter's birthday at home. I would send in something small for her birthday at daycare, then invite your mom and sister over to your house for cake and ice cream. It doesn't have to be a large birthday party -- just the four of you singing and having a piece of cake. You don't even need to bill it as a party. Just invite the mother and sister over for lunch or dinner on her birthday and follow up with cake and ice cream.
Why not give your daughter a day to feel special at home? Birthday celebrations are a happy part of our culture and she will have them for herself and attend the parties of others her whole life. It's important to teach her about these kinds of things. Each year she will understand more and more and build on those early experiences.
i would tell her that she isnt allowed to. then have a small party for family at home.
That's a little tough. I do ALWAYS invite out extended family for daycare and preschool parties. But that only consists of 2 grandmothers and 1 aunt and more recently a baby cousin. I think it is probably going overboeard to invite more than 4-5 people in total, and not appropriate for the classroom. Of course, you can always ask the teachers who may say, the more the merrier.
However, I think it's wrong to not proviide an opportunity for your family to celebrate with your child. It need not be a party, but cake at your house one afternoon or a trip out for pizza at a restaurant. I don't think they shoudl be obligated to take her out, although they might generously offer, it's my opinion that you should host something for them.
The childcare providers that I have dealt with have enough worries about people who are not supposed to be in the facility without parents of parents in attendance!!
I can't believe the daycare attendants will even allow your Mom/Sister to come into the facility.
Normally you are only allowed to come into & stay if you are in conference or there is a problem with your child for some reason, IE sick, wet clothing won't come out of BR, etc.. You pick up & drop off & sign in & out your child for the safety of your child & all of the other children as well.
Your Mom is being childish, keep to your 'guns' just continue to use the little word, 'NO' I think you will find this word will be used by your provider as well.
Looks like I'm odd man out here. My kids all celebrate birthdays at daycare with lunch of their choice (I either order pizza's or get everyone a Chick Fil A happy meal) and cupcakes. My niece and sister normally joins us too...but not my parents and all.
So I think it's FINE for you and hubby to go, and if the daycare provider is okay with it, let your mom and sister come to. If not, then no.
not really, no.
she really should butt out. she can always do cake and ice cream for her at her own house too, if it means that much to HER (ironic since it's not HER birthday, but there ya go)
We no matter what for every birthday in the family have the family birthday meal. Everyone brings a potluck item that the birthday person would like and we have a small cake. No one person cooks, whoever wants to come and sing does and no one is left out. This way a family issue is not brought to daycare.
No, this is NOT for family to celebrate if you are supplying the goodies then that is all you should do honestly - drop off the goodies with her and do something at home if you want to but really she is not old enough to care this is still for you and the family you know? My son did not have a party or anything until his 3rd and that is just because it was going to be his last bday in Tx and he and his cousins are a week apart 27,28,3 rd of their respective months and my sister wanted "one last hurrah" since most bdays would be up here. Still, my son pretty much only has family bdays - maybe next year we will do something bigger.
No, not acceptable. This isn't a birthday party., you're simply bringing cake and ice cream. "School" parties are not for the family. You don't need to have a big party, but maybe invite the immediate family over to your home for dinner and cake. Your daycare center is not required to admit them. Please be sure that they know this.
I would invite your mom and sister and his parents to your house on Saturday for cake and icecream only and skip the daycare party.
That way there is not hurt feelings and its still a small party. If his family asks tell them that you just wanted to have the grandparents over and do something simple. If they ask about your sis after the fact then tell them that she just tagged along with your mom that you didn't know she was coming.
Or ask the daycare what thier thoughts are about them coming. What thier policy is etc and go from there. Its obvious that it means something to you mom to be there. Be thankful she wants to be there for her granddaughter... some aren't so lucky.
It will be up to the day care center supervisor/manager to approve the number of people and the amount of time that could be spent celebrating your child's birthday. Many centers only allow certain foods to be served due to allergies that some of the children may have.
I don't blame you for not wanting to have a big party for a two year old. Baby/toddler parties (age 1 - 4) get way over blown not to mention expensive and sometimes overwhelming for guest of honor. (I'm sure many mama's have experienced meltdowns not only for the birthday boy/girl, but for other children who don't quite get it why they are not getting all the presents. When a child turns five they start to understand the meaning of "their" birthday celebration.
Bottom line for your question, if the day care supervisor gives the OK, then it's OK to bring other family members. However, I don't think it the normal thing since it will only be for an hour or less and I don't think your are overreacting.
Blessings.....
Sometimes my mother went to daycare. But, if the family wants a party let one of them make it at their home.
No. Just parents. Can you imagine if everyone did this? Disruptive.
Some day care's won't let people in the facility who aren't on the "pick up" list. So NO - having extended family at a day care can be a HUGE risk. Too many people. Can you imagine how YOU would feel if you walked in to your daughter's room and found people you didn't know touching your child? NO! TELL HER NO!!!
Tell her you will have Cake and Ice Cream with the family on X date...You are doing it at day care because that's where her friends are.
Tell your mom that the day care will NOT allow her and your sister in the facility and then tell the Center Director to back you up. You cannot let your mom rule/control you. IT IS OKAY TO SAY NO!!!!
Hi, Cass:
It would have been inclusive if you would have enlisted ideas from your
family before you made the decision by yourself to hold that BD party at
the day care. Given the family an opportunity to offer suggestions like you posted on this site, would have prevented you from having all this stress.
Your child was born into a family. You are lucky to have many members that love your child. You need to nurture that love so they won't take out their hurt onto your child.
Good luck.
All the Best.
D.
Yes, weird. Tell them the daycare wouldn't approve. It would be disruptive and sets a precedence they won't be able to keep going. Lastly, a lot of schools have security protocols in place because of issues concerning custody etc. so they don't even allow people who aren't the actual legal guardians of a child to be present on campus. They may not let them come for that reason alone.
I'm on the side of your mom, sorry. That was a rude response to tell her to take her out 'if she felt so strongly about celebrating her GRANDDAUGHTER'S birthday' - what kind of comment is that!!!!! I don't think you are overreacting, I think you are out of touch.
That's hard on your daycare provider, but if your mom is determined, I guess you can't lock her out.
You should have a separate get-together at your house or someone else's house to accommodate that big family. Please do that.
Next year, don't tell her what you are doing at daycare unless she is invited. I think your mom has some boundary problems.
Dawn
Honestly? She's two. She won't remember or care, really.
When my daughter turned two we had just gotten back from my grandmother's funeral 2,000 miles away, I had a month-old baby, and we had moved into a new house when the baby was five days old. I was stressed, I was tired, and I still had to clean the old house on base before we could turn our keys in. I think she had a playdate at a friends house (while I cleaned) on her birthday. No cake, nothing. And....she didn't remember or care :)
Good luck with everything. Don't feel like you have to step up to everybody's ridiculous expectations when you are this exhausted and stretched out. Do what's important for you and your family.
No, you don't have to tell his mother and sisters.
Yes, you should have told your sister and mother, "Sure, please come!"
You should be happy your mother and sister are interested enough to want to come. Even just to watch 2 year olds eat cake and ice cream at a daycare center. When I am a grandma, I will want to watch my grandchild eat cake at the daycare.
When my children were little -we had a party at school if their birthday was during the week-a children's party during the day-and then the family party at night-it is nice to include as many people as you can-my little ones were more concerned about who was coming to the party than what their gifts would be. For the summer birthdays-it was a huge mass of children, parents and the family!
