Do We Wait to Have Another?

There is no ideal age separation. My sister and I are only 2 years apart, and we hated each other. 2 people could not have been more different. It was not until we were adults that we learned to appreciate one another.

I'm 42 this year, when i was 13 my mom and her partner decided to have a baby. growing up, nope didnt like her! i called her the ice princess. me and my brother are 4 years apart and we were very close, still are. I love my little sister but i connect with my brother. HAVE THE KIDS CLOSER TOGETHER!

My sister and I are a little over one year apart and we've never been close. My husband and his oldest brother are 12 years apart and the best of friends - but he doesn't even have a relationship with his two siblings that are closest to him in age. I think personalities are what determines whether or not siblings are going to be close - not age. You have no idea what kind of personality your next child will have when he/she is born so you have no way to tell if the kids will "click."

I had people bombarding me with questions about having another baby before my oldest turned one. They were of the same opinion that siblings who were close in age would be close with each other. I don't think that's a good enough reason. I actually thought it was more important to space my kids out enough so I could devote enough time and attention to each one. (Let's face it, if your kids are . . . say . . . 18 months apart a newborn and a toddler require a lot of work and attention - and a toddler can get downright destructive to get attention, so the newborn is more likely to be neglected while the toddler is more likely to feel neglected.) My kids are three years apart. I would have liked them to be five years apart so I could spend the one-on-one time with the new baby while the oldest was in school . . . but things didn't quite work out that way.

Relax, in my humble opinion, your case with your sister was rare. I'm 46 and have always adored my 4-year-younger brother.

My kids are 8 years apart (14 and 6) in age. They fight sometimes, but they totally love each other! The advantage to having them closer would be your child would have a constant playmate; even 4 years is close enough to be playmates. In my case, I have a great built-in babysitter and he'll sometimes play with his little sister. She actually helps him remember what it was like to be little - like at the playground in his former elementary school. I know moms with a their children having all different age spreads. You'll be fine whatever you choose.

I guess every case is different...my sister and I were four years apart and were inseperable most of our childhood. We didn't care much for each other in high school, though we actually did have some of the same friends. Now that we are adults we are VERY close!

I have a 4 year old daughter and we just had a new baby boy 6 weeks ago and they are great together. So far my daughter has not been jealous at all. In fact she is often the only one who can soothe her brother! I'm sure there will be some major rivalry in the future bun so far things have been pretty good.

I think it really depends on the kids...and since it is a goal for you to have your kids get along, I'm sure you will do a great job no matter how their ages differ!

I was the big sister in my house. I had two sisters. We are four and a half, and ten years apart. I adored my baby sister. Since I was old enough to care for her, I loved it. When I was younger, my middle sister and I played together all the time but we've had our share of problems. My two are three years apart and still play together all the time. One is ten and the other is seven. Right now my oldest gets pretty fed up with his little brother who bugs him to the breaking point. Even so they get along better than I ever did with my middle sister. right now they're not as close as I am with my baby sister but maybe we're the unusual one's. I do know this, with two in diapers, it's more time consuming and expensive. I don't believe finaces should be the main reason to have or not have a child but it is something to consider. My boys have recess at school together and then, they have only each other on the weekend, too. They get tired of each other and tempers flare. My youngest sister's kids are four years apart and he just whorships the little tyke. They are now expecting their third and my sister thinks it will be easier to have them closer together. Okay, that was a lot of talk but I don't know if I helped at all. Remember, too, that boys are very diffent than girls. There's not as much competition between them (at least so far) It seems like I was always in competition with my middle sister. It caused a lot of hard feelings. I really hope this helps. Whatever you decide, they will either get along or they won't. Can't predict that.

Well i also come from a family where we are far apart in years. My older sister and I are 4 years, then me and my brother are 5 and me and my lil sis are 9. We have our argments and sibling rivalries but we are ok for the most part. My advice to you is to do what you think would be good for your family. I thought me and my siblings were to far apart so i had my kids kind of close. ( they would be 5, 3, 2) It is whatever you think is best. Oh and my middle one was 18 months old when i had my daughter and he loved her and never tried hurting her so it could work either way for you. Just go with your heart is all i can say. I hope everything works for the best!! J.

My two oldest are 17 months apart.My youngest is 7 years younger than his sister. I would say now would be a good time to talk to your 2 1/2 year old. I know it sounds dumb,but really see what they think. They might not fully understand at that age, but it's best to get what they think before it happens. Just remind yourself every child is different.

I think that alot of the advice is good and I could repeat some of the good advice. But I want to mention some other things. In the insurance case, try to get a supplemental insurance, such as Aflac. That is if you want to have another child and are worried about the expense. We are planning, well trying to plan, our second child right now and are in the same boat as you in the insurance area. So we looked into a supplemental insurance, we chose AFLAC. We pay a fee per month and have to be on it for 10 months before we have our child. This has helped us in our circumstances. I hope this helps!

I have 3 boys that are biologicaly mine. My oldest is 13, then 9 and then 3. They get along most the time. The teenager less but thats because he is a teenager. I have siblings I am the only girl but I got along with my siblings too. I think its different sometimes with girls. But some ideas. When you are ready to have another child involve your son in everything. Let him go to dr appts. let him her the heart beat, see the ultra sound and if you use pain supressers during labor let him be there. If you do it natural not a good idea. Dont give up..
J.

Hello N., I Have five kids and thier is a lot of years between them 16,14,twin 8,and 7 you know they do the normal fighting that siblings do but they play great together also.I feel that we have kids when the lord wants us to and kids love their siblings,well sometimes lol...what im trying to say is when the time is right you won't wonder if it is and are you sure that your sister would have liked you more if you were closer in age? Maybe-Maybe not....Well hope I have helped you my name is G..

My sister and I were 4 years apart, and we fought all the time. But it could have something to do with her personality, which is rather self-centered and manipulative. She saw me as her personal slave. We still don't get along all that well (because of the above-mentioned personality issues). My mom said that she hated when i got into her stuff when i was a baby. My brother, who was 8, was much more tolerant, and my 10 year old sister was so much older that I hardly knew her. She was off being a teenager and driving when I was just 6. I only got to know her when we were much more grown up, and now we're good friends. Don't get me wrong, I had a loving family, but I wondered what it would be like to have a sister in high school or at college with me (we just missed each other).
My two boys are 2 years, 2 months apart, and while they have their scuffles, they totally love each other.
As far as insurance goes, when DH was in school I dreamed of getting health insurance when he graduated and started working. NOT! His company only covers him, no dependents, and no dental or vision at all. So we have a Health Savings Account and pre-tax money goes into it every month automatically. When I had my last son, we ended up paying more in premiums and copays than it cost for 4 days in the hospital and a c-section! So having a baby vaginally, even with an epidural, is way cheaper than your premiums.
You can also look into government programs, but that's a personal decision.

N.,
I was just reading your decision as well as all of the advice you received. I just joined the website, so I had not yet read or responded to anything, but just wanted to put in my 2 cents worth in case you are still looking. I think it is a good idea for you to wait. You have a lot going on right now, with school and work and financial pressures. Going to college with one child is hard enough. At times you will probably feel like a single mom, because he will be too busy to help you. Try to imagine what it would be like to have a newborn crying half the night when your husband has papers due and midterms to study for. He will be stressed and probably a bit frustrated, you will be tired and frustrated because he is not able to help, etc. That could put a lot of strain on a marriage and the stress will trickle down to your kid(s). I think your decision to wait is a good one, but if you end up pregnant before your husband finishes school, try to have him take off the term when you are due, if possible.

Like so many of the other moms said, your attitude and involving your son make all the difference in the attitude of your oldest. The age difference doesn't seem to determine closeness, at least in my experience and those of my friends. My oldest started asking for a brother when he was 3 or 4, while I was a single mom going to school. By the time I had gotten remarried and we decided to try, my son was 6 and thrilled about the prospect of a sibling. They are now 10 and 3 and are great friends most of the time, but still fight sometimes as well (usually about toys). There was never any rivalry, I think mostly because we involved my oldest in such a positive way since the pregnancy. Now we are expecting again, and our boys are both excited about their new brother. Even my 3-year-old, who wasn't interested, is willing to help me and says hello to his baby brother. The age difference doesn't seem to matter.

Also, try to avoid the only-child attitude by encouraging taking turns and sharing of both toys and you, even if it is just to spend a few minutes with your hubby while your son entertains himself. Kids who are spoiled seem to have a harder time adjusting to a new sibling, no matter how old they are. Good luck.
H. G

My husband bother & sister & and him are 3 years apart. So him and his brother are six, thaey all get along well. Every once in awhile they fight but for teh most part they were great. I just think it dpends on the child. When I got pregnant and lost the baby between my daughter and son it was blessing, she was was not ready. I had a niece due around the same time and she hit her. Do what you think is right, kids personality play alot into the what ifs.

Hi, N. my oldest son is 4 years older than his little sister and sometimes they fight but that's what there supposed to do and you never know if it will be a girl or boy if it is a girl than they probably won't have very much in common any ways. but i found for me that having them 4 years apart was wonderful for me. I had a little boy 2 years after my daughter and 2 years apart was very hard on me. They both wanted my attention at the same time. So i think if you wait another 6 months to a year to get pregnant it will probably work out good. hope i helped in your decision. A.

I was so concerned about that with mine. My son was 4 1/2 when my daughter was born. I thought he would be so jealous, but he has been the best and most caring big brother. They still fight as siblings do, but I love the age difference!

M.

Hello,
I am four years older than my younger sister, and we are the only two in our family. I resented her a little when she was born, but when she got a little older so that she could start playing, we got along great. We used to play house and barbies and climb trees and do lots of things together. The hardest part was when I went into high school and she was still in middle school. That is when we finally grew apart...but mostly that was because I was really busy and she was choosing a different lifestyle....
ANYWAY...
My point is that it may not be that awful to wait, but then again, we are never really 'ready' for another baby financially or otherwise, but if you feel it is time for your child to have a younger sibling and/or you just feel it is time to continue your family, go for it. Things have a way of working out.
Do whatever your heart tells you to do.
Hope that helps!
~S.

Do what feels right to you. If your not ready then don't do it. I only have one child,she'll be seven in November, but I know that if I were to have a second child my daughter would be accepting of it. Pay attention to your son, see if he makes any comments about a brother or sister, or when hes playing if theres any reference to a brother or sister. My daughter has wanted a brother or sister since she could talk. If you rush it and its not right for your family right now. It'll just add strain to things and he'll pick it up and mimmik you. So take it as it comes. K.

N.,
There is no automatic answer to this question I don't think. My brother and I are 4 years apart as well and when he was born I LOVED him. He kind of became "my baby." But I have also heard of cases like yours.
When I was still in college I nannied for a family who had a 2 1/2 year old and then had a new baby and the toddler didn't like him. But again, that isn't necessarily a given.
My husband and I had our two girls close in age for this very reason. Our girls are 22 months apart. And our oldest loves the baby!!!
I think the key is how you handle the new baby. Get your oldest child ready in advance. Let him be a part of getting ready for baby. Get him excited about being a "big brother." Make him the focus even concerning the new little one.
Let him know that you are going to need his help. We always talked about my tummy as "Baby Gracie" (once we knew it was a girl). She would hug and kiss my tummy and talk to "baby Gracie." It was really sweet. And she made the transistion farely easily!
Again, I don't think there is any easy answer. You and your husband have to do what you think is best. I don't necessarily think you should wait until you can "afford" another baby because than we would never have kids. But you also have to use common sense. And that can only come down to you and your husband and what you think is best for you and your growing family!
Good Luck with whatever your decision is. Children are such a blessing! Just remember... no matter what, it will all work out!

Hope this helped! Even if just a little!
T. :o)

I have 6 year old daughter & 2 step daughters that are 15 & 12 there age differences are huge but they love each other very much & get along great. I also have a 1 year old son that they all adore. I think how well children get along has a lot to do with there up bringing & how involved they are in the pregnancy & of course how much you let them get involved in helping with the baby when it arrives.

N.

I believe you and your sister were a rare case. My son and daughter are 8 years apart. (not by choise) My son just adores my daughter. Of course the still squable like normal siblings do. I have found that sibblings that are further apart in years are closer friends if you teach them to appreciate one another while they are young. By having the older one participate in the ultra sound, choising a name (with your guidance)then by feeding and changing diapers (with your help of coarse) and play time. It's great because the older one learns responsablity and you get a little more free time than before.

I have only one child but My story is I Have an older sister 2 yaers apart and a younguer one 8 years apart, she was the most desired sibling in the word, I get well along with both of them, my borther is 11 months younger than me and we use to be like bread and butter, until he was 8 , now we are words apart, so I think it doesn't mather the age, what is mean to be thats it, I think you will know from the deep of your hart when is the rigth time, just listen to it