Do You Ever?

It took me about 6 months to get through it. I thought the doctors office was so heartless about my miscarriage, but today I realize so many people have them. This site helped me realize that too.

I don't think it is ever forgotten but over time it gets easier.

It is toughest to deal with when you get pregnant again, even though every time is different untill you pass point X the worry is there.

Myself? Nope.

It doesn't hurt anymore. But the fear is still there, and the fear was there the entire time I was pregnant with my son.

Sometimes we just have to be afraid. It's the definition of "courage"; Doing the right thing, even though we're afraid. Conversely; If you're not afraid, you're not brave. It takes fear in order to be brave.

I only have a strong emotional attachment to one baby that I miscarried at right around 6mo. (All the others were much, much earlier... typically in the first 8 weeks). I still think of her often, but they're wistful thoughts, not anguished ones.

That process, from anguished to wistful took several years and the birth of my son. His entire pregnancy I thought of her daily... and it was during the time I was pregnant with HIM that my thoughts towards HER shifted into promise/commitment/joy. I still miss her, regret never knowing her, but those feelings are smooth, rounded, comforting... instead of jagged and sharp.

If I ever got pregnant again would I still be afraid? Absolutely. Every time I consider getting pregnant again, the fear of miscarriage almost chokes me. When I was pregnant with my son, as I mentioned, I was terrified of miscarrying. But I'm really not supposed to get pregnant again, per doctor's orders. I *could*, it's just very risky for both our lives, and my son needs his mama. Doesn't stop me from considering it every few years, however.

R., I cannot directly answer your question as I am male, but I know somewhat what you are gong through as my wife and I have been through a few before we realized we are unable to have children. Observing my wife's behavior I know that the worst is over in 3-6 months depending on who you are, but it is never 100%. That child will always be a part of you, but rejoice in that fact; don't let it bring you down. Certainly don't give up; I'm not sure what your support structure is (i.e married or not or have close family or friends), but use them even if it is just to hang out and feel normal. There is always a chance for another miscarriage, but the chance for a new child outweighs the possible negative consequences. I can tell you personally that I am glad my mother didn't give up after two miscarriages otherwise my sister and I would not be here.

I feel your pain backwards and front. I had an ectopic before concieving my DD which made her so much more precious to me! Since then, I had two miscarriages back to back so I'm now afraid to try again. I try to cast all of my worries and anxiety onto God's shoulders, but I still have it. Hang in there! I was torn up about losing Lucas (our ectopic) for years and I still get sad thinking about it, but I have my little Aubrey here to remind me every day how life is so precious and not to give up!

Yes honey, we do, and you will too.

I honestly do not know any women personally who have not had at least one miscarriage. Most have had more. I have been fortunate to only have the 1st and 2nd term miscarriages, so my attachment was not deeply formed yet.

However, I grew up in a big family. My mom was one of 10 and I am one of 7, and the social history and expectation in our family is that 'it' happens, so don't become attached to a pregnancy too early, because you never know what will happen. And don't tell people outside the family you are pregnant until you are into your 2nd trimester. I assumed all families dealt with pregnancies this way.

Wow, was I wrong. Our society and this site are full of people counting how many hours/days late they and telling all insight.

Continue to remind yourself that you did nothing wrong and that this is mother nature's way. Not all pregnancies are viable (healthy). It is a healthy sign that you conceived.

I don't think it can ever be forgotten.I know of a few people who have had pregnacies but lost their babies in their 6th-8th month they held on were on bed rest but it just wasn't in their favor,my friend SIL lost a baby at 9 months due to SIDS then after a few years became pregnant again lost her pregnacy at the end now has a beautiful boy.I see her & her husband remarkable I just can't imagine what they went through but are very happy & seemed to even when times were tough.
Take some time off from wanting a baby talk to someone get it out then after a while if you still feel like trying then do so we don't know what happens from one day to the other,but to live as if it were our last.

No, I don't think you ever get over it. It just hurts less with time. I was scared too after my miscarriage, but I now have a beautiful 15 week old baby girl. Just know that you are stronger now than before the miscarriage- I know I am. Take care...

I had two miscarriages before I had my daughter. It was a horrible time in my life and it makes me appreciate her so much more. I really want to have another baby but I am really scared and don't want to go through all that again. I don't think you ever get over a miscarriage but time will heal the hurt.

I had a second trimester miscarriage in February this year and am currently 18 weeks pregnant. I'm still very sad about our loss and worried for this little one. I think the intense grieving was better after about 6 months, but it still makes me sad and I've still gone to the doctor every week for heart beat checks to help my worry with this one.

Hi. So sorry for your loss. I had 2 miscarriages very early on before i had my first little girl. Then before i knew it i was preg with my second little girl. For me i found hope in statistics. A m/c is very common and even a second one is too. A positive for me was getting even closer to God during my tough time. Good luck and god bless. It does get easier.

Everyone is different and every pregnancy had a different story. My faith in God helpe dme through the loss of my first born when he was 55 hours old of a defect that 2 months after his birth/death, you would see on a regular ultrasound. Cutting edge of medicine!
I was never suppose to get pregnant to begin with and when I did, my first tought (voiced it to my husband) was that if something happens, at least we got pregnant! Little did I know, that my much wanted son wouldn't live. 12/24-12/27!
However, my next pregnancy, 5 yrs later,resulted in my 19 yr old. I was terrified but knew that God wouldn't give me more than I could handle. 2 and 4 years later I miscarried at 13 & 14 weeks. Then, 7 years after my first son, I had my final son.
For me, the miscarriages were alot easier than losing my newborn baby. However, they still tore my heart apart! But, in perspective.... God is in control and I know that he would be on my side.
Would I have had 5 babies....no, we'd have stopped at 3. So, my 5th pregnancy is a huge blessing and such a sweet boy (he's 12 now).
If I didn't have my faith, don't know that I would've survived it as well as I did. However, I do know people who have miscarriages fo 4-8 weeks along, still can't get over it. We are talking 10+ years later....they mourn that whole week of the loss and the due date for each loss. Everyone is different.
I wish you luck and prayers for a healthy next pregnancy. If the doctors say all is well, go for it.
Get over it....son #1, not really but it's much easier until this time of year.... miscarriages? Don't really think about those until someone mentions it.

I haven't had that experience, however I know that my mother had a miscarriage with her first pregnancy and then had my brother three years later, and I was born five years after him. I think she has never forgotten about the first one, however she does have us two. I wish you much luck with the grieving process.

Everyone is different, but, I think almost all woman get over the sadness of miscarriage, especially if you have a new baby. The last time I was really sad about mine was on the due date (and I was already 3 mo pregnant with another). now i look at my precious little girl and think, I wouldn't have her if the other pregnancy had taken. Another thing that can really help you move on is to imagine that something was wrong with the development of that baby. God may have spared you from a burden you could not bear. And also, sometimes I imagine that God made that exact same baby twice in my womb, so I only lost a little time, and not a little person.

Yes I believe you do (in a way) but you will never get over the sadness it has made you feel. I lost my first baby at 4 weeks, 2 days (only two days after finding out and telling just about everyone). It was very sad but I conceived my daughter a month later, so for me, it was easier to get over because I know because I had that miscarriage, I was able to have her. I am sure that having one further along or not concieving for a while afterwards would make it harder to get over. With your first, you never really get over the fear of everything. Even after having a miscarriage and then getting pregnant a month later, I worried the entire time that something was wrong with her or something would happen. But then after having her and then getting pregnant a 2nd time, I was MUCH more relaxed and didn't worry practically at all. It's understandable to be nervous. But just because you had one, does NOT mean you will have another!

Nope, I lost my 1st t 18 weeks and it is 11 years later and I always think about my son and what he would have been like. I have 3 little girls VERY close in age I think because I was so depressed I kept getting preg. Not that I didn't want them, it's just so hard to deal with that kind of depression.

I don't think I could do it gain either but I would never not do something because it may not work out. Some people miscarry A LOT of times I don't think that would stop me if I wanted to have a baby. Good luck I really hope you can get through this with peace!

i dont think that you totally get over a loss of a baby. ive had the misfortune of losing 3 of them.
i understand that feeling of fear that you have. i lost mine 15 months apart from each other. but, your baby will always be with you no matter what or how many more children that you decide to have.
yes, it can be devasting and heartbreaking, but just imagine the joy and happiness your heart can/will have when you decide to give it another try and have that baby you've wanted.

R.,
I'm so sorry for your loss. I truly believe there is no greater pain than losing a child. It has been 5 years since my miscarriage. You never forget your loss, but it does take time to heal. My faith, prayer & support from friends & family helped me during the healing process. I would recommend taking some time to grieve before jumping into trying again. Give your body some time to heal as well. I was able to get pregnant twice after my miscarriage and now have 2 beautiful children...but I was scared throughout both pregnancies. I think that is completely normal to worry after losing a child. Please don't give up on having a baby though. If I did, I wouldn't have my 2 kids now and I just can't imagine that. My heart goes out to you.

Go to your ob/gyn. I felt the same way after 2 and I took Folic Acid, a multivitamin, and progesterone for 2 months before getting pregnant.
It worked and was only about $200 out of pocket total. I wish you a happy, healthy pregnancy.
And yes, you get to a point where it is part of your history and doesn't hurt anymore. You never totally forget.