Do You Ever Feel Crappy After Family Get-togethers?

I think you should just be happy you are close with your mother and sisters. That's more than a lot of people have, and can lead to a big, happy extended family once you and all of your sisters have kids, with lots of cousins running around and playing together.

I think many aunts and uncles aren't all that interested in nieces/nephews, especially when the blood relation is a male. Remember, it's almost always the females that are the family glue. .

Just be happy that you have a good relationship with your mom, dad and sisters. Don't worry about extended family.

I know a lot of people/new mommies expect people to fawn over the newest edition and when it doesn't happen, they get hurt. Maybe you were expecting people to go ga-ga and they didn't...your expectations were not met.

For some people - it's not that they only care about themselves. Think about it - there are MANY parents out there who don't let "strangers" hold their babies...that even means extended family. Some kids will pitch a fit if they don't know the person and they try to hold them. There are a lot of reasons why they could've "ignored" your baby.

It is their loss. Don't let it bother you. I know it's easier said than done. But really - why would you let what someone who has no active role in your life upset you so?

I would not worry about what the extended family does or does not do. I would be TOTALLY happy that my sisters and parents fawned over my baby! Be thankful for what's in front of you - your husband, child and family...

I agree that you should nurture the relationships that are closest to you and not worry about the rest.

You hadn't had a big family gathering in years so in some ways, I'm guessing that some people may have felt a bit like strangers and not exactly sure how to navigate unfamiliar territory.
Also, I agree with Cheryl that some people are awkard around babies and that new moms can be very sensitive...which is part of the reason that sometimes people feel awkward. They may have experienced someone who didn't appreciate their gushing over their baby. I was invited to be part of another family's gathering one time. Their youngest grandchild was there, 10 months old, and the mom literally put her arm out anytime anyone even walked by. It was like, "I don't care if you're just walking over to get more potato salad....stay at least arm's distance away from my baby". She wouldn't even let her own sister-in-law hold the baby. SIL politely asked and was told, in front of everyone...NO.
You obviously were hoping more interest would be shown to your baby, but some parents don't like that. As an outsider, it's hard to tell what a parent is comfortable with unless they express it somehow.

I'm just saying it's possible they didn't know what to do given the situation in its entirety.
Try not to let it bother you and like I said, nurture the closeness you DO have with your family.

Best wishes.

I am so sorry that you are going through this and I'm sure the holidays exacerbated the hurt feelings. Do these aunts/uncles have kids? If not, that could be a factor regarding their seeming disinterest.

Try to emphasize the close relations that you do have.

I grew up in a very small family and today consider my friends a part of my family. Strength in numbers does not apply to families. It's almost like an alone in a crowd kind of thing.

What kind of people can ignore a cute baby? That's so weird! If I were related to you, I'd have grabbed that baby the second you walked in the door, and talked your ear off non-stop about him! You can come be in my family. ;)

But yeah, I know what you mean. We had one of the better Thanksgivings we have had in a while yesterday, and we were actually at some friends' house! Getting along with their family was a lot easier than getting along with ours! Haha...

:0) I consider the source. I also try to spend more time with loving people who like us than the crazy, lazy, and/or abusive family members.

I completely understand. The way that I deal with it is to ONLY spend time with people who love and appreciate and care about me and my family. If they don't fit that category--family/or not---they don't have the "pleasure" of spending time with me and visa versa. I only want positive healthy people in my life and so if your family doesn't fit that category for you, then you choose your own family. Or...spend very limited time with them and leave when YOU have had enough. I am so sorry they didn't acknowledge your baby--I know how that feels. The next time you see them, make a big deal about your baby and say something like---I noticed you didn't say anything when you met him before--- I want HIM to have a proper introduction. Hopefully they will realize what they have done and apologize. If not, it is their loss and you don't want your son around people who don't care about him/protect him.

M

I know how you feel, you really wanted them to oooh and aaah over your baby and they didn't. The question is does your uncle and aunt have kids of their own, is your child the only one in the room, oldest, youngest? Was the gathering too much or too many people?

It could be they were trying not to get in your way knowing that you have a small child. Try not to take it too personal. It would have to be many more events other than this one to determine if they really don't like you or your baby, etc. - not only that, they are extended. If your immediate family (M., dad, sisters, etc) didn't pay attention, I would be more offended over that...

People are strange about babies. Some people really don't like babies much at all. Others don't know how the new mom will react, like has already been mentioned.

A few weeks back, I interviewed with a potential new family for the daycare. This woman did not let me near her child. You should have SEEN how tightly she held onto that baby as if I had cooties or something. I could tell by her body language that I wasn't getting near that child. I'm a caregiver for Pete's sake! She never came back and the interview was very short. I can only imagine how hard it was for them to choose someone.

Another time this summer, I had a family come. Dad would not let go of him. He at least told me it wasn't personal. He said he works long hours and doesn't let anyone near his son when he's off work.

Then there are moms like you that really want for people to gush over their kids. My girlfriend recently became a grandmother. Well I became a grandmother a couple years ago and I think he was about 8 weeks old the first time she came over. It may have been a tiny bit sooner. Anyway, I haven't been able to find the time to go out there to meet her twin grandbabies. I feel like a HORRIBLE friend.

Yes but its not even our extended family. I used to love the holidays and I still do but its not the same anymore. I don't have much family but my husband does and it breaks my heart for him. Oh well! We are going to start new traditions with just us! Of course you were upset. That's your new baby and your proud to show him off! Im sorry you felt bad. I would of squeezed the little angel :)

I feel the same way and working on it for the last 20 years. good luck...I will keep trying.

Yes I have had this happen to me and its really hurtful. I try to acknowledge everyone and I do get excited when I see a baby or the little ones. I love them but I have to say I have be slighted at a family reunion. I even walked up to the mean old Aunts to say hello and introduce my son when he was a baby. One of them did not even look at him. I never bothered with them after that. Whats even worse is that I brought my two oldest to a Christmas party (my hubbies family) when they were younger and they addressed them horribly, they called them whats his face and you know who. I was soooo mad. Its just really rude.

I have found that people often match each other. Were you exuberant and acted really excited to see them? Did you tell them that you hate how long it's been and that you are mad at them and yourself for taking so long to get together? Did you ask your or uncle if like you they thought your child is the spitting image of them at that age? And how your baby does the same exact thing as grandma says they did at that age? Doesn't have to be true. Just make it up. People like to see themselves in children. And then stay in touch during the year. People often feel awkward around each other especially if suddely in an intimated situation after years apart. You are close with your parents and siblings because you see and interact with them frequently. If you want the same from your extended family it will take some work on your part. Lower your expectations and keep trying. And No I am not saying that any of this is your fault. I have felt the same sense of disappointment as you. Feeling like other people are more important to me than I to them. But how will they know that they are important to you if you don't express it? And try reaching out to your cousins. It is often easier to connect to people your own age. Good Luck and let us know how it goes.

Yes, I have this situation happen all the time. Everytime there would be a family get together, some 'blow out' would happen, between adult siblings or with the parents and adult siblings, or aunt. There is so much pressure to have the perfect happy extended family, and so many out there are dysfunctional (mine included). You can't 'wish it that way' it doesn't happen. I often wonder, 'why God did I get stuck with this bunch, because I would never knowingly ask for them' yet I know I have two options, to deal with them or not. My relief was to move to the other side of the country, and honestly I don't miss all the drama, none of it. My brother called to tell me the huge blow up that took place over Thanksgiving dinner there with the whole family - and I was thankful I had no part in it, just me and my kids happily spending Thanksgiving together with no extended relatives.

So my answer is move ! :)

If you can't do that right away, just don't include yourself in family functions, keep your distance and that way you won't be lured in to all the drama.....

No everyone is a baby person. If I was there your post here would have been complaining about your aunt who you hadn't seen in years who came in, hardly said hi to you or your hubby before grabbing your baby and running off with him the entire time.

Seriously family get togethers are what you make of them. Go, be friendly and chatty and you know what? You'll drive home saying what a great time you had visiting with everyone. If you expect everyone to take interest in you without really showing that you are interested in them then you'll go home upset.

Your aunts and uncles already know about the baby from hearing your mom and dad talk about him. I would brush it off to a learning experience and next time put yourself out there a little more.

I would change that to:

Do you ever feel crappy DURING family get-togethers...

I keep busy to not let it bother me. I am trying to focus on the good stuff. Sometimes it's hard though...

did you pay them any attention? It sounds like you stood at the door for all to see you and if they didnt scream in excitement and pick up and twirl your baby mid air, then they all hate you and your baby. You said yourself you havent done anything with them for years. Why should they act so excited to see a baby? I am sure they have their OWN family and extended family to be excited for as well. They havent seen you for so long they need to get re-aquainted with you again. Maybe they should have paid more attention to you than they did, not sure what kind of social grace your family was raised under but generally in my neck of the woods, children are the center of attention, no matter who's child it is. Honestly, if I go to extended family get togethers, I dont really talk to anyone and focus more on my own kids and how they are inter acting with others and the house. I like to align myself with the youngsters as well they have more fun. I dont mean to sound harsh, but I just am pointing out the flaw in your explanations, as to why you are hurt by their actions. Extended family are just glorified visitors in my book.