Do You Have a Diet Saboteur in Your Family? Do You Take It Personally?

Mine tries...I usually try to "plan ahead' on the nights he cooks...some days it works better others...

Anecdotally.:My mom, on the other had, who lives in her own house, likes to harp on my weight (not appreciated and doesn't make me any thinner) will go on and and on and on how I need to loose weight because of my health, my arthtrisits so I don't get diabetes and so on and then in the same breath will offer me say Brenda's fudge (or a cookie or whatever). When i decline, she proceeds to go on and on and on and on and argue w/ me about as to why i don't want Brenda's Fudge (or this cookie or whatever)...i now have to laugh about it because I know she doesn't hear herself and never will...

Good luck

I think it would fine to discuss this with him, but it's good to "vent" here first. Like others have said, it's quite possible he's clueless. I know my husband is (god love him). If your husband is anything like mine, he probably made dinner and hoped you'd be proud of him for doing so. He never intended to sabotage your diet in any way. I guess my question would be, is this the first time he has seemed to be unsupportive? If so, I would chalk it up to cluelessness. Then have a conversation about exactly what you're trying to accomplish and how you cannot eat certain things. I know you said he (and the rest of your family) is fully aware of your diet, but... no one is as fixated on it as you are! Just have an honest conversation with him.

I could actually see my husband doing this because if I ask him to make dinner he doesn't think I get to dictate what he makes. He would do it just to make that point in an immature, passive/aggressive way. Maybe he is trying to exert his independence, or he just figures if he doesn't do it right he won't have to do it again!

Yes, I think he could be that clueless. Some people just really don't think about things like breading and corn being carbs. I know you've told him, but still...

I understand why you are annoyed. But I do think it was unintentional and while I think it's fine to ask why he changed the menu and point out why it didn't work for you, I don't think you should call him out as an intentional saboteur.

Now, the diet saboteurs that annoy me as those that point out that you need to lose weight, and then show up for every visit with cookies and cakes and take it as a personal insult if you don't eat them (I have a relative who does this).

It is very possible for him to be "that" clueless. Lol. My mom is on a no carb high protein diet (A little over a year and a little over 100 pounds lost!), and I am HORRIBLE with it. I just don't think about what has carbs and what doesn't so if she is coming over for dinner I cook whatever without thinking about it and most of the time she ends up not being able to eat everything I have cooked. I don't do it intentionally though

If I'm cooking, I don't take orders on what to make or how to make it. I make what I feel like making.
If someone else is doing the cooking, I don't tell them what to make or how to make it. They make what they feel like making.
If I need something specific, I plan on making it for myself.

Congrats on finding something that is working and doing the hard work for yourself! I could totally see my husband doing this, they really can be that clueless. My daughter was once on a medication that she couldn't take with dairy. He fed her mac and cheese for dinner, I think for him "dairy" meant a glass of milk. I don't mean to man-bash, they really just don't think sometimes.

I would totally be annoyed, but I would approach it in a nice way. Don't go at him like he is sabotaging you and not following dinner orders. That's a fight waiting to happen. Let me know you appreciate that he helps out with cooking, and ask 'what would be helpful to you so that I make sure I have something diet-approved to eat'. This opens up a discussion in a way that makes you a team about it.

If this continues to happen, it's possible he's having a hard time with it. You say he needs to lose weight as well, and it may be scary for him to think that you have the will power to lose weight and leave him behind. My parents both do this and it drives me crazy. They sabotage each other, and I really think it's because if one gets better, the other will have to take a harder look at their own issues. It is pretty common for this to happen, even among loving couples. Just something to be aware of- hopefully your hubby just had a bone-head moment!

I'd be annoyed too, but I think he can totally be "that clueless." I wouldn't call him out on it because I'd just be happy that my hubby made dinner.

I would talk to him LATER about this when you have had time to calm a bit (not that you sound like you will flip or anything - I guess for ME it is just usually better to sleep on it.)

I am sorry that he isn't being that supportive. Yes - my spouse supports me. He just did the Flat Belly Jumpstart with me for the 4 days you have to. Now, he is not thrilled about it, but he has digestive issues so I really wanted him to try it with me. He felt a bit better so I may have an easier time in the future! :)

Healthier choices he supports me and will follow along to a point, but he would never give up certain things like red meat (nor would I ask him to since I know he just wouldn't) When I asked him to find FOUR recipes he would try in a vegetarian cookbook he acted like I was torturing him! LOL

Did he notice you picked off the breading? I would think he would have noticed and apologized. I am glad that your kids are supportive and I hope he will be more in the future, too!

I'd be annoyed, yes, and talk to him. It's possible that he is just THAT clueless. My husband can be unless I expressly spell everything out and sometimes make lists.

I would talk to him in private. I would ask why he made breaded chicken for you and didn't make the green beans. All the rest is moot, as you would have traded the rice anyway.

Is there something else going on that makes you feel like he's trying to hurt your diet, or is he just clueless? It's hard to tell if he's being malicious or not from this post alone. How often does he cook? Does he have a limited skillset in that area?

My DH is on a diet that doesn't allow a lot of carbs and I've tried to follow along to a point. Occasionally we'll eat rice or whatever and he'll sub for something he wants. No big deal.

I eat similarly to you in that I don't mix protein and carbs anymore (And I lost the 20 pounds that WOULD NOT BUDGE doing it). I have a large salad with a little protein and maybe a cooked veggie, or a large salad with a carb and a cooked veggies, but no protein and carb together and no plate without veggies. I need to eat 75% raw veggies and fruit in my day and without making the main focus of my meals veggies, I can't do that.

My ex still cooks when he visits. He has no clue about food and the man will NOT make a salad if his life depends on it. He'll eat one. And he knows that's all I eat EVERY NIGHT. But he won't make one. Too laborious.

Only you know your husbands personality and motives. Does he understand food? Does he understand what the carbs are vs what the GREEN vegetables are? Does he do this frequently despite understanding? If the answer to these is yes then he's being mean.

If he may not understand nutrition and this is the only night he's done it, then it could be unintentional.

JB-

Congrats on the healthier eating lifestyle and on giving up the diet coke. Don't take this too personally. I think hubs was careless, but not mean. Mean would be brownies, a la mode.

Carry on doing what feels right for you in terms of diet, health and weight loss. You will get to a happy place soon enough.

Good luck to you and yours,
F. B.