Do You Regret Not Being a Stay at Home Mom?

I love working and I love being a mom. We're fortunate to live in a country and a time where a woman can have both. I don't regret working... in fact, I know I would have regretted staying at home! It's really important to me to have something besides my family. My husband and daughter are the most important people in my life, but they don't have to be the only thing that brings me fulfillment.

We live on one income (not comfortably) but I get to be with my kids allday and its great. We don't have a new car or eat steak and shrimp but I don't care. I didn't get to be home when my son was little but have since day 1 with my lil one. When she starts school I will be there for every party, vacation whatever it may be. Im happy. That beats a big house and cadillac anyday!

I don't regret it. I'm a better mom for working. I'm more patient, like my kids more, get less frustrated by them, and the time we spend together is better quality. I use all the normal stuff like showers, bedtime stories, homework, etc as good quality time. It's not all roses, I don't believe that anyone's life with kids is, but I'm certainly happier, and my kids often tell me I'm the best mommy in the world (then sometimes they tell me I'm the worst - usually when I don't let them have dessert if they haven't eaten their dinner!).

Well, to offer a different angle....

I'm at a place in my life where I almost wish I HAVEN'T been a SAHM all these years.

My kids are 18, 16, 14. I haven't worked in any meaningful way in 18 years. I am not a professional, so when I go back now, I will be starting all over again. And being a SAHM all these years, I am accustomed to being THE boss, it's hard for me to imagine taking direction from some 24 year old for $9 an hour.

I think the situation you are in is the most common. I think perfectly happy healthy well adjusted kids can come out of a household where two parents work full time.

There will come a time (so SOON!) when they are independent, then shortly after that GONE, and you'll have the skills and experience to focus on yourself FINALLY, whereas I DON'T!

:)

No. I don't feel guilty for working and I'll tell you why.
I've been a single mom for just about 15 years now and if I didn't work, my kids would be God knows where.
Would it be great to be at home, run around the house and play with my kids all the time? Of course. But that hasn't been my reality.
There is no cutting anything back more than I have.
I don't have a car payment. I don't have a cell phone. I rent. I don't get my hair done, I don't get my nails done. I've taken good care of my clothes and my shoes so they aren't falling apart. I do my own nails and hair.
My kids know how hard I've worked for them. They are proud of me. It's not easy juggling things, but I keep right on juggling. Dad has hosed me a thousand times over the years, but I keep on going.
I'm no saint. I get tired. I get worn down. Shouldering everything sucks. I've had some pretty prestigious positions and I've always seen that my kids have what they need to the best of my ability. One woman against all odds.
My kids have learned perserverance. They have learned responsibility. They have learned about being independant. They have learned that they can do anything because they come from some pretty capable genes.

Do I cry? Yes. When my kids can't see me.
Have I wished all these years that some miracle would happen and things could be different? Yes. My kids are 24 and 15 now. I've never expected a man to take care of me. Not that I wouldn't love it, but not if I didn't love HIM.
I honestly can't say I regret working through my kids childhoods.
We've had fun. Bonded all along. If anything, I think I appreciate my kids more and vice versa.
If you can stay home, great. If you can't....no sense in beating yourself up about it. There are positives to be found in any situation.
Another good lesson for our children.

Best wishes.

The grass is always greener, right?
I loved being a SAHM when my kids were little, but I'm afraid now that they are teens they just don't appreciate it (or me.)
Actually, it's my middle child (oldest daughter) that gives me the most grief, "YOU don't have a job, DAD makes all the money, I'll just marry a rich guy like you did." UGH!!!
If you want to downsize to a smaller house and less income I get it, and you should go for it, if that's what you really want.
Please don't feel bad, no matter what your choice is. I am convinced that for the most part we are ALL good moms (and dads) we just do it in different ways.
I know you wanted to hear from "working" moms but I thought my two cents might help :)
p.s. and yes, I'm sure my daughter will appreciate my sacrifices one day, but it probably won't be until I'm old and gray and she has a few "DDs or DSs" that she wants me to babysit, and I will NOT be available. I'll be too busy traveling, LOL!

I have always believed that what matters more than whether or not a parent stays home or works is if their happy with the decision. If a parent stays at home but wish they were working or if they work but wish they stayed at home, the parent is not happy and the kids pick up on this. Everyone is different and you have to do what is right for yourself and your family. I happen to love what I do (I work outside the home - full time plus). I also LOVE being a mom and while there have certainly been times that I wished I could be with my kids more and they've wished it too, our situation has worked for us. I'm thrilled to say that I have a wonderful relationship with both of my kids - 11.5 year old son and 14.5 year old daughter. Yes, even my teen daughter and I get along. We are extremely close and she confides in me. She even told me the same day when she found out a boy liked her and she agreed to get to know him better (in school and via texts, emails only so far). My kids are also great kids (compassionate, happy) and students (grades, attitude about school, comments from teachers) and very self sufficient (know how to cook, do laundry). So my point is, you can work outside the home AND be a great parent, but it's important to be happy and to enjoy what you do. Good luck with your decision - you sound like a great mom who loves her kids so whatever you choose you'll make it work for your family.

I only worked for about 7 months, when my kids were 1 1/2 and 5 years old and I HATED it. My husband was home with them, so I knew they were in a safe environment and getting the best care possible, but I felt like I was missing so much! I wanted to be the one playing playdoh and reading books, and snuggling at nap time, and quite frankly, my husband preferred that it be me too ;)
He was laid off from his super good job when our kids were 3mo and 3 1/2yrs old and we had agreed from before we even had kids that one of us would be home to care for them no matter what. What this lead to was us putting both our houses up for short sale, moving two states away from all my family and the place I had lived in for 32 years, selling furniture, turning off cable, selling our SUV and downsizing to a used car, living in a duplex, and only clothing our kids in clothes we get from a consignment store where we have store credit. I babysit two additional kids in our home, we learned to slash our food budget and got our daughter on WIC for about a year. The final big life changing decision we have made is that my husband reenlisted in the military after being out for 11 years so that we will have a steady income and full medical coverage for all of us.
This hasn't been easy by a long shot, I miss my family and friends, and we are disappointed that we didn't get to live the life we had planned in the house we had worked so hard to buy.... but you know what? I am home with our kids, my family comes to visit us, we can now pay our bills and have learned to live without "stuff". Being home and raising my kids my way, seeing every accomplishment through my own eyes, witnessing the first lost tooth, instead of in seperate day care classes my kids are together at home where they have developed a nurturing loving relationship with each other, even walking my toddler through a tantrum, or cleaning up vomit when the flu hit the house are all things I wouldn't trade for all the houses or time with my sisters in the world!
It IS do-able, if you really want it, make it happen. Make big huge sacrifices if it's that important to you.

We were both working dead end jobs that we would have to stay in for the rest of our lives just to live. I wanted to have more time with my kids and still be able to bring in some money. I ended up quitting my job and going back to school; in a couple years I will be a nurse and will be able to bring in way more money that I used to and I will only have to work 2-3 days a week. We had to tighten our belts for me to be able to go back to school and I am taking out loans to get through it but the end result will be me being able to work and see my kids more than before.

I don't do well being a SAHM and I think I am a better mom when I work outside of the home. Decide what is best for you and make it happen. Change careers or figure out a way to stay home if that is what you feel is best. Whatever you decide, make the best of it and enjoy the time you do get with your kids.

Too intelligent to stay at home? I'm with M D.... "Ouch." I too have several degrees and would be a stay at home mom in a heartbeat if that were an option. I went back to work full-time when my daughter was 15 months old and I KNOW I'm going to regret it... I already do. I'm not trying to make you feel bad; I'm commiserating with you! If you can swing it, stay home... I don't think you'll ever regret that...

I don't regret working at all. I never intended to stop working when I had my daughter. I was able to reduce my hours slightly for the first year, which was great, but then was glad to go back to full salary. My now-ex and I were able to adjust our work hours so that she did not need to spend long days in daycare, but she loved daycare.

I didn't miss a thing. I breastfed for the first year, I heard her first words, I saw her first steps, etc, etc. The other adults that have been in her life are added opportunities for her. She's now 9 and has a series of great teachers in her life.

Your post sounds like you are unhappy with your life - your house, your husband's career, and maybe your job. You are always exhausted? And guilty? Have you considered getting some counseling or hiring a Life Coach? It's easy to think that all this would get better if you could spend more time with your kids, but I'm not sure that is the "real" source of your unhappiness. Staying home all day with kids can leave a person exhausted, too.

I am a SAHM and never regret it.
But yes, we ain't rich.

Maybe, you can get a night time job?
Then you can be with them during the day hours and do all those things with them???

I have done both , worked as a Manager in Retail, Nannied for awhile, worked in Medical Records for a bit but I decided when my kids were young to run a home daycare and was licensed and was on the food program. I only had one child in daycare out of five and we believe he was abused there so after that I stayed at home with them until they were in school and worked part-time so I was there with them when they got home for the most part. I run my own business in Health and Wellness now and only have 2 at home out of 5. Their ages now are 13 and 16. I love being home! One thing I will say is we have lived beyond our means in the past and we gave up that lifestyle to live simple and my husband supported all of us which would be 7 on his $60,000 salary. We now choose to live simple, I would rather have experiences than possessions and by this I mean I would rather take a trip to Jamaica and meet people there and have experiences and memories to share than some possession that is worth $10,000. It is our values in life. If you don't want to regret your whole life ,the best thing to do is change things so you can live on one salary. We did it with a large family and I have no regrets, living simple is the best choice I ever made. Good luck to you!!

You mention you can't find a p/t job to pay for daycare, but if you quit, you would not be paying for daycare at all. You would not pay the gas, the eating out, the drycleaning if you use that, you would maybe not spend coffee money, lunch money, etc I stay at home and I am SO grateful that I did. We had to live on a tight budget and still live under what I would like but it is worth it. I would start talking to your husband about moving or at least about working p/t. You also say you have lived in this house since before kids, can you refinance and get a lower rate and a lower payment since you have paid on the home for several years? We refinanced our last house and got the payment down over $100. Can you get a job on the weekends when your husband is home and you stay home during the week? If you cannot quit, the other option is just to start spending what time you have with them, more purposefully. When I miss my kids from an overnight or long days, I spend more time reading to them, snuggling with them, bathing them, etc. although I am home with my kids, everyday is so rushed and many, many days I feel like I have not spent one moment with them even though I was with them all day. so I try to slow down the day, take time to sit with them instead of just rushing to go to bed. Take more pictures, save all moments, write in a journal to remember the cute things they say, etc Take them to do fun things, go to the park, have a picnic, have mommy dates on the weekends with the kids separately. I took my son to lunch of his choice, then to a movie, then to icecream. I really enjoyed the one on one time without the tv, phone, etc interrupting our time. Try doing dates with each child and literally talking to them, listening to them, etc
Write down your income and outgo and see what you can cut. Maybe try not to use your paycheck for the next month or two and set it aside. Save your paycheck and if and when you dip into it, write that down. In the end, if you have dipped into your paycheck $500 per month, you know you can live on just $500 per month and that you can make with a part time job.
You can work at your children's school as an Education Assistant and be with them daily. They ride in with you, ride home with you, then you are home with them each day right after school. They don't pay great but here they pay around $10/hour which is not too bad.

Good luck to you.

I hate it nearly everyday. There are days that i love dropping him off (teething, growth spurt ect) but 99% of the time, I loath the fact that i'm not with him all the time.
I'm a single mom, so i have no other option :( But the days that I get to go home early from school or work is canceled, I LOVE it!! I go grab my son from daycare and we play until dinner time. Then I rock him to sleep (yup he's a toddler and I still rock him. I love cuddling, I can't help it) then around 10 he wakes up and then we co-sleep. I have been lucky and seen every major milestone of his and I did get to spend 8 months as a SAHM, but most of those I was doing online school/telecommuting work.

Love the time you do have, cherish it, take pictures every chance you get so you don't regret that too.

Not one bit.

I'm a full-time working mom and love every minute of being both a careerist and a mother. Yes, you can have both.

I'm sorry to hear of your struggle. There just were not enough hours in the weekday. After an already tiring day at work and school there's dinner to be cooked and eaten, homework to be done and baths to be had which doesn't leave much time for quality family time together. The weekend isn't long enough to get sufficient time with family either. On Saturdays you're usually recovering from the work week and running errands; on Sundays you have to prepare for the work week to start all over again--exhausting!
I hope that you guys find a satisfactory solution soon. Best wishes and big hugs to you.

Would renting cover the mortgage? I know a lot of people here rent out their house because they can't sell it for what they owe right now and then they buy another house they want. What bills would be eliminated by you staying home? daycare is one. what else? eating out (lunches), take out (dinner)? Not sure what your dynamics are, but things that seem unaffordable might be affordable if ya sit down and make a list of bills, what goes out (cash flow), and what bills are cut from you quitting. Unless you get some complete idiot (it happens) then being a landlord isn't toooo difficult.

I totally agree with Shane, I hope my daughter will be proud of how hard I'm working for her. As a single mom, it's not in my reality to stay at home (I would love too) I can't so no sense in beating myself up for it. I work my butt off right now in my engineering degree and when I get out of college I'm going to work my butt off in the career field so that I can support my daughter and I.

I don't regret it. I would not have been happy as a SAHM, even if that had been an option.

"too intelligent to be a SAHM" _ HUH?? this is the same person who says she took two months maturity leave! LOL LOL!!
I am not a stay at home mom- and i definitely have my regrets.. Unfortunately- we have plenty of bills and a very unreliable ex husband..
I was lucky to stay on Maternity leave for Four Months w/ my daughter..4mths with my son.. but even that was not enough..
What I do now-- I try to attend as many school events as I can. My company gives us a day off a year for kid events (paid) and i split the time for both kids.. the school is close to my job & I take an hour lunch so sometimes i drop by to eat lunch with them.. We do sports and dance together and sometimes I dont clean until the end of the week... or order take out.. or not do laundry for two weeks or three to spend that time with the two loves of my life..
I think a lot of us have that guilt.. I know i was raised by a SAHM and it was awesome!! But I try and juggle my carreer and motherhood and I often find myself tired but hey- you only live once!!
PS: I still do "Me" time.. because i enforce 8:30pm bedtime with my kids.. that way i have time to relax and unwind or watch reality shows lOL!!
You are NOT alone!!
BUT on the Plus side-- kids are more social now.. summer camps, after school programs that help with swimming and school and sports!! They get to make friends and play in a supervised setting.. We can only make the best of our circumstances!!

There's a fine line between regret and necessity, one that I straddle every day. I posted something similar this week and received enormous support. Please be assured that you are not alone. As a working mom, I feel very similar to you. I, too, have to work and know that my hubby and I can not live off one salary right now. Given the economy, I realize that we have to be grateful that we can pay our mortgage and give our DD a safe and secure loving home. Our time spent with her is that much more precious, and in turn, she has learned to trust other loving caregivers. As a result she has learned to befriend others and pass that love on.

Yes and No.... I'm a lawyer (which means I have $100k in student loan debt...payments are the same as our mortgage!). When I went to law school, we didn't have kids, and my husband and I just discussed that if I made that investment I'd HAVE to work. Staying at home w/ kids sounded horrifying to me, so thats what I did. Now w/ our son, I didn't think it bothered me, but there were days it just made me sick leaving him with daycare for 12 hours a day!I was entrusting these stragers to completely raise him. I was extremely lucky then to find an attorney position that allowed me to set my own schedule & work from home at my leisure. I couldn't be happier. I feel like time has frozen and I've gotten back SO MUCH of a relationship with my son. I've been his caregiver, teacher, MOMMY and kept my professional career.
If I were you, especially if you are a professional, I'd look for jobs that will allow you to be home by 3 when he gets home from school. You can't get back these years, and I'm so grateful I don't have to have that fight with myself anymore. There are a lot of options out there, just search.
I DO have to say, I am still glad not to be a full time SAHM, I'm professional minded, and would probably have regret the other way if I hadn't gone to law school.

No, I don't regret it being a career woman, because I make more than my husband, and without me, we would be homeless. I am also too intelligent to be a stay home mom (I am a chemist), because it would have drove me nuts being at home 24/7. Also, my kids have alot of fun making friends at day care, they are independent, and got some early preschool years in, which helped them start off right in kindergarten. Both children are A and B students and both want to go to college, because they see through me that they also want a better life for themselves. I guess stay home moms don't understand that working moms do have vacations...5 weeks to be exact, and I don't have to work weekends. So my family goes to our cabin together, camping, boating, boy scouts, cub scouts, learn to play instruments, and we go see the boys play football, baseball, basketball and wrestling. I was also on maturity leave for two months. So....what am I missing? The kids get excited when I come home and we do activities when I get home and on weekends or during my vacation. You are not missing anything from 9-5pm, which most the time they are napping. I got to see their first steps, first words, potty trained them both, taught them both to ride a bike, saw them opening their gifts for birthdays and Christmas' etc...too much to list. No...I didn't miss anything... I was there, plus gave them a better childhood then I got, because each parent should at least do 50% better than their own parents...I have accomplished that.

Im sorry you feel so depressed & guilty. I just wanted to say that you're obviously a great mother and your kiddos are lucky to have you. I'm probably going to get slammed for this, but can you walk away from your house and job with your marriage intact? I usually completely disagree with foreclosing, but i think your situation has merit. Staying home, even if you have to rent a little 900 sq foot ranch (like we do) is so worth it. No one says on "i didn't work enough" on their deathbed.

You have to do what you have to do. Try not to be too hard on yourself and just love them with all you have when you do get to see them.

It is such a hard choice. I worked full time after my first was born. After my second, I went down to 4 days a week and that made a HUGE difference. Just having that one extra day at home with them, we could run errands, get a jump on some chores that otherwise take up most of the weekend, sign up for a mom & me class, etc. Ever since my first was born, I also made it a point to leave work at 4:30 everyday. I'm an attorney at a firm in downtown Chicago, and I'm pretty much the first one to leave the office every day, so this wasn't easy to establish, but it was really important to me to have good quality time together as a family every night on a consistent basis. I want us to be able to sit down to dinner every night together. 5 years later, there has only been a handful of times that I have stayed late, and I think the consistency has really helped my kids. They know exactly when to expect me back. And if I have to work a bit after they go to bed, then that's my tradeoff. It also helps tremendously that my husband is a teacher, so he gets out of work between 3:30 and 4 and is home all summer with them. And my parents help out 1-2 days a week, so they weren't in day care full time. If you have the room, maybe you can consider getting an au pair. We are doing that starting this August after having had our kids in day care for 5 years, and it will be saving us a ton of money. Good luck and know that most, if not all, working moms struggle with this!

I am a F/T working mom. We working moms always regret not being home with our kids. My son starts K next year as well. I guess I was VERY lucky in that my mother watched my son while I work, and she and my MIL watch my baby girl. They get to make so many wonderful memories together, and that lessens the guilt.
At the same time, I am also the breadwinner in my home. I love my job and have a great career. I am proud of the fact that I can provide for my family in this way. We all have a great life. Wanting to work doesn't mean I love my children less than a SAHM or anyone else for that matter. That has nothing to do with it. It just means that my career is part of who I am and it makes me happy. You do what makes you happy, and that will in turn make you a great mom. :)

B.,

When I got married my husband and I decided I would be home to stay with the kids when they arrived.
Being a good mother IS NOTHING TO do with staying at home or working outside the house. I think is basically been there by giving them love, discipline, nurturing them and teach them to be good persons, respectable people and hard working people. As parents, I believe, we should give our kids more than what we had and less of what we are capable to give them (I mean material things ).
I was reading one of other responses you got....I couldn't avoid to say you this: I consider myself a very intelligent person (2 phd, former director of an Int'l company....a mom...a wife, a SAHM a Home schooling mom.........) and I can assure you that being at home or outside the home is nothing to do with your intelligence, you will not turn into a dumb person if you are a SAHM nor if you go outside and find a job, Intelligence depends on yourself as a person, intelligence is not about having the best position in a company or having a title....is what you do in different situations good or bad ones with resources or no resources during all your life.....do not forget that, but I think you are not worry about that, you are too intelligent to think of this right now.
The IMPORTANT thing is whatever you decide to do or you have to do, feel happy because it will be what you and your family need right now, but never ever feel that you are a bad mom or you are not doing what you are supposed to be doing. You do what is best for your family and yourself. Be happy and use the tools and resources you have now to raise your children, things may change over time, so don't worry....Just another point of view....

i've gone back and forth.....

I do not have to work...there are times when I have but I always end up coming back home....

make sure that the time you have with them is fun - whether it's doing homework and making it fun or something else...family nights are important as well....

If you can't sell your home for at least what you paid for it - try to refinance it to get the mortgage down to a more reasonable .... i don't know....it might be better than you think....the market is picking up in many locations...you might be better than you think...

cut back anywhere you can.....maybe applying more money to the PRINCIPAL of the mortgage once you get credit cards paid off????

You will get the time with your kids - figure out a way!!

I have never been a working mom but my best friend is, he children are 10 and 7 now and yeah she pretty much regrets it. She makes very good money now because of all the experience she has but she hates the job and wanted to be a SAHM I told her to go for it, even if her kids are in school, there are TONS of things to do around the house and errands to run, lessons to drive to etc. they're still little enough that she can still enjoy them growing up but old enough that she has bonus free time for herself.
anyways I hope you find peace with whatever decision you make, I'm sure your children love you no matter what, :o)

Too intelligent to be a SAHM, ouch! That hurts my big diplomas, I too have several.

I worked for almost 2 yrs with my first while my parent raised him. I had a great job with great people, and great pay.
I always thought a tiny bit less of SAHM, I too thought I was too intelligent to be a SAHM.
Until my first was born & I drove to work crying every day. I drove home crying because I never felt like I was able to do either job 100%.
I got used to it, but never a day passed that I didn't miss him, his smell, his smile, his laugh.
Luckily, I say luckily, I was laid off & the decision I was tormented with was made for me.
We had to make do on my husbands lesser salary & you know it was fine. We lived simpler, we are way less stressed. I shop at garage sales and ALDI and I am a better person for it.
There is no quality time, it's just time. The more time you spend with your kids the better. You can't cram it all in if you are working.

So I was you not that long ago & I am so much happier now. It was a big adjustment, but one I know I will never ever, ever, ever EVER regret.
You will never get this time back.

Seems like this is a question to also ask kids? Do u wish you had more time with mommy instead of day care or after school care? But if you ask moms who work or stat at home moms you will three different answers. It doesn't matter what any one else thinks but you and your kids! If your feeling guilty and can do things differently to stay home then make it happen. Do u think children remember the type of house they lived in or the memories they make with their parents.

I have regrets as well. I wish I could stay home but finances are what they are and its not possible. Perhaps down the road. I know how you feel! My oldest will be in first grade and I can't belive it already. All you can do right now is when you are home...live in the moments you have with your kids and really be engaged with them. I feel for you and somedays the "pang" of guilt makes me want to cry.

B., I know just how you feel! I went back to work when my oldest was born and I hated every minute of it! I missed her so much! So I quit my job and ran a family daycare in my home. It was AWESOME! I made MUCH more money than I ever did in the corporate world AND I was home with my children. The best of both worlds!! And if your husband has health care benefits, you're all set! I highly recommend it. If you need help getting started, your local YWCA might be able to help. I took classes at my YWCA to get started. They taught me all about licensing and all the rules and regulations to follow. Good luck - you can do it! P.

I am a SAHM now and I used to work full time and felt guilty missing out on my first child's life. So when our second child was born I wanted to be able to stay home with him and still make money to pay some of our bills. I found a job online that I can do around my kids schedule and I work my job full time to make the extra income we need. If your looking yourself for something you can do to replace your income that you make now and stay at home with your kids its possible. ____@____.com

I never regretted being a working mom and I wouldn't go back and change it. I didn't feel a need to spend every moment with them, and once they are in school, they are away numerous hours a day themselves.

I don't regret it because in the back of my mind I always had a plan for fulfilling my goals and setting and conquering new challenges for my child as well as self. Would I do it again, no. I am accustomed to working and progressive situations. I absolutely am grateful to have been able to bond with my child, but at the same time, I don't want to stop working towards my goals/dreams and get lost in complacency. I'd much rather work now that I am comfortable with my child attending a quality early learning center.

I went back to work full-time after my daughter was born. I drove to work depressed and crying every day for putting my 3 month old daughter in day care. I was miserable. After a month my husband and I decided that it would be best for me to quit my job and stay home, so I did and it was the best thing I ever did. Also my former employer contracts with me to work part time so I work about 15 hours a week and still bring in 40-50% of my full time income. I only work 2 days during the week and on Saturdays when my husband is home with our daughter. I'm so much more happier now.

((hugs)) i dont have much advice for you. you really need to sit down and decide what you want and what is best for your situation. i stay home with my two kids living in a one bedroom condo ....we dont go on vacations and only have a small retirement fund and at this point no college fund for the kids. i wont be able to send my kids to the preschool of my choice and we are unable to do what we want when we want. for me that is the better alternative, for some that is not. there is no right or wrong answer. you have to do what you think is best for your family. but please dont feel guilty. its the quality time you spend with your kids not the quantity. i know you are exhausted but youd be exhausted staying home as well. good luck toyou!!!!

MonkeyzMom has a good idea. My neighbors couldn't afford their house anymore after DH couldn't get enough work for years and DW had 4 now 5 young children to take care of. They found friends that wanted to rent their house (this is paying off their mortgage) and they found a very small foreclosure to buy and fix up (DH does construction and is very handy). They plan on being there for about 5 yrs to catch up on money and then hope to come back to their original house. They also bought around the peak of the market.

As for working FT or SAHM, I have done both. I was a full SAHM for the first year and then I went back to subbing regularly - about 3 days a week as my DH lost his job. I did that for a year and then got a good contracting job FT just after DD turned 2. I've now had 3 contracts with the same company over the last 3 years with 3 month breaks between them. I am tired of working FT. It's exhausting and I feel like I have nothing to give to my DD. DH has his own business and when he's working, they are generally 12+ hr days - last night he didn't get home until after 10 p.m. I'm looking forward to my contract ending as I want to be home. But when I first got this job, I was very happy to have a chance to get out of the house and be with adults. I think the perfect balance is working 3-4 days a week for only 8 hrs so it's not too long, but that's hard to get.

My mother worked FT until I was 7 and I have to tell you I was THRILLED when she quit her job. I would have given anything to have her home. But for our family financially, we just have to have 2 people working as everything is feast or famine here and we have to be able to save money for the famine times. I'm right there with you being tired of feeling exhausted and guilty.

I'm right there with you lady! I feel for you, in fact I was just on here posting the other day about whether or not I should quit.
I went back at 6 months. Most moms in my state (FL) only take 3. And, I have onsite daycare. So I pumped myself up telling my self over and over again how "lucky" i was. It worked for a while....
But now, over a year later I'm finding it's just getting HARDER to leave DD at daycare each morning. Then do a short visit with her over lunch and wait until 5 p.m. (by which time I am TIRED) to pick her up. I'm becoming emotionally imbalanced and it's causing problems in my marriage.
Plus, I look at the 6 month old babies that are just starting at the daycare and when i realize DD was that little when I left HER there....it takes my breath away. I regret it so much.
My advice to you is, just keep looking for something PT that would pay enough and at the same time, look into cheaper options for daycare. (but obviously they must be acceptable to you). For example, home daycare, or neighbor watching your kids.
You say you don't spend any $$$ on yourself....are there any things your HUSBAND spends lots of $$$ on that could be cut from the budget?
Consider seeing a lawyer about doing a short sale on your house to get out from under the underwater mortgage.
If these things don't work.....relish your time with your children. Outsource cleaning and other things that take away from your time with them. Make sure husband is doing his fair share too. Treat yourself! Budget in a little spending $$ each month - even if you don't have time to GO shopping, shop online! That's what I do. :)
Hugs. We are strong women and we will get through this. Hold your head up high.

Hi, I totally feel for you! I am working at a company full time with an 8 year old and 5 year old. I too feel pretty tired at the end of the day, see the kids for about 2 hours before bed time. However, I managed to get a "flex" schedule where I work, so I work four 9-hour days and a 1/2 day on Friday. That way I can see my kids more on Friday at least! I do agree, its sooo hard to miss a lot of time with them when they are little. But I always try to spend a lot of quality time with them on my off hours. And keep in mind, YOU need to have some "me" time, and try to balance your needs and happiness too!

Since you have the nice big house, is there any way you could start a home daycare business? Especially if you have a nice, finished basement to create a "play" are in....That way, you would be home with your kids, plus bring in decent money. I had my kids at several home daycares, and I really liked them. Usually the moms had their own young children there also. I think the only drawback is that it sort of ties you to the house during the day. I did have one daycare mom who had a big van so she could take the kids out occasionally. I am pretty sure there are websites about getting started...

Good luck, I hope you find some balance!