Do You Speak Up?

There are some things that are grey areas- like smoking around kids, or a pregnant person smoking- that if you say something, it will do no good but cause drama. I don't do that.

I saw a woman yank her daughter by the hair one time so hard that her daughter screamed. She literally picked her up by the pony tail and threw her in the car. I called the cops from my car and gave them her license plate. I don't think it would do any good to speak to a person like that but in hindsight it would have validated that little girl's feelings that she was not being treated right, and that should be enough of a reason to say something.

first 2, I'd stay out of, 3rd, I'd step in, and prevent them from driving. 4th.. I would openly accuse them of bad parenting at the very least.

We're not all the moral police. You need to look at those things both ways. On your WORST mom-day, would you be above reproach? (Rhetorically)

Now if someone's life is in danger, or someone is being abused...speak up!

So...to answer your specific scenarios:
1. No
2. No
3. Yes (I would not confront her, I would call 9-1-1.)
4. I would say something directly to the mother.

Smoking in the car-no, BUT i have always hated that and I do believe its against the law in California now.

Pregnant person-yes if I was serving them (when I waited tables) or if they were in my home, but I see them all the time where i work now and I mind my business.

Driving drunk-I would get the license plate and call the police.

Slapping child-I would step in and say something and call the police

Nothing
Nothing
Step in and try to prevent them from driving, definitely prevent them from driving with the kids in the car
I'd say something, and then, depending on how she responded I'd be tempted to follow her home and then call CPS (that would be drastic behavior for me, but given the extreme circumstance I think that is what I would do)

Same as Janelle. The first 2 I would stay out of, all though I may make a comment to my children (loud enough to be heard) about how bad and dangerous second hand smoke is and to speak up for their right to have healthy lungs if anyone tried to light up with them in a car. For the drunk driver, I would try to stop them and if I could not I would call the cops. I would def say something to the parent who hit a toddler, and maybe even call CPS.

I would be most concerned about #3. She is endangering her family & everyone else on the road.

As far as the other ones, there's really no point in saying anything to someone like that, they aren't going to care what a stranger has to say about their parenting skills. You can't reason with people like that. They're not going to change for you. Chances are they already know what they are doing is wrong, but don't care, anyway.

One and two I wouldn't say anything about either... 3 & 4 I'd say something and probably do something about both situations...

I would hope most people would stay out of other folks business that doesn't immediately endanger someone. No, I would never stand and watch as an intoxicated person stumbled to their car with their kid (or without one!) and tried to drive off- I'd call the police. It's hard to say what I would do in the slapping case because those types of issues have to be handled so carefully to not make them worse.

It's not my business if someone smokes in the car with their kids or drinks while they are pregnant. It's their business. Besides, what good will hollering out the window at a red light do anyway? If that's all it takes to get stressed-out mom's to stop smoking then it wouldn't be an issue, would it? That will just end in you looking haughty and smug and add to the stress of that woman's day. Loose-loose for everyone.

1. Nope
2. Ditto (I am not their doctor and have NO right to their medical info)
3. Yes. With or without a child, and license plates, and follow if practical
4. Yes.

1. No. Not my business.
2. No. Not my business.
3. I would write down their license plate and call 911.
4. I would confront the person.
5

1. A woman smoking around children... well, in spite of my knowing that second hand smoke is more harmful than dragging from the cigarette itself I wouldn't say anything. It's legal and it's a parent's choice to smoke. What would matter is if smoking while driving is considered legal, I guess. I would absolutely say something if I saw someone texting or otherwise using their cell phone while driving and they stopped their car next to mine because that's completely illegal and a hazard to everyone on the road. I'm not sure where cigarettes fall, though, and if it's legal to smoke while driving.

2. A pregnant woman drinking or smoking is legal. It's not advised by medical boards to smoke while pregnant because it's not healthy for mom or baby and can cause low birth weight, problems with lung development, a higher risk for asthma and allergies, etc. Alcohol in excess can cause fetal alcohol syndrome and malformations of the fetus as well as brain damage. BUT small amounts in moderation" are not harmful. With each of my pregnancies I drank before knowing I was pregnant.

With my first pregnancy I attended two weddings that I was in and toasted a single glass of champagne at each (my brother and my husband's sister). I had approval from my OB each time. The rest of the time, I chose not to imbibe.

But had someone had the nerve to say something to me I would have ripped off their arm and beaten them with it. I knew I was safe in what I was doing at those weddings and limited myself to the toasts. My child was born with above average intelligence. My other two daughters are extremely bright as well.

I have great difficulty refraining from saying something if I see someone smoking like a chimney or drinking to excess (getting drunk or drinking more than a single drink) while pregnant. But I have no idea what she's discussed with her doctors, or hell... what if she recently gave birth and still just has flabby baby belly? Or what if she's like my old preschool director and looks perpetually pregnant with twins when her youngest child is in 3rd grade?

But the issue, again, is that smoking and drinking while pregnant are not illegal. Maybe it's immoral to some but this falls under "adult decision making that the government and other adults have no business getting involved in unless they're the baby's father."

3. If I saw someone getting into a car to drive while intoxicated whether they had a child with them or not, any other passenger or just themselves, I would absolutely say something. I've taken keys away from people for that very thing. Hell, one of my best friends threw out my shoulder and tore my rotator cuff because she was cocked off her a$$ drunk and I had to wrestle her to the ground to get her keys (there were additional circumstances... she was extremely drunk and she was very upset over something to boot).

4. If I saw someone slap a baby... well, let's just say that I've said something when I saw someone slap her baby's hand so hard it clearly stung and turned red. I said, "Oh my goodness, I hope everything is all right! I remember that age with my girls." ::strike up conversation about the tough age blah blah blah:: "Your daughter is a cutie pie. You know, though, once when I slapped my eldest daughter's hand I had some random lady come up to me in the store and start shouting at me about how if I slapped too hard I would break the little bones in the baby's hand, especially since I wouldn't know how hard it would take to break them." ::pause and let that sink in::

So yeah, if someone slapped their baby in the face I would say something. I might not be so nice about it as with hand slapping.

the drunk driving yes. the smacking maybe. the other two nope. that's just being a self righteous busy body. and if it were me and someone was dumb enough to come my way they will get cussed out and sent on their way.

1) no
2) no
3) yes
4) Yes. I have actually done that. And I have, spoken up when I saw a Man, publicly hit his girlfriend and was actively yelling at her and being abusive. And called the Police and stayed with her until then.

We have watched that show, and with our kids... so that they see and learn about the world. And 'what if's"

No to all. I wouldnt say anything to them.

But 3 & 4 I would call the police.

I wouldnt say anything directly to them, but boy would I make it known to them how I feel. Thats my personality. When I see ANYONE smoking I make my feelings known. Its gross. And I saw a child be kicked once while he was on the floor, you betcha I will say something.

1. Not likely. It is an addiction and I have friends that have tried to quit near 100 times and just can't. They have tried everything, patches, gum, cold turkey, even a private rehab center. They are just addicted and can't stop.

2. I knew a woman that looked pregnant but really it was a birth defect. They had tried to remove it and looked like it worked at 1st, but then it grew back 5 times larger... so before she looked pudgy and now she looks 9 months along.

3. very likely try to delay them while having my phone dial 911 but not talking on it. they have to treat all 911 calls as am emergency so my phone would be triangulated and the police would come.

4. I don't know, very likely be in too much shock to say anything.

If it's someone I know, yes I'd probably say something to them in one or all of these situations. If I saw someone get into a car visibly intoxicated and drive off, I'd call the police and report them because that puts everyone in their path in danger. And I've done that before. If I saw someone slap a child in public, I'd have mixed feelings. On the one hand, you don't know what you're getting into. It's not always advisable to get in the middle of something like that. On the other hand, it could be a sign of someone in crisis (I mean the mom). Depending on circumstances, it might be tempting to approach her not with judgment or criticism but an expression of concern for her and for her child. I say that because kindness typically goes a lot further than criticism. Positive interactions with the mom, I believe, will lead to her interacting more pleasantly with her child instead of putting her on the defensive and making her angrier.