Does 11 Month Old Son Know Who I Am?

Thank you for asking the question. I have a 15 mo. old that is the same way. All of the advice was very comforting, and I definitely needed to hear it. Thank you.

Of course he knows who you are!! :)

He's probably just doing a bit of an independence thing right now. You'll go through phases where he pushes you away, want to "do it myself!!!!", ignores you, and out and out wants daddy/nana/auntie and won't have a THING to do with you. And will tell you so in the most emphatic (potentially heartbreaking, if you aren't prepared for it) ways. Just part of growing up. Remember the harder they push you away the faster they come running back (as long as they don't get a negative reaction for trying to test out their wings a bit).

That strong bonding doesn't mean that they're miserable and insecure and clinging and won't let you out of their sight...that strong bond means that they KNOW you will always be there for them, and enjoy the freedom of running away down the path a bit, knowing you will be there with smiles and open arms when they return.

Luck!

I am a sahm and my little guy is almost 4, I also have a daughter 5 years old. My little boy has gone thru this and I can say it honestly hurts me. They sometimes test the boundries between mommies and sons. and they are also finding out where they fit -in in the dynamics of a family. My husband worked long hours and I was home with both children all day. When daddy came home he wanted absoutely nothing to do with me and pushed me away. He still does sometimes, and he is almost 4! My husband recently lost his job, so he is home alot. My husband now realizes how diffucult it can be, to be a sahm on a daily basis. My husband now follows thru with timeouts,instead of his ususal threats and our children now see us a little more equal,as far as authority. I think it has nothing to do with the bond between you and your son, not being a strong one. I'm am sure it is very strong. It's just that they have there own way of finding out who's who in the family dynamics and mom is the one that is always gonna be there , they take it for granted. It's all good, you'll see !
all my best L. H.

Hello, It sounds like your son is just very secure in who you are and who he is. He wants to explore and that is very good. He certainly knows who you are.
Good luck with your precious son.
K. K.

I think Riley said it really well. Just wanted to reiterate... sounds to me like he absolutely knows who you are and is totally secure in the fact that Mama isn't going anywhere and will be there when he needs you. Great job! Hang in there, he'll come running when it really matters.

I know exactly how you feel! My son (now 7) was exactly the same way. I was not a sahm but I did breastfeed him for 6 months & always thought our son was “suppose” to be a mommas boy… but he isn’t, they are not all mommas boys. He would pull away from me if my husband was holding him & I honestly use to feel he didn’t “like” me, it use to bring me to tears. I have come to realize he is just not a mommas boy… to this day, even though I am with him most of the time, he still runs to Dad as soon as he gets home & when I get home he says “Hi Mom”. Now though I see things very different. We have a different bond, no he’s not a mommas boy but we have a great relationship. He knows I am mommy, mommy takes care of him, gets him what he needs/wants, makes rules, runs the house & we can have fun, Dad is for fun.  Believe me I know how it feels, just trust he knows your mommy & the relationship although it may not be how we envisioned it, it is there & will grow just the same. God Bless.

This actually means that your son is very secure. He knows you love him, knows you will always be there, and so he has no fear of abandonment. That leaves him free to explore the rest of the world and enjoy other people without worry.

None of my 4 kids even said "mama" until long after they were saying a dozen other things. They never had to call me or get my attention, since I was there 24 hours a day, so they felt no need to say it.

It can be hard when our kids see us as just the same old Mom, but get excited about other people; keep in mind, though, that you are raising him to be an independent, functioning individual, and he can't do that if he's fearful and clings to you. You are a good mom, don't worry.

C., I think your boy is just growing and exploring that he is a separate person from you.

Aw, you poor thing!! It's a terrible way to feel and all mommies feel it at some point. I know I have had many moments with my daughter!

Of course he knows who you are. He is probably acting that way a little because he in no way doubts your love. If you were a standoffish mommiy, he might have to fight for your love and attention, but he doesn't. He knows you are all his and he doesn't have to worry about that, so he doesn't. Also, since kids are born hard-wired, he is probably a very confident and independent type, and how cool is that? What a neat person he is going to turn out to be! Keep pouring on the love and don't let him see it get to you. He'll come back around on occation, savor those moments. And when he wiggles away and runs off, rest assured that he is a confident and individual boy and you are lucky to have such a great and interesting kid!

Is he bonded to anyone? Dad? Check w/ your pediatrician at 1 yr check up-- there can be attachment disorders, autism, etc. or maybe something simple like vision?

I know, they grow up sooo fast! Mr. Independence. That's OK, he will go through clingy phases again. Don't be sad, it is part of the normal growth pattern, though hard.

I swear by 18 mo my son was ready to move out on his own (or at least he thought so) He would routinely just walk away or want to go off and play at friends houses. He seemed to have little or no "need" for me.
At 3 his dad and I divorced and I went to work full time-he developed separation anxiety disorder. He wouldn't leave my lap for about 4 mo. It seems he was actually extra attached to me but as the other moms have said he felt confident enough that I was always going to be there for him, whenever he needed me, that he could go be the independent turkey child that I chased all around the neighborhood. When I suddenly wasn't there it rocked his foundation and we are still working on building his sense of self to get him back to being who he was then.

Just keep doing what you're doing and you will probably have a really great relationship with your son once he's big enough to tell you so.
Good Luck

Hello C.,

It seem that your bond is strong....so strong that he is secure enough to venture away from mom without anxiety. He still sees you as one unit & feels comfortable enough to begin exploring the world outside. He is just learning & growing. There will come a point in this learning stage where he may get a little insecure & need your comfort & support.

Maybe begin exploring with him, but also allow him to have some alone quiet exploring alone time (with your secret supervision of course)

It's such a great stage, they learn so much!

Warmly,
S.