Does Everyone Want 3-4 Kids?

Here is a little song I like to call One and DONE
One and done, ONE AND DONE, One - One - ONE AND DONE!
I have no desire to have multiple kids bless those who can successfuly raise multiple babies cause it's NOT ME!

I was told I could never have children so yes...I am very happy with the two I have. However, there was always a nagging voice in the back of my head that made me sad I couldn't have more.
I'm divorced and raised my kids by myself, so in that regard, two was plenty.
I can't fault moms who want lots of kids and can have them, let alone afford them. But two was the magic number for me.

I'm thankful for what I have.

Best wishes.

I felt fully complete and fulfilled with my 1 and only. She is 16 now and we still have no regrets.

I love my two. I love being a mom. I also love my career.
However, the baby craving never goes away! Pragmatically I don't ever see us having more, and I am quite content with that. But every now and then that really emotional feeling of realizing there won't be another baby is overwhelming. But like a craving it disappears.

To each their own.

For me, my own is a full of love family of four.

Did I WANT 3? No. Do I HAVE 3? Yep! Can I even IMAGINE life without my third child? Nope.

In my experience (not judging here at all, just what I personally have seen and heard from friends, acquaintances, family, etc), most of the the SAH moms I know are happy to be that, and most of the working moms want to be SAH moms. I've only very rarely met a woman who was a working mom who did that purely by choice. I know they're out there, but, again, in my personal experience, MOST of the SAH moms I know have no plans whatsoever to return to "work", unless they have to for financial reasons. Of course, I don't actually come across very many working moms, so my experiences are skewed.

But back to the actual question - I know a family who had their 5th child recently. All 5 of their kids were planned. They seem perfectly happy, but I can't even fathom making such a choice (my choice was to stop at 2 kids, I'm actually thrilled I didn't get my choice because I LOVE having 3 kids!). But even with just the 2 kids, I STILL didn't have any plans to go back to work...

My brain and ovaries are currently having an argument about this. We'll see who wins. ;)

I have two and I am done. I have ZERO desire to have any more and do not understand why people want to have a house full of children! Believe me - this is NOT a jab at the women who have more than two kids. They've got to be SuperMoms because I simply cannot fathom handling more than the two that I have. Perhaps they are more skilled and patient that I am :)

I also have no desire to ever be a SAHM either. I am definitely not saying it is bad or looking down upon it but my career and work is important to me, so I find a way to balance it with a family. I know it isn't the choice that every mother makes, but it is the choice that is right for our family and works best for us.

Finally, both of my sons were colicky from birth and they were both high-risk pregnancies. Do I want to go through all of that again? No thank you! And even if I did have awesome pregnancies and perfect angel babies I still would be done with 2 (thank you, husband for getting the 'Big V' done!).

NO -I never wanted more than 2! Sorry you're surrounded, but many, many, MANY of us only want 1 or 2 and we do want to go back to work at some point! I also know MANY SAHMs who only want or wanted and had 2 even though they don't work outside the home. Hubby got a vasectomy last summer, so we won't be having any surprises!

I am preggo with #3 and we are DONE. Honestly, we were content with 2 as well, but God had other plans for us.

As my daughter grows, I realize she could benefit from a sibling, but I'm not having anymore. One is enough. I will consider adoption. I'm always amazed to see a mom with two toddlers and one in the oven.

SAHMs work just as hard as those who went thru grad school, medical school, or any other type of school to get to the career they are at. The only difference is that Moms in America aren't given any praise or financial supplements for their amazing jobs to society and their nation.

Most Moms are instinctual creatures and the Mothering instinct is to be with their child until they are old enough to go to a 'real' school (K and up). There is nothing wrong, shameful or unproductive about that - in fact those children will probably be better adjusted and closer to their parents than those who were either forced back to work or desire to return to work while their child is still really young.

Other developed Nations all over the world offer a financial boon to Moms who choose to stay at home with their newborns until 3 years old. Of course they also offer free health care to every single citizen thru taxation of all who are working... which seems to work very well all around for the rest of the world.

Anyways - I'm on #2, #1 is 5 y/o and in school - I just got my LPN license and I'm working, will be going on to RN after the baby is born. Soon after that I'll return for my Master's so I can Be a Nurse Practitioner... and I hope to have at least one other baby during that time. I'll wait until #2 is 4 y/o.

Some women are just happy being a Mother, with all their other credentials and degrees coming in second. Others... aren't.

NO WAY!
I'm done after my 2! :)

I have only one darling girl and we are happy with our family number.
Now if God blesses us with another wonderful but happy where we are now.
To each their own, some want a larger family or trying for a boy/girl.

Its been a rough day so this is probably harsher than it needs to be but I really thing our culture is having some sort of push for huge families, i don't know if it's the media or fertility drugs or what. in my personal experience, i truly truly truly feel the women with three or more kids did it to continue to be SAHM. they might not admit that to themselves but as a close outsider i totally see it.
Am i naivie (sp) to think the baby craving is something you just deal with. Like the way i crave Icecream for 5 meals a day but resist because i want to be able to get up off the couch. and its' how i resist buying a huge house and all sorts of wants that i can't afford.
What about the over population??? Or why don't they adopt a needy child??
I think these things but only here can i let them out a little. Maybe I shouldn't have. sorry.

Who doesn't want a million cuddly, snuggly, warm, loving babies?? The problem is, they grow up!! Haha, you have to feed, clothe, shelter, educate, etc them!! And it's expensive! My husband and I were content with two, and number 3 came along and I cannot imagine life without him. But we didn't set out for 3. We didn't set out for any since they were all surprises, but that was God's plan for us I guess! My neighbor has SIX and just found out she was prego again, she miscarried, but I think that was her body's way of saying ENOUGH!! Her youngest will be one later this month. My kids are well provided for and if I had more, I'm not sure I could say that. Plus my hubby and I work full-time, he is 2 hours away during the day, I also am working on my MBA...plus my kids are in a lot of activities. So to each their own :). Some want a LOT and others want only 1...but it does seem that the more common number lately is 3-4 versus the two it used to be or the 10 it was decades ago!!

Everyone knows what they can handle... we are hoping to have #2 in the next year, but that will be it for us! My sister would love 3 or 4 and can't understand why 2 would be "enough" for us.

It's a decision for couples to make and everyone else to just accept!

I have two and the thought of any more right now makes me want to cry.

I wish I had about 2 to 3 years to get myself healthy and pulled back together from a few hurdles life has thrown me...then I would love one or two more.

However, when you start your family in your early thirty's...you don't have a lot of time to have those kids before you are forty. I will be forty in less than 2 years and don't want to have kids at home until I am retirement age.

So it looks like we have been very very blessed with 2 and that is the right number for us.

It truly is an individual choice. Some people have only 2 kids by choice or other reasons, whether content or not with only 2 kids only they really know. I know for me, I loved all stages of children, from pregnancy to my adult children now. I have four children and wouldn't want it any other way. Sometimes four children were all that I could handle and sometimes they were more than I could handle but I wouldn't trade any of them for anything in the world. I love the hugs, kisses, companionship, support, friendship, doing things together, conversations, quarrels, everything, good, bad and ugly. They are a blessing to me.

I'm SO glad you asked this question. I personally am very, very content with my two. My husband wants more, and I get constant comments from my BIL (hubby's brother) who has 4 kids about how I should just have 1 more. Honestly he and his wife are totally stressed out and fighting constantly right now and I think he wants someone to join in his misery! That is NOT a jab at anyone with 4 children, just a reference to these people specifically because they did not plan to have 4...the last baby was a complete surprise and they are beyond overwhelmed.

There was a brief time I also thought I wanted 3, but something started not feeling right and I realized that it wasn't ME who wanted more, it was me thinking about appeasing my husband and other people. I adore my husband and on one hand feel a little bit sad that I'm not going to give him that 3rd child. On the other hand, it's me who has to carry the baby, me who has to get up all night and nurse, and because of his schedule it's me in the mornings for breakfast, and me at night for dinner (he comes in when they are about done with dinner), and I work too (4 yr old in preschool, 2 yr old comes to work with me). My days are SO rewarding, but also busy and hectic!!! So having that 3rd baby impacts me so much more on a daily basis. And I adore my life and what we do, just can't imagine adding a newborn to the mix!

Lastly we got a "positive" (1:54) for Down Syndrome with baby #2 (she was ultimately born without Down) and then in the months after that also had several health scares during the pregnancy involving the umbilical cord. She was also born with a sacral dimple that required a trip to the hospital when she was a week old, and she spent 2 nights in the NICU for jaundice after birth. So adding another newborn who could face all of the same issues (or more) to our current crazy life? No, I just don't think I'm that good. :) I think I'd lose my patience and my mind for at least 2-3 years!

NO! I have 2 and that's enough for me. I have lots of friends who feel the same way too. My first daughter was a very hard baby, still isn't a great sleeper so I think that scarred me a bit. And I look at the impact lots of people having more than 2 kids has on the environment. I don't understand why more people don't consider that. As well, I seem to hear constant complaints from mothers who have more than 2. They're so overwhelmed, tired etc. Finally, I think life is hard even for the luckiest amongst us and who knows how life will turn out for our children. Yes, they're adorable when they're young and people think that all the hard work will be over some day but it's not necessarily. Lots of people have ongoing difficulties in life that are a burden on their parents. I've heard a mother is only as happy as her least happy child and that rings true to me. Btw, I happen to work outside the home and don't have to financially. I have lots of friends in the same situation. They're very well educated with high paying jobs and choose to keep working for a number of reasons. It means very little "me" time bc all our time outside of work is dedicated to the kids. But I hear lots of SAHM's complaining too.

I grew up feeling like an only child, my sister was 11 and my brother 15 when I was born. They were married or serving in the armed forces and out of the house by the time I started Kindergarten. I met my best friend the Summer before 7th grade in band. She was number 6 out of 12. So it was like having tons of brothers and sisters. I would have moved in the day I met her family if my parents would have let me.

Most of the people I am around today have, on average, 6 kids. I think it is so much harder with just 1. They was a play mate, it's mom or dad, they want someone to push them int he swing, it's mom or dad. I think that the more kids one has the better off the kids are. They don't get bored with this or that, there is always something to do and someone else to do it with.

There are some people who are meant to have no kids or just 1 or 2 and that is fine if that is their choice. Only a person can know themselves and know if the want to have more.

If you feel done then you can be done, don't let other parents choices influence yours. If I could have had more than 1 I would have had at least 3-4 just because I felt so alone as a child.

I'm content with my O. <<perfect>> child. He's a "O.-and-done!"

no.
(everyone doesn't.)
yes.
(there are others like you.)
;) khairete
S.

If I were decades younger (I'm 42) I might have more, but I'm already an 'older' mother, I don't want to be an ancient mother. And I have some friends with three and they all see to be overwhelmed and not really enjoying their kids so much. I'm happy to enjoy and relish in my two and be able to spend quality time with them, together and alone. And kids are expensive!

I would like 4 or 5 honestly (currently prego with #3). People think I am nuts! So do I sometimes :) I work full time and am at a different stage in my life (started having babies at 29 when done with college and law school and had a good job already)....so I am not having more babies to avoid going back to work. I am realistic though -- I don't think that I could quit work and have all those kids and provide everything I would like for them....I am not sure why people who are "financially strapped" do it -- seems like a tough way to live!

My parents had 2 because that is what they knew they could provide for -- and they did a great job. My mom says they would have loved to have more but just didn't think it would be a great choice financially for all concerned. They were active in our lives and there was always a parent at one of our sporting/extracurricular events -- that isn't going to happen when you have a brood of 3-5 kiddos...too many kids in too many different activities at too many different locales!

One and done, and I went back to work when she was six weeks old.

Not everyone, i know alot of people with 1 and 2 children. I personally love having two but would be thrilled if i was blessed with 3 or 4.

M

I have two and am done. I almost stopped at one though. We are very happy with 2. Maybe it's where you live. Most people I know stop at 2. I do know a few families with 3 and one family with 4...but they are the minority. Also, I am like you in that I do want to return to work one day. We also value being able to travel and it gets too expensive if you have more kids!

I like having one. I get to know her very well; I get to do more volunteering at her school and Girl Scouts etc. and take her to events and places without juggling schedules, or saying she can't go to this or that event because it's not something where I can take a younger sibling along. That's me -- I don't multitask well anyway. I do know plenty of two-kid families that operate a lot like ours -- with the help of very involved dads who are willing to participate in kids' activities and interests!

Enjoy your studies and love your career and don't let anyone talk you into any more kids than are just right for you.

I knew as soon as I found out I was having a girl I was done! My daughter is almost 17 and I could not imagine ever having another. She is so expensive!!!

I was originally content with the 2 I had. They are about a year apart and are great friends. Then my youngest turned 3 and I became a SAHM and realized what I missed (on the baby stage) and I realized how much I loved being with my children. Now, I have 3 and would love to have more. Not sure if we will or not, but as I said when I became a SAHM I realized how much I loved my family and enjoy the company of my children.

I have two girls and a tubal ligation. My husband has plans to get a vasectomy in the summer. We are happy with our two children but have not completely ruled out adoption of a third child in the future. I am patiently (most days) waiting to reenter the workforce once my youngest is in school.

I have 2 and would love 3 or 4.

Also, one and done. I read of few of your others answers, and feel like some of the other ladies out there. I used to say I wanted 2 or 3, intil I had the one and saw how hard was when you don't have the help from your husband. I would say that too because thats the number of kids he still wants. I tried to talk myself into one more in a couple of years, but nope, not doing it. I work full time outside the home and hubby doesn't help very much at home with our daughter, so its really hard. It wouldn't be fair for any of us if #2 came and no one was happy. I do admire the moms and dads who do have more then one child though. Its alot of work.

No!

Blessings.....

I was VERY content with my two kids, but ooops pregnant with my third. When you know you know. Congrats on grad school!!

When we got married, we wanted No kids...ZERO, NONE! We were a career couple with rescue dogs as kids. I have a Masters degree in a medical field and was passionate about my career. Then we both changed our minds and thought we'd see what happened...and DD arrived. I fell madly in love with her and could only bring myself to go back to work part time. We had to move 9 months later and I became a SAHM and NEVER did I think I'd want to do that! I LOVE it. I also KNEW I wanted another child. When DD was 2 1/2, DS was born. Life is more challenging. Dh is deployed and I'm doing it 100% on my own, but I love it and I feel so lucky to be able to be home. I have no desire to go back to work in my previous field. 2 kids and done, boy, girl, case closed, right? Probably...but not 100% convinced we're ready to close that door. So...to go from wanting 0 kids to wanting more than 2 possibly? Never say never!

Everyone is different--obviously. I have three boys and we are content. As for education and returning to work, that is different for everyone as well. I have a Master's Degree and chose to be a SAHM. I will eventually go back to work, but my kids are 5y, 2y, and 6m, so it will be a while. People only work outside the home for 2 reasons--they want to or have to. If you have a desire to go back to work--go for it!

I'm 35, have a 16 yr boy and a (almost)14 yr old boy. I am content with my 2 and no more.

very very content with 2 kids. I am enjoying the older faze and the getting back to dating with my husband again. It is wonderful to enjoy everyone's baby and give them back at the end of the day.

'Everyone'? No, I don't think so. I have a wonderful, happy excelling 11 year old son from my first marriage. I would like to have one more child from my second marriage, but if I don't, I will still just be so happy with my healthy, wonderful child. Everyone wants what they want- but people also end up with unplanned kids, or late babies, etc. Or maybe they have all boys and keep trying for a girl, etc. There are all sorts of reasons people around you might have more kids than you want. I wouldn't let it bug you.

If you are going to have more than it will be tough with school and career. I work fulltime and have three.... :)

My first reaction when I saw the question was OOOH no!
2 is good for me, my patience would not handle any more.
I am going back to school, and I want to go back to work, I have been home 4 years and its long enough for me

i want two...maybe...sometimes lol. i have one now and sometimes he is sucha handfull i dont think i could manage another one. but ideally i was two...just not now

No way! We're done with two. My husband and I have a 2 year old, and our second baby is due in June 2011. While some families are perfectly happy with more children, I would feel overwhelmed. I have my Master's degree in Education, and am licensed to teach PreK-3, but am also a SAHM. I would like to eventually get back to working. My husband already has his vasectomy scheduled, and we are very happy with this decision. No more babies for us!

I have 2 biological and 3 steps. did i want it no did i get it yes. :)

I'm about to have my first and I know FOR SURE that there will be one more AT LEAST for me and that's it! Even one would be just fine! I honestly don't know how families of 3-4 or even more kids do it these days! Don't worry, you are not alone in the way you are thinking!

One and done. We have a special needs child whom I , of course, love with all my heart. But you know what? I also love my husband. Our resources are maxxed out as it is raising this kid and I shudder to think what one more would do to our marriage.

Honestly, I would love the experience of parenting a baby and toddler with whom I could connect in a meaningful way, but there's no guarantee that would happen - in fact, chances are higher that I would have another child with a genetic disorder. I just have to suck it up, I guess.

Two kids were enough for me.
Dawn

I have 2 and even though my baby will be 10 in a couple of weeks, I still have very definite cravings for more. We started young, I just turned 34 and know there's still plenty of time, but my husband has always been very clear about not wanting to have more kids than we can afford plus he says, "We have 1 girl, 1 boy, both are pretty, healthy, smart & funny. We have nothing left to prove." It's a very practical way of looking at things I suppose. I was on birth control for 8 years after our youngest because I didn't want us to make any permanent decisions, but I eventually gave in and had him get a vasectomy because I wouldn't want my kids to have an entire decade between them.

ME! I have my boy and I have my girl, and I am done. Husband just got a vasectomy. I am relieved!! :)

I have 2, and we are DONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I was a one an done for 6yrs then oops no.2 showed up. Waiting for hubby to go have the big V.

I'm sure there are plenty! We're in the "Two's company" crowd ourselves, perfectly happy to have our two kids.

I wonder if it's a geographic thing - there are many two-child families in our neighborhood (come to think of it, both of the families on our street who have school age kids have "just two") and it's less common for families to have 3 or 4 - in fact, some families I know who have 3 or 4 or more say they get some less-than-polite comments from people (e.g. "are you done yet?", "just kept trying for that boy/girl huh?" etc.)

IMO, if you and your partner are content with the number of kids you have, great! You're at the right place for your family and that's what counts - It's not for anyone else to say whether you should have more or fewer. And no matter how many kids you have, there will *always* be someone who has no business commenting on your family size but will do so anyway - just politely ignore them or smile and say something like "our family's complete the way it is, thanks"

It's hard sometimes when there aren't many people in our social circles who have similar lifestyles or ambitions. But they do exist! Keep looking. :) I'm friends with women in a variety of situations with kids, school, and work-- many just like you. But the ones I keep in touch with the most of course are the ones who understand my current lifestyle. I've always wanted to be a mom. I have 3 kids and would love to have a 4th but the conditions aren't right for it right now. I have a part time job that I enjoy but I'd truly rather be home working on my own creative projects. I'm taking an online class because I didn't finish my bachelor's before having kids but I have no interest in a masters. Be satisfied that you are accomplishing your OWN goals. :) God bless!

Not me!! For me one is perfect and that is before I realized what softball costs, competitive figure skating activities, travel to awesome places, high school activities, a car and college. I could not have divided my time. I completely made the right decision for me.

Funny that you ask this question, because I always saw it the opposite way. Occasinally I find myself scanning the super market or mall for moms that have more than two. I don't see many with more than two, and if I do, I start realizing that their not all her chilren, but cousins or playmates. Lol!!! I currently have two, but hope to be blessed with more. I guess it just depends on each person. As for returning to work, I think I will go back when the time is right, but as of now, being SAHM is my full time job. I enjoy it more than my previous job and I know that my "old job" will be waiting for me when the kids get older and in school. I'm happy where I am :)

Updated

Funny that you ask this question, because I always saw it the opposite way. Occasinally I find myself scanning the super market or mall for moms that have more than two. I don't see many with more than two, and if I do, I start realizing that their not all her chilren, but cousins or playmates. Lol!!! I currently have two, but hope to be blessed with more. I guess it just depends on each person. As for returning to work, I think I will go back when the time is right, but as of now, being SAHM is my full time job. I enjoy it more than my previous job and I know that my "old job" will be waiting for me when the kids get older and in school. I'm happy where I am :)

2 and we're done! We don't want to be outnumbered and economically it is the best choice for us. I took this year off, but am definitely planning on returning to work! Maybe this Fall. I am a teacher by profession, so my work schedule is very family friendly.

I too have one and am done! I work a full time job outside the home as does my husband. We are happy with the beautiful little guy we have and do not plan to add to our family.

I'd love 5 kids, but we are stopping at 2.

I have no desire to go back to work. I hated working, I hated grad school, but I love being a mom.