Does Facebook Make You Sad?

I love FB and am on it all the time. I see posts from friends from HS about their great trips, new cars, nice homes, etc. I used to think, wow, must be nice. But then I know what reality is. You don't know what is going on behind closed doors. It may look all peachy keen from the outside but its not likely the truth. These people are probably in debt so far they cant see. And really I have a great life and have nothing to complain about. So I have learned to be realistic about things posted on FB and not let it bother me. And if you are not happy with something...change it! Life is way too short to spend it being unhappy. Good luck!

More and more people are saying that thanks to facebook they are feeling less involved in their own lives and they become more distant from people because they feel they to not need to call/talk to/meet up with people due to all the instant updates/feed from facebook. I happily do NOT have a facebook and do not miss out on opportunities.

Nobody is exactly what they portray themselves as on Facebook. It's where we put our highlights and witty banter and we usually leave out the bad things and boring thoughts. At least I do. Don't let it get you down.

Yes, it is important to me for my son to have relationships with the kids in his class. I do think that part of supporting that relationship is doing BBQs and other social activities with their families. I DO understand that when you work it can be hard to plan those things. What about trying a get together one weekend per month? Maybe you are just feeling sad because you realize how busy life gets and how challenging it can be to keep up with everything. You are only human. Give yourself a break and do what you can. Your children will be just fine either way.

Just remember that you are living your "behind the scenes" while FB is showing everyone else's "highlight reel".

You didn't mention how old your son is, but if there are couple of kids that he is friends with already, why not try setting up a play date on the weekend, even just suggest getting together, meeting at a park, whatever? Remember too that eventually your son will be at an age where he will be making his own friendships, and not relying on you so much to set things up for him. But really, you can't put too much stock into what people post on FB and how much better their lives must be...because you really don't know. A friend of mine from college was still posting funny stuff and cute pics of her kids on FB...as she and her husband were separating and their marriage of 15 years was falling apart.

I quit facebook cold turkey over 18 months ago...and though I still miss my farm (sigh...it was so nice...) I do not miss everything else. Honestly, I got a little bummed out too...I'm proud of being a stay-at-home mother and for all that I do besides that, and I didn't like hearing "Oh, yes, I'm just graduating with my doctorate and opening my own women's health clinic...oh, you're just staying at home? What happened?"

As far as socializing with your son's mothers from school...maybe they know each other from somewhere else. I do have one friend with a child my daughter's age and we get together about once a week, but that's all...and we've only been doing that for a few months (just recently met.) For me, church and my volunteer work is enough socializing...I'd rather spend the rest of my time with my husband and children.

Half the stuff on Facebook is imagery. I went on a trip with my husband, because his father is in a coma, and has been for several years. We did spend one day out of the time there to go to the ocean with many people. Someone splashed pictures of my husband and myself all over and it looked like we were having one of those billboard vacations. No one saw my food poisoning, us in a hundred ten degree weather trying to not get sick all over, or fifteen people sleeping on the floor in discomfort. No one showed how horrible the entire time was and how sad it was. All anyone saw was the cute pictures. If I were you I wouldn't either look at all or realize that half of the 'fun' is fabricated. You do not know if all these smiling people really like eachother or if after one walks off the others are talking about them. If organizing is what you do best then there are plenty of years to do that. If you like solitary time, you grab for that. When your son is older he will bond with whomever he choses. Just enjoy your son. These people don't pay your bills.

I see the same thing and it always makes me a little sad we don't have closer friends either. That is why I take fb breaks from time to time. I also don't feel the need to 'show off' my friendships with pictures of us hanging out on vacation or whatever. A lot of it that part is superficial, or perhaps some families have a very close history with each other. But in the end, a "friend is a gift your give yourself".. so sometimes you have to be the one to engage others in invitations for outings.

The thing I always try to remember about FB is it the highlights of a person's life. I was a tiny bit jealous one time of a new friend always hanging out with this other person and posting pics on FB. Turns out she knew that gal needed a friend and is there for her but she and I are actually a bit closer. I never told her how I felt or anything at that time but I just know now that we are better friends. So even those pics of people vacationing seem like more fun online than they actually are!! Also, not to be crazy, but people do brag on FB. I try not too!!!!! But I do post the cutest things my kids say etc, not trying to brag you know, but I guess it can come off that way. I never post pics of my dirty house, my kids being crazy, the tiff I had with my husband, my puffy little eyes in the morning etc etc!!!! So just keep trying to reach out, good things come when we hang in there and just be friendly. :)

Ask one of the moms sometime how they made their friends and about their moms nights! Those of us at my kids' schools who go out make it very clear that everyone is invited, and we do tend to stop inviting those that always say no. Sometimes you just have to ask one you do know better than the others and you'll be invited too! Or yes host one event at your house or schedule one and invite all of them!

Life is what you make it. Never compare, instead enjoy what you have.

Remember to some people you are living an amazing life. Enjoy it.

I agree, it does not take much to send out an email and say, we are doing a cookout on the second Saturday starting at 4:00. Bring a dish and join us.

The more you entertain, the easier it is.

I have a group of college friends that does a girls trip every year that they post on fb. I have not been invited, but neither would i have gone since I am having babies and they all did this sooner than me and have older kids. I know what you are saying though. I don't think its necessarily pathetic. I think we all experience this to some degree or another. I have to remind myself that a lot of my college friends were friends since high school and still have families that live in the same town they grew up in. It stands to reason their bonds were closer. Its not a reflection on me.
Is a church family an option for you? I have become close to families in our church and do things with them often. If you find these feelings are really effecting you, try to look at fb less. Sometimes I just don't click on peoples photo albums if its no going to be uplifting. I am on FB to be connected not to feel disconnected. So if its having an adverse effect consider taking a long FB break.

I think you should keep working on making close friends with one other family. It is hard to find someone you "click" with and everyone is so busy it is hard to make time to hang out! The other thing I think you should do is "hide" those people whose posts make you feel bad. Then you just won't see what they post anymore...better for your mental health! Keep on making that effort to get to know other moms - invite a family over for a Saturday brunch, or go out for coffee together. Keep trying. Don't give up!

Two things here. I find FB depressing sometimes! But I try to remember that people usually post the best of themselves. Both my sister and my SIL, for example, are constantly posting "did this with the kids, did that, doing such fun creative things". I always felt like wow, I am not doing a good enough job here. Then my sis came to visit and spent the whole time on the couch on her phone, either playing words with friends or on FB! Her kids just wandered around entertaining themselves. And I recently went to SIL's house, where her daughter pulled up her stool at the counter, right in front of the tv to eat dinner by herself. In both cases, this was obviously the norm. That set me free. But it's hard to see what other people post sometimes, I'm totally with you.

The other thing is that you do seem to want to connect with people. So as your son makes friends, invite the other kid(s) over for play dates. Maybe you'll strike up a friendship. As other's said, don't try to piggyback on others' friendships. Form your own. As I've done this, I realized that there are some nice ladies out there. But also that I am not one to be a social butterfly and have tons of friends. I'm more independent and just like to have a couple of friends. You need to figure out what works for you, not just what looks like on FB.

FYI, last year I decided to go a month without checking FB, and honestly it was the best month. I don't go on it much at all now and I'm much happier for it. Good luck to you, good for you for posting, and do what makes YOU happy!

i'm a little surprised at how many people think that sharing highlights of a fun vacation or an interesting event in their lives is 'bragging' or being phony, and feel the need to deal with it by reminding themselves that behind the scenes things are doubtless much less sparkly.
of COURSE that's the case. that's what FB is for, right? to share highlights, pictures, great moments, or get support for down times?
it's like MP in that way.
i don't, myself, feel the need to besmirch other people's lives in order to enjoy my own.
that being said, i can totally understand how FB can make one feel left out. it doesn't make you pathetic at all, it's simply bringing up some emotions that are deeper under the surface.
the question is, are they healthy or important emotions? are these people with whom you genuinely would like close connections, or do you just think you *should* want that?
we're not super-social people. well, my younger son is, but he forms his own busy social network, which i had to help maintain when he was younger. now that he's grown, i can return to my own much smaller circle and much-loved solitude. i'm not an organizer either- if it were up to me to schedule lunches and get-togethers they would NEVER happen.
i think you may want to focus on developing and maintaining just a few- maybe even just one or two- closer relationship/friendships and rolling with that. honestly, it sounds as if you're feeling a bit guilty about NOT having a more boingy busy social life than you are actually wanting that. and there's no need for it! many of us are not very socially active and very content with our own company. when i was working a lot i found it especially important to preserve some solitary time.
if you're a loner, honor that and don't feel obliged to violate your true nature by trying to be a social butterfly. if you would truly like more contact and playdates, start small and just try to arrange an occasional coffee date or movie or hike with one or two women you think have great friendship potential and see how it feels.
it is good to stretch past one's comfort zone a bit, but not to force yourself into relationships that aren't natural, if that makes sense.
khairete
S.

You just never know what is going on behind the scenes with some of these people . . . maybe their home life stinks, or they're looking for excuses to get out of the house, etc. Maybe they just don't feel as connected to you for some benign reason. If they pestered you constantly to go out would you?

I do believe FB is a source of sin - the sin of coveting. I'm on FB but mainly to watch my teen. When I start to spend too much time there I try to cut back.

IMHO the best approach on all this is to deal from a position of strength. Nurture and strengthen yourself. Get involved in an activity you enjoy and make friends there. Count your blessings every day. Stop looking at other people's "highlight" reels.

Good luck.

It doesn't make me sad, but it does make me gag sometimes the cheesy stuff people put up there. Depends on my mood though!

The other day I was on there scrolling through updates and saw picture after picture of cute baby, pregnancy updates "happy 7 months birthday to our little peanut" type stuff and I thought, man, if I was trying to conceive and having trouble I would really be hating all my friends and getting extremely depressed right now...

So, it's more about the issues in your own life that are making you feel the way you do, not FB itself (your issue being that you wish you had more time to develop relationships with your son's classmates' families). I also had this issue at first when my daughter was in pre-school. As a working mom I felt left out of the parent coffees and drop-off chit-chat and volunteer commitees. I finally decided to let it go and start in with a real effort when she starts up at her elementary school (she'll have 6 years there, as opposed to the measly 2 in Pre-school). So I know how you feel.

You just have to make it a priority and go out of your way to set something up I guess (a play date or meet-up). In the meantime maybe block those people on FB for awhile so it's not so "in your face".

Thanks for trusting us with your feelings. I would suggest that you first stop thinking of yourself as pathetic. I wish that more moms on this site would show more vunerability.

I rarely use facebook. I don't post all my business or what I'm doing. I don't keep track of how many friends I have.

I was able to chat with someone I knew years ago whose husband died, but other than that, I don't rely on it the way so many do.

I don't post photos.

I wouldn't worry about it that much, but that's just me.

No. Occasionally it makes me angry, but I am only FB friends with my a small subset of friends and not random people. There are a few who are really DH's friends and use my account to contact him.

I think if FB makes you sad because of what you now know, you need to change how you view it. It's a tool. It's not a popularity contest. And, frankly, yes there are mutual friends that are closer and do more together, but even without FB, they would be closer. I'm not equally close with all my friends and if I post something that x and y did together, it's because I'm just sharing, not bragging.

If you feel routinely left out, maybe it's really because you miss that kind of friendship, which is natural. Try to cultivate real friendships face to face so you aren't comparing your life to theirs.

Also, don't piggy back friendships. If your son has a friend and that friend's family wants to bring him on vacation, they can do so without you. That's happened with us. We're not best friends with SD's best friend's family, but we've taken the kid on vacation before. You and your child both need to have friendships because you like the people and not to fill a need with the other. Does that make sense? Sometimes they'll be the same family and sometimes they won't. I wouldn't force it.

Hmmmm....sad? Only when people try to stalk me on FB!

Some of my friends don't even do Facebook. Some do.
I think most people like to make their lives appear better on FB than they really are. Most people can see through that right away, as you probably can.

O. of my closest friends (also mom to an only--same grade as mine) is a FT working mom and she always says she is more "out of the loop" than I am (I work PT) so there might be something to that.....

Just build relationships you want to build--ignore the snotty cliques--you probably don't want to build those relationships either! LOL