I found out I was pregnant with my second child a little over a month ago. My question is I keep trying to get my husband to help out more around the house, because I get so tired and I get cramps after cleaning. He tells me it is all in my head, and if it is that bad we need to go to a doctor right away. He thinks I am making it all up, because with my first pregnancy I did not complain so much.
My husband is by no means lazy. He does a lot around the house that most men wouldn't do. He takes out the garbage. He cleans the bathroom. He Always starts a load of laundry (he leaves it in the washer) and then I put it in the dryer and then fold it and put it away. My husband and I both work full time. We have alternating shifts, so we do not have to pay for a babysitter. However sometimes my sister will watch our son, so my husband can work on fixing up our basement. We started remodeling it before I found out I was pregnant. We moved in with my sister temporarily so my son would not have to be around the dust.
My question is, what do you do to help so you don't fill so bad after cleaning, or what can I do to get my husband who is already helping to help out more?
Thanks everyone for your advice and support. I really needed to hear I wasn't alone. I have talked to my husband. Right now, because of the state of the economy, we are afraid he might lose his job, so hiring someone to come and clean is not an option. However, we have decided to just take it easy on the cleaning. During the time I am pregnant, if the house is a mess, and someone wants to come visit, I am going to see if I can come visit them instead. That way, I do not have to worry about getting the house to clean. After I have the baby, my husband and I will spend one full day making the house spic and span.
I will also ask the DR about the cramps at my next DR appointment. Again Thanks for all your wonderful responses. I really do appreciate it.
If you are working full time hire a housekeeper! It is so worth it. Maybe find an area where you could cut back so you can have this done for you.
I think you just may have too much on your plate. Any one of the things you've mentioned: working full time...taking care of a toddler...being pregnant...living in someone else's home...all of those things can make someone tired and grumpy. Adding in caring for a your own home just puts it all over the top.
You need to figure out how to take a few things OFF your plate. Maybe hire a housecleaner. Or decide that maybe a clean house isn't all that its cracked up to be. Put the remodeling on hold until after baby. Can't give up the toddler or pregnancy...so well, there are a couple options. GL.
It does sound like you are doing too much and need to rest a little more. Each pregnancy is different so you can't judge this one by what happened last time. I am pregnant with my third and each pregnancy has gotten more painful. The cramping may be your body's way of telling you to slow down and you should listen. It is important for you and your baby. I would definitely mention the cramping to your doctor. With cleaning the house, I try to spread it out a little. Divide the rooms up throughout the week, but each day take breaks and rest in between. I have also had to learn that the house doesn't have to be spotless. Kids make messes and its ok. Maybe you can sit down with your husband and let him know you need a little more help. My hubby wanted me to make a chore chart so he would know what needed to be done and what he could help with. Just a thought. I hope this helps a little. Good luck and congrats on the pregnancy.
Pregnancy is different every time. With my first pregnancy I miscarried and bled for a month and a half before losing the baby. My second pregnancy that resulted in my beautiful baby girl was easy. I was able to watch my nephews regularly and keep my house clean move and get my new house organized. I wasn't sick unless I ate too much or brushed too far back in my mouth. This pregnancy though has been the pits and I am at 29 weeks and it has never been easy. I take a shower and I am exhausted, walk into the other room and feel like I need a nap. Still sick and have been the whole time. Chasing my 2 year old doesn't help me take it easy and somedays I am lucky to make dinner. I guess what I am hoping by telling you this is to help you know that you aren't alone and the reality is that things aren't going to be perfect until that baby comes out. I too have a very helpful husband and feel guilty that I have to ask him to pick up the slack. I know that it is hard but last time you didn't have that active toddler running around after you gothome from work. It is different because your body is different this time. Talk to your doctor, but also try and take it easy on yourself and your husband. Remember that when that baby is here that you will be able to do all the stuff you were doing before. Good Luck I really do feel for you.
If you are in pain, you are in pain. You should never have explain yourself to your husband! Men don't have a clue sometimes when it comes to this stuff! I would discuss your pain with your OBGYN and find out what is going on.
If it is genuine cramping, then stop when it starts and relax. I had them on and off with my first, I would do too much and my Dr chewed me out and said to listen to my body.
If you get tired, stop and make sure you are drinking a lot of water. How far along are you? I know the pain was on and off and not until my second trimester. Call your Dr and discuss it but I know water, increasing Vitamin D, Folic acid (basically stuff you find in prenatals) and calcium with help. Your body is just readjusting to pregnancy.
Good luck and CONGRATS!
it sounds to me that you could you some compassion and understanding from your husband instead of just help with house cleaning! next time he says you are overreacting and you should go straight to the doctor, say "great, let's go right now!" then let your doctor explain to him that you are creating another human being inside of your own body and could use a break!!!! sorry to get on a soapbox but this really strikes a nerve with me.
as for house cleaning, try taking lots of breaks in between chores. i had terrible, terrible fatigue during my pregnancy; it was difficult for me to do simple tasks without breaks. i found that i could get everything done; i just needed to allow myself more time. if you don't get it done today, do it tomorrow. if people offer help, TAKE IT!! i was so proud that i wanted to take care of it all by myself; i finally realized that people offer their help because they truly care. please don't deny them the satisfaction they get from helping their loved ones; they need to give love as much as you need to receive love. our church family was wonderful to us, we didn't have to cook a meal for the first week after we brought our angel home!!
one of the worst things we as moms do is to be too hard on ourselves. i decided when i was pregnant what i wanted for my daughter, a happy child and fond memories of her childhood would be my priority and not a spotless house. the house will always be there, your children will be grown and gone before you know it. you are doing a wonderful job; keep your chin up and God bless!!
I'm not quite sure how to do things without getting tired, because pregnancy can DRAIN you, but you need to let your husband know that it's definitely NOT in your head and that every pregnancy is different. My husband thought I was taking advantage of him with this pregnancy (I'm 14 weeks right now), but I've been sick and tired for three months! He just needs to know that you are making another person and it can be taxing on your body. It's not unusual that #2 is physically harder than #1. Maybe you should hold off on the basement until the baby's born so he can help you more with household chores now.
Good luck.
Try not to worry too much about cleaning and other housework. It's not THAT important....you getting your rest IS important! I know it's hard to sit there and watch laundry or dishes pile up, but in the end, you will be grateful that you kept your baby and yourself healthy by getting your rest.
Talk to your husband. Be honest. Flat out say "I'm going to need your help around the house these next several months." Don't be afraid to be vocal and express exactly how you are feeling. Sometimes men just need to hear it bluntly, even though we wish they would just understand how tiring it is to be pregnant!
Good luck, and congrats on your pregnancy!
hi! www.flylady.net actually has a section on cleaning for pregnant women. http://www.flylady.net/pages/FlyBaby_Expecting.asp
not only did i get awesome tips, it was fun too.
good luck, and please don't overwork youself, remember to listen to your body's signals.
Lower your standards on what a clean house really is. If it bugs hubby, remind him you asked for help and you can only do so much and you weren't kidding. You may want to look at other things you are doing that are discretionary. If you have a church assignment, volunteer anywhere, or do other things that can be eliminated I would give those things up first. Home is first....Hope this gives you some ideas to consider...Good luck--I know all about tired and I feel for you! :o)
For your next appointment talk to your doc tell him or her what is going on. Tell him that you are going to bring in your hubby for the next appointment. You do this so that your husband can hear from the doctor that you need to slow down and take it easy. Like everyone else said, every pregnancy is different you are also different and a little older. What you could do in your first pregnancy you may not be able to do now. You need to listen to your body and take care of that precious little one inside. You are great!
Just let the guilt go. Easier said than done, I know. I am the same way with my current pregnancy. My husband already helps a lot, so I just have to be okay with my house not being perfect. I don't get bad enough for bedrest, but I have to take it easy. Recognize that in yourself, and recognize that your husband is already helping out a lot and perhaps simply can't give more. I also had my doctor tell my husband at an appointment that I needed to be taking it easier and that things around the house would need to be done either by him or just left undone for awhile. That really helped, that it was coming from a medical professional and not just me. My house is messy, my kids watch more tv than usual, and I am just okay with it because I am pregnant, it's not just in my head, and I'm doing what's best for the baby and myself. If I have a day where I'm feeling really good, I do some serious cleaning and catching up, otherwise we're just in survival mode and that is perfectly ok. Good luck with your pregnancy.
Do either one of you want to endanger your pregnancy or your health because of something like cleaning?? I think that if you're having cramps like that, you simply have to cut back on the cleaning or other activities. Period. Your husband is going to have to listen to you... and maybe you'll need to talk with your doctor about it - if your doctor tells you the same, will that make it easier for your husband to accept?
I think that both of you need to accept that you have different limitations this time, and that you simply won't be able to do certain things. If the housecleaning is that important then maybe he can take on more, or maybe you can enlist the help of a cleaner once a week...
He needs to understand that not every pregnancy is the same!! Women can have vastly different experiences from one to the next.
I had a much harder time with my second, and even more so with my third. Your kids are pretty close, which make it harder. I agree with taking your husband to the doctor if your in pain. You shouldn't really be having cramps that don't go away, and you're right, if they do go away, you were doing too much. I used a pregnancy belt which helped a lot. In fact, when I tired easily, it was usually because I wasn't wearing it. I wore it even before I had a belly when I had someone else wanting to be held. If you're working full time in addition to everything else, you're going to need to rest more than ever at home. If you're not careful now and you're having problems, you could have to quit your job later to make up for the rest you're not getting now. That reality may knock some sense into your husband. :) GL and congratulations!
