Don't Want a Dog!

Let him have the dog and take the promotion. Sounds like he took on a lot and was completely selfless by moving in to care for you, so you have to do the same. It's the right thing to do. You might just find that having a dog comes in handy for you too. Esp a highly trained one. And labs are great.

Looks like you may have to compromise this time. It won't be forever though, right? Will you improve over time?

I don't want to be rude, but I think it's awful of you to tell him no. If you don't want him to have a dog, maybe he should move out and get his own place. This sounds like a huge opportunity for him and I can't imagine ever telling my kids to turn down somerthing to help them out for my own personal reasons.

You are being very selfish. This is a trained dog. Your son's career must not mean anything to you. Much less everything he has done for you already.

When I saw your thread title, I thought "Oh, I know how that is. Dad and kids want a puppy, but mom is going to wind up doing all the work, so I agree, no dog." And that probably would have been you, 10-15 years ago. But it's not, now. You've raised a wonderful, A+ son. He's clearly sacrificing a lot for you, and he's earned the trust of his Captain, which is no small thing. Forgive me for being blunt, but you owe this to him. You cannot, in any kind of conscience, prioritize your carpets over your son's career. Please honor all your son is doing for you and for his community (by being a police officer) and accept this inconvenience in your life.

I'm sorry but there is a bigger question and issue here - you expecting your son to live with you and care for you. How long should this go on? Will he never want a wife? Or children?

I think this is selfish. I would never expect this from a child. You're holding back his life.

If you need assistance and care, get it. There are all kinds of services available.

Stop holding your son back. Let him live his life.

There is no reason he cannot be a good and respectful and responsible son, and help take care of you, without living with you as your primary caretaker. That is really not cool to expect that of him.

Stop doing this to him. One day he will resent you.

Here's how I read your question:

"My amazing son has given up his independent life to take care of me. He was hand selected to be trusted with an honored position at work, but I don't want to be inconvenienced."

There's no choice to make. Your son needs to do this. And we, the public, need to have the best police officers doing the jobs where they excell.

BTW- Thank you for raising such a good son. It sounds like he's good to you and is a trusted officer.

A trained narcotics canine will NOT be a typical house pet. Your carpet will not be affected. It will not destroy things, etc. At worst, your son will need to vacuum more often, but with three cats, I am sure that's already on his chore list. That's assuming you allow it in the house. It my not be ideal to you, but many dogs do just fine as outdoor pets. I understand that you don't want a dog, but this decision could affect your son's career. His livelihood and ultimately, his entire life. Your son has given up a lot to help you recuperate. The least you can do it tolerate a dog. In the end, you may find you enjoy this dog being part of the family.

Here's the thing. You don't want this and you don't want that, and you just got new carpet and da-da-da-da-dat... but your son is doing you a favor. What if he decides to take the promotion? Then what are you going to do? He will move out. Right? Then what? WHAT are you going to do then?

If you have no options, then you HAVE to let your son do this, and you need to do it with a happy/proud of you son attitude. Not grumping, moaning and complaining about how difficult it is for you or what might happen to your carpet. Or any of that.

This isn't him asking to house sit a dog for a friend who's going on vacation. This is his CAREER. Either say yes with a happy heart and a congratulations on your face, or tell him that you will make other arrangements for someone to stay with you so that he can move on with his life and career, so that he can do so with a clear conscience.

He's helping you. The dog gets to come there. This IS a huge career opportunity for him, and to have him turn it down because of your health issues is beyond selfish -sorry -but it just is. Do you not understand that these dogs are SO incredibly highly trained, it's almost like a person. The dog is not going to bother your cats. Narcotics dogs, like guide dogs, are incredibly intelligent and trained to perfection -they have to be. It's not going to mess up your carpet.

This is also not YOU getting a pet. This is your SON having a dog that is part of his job and that the police pay for. It doesn't matter that he's never owned a dog -they're going to give him a lot of training in regards to caring for the dog as well. If you just can't get over it and do this, you need to move into an assisted living facility and let your son live his life.

C.,

I'm sorry about your injury. As far as the surgery, I would get a second opinion.

Now, about your son and the police dog. Sorry, you are going to need to compromise on this one. Your son has done a tremendous service to you in moving and assisting in your needs. Now, he needs YOU to say "congratulations son, I'm so proud of you". "When does Officer Puppy dog move in"? These animals are officers and are highly trained. Your son needs to have him living with him and training on a daily basis. If you push this, your son could move out. I understand you are fragile but this is his career and this is a BIG deal. Time to show appreciation to your son.

It's not like he is getting a puppy. The amount of training these dogs go through is tremendous.
You will be getting a housetrained dog, one who will not chase your cats unless your son tells it to and one who wil obey every command you or son give it.
These arent' just dogs, they are police on four feet with a pretty sensitive noses. THey do nothing until told to. This is also a great opportunity for your son. What mother wouldn't want her son to rise in his profession?

I'm not trying to be snotty. But look at it from the outside. Your son is a grown man, with an opportunity to advance in his field and yet mommy is still calling the shots.
Bring on the dog. You might actually like it.

If I were in your situation and I am an avid animal lover... I would do everything possible to help my daughter/son progress in their career of choice. If that meant having a trained dog (not a puppy.... this is a good, highly trained dog) I would compromise for my child.

You are not looking at a basic pet. You are looking at police officer with 4 legs. Your son is a grown man and he is sacrificing to live with you, take care of you, save you money from being in a home or having outside full time care and you can't do this for him?

I would consider this a critical assignment and it is true... he turns it down, he might as well stop being an officer, especially if he has been hand picked.

In NO way do I mean to be snotty but really??? Think of your son here and not yourself and what you want.

This isn't about you getting a dog, this is about your son doing something to help his career and move forward. He has done so much for you, you said yourself you have room and the dept will put up a kennel. And labs are the most gentle and loving dogs. On top of the fact that this dog is a trained dog!

Don't make your son choose and ultimately resent you if he chooses you. I could understand not wanting a dog that smells, poops all over or is yippy! BUT, this will help him AND, I doubt he's asking you to care for the dog.

IMO, you need to let him do this...best of luck...this can't be an easy situation for either of you.

IMO, your son can't afford to turn down this promotion/opportunity. A police dog is also not like having an ordinary dog. They are highly trained. Also, I have read that they are often required to stay in their kennels when not on duty for training and professional reasons. The dog will be busy and engaged when he is on duty so it's not like an ordinary dog stuck and "living in a kennel." I think it sounds like a great opportunity for your son and a fairly small price for you to pay for the help you've received. I do understand your health situation and hope it improves. My mother has a disabling autoimmune disease and also suffered a spinal cord injury 5 years ago. Best wishes to both you and your son.

I have family in law enforcement and that is a big promotion for your son. I would cheer him on enthusiastically since it is quite the honor for him. The dog won't be a family pet as others have mentioned so I wouldn't worry about that in the slightest.

C.:

I would face this decision and say HECK YEA!!!! CONGRATULATIONS!!! When do they want you to start?

I think you are misunderstanding what this dog is. He is a working dog. He will not be walking around the house, sitting at your feet, NOTHING like that. That is NOT how working dogs are. This dog will get love from your son - his master. He will not be looking for love from you. That is NOT how they are taught.

Your son will get special training on how to handle and bond with the dog. this will be HIS dog. His partner.

Have you ever been to a military air show? They have K9 Units and such there as well? do they EVER let you pet the K-9 units? no. You can look at them but do not touch.

I'm NOT a cat person. I see more damage done to carpets by cats than I do dogs.

I think you should go for it. This is a GREAT opportunity for your son!! You will be amazed at what you will learn about dogs as well.

This is a trained police dog. I wouldn't worry about anything. If anything your cats would make more of a mess( and smell) then this dog every would. Your son sacrificed a lot for you, as I am sure you have for him. However, this is an opportunity for him, and he should have every right to accept it.

For me, it wouldn't be hard. I would allow a dog in my home if it meant my son would get the job of his career. Plus, I am sure your son is responsible enough to own a dog, especially if he is is able to take care of you. It's not like it would be YOUR pet. It's an officer. It's your son's partner. Seriously, this is a no brainer.

You aren't getting "a dog." He is. And this isn't a pet...it's a highly trained, extremely expensive, furry police officer.

Your son will be required to attend training too. On how to care for, handle and further train his partner.

I agree that you need to compromise on this. Your son is doing a lot for you. The least you can do to thank him is be supportive and not hinder his career. The dog will be with your son every moment...not at home with you while he's at work....because the dog, again, is your son's partner and not a pet.

I think this is a fabulous opportunity for your son. And the police dogs are highly trained.

I personally don't see an issue except you just don't like dogs. You have plenty of room and there is no expense to you. We had a neighbor who was a canine unit and the 'kennel' was very nice with a great run attached. As much as I wouldn't want my family dogs to be outside in a kennel all the time, that is normal for many. This dog will be so well behaved from it's training.

Personally, my ONE cat did far more damage to my new carpet and other things around the house than my two 100+ pound dogs!

First of all, a highly trained police dog is nothing like some random mutt. It will be an excellent pet and it will NOT mess up your house.
Secondly, and more importantly, your son is an adult with a career and a life of his own. You need a professional caregiver. I think it's great that he's been helping you out but how long can this go on?
If your son is willing to live with you and take care of you then I think you should let him do what he wants, including taking the promotion and getting the dog. What an amazing opportunity for him!

Wow - while i am understanding of your situation, i couldn't get past all the "I"s and "me"s in your story. Your son's life, especially his professional lfe, should not come to a halt or face any impediments because he is helping his mother.

He's doing a lot to help you, taking care of you, your home, your property, your pets.
You could hire a nurse, or some in-home care to help you, it's just that family helping you is cheaper and you trust them more.
It's convenient, but the convenience should not be at the expense of his future.
Don't stand in the way of his career - it's an important part of his future and it will be for long after you are gone.
Try not to be inflexible.
Find a compromise and make it work.

IMO it shouldn't be a question. Let your son accept the promotion and the dog! And this is coming from a person who's not a big dog person. BUT! Its a TRAINED dog, unlike a crazy unruly puppy or regular dog. These types of dogs are well behaved, sweet, and an asset to your sons profession. Your son has sacrificed so much for you and found it in his heart to help you with your life and health. Now find it in your heart to let him have this dog and this promotion. He seems to have worked hard for it and wants it and he was kind enough to ask. You have plenty of room, no cost to either of you and you wont have to do a thing taking care of it. You said so yourself you had dogs, love animals so DO IT! Do your son a great favor and say yes.

I can almost guarantee you wont regret it. We spend our lives taking care of our children trying to make them happy and see them succeed. This dog is the key to both. All you need to do is say yes.

my husband is a cop and if they hand selected him to be a k9 officer I wouldn't question it at all ever. It wont live in a kennel it will go to work with him, it will be his partner on the job. He is right if he turns this down he will probably not get this opportunity again.

Ahh I feel bad that your son came home and told you about this awesome promotion and it was shot down by you because of a dog. It isn't like he wants to come home with a puppy. K-9 dogs are very skilled and trained. I would tell him you are sorry for thinking of yourself. As you said moving out is not a option because YOU need him to help you. And let him know how proud of him you are that he has sacrificed his life a bit to take care of you and he sacrices for the general public and your willing to 'sacrifce' your feelings to help him succeed with his promotion!

I would compromise on this, since this is a part of your son's career, a huge step for him, and like others have said, this is not your regular pet dog we are talking about. You say you don't want the dog in your house, and yet you don't want to see the dog living in a kennel outside (standard procedure for a police dog), so I am kinda confused by that. Your son is helping you out in a big way by living with you and being there for you, so why would you not want this opportunity for him? For me, there would be no debate - it's a no-brainer as far as I am concerned and if it were my son I would find a way to make it work. I think you should just say yes and learn to be okay with it. And who knows - a dog that is that well trained might also be able to be trained to do things for you, like fetch things around the house and pick stuff up off the floor. As long as it is not going to interfere with the dog's primary function as a narcotics dog.

Well, it seems to me that you'd actually be perfectly fine if your son took the position WITH the dog if only the dog weren't in the house AND wouldn't be kenneled. But this is not a typical human/animal companion situation here. It's a law enforcement officer with a law enforcement animal aid situation, so your ideas of what would be appropriate ie. the kennel wouldn't apply. They have to do things a certain way in how the dog has its own space, how it's trained, etc.

And just so you're aware, having a kennel on the property wouldn't mean the dog is in there 100% of the time nor is it inhumane. In my opinion it's far more humane than a crate in someone's kitchen or basement. My husband's cousin keeps a large, spacious (we're talking huge) kennel on his property for his family's dog so that when they're not home or when the dog needs his personal space away from the kids, he has it. It's like the dog has its own house. The majority of the time the dog is outside and they have the yard electric fenced (although the dog honors the boundaries without the fence). Within the kennel, the dog has a huge dog house and toys and even his own mini play-scape. It's crazy.

Anyway. I think you need to really consider the fact that what your son needs is more important than what you think is the ideal situation for a dog right now. And it's not YOU getting the dog. Plus, for the times the dog might be in the house the dog can be trained not to go into certain areas of the house such as wherever you put new carpet. That dog will be so highly trained it will do whatever your son wants it to do.

The dog NEEDS to live in the kennel. He is not a pet. He is a service animal that is supposed to have an important job.

I think it is probably GOOD that your son has never had a dog. That way he won't try to make a pet out of it. Police canines are supposed to train to sniff out drugs. They are not supposed to get so close to their handlers that they depend on THEM to "cue" them to react. They are only supposed to react when they find drugs. To cue a dog to react when there are no drugs involved, or just because a policeman WANTS to search someone, is a violation of law.

You can tell that this sticks in my craw - I have read several reports of canine police officers doing just this thing, and I think it's deplorable. (The reason it is done is so that the police can confiscate money or goods, including the car, from the person.) I also know it isn't part of this discussion about you not wanting a dog, but I'm sayin' it anyway! And I hope you'll tell your son about this so that he realizes if someone is "grooming" him to end up being a crooked cop!

Anyway... if the dog stays in the kennel and out of your way, you have no problem. Just think of the dog as a work dog and not a pet. Don't let the animal lover in you take over - it's as simple as that!

Dawn

Normally my answer would be to never get a dog unless you really want one and are prepared to take care of one properly. And I agree - dogs are better off inside generally speaking.

That being said, your situation is highly unique. I'd probably do it in that scenario, for the reasons the other moms mentioned.

Good luck.

under any other circumstances i'd be supporting you 100%. no one who doesn't wholeheartedly want a dog and isn't completely committed to taking great care of it should ever get one (same thing with kids, but that's another rant.)
that being said, your situation is pretty unique and i think in this case you'd be kinda nuts to push the issue. your son is doing you a huge favor, this is extremely important to him and his career, and the dog you'll be getting is not a pet, it's a well-trained working dog who is unlikely to destroy your carpets and really deserves to have a good living situation.
figure out how to manage the dog.
with an acre and a half, what's the issue with putting up a nice kennel for him? he can live out there most of the time, and come in when your son's there and working with him or giving him some social time. not all dogs are happiest inside a house anyway, especially if their job is not to be a pet. a good roomy kennel will probably be perfect for him.
khairete
S.

Dog or nursing home.

I will have to side on those in favor of son getting dog. These dogs are trained for over 3 years before they are shipped to the police departments and then and only then the top of the class are selected for police duty. (I worked at a police department and they had just recently received their working dogs.) The captain sees something in your son that you may have missed for furthering his career.

Your son has done much for you. Now you have to do something for himself. He is not your husband but your son and there is going to come a time when he will really want his own life without you. You need to prepare for that. If you cannot then you need to let him go and find a different place to live with caregivers. Sorry that is the way it is.

Carpets can be replaced but the love and respect of a son and a parent cannot.

Good luck in your choice.

The other S.

I think, as a mom, you have to bite the bullet on this one. He made sacrifices to move back in with you and take care of you. He is not lying when he says this is an immense honor. Only to top police officers get these types of jobs. I know it will be a big adjustment, but, you won't be around forever and he needs his job. I know that is blunt and some would say rude, but its how I feel.

I hope you feel better soon! I, too, suffer from back issues and am doing everything I can to avoid surgery.

In my opinion, you need to suck it up, and tell him he should definitely take the promotion, you will be fine with the dog. Sounds like it's probably too late, but don't even let him know you have problems/issues with it. He has given a lot to you and making him feel any guilt over this is wrong after what he's done/doing for you.

ALso to consider...........police trained k-9 dogs are a bit different from a family pet from what I understand. You could talk to your son about it and see what you guys learn about caring for a k-9 dog. I think it will be very well trained, probably very calm/well behaved, require less "babying" than other pets, etc. So, in other words, they may be a lot easier to have in your home than other dogs you have been used to.

In the end, if you don't want your son to move out, you need to allow this. And if you want to be supportive and do the right thing, you will not only allow it, but encourage it if it's what he wants and what's best for him.

I'm sorry about your health situation. You have a choice. You can give 100% support to your wonderful son on the new career path he's earned OR you can sit around in your house (alone and without the physical help you need) and admire your clean carpets. My guess is that your son is more important to you.

I would be the last person to say that being forced into having a dog in the house is fun, but under the circumstances you described, I would absolutely tell your son to move ahead with the plans for the police dog.

I understand as I didn't want a dog either. My kids went off to college and I was going to have the house the way I wanted it and do what I wanted. I didn't realize that my husband was going through the "empty nest" thing until someone I hardly knew pointed that out when I complained about him wanting a dog. I realized that I had been so focused on me that I was ashamed. I told my husband he could get the dog. Then my husband lost his job and was out of work for 15 mos. It was a good thing he had the dog, as it forced him to go on walks twice a day, feed him, train him, etc.

I know your situation is different, but this dog will not be like any dog you have ever had. It will be the smartest, most well-behaved dog you have ever seen. Our dog is well-trained and we have never had any problems with him.

Do you know how hard it would be to move in with your mother to take care of her? Do you realize how selfless he is being?

Be sure to tell him how proud you are of his promotion. Go out and celebrate! Make a big deal of it. Tell him you changed your mind about the dog and NEVER ever mention anything bad about the dog. NEVER make him feel guilty for adding a little inconvenience to your life. Just keep reminding him what a great son he is for moving in and caring for you. These may be his greatest memories of being able to spend quality time with you after you are gone.

Your son has done so much for you, this is the least you can do for him. You can't be more concerned about your carpet than your son's career. My father was a K9 officer and we had his police dog at our house. It was the smartest most intelligent (and loving) dog I have ever known. She became a member of our family. She was perfectly trained and very protective of us. I miss her still to this day. A police dog is not going to pee on your carpet or chew on your furniture. Let your son take the job (and the dog) or he may resent you for the rest of his life.

Definately let your son move foward. It is an honor to be selected for his new position. He will regret it and so will you. It was great that he moved in with you to help you so give back to him. Life is too short to be worried about a dog that will be well trained. Dogs and cats live together just fine. The world needs more men like your son. It is hard to lose a beloved animal but they give us so much. I dont mean to sound rude or insensitive but maybe you are being a little selfish. I mean that in a constructive way. Think about your son.

Updated

Definately let your son move foward. It is an honor to be selected for his new position. He will regret it and so will you. It was great that he moved in with you to help you so give back to him. Life is too short to be worried about a dog that will be well trained. Dogs and cats live together just fine. The world needs more men like your son. It is hard to lose a beloved animal but they give us so much. I dont mean to sound rude or insensitive but maybe you are being a little selfish. I mean that in a constructive way. Think about your son.