Don't Want to Take My Kids to a Funeral Out of Town with Hubby

I wouldn't take the kids. If you have any family or friends to take the boys so you can go with hubby, that would be great. If not, I'd stay home too. Let him know that you won't be much moral support if you're busy chasing a toddler.
<<my older son would be mortified and have nightmare for months>> Why would he be embarrassed?

Death is a normal part of life, the same as birth and any other celebrations. There is nothing wrong with taking your children to a funeral home for the visitation. It might actually be a good thing for your older son. By taking him to the funeral home he gets to see what a funeral is and that can take some of the scary parts of death and funerals and put them into perspective. Children need to be exposed to the saddness and ceremony of death and to understand that it's a part of life. The 2 yr old may surprise you and be relatively calm during the service. However most churches have a children's play area and you could take the 2 yr old to the play area during the church service and then re-join your husband and older son. The children can go to the service at the cemetary and join everyone for the lunchen after. While the circumstances may seem a bit strange to you it is a way for your children to meet and get to know your husband's family. Ater the funeral is over you and your hubby could take the kids back to your hotel and go swimming.
The first funeral I went to was when I was about the same age, or younger, than your older child. My uncle passed suddenly, I learned from a young age that death is a part of life and nothing to be afraid of. You can't protect your children from death it's a part of life.

Why not ask your husband what he would prefer? It might be a really supportive gesture on your part to be able to go with him and be there for him, whether you really knew this cousin very well or not.
Is there someone from there in your town that you know well, a teenager perhaps, who could go along with you for the trip and baby sit for the children at the hotel room while you are gone to the visitation and then the funeral? It isn't as if the visitation is going to take the entire time of Friday evening...and the funeral, even if there is a family meal afterwards is not going to take up the entire day on Saturday.
As to you son's soccer game....in the scheme of things what is really more important? A soccer game, which he will have dozens of this season, or learning about being there for family during the tough times?
As a matter of fact, it might even be the wisest move to just take your children to the funeral, they are not emotionally attached to the deceased so this might be a good introduction to them of what happens when there is a death in the family. To my way of thinking, it would be must easier for them to ask questions, and just see what a funeral is all about NOW, rather than wait until someone that they know and love is the one who's funeral they are attending.
There is absolutely no reason for funerals to be scary, of course you aren't going to take them to view the remains in the casket, unless they ask to, but face it, death is a part of life, and they are going to have to learn to accept it and be able to deal with it at some point in their lives anyway. Your son would not be mortified and have nightmares for months, necessarily, unless you or someone else puts that idea in his head. If you just treat is as a normal event...and answer his questions honestly and at his level, there is no reason for him not to be able to just accept this as another thing that he experienced and then move on with his life.

If this were me, I would put all my feelings aside and ask my husband what he wanted us to do. After all, it is a time of loss on his side of the family and you should show your respect for his family members. If he would like for you to go, I would do exactly that. A funeral home is not a morbid or scary place. You could easily walk in the room where the viewing is held and ask one of the other family members (or take turns with your husband) to sit in the main lobby or hall with the children. Children understand death. Pets die, people die, heck .. the tv even dies on occasion. If there isn't any health reason keeping you and the children from going, this is just part of being in a loving, caring family. In times of celebration and also in times of death, you stop what you are doing and make the time/effort to go. It means a lot to those who cared about the deceased loved one whether you knew them or not. It also speaks loudly about what type of person you are for taking the time to tell others who cared that you are sorry for their loss. Yes, as a mom and wife, it can be inconvenient to pack, travel, eat fast food but if your husband would like you and the kids there .. it's what you should do without fretting one second.

It sounds kind of pointless to drag everyone to another state just to sleep in the same hotel room. Your husband might benefit from a break away from his two jobs to spend a weekend with his extended family, free of family responsibilities for a couple of days. No trip is fun with a two year old. Maybe he will feel a little rejuvenated when he returns and you can enjoy a nice evening on Sunday.

is your husband wanting you to come and bring the kids? otherwise, it doesn't make much sense. if he has strong feelings and needs you there for support or something, then i'd go (maybe the hotel will have a pool or something and you can make it fun for the kids) but otherwise, no. if he's gone all the time it can't be THAT big of a deal for him to be out of town for a few days. i really wouldn't even consider it unless your husband just really wants you guys to be with him.

i definitely would not take two small children to the actual funeral, especially if you were not very close to the family member. there's no need for that and they would not "get" it, just be a disruption. kind of rude imo. i don't think that people close to this person and truly upset at their passing would appreciate a mom bringing her two small children and using their loved one's funeral as a "teaching" moment. i do, however, think that bringing them for the family dinner (if there is one) would be wonderful, and i'm sure the family would love to see them.

a two year old, especially, will not "get" the solemnity of the situation or understand if you and dad are moping around all weekend. but yes, kids can find fun anywhere. we drove 1/2 way across the country with our 2 year old and we had a blast. (not true at all that no trip is fun with a 2 year old - it's all in how you approach it) so like i said, if you think dad will benefit from having the kids there for a little moral support (i know mine always makes everything right when i spend time with him) then maybe it's worth it.

I agree with the advice to follow your husband's lead. If he wants you and the kids to go, go. My children have all gone to funerals since they were infants. My oldest kids have been to at least half a dozen, and they have been to plenty of wakes, open caskets and all, so they know what to expect and how to act. We just went to a wake last week for their close friend's great-grandmother and it was not a big deal for them.

Of course if one or both of your kids fuss during services you exit the room and calm them down, just like you would at any solemn service. The presence of the kids has always been a welcome distraction at these and it's one of the few times that we get our extended families together. There is no need for your older son to have a negative reaction to a funeral - everyone dies, and at the end of everyone's life, we celebrate his or her life. If your husband wants you there for this, then drop everything and go. It's what family is all about. If having you all go along with add to his stress, then stay home and welcome him home on Sunday.

Is it possible that you could leave your kids with a relative or have a sitter stay with them while you and your husband go to the funeral? I know first hand how difficult it is to travel with a toddler and go to a funeral, children have a very hard time staying still (even when they aren't 2). So, I understand your hesitation about taking the kids.

I would not take them. You have plenty of valid reasons to stay home with the kids and really not much of a reason to go. I know you miss hubby a lot during the week but it's not like that weekend you are going to be spending a ton of quality time together from the sounds of it. And it won't be much fun for the kids either, and just more stress on you. I would just stay home, accept that it's just going to be one weekend that you only get to have him home Sun night, and the look forward to the following weekend.

No. It's just a couple of days. If he doesn't beg you to go for support, don't drag everyone. Sure, it could be fun being together for the trip, but more time will be boring and without him. Go on a different trip on a different weekend.

I am sorry for your families loss.

Ask your husband what he prefers.

So many choices.
Husband goes alone.

You and husband go and leave the kids at home with a sitter or family member.

Take the kids to the funeral. Let them know what behaviors are expected. Take some quiet toys. Sit in back and be able to take them out if needed.

Drop off husband, take the kids to a park, when the funeral is over, pick up hubby and go to the wake.

Funerals are not awful. They are a time family gets together to support each other. It is good for children to know death is part of life. We mourn, we support each other and then we move on. In our family the wakes tend to be mini family reunions. It is a good time to reconnect.

Your children can learn a lot about how you are all related when they meet their actual great aunt -grandmothers sister. It comes alive and real to them.

Funerals are dreadful. Avoid them at all costs.

ii agree if your husband wants you to go, go. Funerals aren't bad for kids, they don;t expect 2 year olds to sit still, they run around and giggle and break the silence and raise peoples spirtis...everyones always happy to see a happy kid at a funeral even during the saddest of times.unless it was someone really yound that passed away....also they don't have to see anything...it may be a good time for them to see family they havent in a while.....
but if ur husband isnt asking for it, stay home

I would go with him on the trip. I wouldn't take the kids to the funeral, but if possible, find out if he can get a ride with a family member that is close to the hotel so that you have the car while you're with the children. That way, you can get them out, etc. So sad for your husband. It will be nice for you to have the time together, though.

I would say go with him- do not take the kids to the funeral but you stay with him during the funeral and if there is an after-funeral get together, meet up with him there and take the kids. That way you can get the best of both. I did this for my husband's grandma's funeral (she was 97 years old) because I had an infant and a 2 year old at the time with no other options than me as the funeral was on a Saturday. I met up with everyone at the restaurant get-together afterwards. Although I knew her better than you know this person, his grandma really didn't know me. By the time we got together, engaged and married, she was hard of hearing and lost her sight so she always thought I was her caregiver Eva when I was around *sigh*....

Was your husband close with his cousin? I probably feel differently about funerals than most people do. The point of attending a funeral is obviously not for the dead person, it's for the alive people who are grieving. Since you guys live out of state and have children, your husband is 100% justified for not going. It is very hard to go anywhere with children (especially if they are really young) when you live far away and have a family - especially a funeral, because you have to drop everything in a moment's notice, pay airfare, possibly hotel fare, etc. It's very hard and all of you (including your husband) have a darn good excuse for not going. I'm sure the grievers will have plenty of people who live locally to them to help to help them cope with your husband's cousin's passing. It's just too much in my opinion. You said he works 2 jobs - money must be tight. If he is flying, how can he afford a last minute plane ticket? That would probably cost close to $1,000. Your husband can see the grievers at a later date when you guys have more time to plan, etc.